Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with toddler

Toddler, sleep, blah

Omnomnom — Wed, 08 May 2013 12:27:07 -0800

I'm having trouble lately getting my two year old to sleep at night. Do we need to change the schedule? Until lately she would be in bed by 8 and asleep quarter of an hour to half an hour later. She insists that one of us stays next to her bed until she falls asleep.
Suddenly she stays awake about an hour longer and pulls all the stops, there is a great wailing and gnashing of teeth and demanding to have her nose wiped and whatnot. This is seriously annoying and eating into our adult time.

She sleeps until 7.15 am, so about ten hours. During the day, she has a two hour nap around 2 pm.

I have considered skipping the nap (since she's fighting that as well), but then she tends to collapse around 5 pm.

Is it simply that she is already getting enough sleep, and if I want her to go to bed earlier I need to wake her up earlier?

Do I shorten her nap?

Note 1: She has had a cold as well, so maybe that is playing into it.
Note 2: We did sleep training some ages ago and I don't think I have the stomach for it again.

I need to educate my daycare about toddler sunstroke.

kitcat — Tue, 07 May 2013 12:22:53 -0800

I am looking for a) a threshhold or medical recommendation of how long a toddler can remain in direct sunlight at temperatures of 77 degrees (25 Celcius) and above - before heat or sunstroke occur b) recommendations on how to prevent sunstroke. I'd like to hear your answers based on knowledge and experience, but am also looking for some reputable information from a medical site that I can print out and take to the daycare.

The reason I am asking is that last summer, my toddler had a moderate case of one or the other causing a moderate fever. I was livid. I believe she was out in the sun for 1.5 hours. They typically take them outside and leave them to run around in the play area until parents arrive, which, for me is about 5:30.

Yesterday, she was outside playing in a sweater when I got there. It was about 80 degrees (28 or so Celcius). I told them that this was ridiculous and if she gets ill again this year, I will be calling the inspector.

My child will be in Depends at his 2032 freshman orientation.

Leezie — Mon, 06 May 2013 14:56:52 -0800

Potty trainers of MetaFilter - parents, non-parents, if you have any modicum of experience potty training, please help! I have no prior experience with kids or potty training them. Even our animals came to us trained to use the litter box or backyard. I need some serious help with a dose of reality. Are we doing this right? Are our expectations in line? Is our kid going to be in Depends at his freshman orientation?

Kid is 3 years (just turned on St. Patty's day) and it seems like we're in a holding pattern on potty training. We started him on training in January but it was piece meal and there was lots of disruptions for the first few months. We really got serious about 6 weeks ago.

We have a training potty for him that frankly seems too small (he's easily 3.5 feet tall and about 45lbs). We have a seat for the top of the big potty that he refuses to use. He wears underwear most of the time. He goes to daycare M-F where they also work with him to potty train. And yet, we're not making any headway on pooping in the potty, letting us know when he needs to poop, or using the big potty. Here's a typical day:

He's in overnight diapers. We get up, ask if he wants to go potty to which he usually replies no. I have him pick out his underwear which he can put on himself. This morning, he did this and then told me - Look mommy! I'm peeing! - IN THE BED. I reminded him in a somewhat stern voice that he needs to do that in the potty and asked him why he didn't tell me he needed to go. His answer was basically like, I just told you I went. I made him take off his underwear and put them in the hamper.

At school, they will put him on the potty anywhere between every 1/2 hour to every hour. So, his pee accidents are pretty low. But, he also gets really aggravated at them for making him sit on the can so often. He has pooped in the potty once at school on purpose. The rest of the time, he has either gotten off the potty and then pooped in the corner OR he graduated to just pooping in his underwear. We've offered no small amount of bribes for pooping in the potty, which he knows of and apparently lusts after, but they haven't sealed the deal.

I asked him the other day why he doesn't like to poop in the potty and he mentioned something about there being bears in there - whether it's the potty or his poop, I don't know. Apparently, he will go and inform a teacher that he pooped and that they need to clean it up. I want to tell them to make him clean it up next time he does it (not to do the revulsion thing, but more that he needs to be responsible for the consequences).

When he gets home, we ask him again if he needs to use the potty and the answer is usually no. If we insist that he sit on the potty, we get a meltdown. I'm sure it's because he's tired from his day and just wants to sit and watch Backyardigans but his level of pee accidents increases exponentially around this time so it almost seems like malpractice to not put him on the pot.

Is 6 weeks too long to be at this point? Too short? Is there something we can try that we're not? He has no developmental delays or issues. He's got great verbal skills and understands the basic concepts. My gut tells me he's enjoying the attention of Skittles for peeing but can't really be bothered to do the harder stuff like sitting on the big potty and pooping. I'm completely out of my element here, so any advice, anecdotes or resources would be greatly appreciated.

Care and keeping of curly hair... on a toddler

celtalitha — Fri, 03 May 2013 14:13:32 -0800

My two-and-a-half-year-old daughter has inherited my crazy-thick, curly, totally uncooperative hair. She is a spitfire personality who despises having her head washed/combed/messed with, and I want to somehow minimize the trauma of keeping her looking civilized (which, at the moment, she rarely does). Help! So, I'm tired of my family telling me that my child looks homeless, and my child is tired of having mommy spend ages in the bath trying to comb conditioner through the tangles. I was using some discontinued baby wash from The Body Shop that I found at TJMaxx as shampoo, and it worked great; I ran out of that a couple weeks ago and decided to use the sample-sized Johnson's baby stuff that I had lying around ... and OH MY GOD the tangles, the tears, the misery. I am going to buy something else, but I need recommendations!

My normal routine is thus: I wash her hair 2-3 times a week (as long as she hasn't gotten anything in it) with a gentle shampoo; I use a natural conditioner to comb through and detangle, squeeze out the water with a towel, and add an extra dab of conditioner as a leave-in. As long as she bathes early in the day and her hair gets to air-dry we get gorgeous victorian-style tight blonde ringlets that everyone adores (seriously, total strangers come up to me multiple times a day gushing over her hair when it's done right).

BUT! But, if her hair is still damp when she goes to bed/nap, or if she touches anything, or if it's been a day or half a day since the bath, or if I can't get the comb through the conditioner nicely, we have HUGE POOFY CRAZY MESS. Think of a large 70s afro, only blonde, only after the owner stuck their finger in an electrical socket. So... do I have to resign myself to every-morning hair washing? Should I cut it all off (it's down to mid-back when wet, but sticks out like a curly Einstein- after a day)? Should I just let her look like a hobo with random curls and tangles everywhere? (it kinda fits her personality, tbh, but part of me feels like a neglectful parent leaving it like this).

If you have a curly-haired child, let me know what you use (shampoo, conditioner, styling product?) and how you deal!

I've read good things about Devacurl, Mixed Chicks, etc online but they are so pricey I'm reluctant to try them if they won't work for me. I will however shell out the money if that's what will save me the daily headaches...

Questions on adopting a dog, with consideration for desert and a baby

filthy light thief — Fri, 03 May 2013 10:09:53 -0800

My wife and I have talked of adopting a dog for a while. Following the untimely passing of one of our cats, this is more feasible, and could help console us. But we have questions for adopting a dog in our desert climate, and on dogs coming into a family with a baby, and a cat. And we're concerned about being good owners, as our time at home is limited during the week. Also, we're discussing what a good age range for an adoptable dog would be. Details inside. My wife and I had two cats, one a big, scared fellow, and the other is a feisty lady. They're both cuddly cats, though the little lady is also mostly made of claws. We dog-sat for a while, and the little lady was OK with the dog, but the big guy wasn't so sure, even though the dog was fairly oblivious to the cats. The dog didn't stay with us for very long, and we didn't want to subject the big fellow to another intruder in his house. The fellow had to be put down this week, due to health issues, and we're still recovering from that.

We've talked about getting a dog for a while, as our 20-month-old son is really excited to see dogs, let alone get near enough to one to pet it. He's fairly gentle, though he'd spook our now-gone cat (though most things could spook that guy). Our son is gentle enough that our lady cat will stick around while he pets her and plays with her tail.

Like many yards around us, our open space is "landscaped" with rocks, and not a lot more. There are a few things that sprouted up recently, and we'd like to plant more. Some of our neighbors have dogs on their rocky yards, while others have barren yards of sandy soil. We don't want to get rid of our rocks, but we want to have a good yard for our dog. We have nice, deep over-hangs to provide shade during the day, and there's a near-by part with a nice big grassy area, so our dog could have places to get away from our yard of rocks. But my wife and I work away from home, and by the time we get home, we're preparing dinner for ourselves and our son. We could take a 10-20 minute walk after dinner, but we also have to get our son to bed before too late.

As for the age of the dog, my wife is hesitant to get an older dog, after losing our cat so recently. I like the idea of adopting an older dog because they'd be house-trained, more relaxed, and I'd like to give an older dog a nice home for the rest of its life. Also, I wouldn't feel as bad as leaving a younger, lively dog in our yard all day. But a younger dog could be more playful with our son, and they could grow up together.

I'd love to hear ideas and insight into my quandaries. Thanks!

Toddler lunch ideas.

that's how you get ants — Thu, 02 May 2013 06:16:05 -0800

What do you feed your toddler for lunch? I'm staying at home with my 21 month old and 3 month old right now, and I feel like I don't do a great job with lunch. I'm looking for quick and easy ideas, since its just me for lunch and I'm also dealing with a baby. Sometimes we eat the same thing, sometimes we don't.

Here are our restrictions, but ideas that don't fit perfectly could still inspire me:
- no peanuts
- no dairy for me, fine for him
- typical toddler pickiness
- all natural
- no soup, he can't use a spoon well yet
- did I mention fast and easy?

Thanks!

In Portland, OR for a week with a toddler. What shouldn't I miss?

mmc — Mon, 29 Apr 2013 15:33:26 -0800

We're going to Portland for a week-long vacation (and maybe a moving trial run) in a few days. We've visited before, but this time we're taking our 2-year-old daughter, and I wanted to ask if there are any great toddler friendly destinations or day trips that we shouldn't miss. Any tips on kid-friendly restaurants and organic grocery shopping in NW Portland are also appreciated. It doesn't have to be a spectacular place. Just a nice neighborhood park with a cool play area would be good to hear about. Or a cool toy store - we saw Finnegan's last time, are there any other ones we should hit up?

Are there any great kid-friendly restaurants we should know about? I'm not talking chuck-e-cheese games, but if it has booth seating and is informal enough that a little loudness is OK, that's friendly enough.

We'll also be cooking while we're there, so any tips on where to shop for good organic groceries would be appreciated. I can find a Whole Foods, but if there's a local store that's better, I'd love to know.

What are the best IKEA products for ages one to three?

Xalf — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 11:44:09 -0800

We are making a rare trip to IKEA tomorrow in part to get a table and chairs for our one-year old. What are other IKEA items that we should look at for him? The last time we braved IKEA, Young Master Xalf was just three months old. I was impressed by the selection in the kids section, but that was a while ago and I didn't have the perspective I have now that he's one.

So, what are your favorite things for kids from IKEA? I'm willing to consider anything they sell: furniture, toys, meatballs, etc. I put ages one to three in the title because I hope to not go back for at least a year or two.

We already have the awesome BUSA tunnel. Here it is in use.

Towns to use as a home base in Scotland?

asnowballschance — Thu, 25 Apr 2013 09:56:18 -0800

My family will be spending 10 days road tripping through Scotland in May. There will be four adults (myself, my husband, and my retired parents), and one 18 month old toddler. What towns will work best as bases for exploring surrounding areas? We'd like to see a bit of everything (castles, highlands, whiskey distilleries, etc). I put together a very ambitious itinerary that has us sleeping in a new town every night. Yikes yikes yikes.

We'd much rather be able to spend a few nights in the same place. We'd like to see Edinburgh, the Highlands, the Isle of Syke, and the Glencoe area. We'd planned on spending our last two nights at a resort on the Isle of Arran, but we're flexible if someone has a better idea (seriously? a resort? someone has *got* to have a better idea).

Will Inverness make an OK base for all of the highlands and the Isle of Skye? Or is it too far away from some points? Is there a smaller or more central town that would be better? Should we consider splitting up that part of the trip? Fort William seems to be very central as well, but everyone I've spoken with has been "meh" about the food and surrounding area. Does it make an OK base, while we explore other areas? Do you have suggestions for B&Bs in those areas?

We are SO excited about this trip, but I'd really like to find a way to slow the pace down a little bit.

Tag along questions: What are your favorite parks and picnic spots? Outdoor markets? Tourist-y type things that won't require my toddler being quiet for longer than a few minutes at a time?

Head start for the advanced learner

kristymcj — Thu, 04 Apr 2013 06:19:54 -0800

My almost 3 y.o. has been accepted into the head start program in the summer. Will they be able to work with him as an advanced learner? I'm concerned that he'll have to spend his time re-learning things he has a strong knowledge of and will dislike school.

I can't afford preschool and I'd love the free time to spend with his baby brother.

For frame of reference, he knows his shapes, colors, letters, letter sounds, sounding out simple words, and counting pretty well.

RoadTripFilter- I Need Toddler-Friendly Attractions/Stops Along I-40

Mozzie — Sat, 09 Mar 2013 09:27:20 -0800

I'm on a big road trip with my 2-year old. I'm taking the I-40 between AZ and TN. I'll be going through Flagstaff, Albuquerque, Santa Fe, Amarillo, Oklahoma City, Little Rock, Memphis, Nashville. I would love any suggestions for things a toddler would like along the way. Museums that have hands-on exhibits geared to toddlers, great parks and playgrounds, water he can play or splash in and waterfowl of all kinds is always a hit. He's also happy just running around at a rest stop obviously, but if I can make stops he really likes he complains less about the time in the car.

Miiiiiiiine!

Omnomnom — Wed, 06 Mar 2013 13:06:36 -0800

Toddler possessiveness is so commonplace I feel a little ridiculous for needing help with it. But I have no idea how to act as a parent on the playground, when my almost-2-year-old refuses to let anyone play with what she is playing. At the playground we go to, most people know each other from sight and it's the culture that as long as you look around and attempt to ask the kids are allowed to play with each others' bobby cars, doll strollers, chalks and balls. The other mothers also bring a lot of snacks and encourage the kids to share. I really like this.

For instance, my girl did not want to play with her ball. But she did not want anyone else to play with it either. She wanted me to hold her ball so that nobody else could get at it. Attempts to share ("first you kick the ball and then the girl kicks it!") were unacceptable.

She also does the usual things of trying to push other kids away from the steering wheel etc.

I am not sure how much I ought to intervene and how to do it. My neighbour, who has two bright, well adjusted and friendly children says that as long as the children are more or less the same age she pretty much keeps out of it unless someone cries or gets hurt. She says it's not good to keep interfering with the kids' social interactions. But she also says she gets the evil eye from a lot of other moms.

I myself was a loner as a kid and others tended to take my stuff while I stayed put and cried. I have a few hang ups about that and don't want to pass them on to my child. I want to have her back but I also don't want to encourage her to be antisocial.

Do you have any concrete suggestions about what to say and how to deal with the WAAAAAAAh?

Help me optimize my young toddler's nap schedule

stowaway — Tue, 05 Mar 2013 15:31:25 -0800

My 14 month old toddler seems to have transitioned from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day. Our two-nap schedule was fine, but now with one nap our days are a mess. I need guidance on how to structure a toddler's daytime routine. I've read the sleep books but I need a fresh set of eyes on this situation. I am having a hard time with our daily schedule and figuring out when the nap (or naps) should ideally happen. She self-adjusted from infant-style napping every two hours to taking two naps a day, and the naps always landed roughly at the same time. Since January, I've rarely been able to get her down for two naps in one day, and the nap does not have a consistent start time or duration. I'm worried that she's not getting enough rest during the day. I'm just going to list out the details ...

- Nighttime sleep is fine. When the second nap started to disappear, we pushed her bedtime down to 6 pm (previously 7 pm). Lately she sleeps until 7 am. She sometimes wakes during the night, but it's actually been a lot better since she started going to sleep at the earlier time.

- Starting in January, it started to become difficult to put her down for her morning or afternoon nap. It seemed rather early, developmentally, for her to only need one nap, but ... that afternoon nap just wasn't happening.

- She usually naps in the morning. Sometimes she's clearly ready for a nap at 9 am, sometimes not until 11. If it's a morning nap, she will sleep well, usually 90 minutes or frequently a bit beyond two hours. If I try to keep her up until after an early lunch, the nap is usually only 45 minutes. That's where things get pretty bad -- if we miss that morning nap, the afternoon nap is kinda crappy and she's in bad shape for the rest of the day.

- Afternoons are pretty rough on us. She's generally a cheery little thing but in the afternoons she is more prone to crying, needs a lot of attention, and acts quite nutty. We aim for dinner at 5:15 (especially to accommodate the early bedtime) but she has a difficult time with my attention on dinner prep. She just seems so tired for long periods of the day, on a daily basis.

- Maybe we're on the cusp of another developmental leap? I've noticed sleep is bad when she's about to demonstrate new skills. (That second nap disappeared when she learned to walk on her own.) She's been jabbering up a storm of new syllables the past couple of days so maybe her brain is fired up, getting ready to express language. There's also a molar that's been creeping out the past couple of weeks.

- The irregular naps have negatively impacted our meal/snack routine. It feels like we're having multiple little meals staggered around the nap. She doesn't eat that much in the morning.

- Not knowing when her naps are going to be make it pretty difficult to get together with other kids her age. I think she needs more time with other kids, and I think it's hard on me when I don't get to see anyone we know during the day, too.

Other possibly important details: I stay at home with her. My husband and I are big believers in well-rested children. She's not ever allowed any screen time. She has a "transitional object" for snuggling and sleepy time. She seems high energy and physically active compared to other toddlers her age. Her bedroom is not a play area and it's fairly dark/quiet for naps and nighttime. She's not a car/stroller napper. (Now that she's walking on her own, she dislikes being in the stroller for extended periods.)

Today she was up at 7 and ready for a nap at 9ish. She slept for about an hour and 15 minutes. She's been acting tired and unhappy most of the day and I've put her in back in her crib for some "quiet time." I think she's finally drifted off. (This is unusual - I've tried the quiet time in the afternoons for a while and she usually doesn't drift off. Maybe she knows Mommy needed to type out this question uninterrupted.) Yesterday she was up at 7, went down for a nap at 10:30ish, up at noonish, bedtime at 6pm.

What do I do? How can I adjust things so that we have a predictable daily schedule while meeting her sleep needs?

I'm looking for healthy, yummy, portable snacks for a toddler.

Alison — Mon, 04 Mar 2013 09:31:37 -0800

My two year old likes to snack and enjoys trying new foods. What are some healthy, nutritious snacks that I can keep in my bag for when she needs something to eat? I'm looking for stuff that I can make myself or buy off the shelf. Ideally, I would like things that don't cost too much money, but I'm willing to try anything. I typically keep a box filled with five or six snacks in my backpack so that I am always prepared. She'll usually eat two or three snacks during an outing, so we rotate frequently. However, we are not on the go every single day, so I need things that can survive in a box for a few days without refrigeration.

She likes to try new things but does not like snacks that are messy or stick to her hands.

In the box right now:
- Almonds
- Clementines
- Freeze-dried apples
- Crackers of several varieties
- Tomato chips from the dehydrator
- Roasted Seaweed

I'm going to walk across the street and buy dried anchovies during lunch time (as suggested by an article I googled), so don't hold back if you have a less than usual suggestion. In fact, I'm really hoping that AskMeFi will yield lots of tasty suggestions that I never would have imagined.

Obviously, "healthy" is a subjective word. I'm of the "eat lots of different kinds of things and everything will work itself out" school of eating, so every suggestion does not have to be a perfect example of low-salt, low-fat, low-sugar, low-carb, low-whatever snacking.

How should we respond when our daughter plays with herself?

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Mar 2013 15:03:57 -0800

She's only a toddler, is this a problem and, if so, how do we handle it? Our daughter is 19.5 months old. She's remarkably intelligent (knows most letters, can navigate and iPad with ease, and can count to 7... Don't know why she stops there.). A few months ago, we noted that when she was in the tub or when we were changing her diaper, she'd reach down and touch herself. We told her that it's a "vagina", so soon afterwords, whenever the opportunity arose, she would point or touch it and say "'gyna!"

Lately, it's not just a quick gesture. A few times in the tub she seemed to be playing a bit. A couple nights ago I heard an odd noise on the monitor and I went in to find her hands in her diaper and a dazed look on her face. I darted out of the room, and told my wife, who didn't really seem to care. We have a disagreement on how to approach this. She said that occasionally she's witnessed it, and just ignored it, and thinks that we should only make a stink if she does it in front of people.

I just don't think it's right, but I'm scared that if I make a big deal or scold her, it could have negative effects down the line. I was raised Catholic, so I know what repression can do, but I can't help thinking that... I don't know. She's a baby girl. Its not something I think baby girls do.

She doesn't do it a lot, near as we can tell, but it seems messed up that she's doing it at all at this age. Am I wrong?

Parents of MeFi, share your day to day!

peanut_mcgillicuty — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 20:18:06 -0800

My daughter is home from the hospital (yay!). Now what? I'm looking to hear from stay at home parents of infants up to toddlerhood. Can you give me an idea of your daily routine at various ages and how you developed it?

Should we take our toddler to Kenya, if not, where?

smoke — Sat, 02 Feb 2013 17:02:24 -0800

I have a great opportunity to go to Kenya in June, the question is, does my partner and daughter (20 months by then) come with, or do I meet them somewhere on the way back to Australia? So, through my job I have been given the opportunity to work on a development project in Kenya for one month in June. I'll definitely be doing this; it's an incredible, once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing.

My partner will want to holiday with me an in exotic locale afterwards. The catch is, this will be our first international/major holiday with our daughter, and I'm not sure whether a) we should do that in Kenya, what with long flight from Sydney etc, and b) If she would appreciate the kind of holiday we could uniquely (i.e. not get somewhere else, or even in Australia) take in Kenya (i.e. we are not flying all the way to flipping Kenya to have a beach resort holiday, we are from Australia, after all!).

I am worried about subjecting my partner to a hellish, long flight, and then we both have our holiday ruined by our gorgeous, yet very toddly daughter.

Three years ago, my partner had a similar opportunity in Nigeria (we work for the same employer), and I met her in Namibia after for a holiday. It was amazing. Unequivocally the best holiday I've ever had. The camping, the desert, the nature, the wildlife, being on safari, trekking through savannah - blew my mind. I know that I will love what Kenya has to offer me.

The problem is, it's not just me - or even us - any more. I have a little person attached to me now with a specific set of needs and desires, and I'm not so sure that she will love what Kenya has to offer her - and I'm not so selfish as to demand we do what I want, nor am I comfortable with an even longer absence from her than strictly necessary.

So, my questions relating to this are threefold:

1) Has anyone done a holiday with a toddler in Kenya, or similar sub-Saharan country like Tanzania etc? What was your experience like? Are there specific things in Kenya you would recommend, or Sub-Saharan African activites in general you would recommend? What was your kid like camping/on safari etc?

2) Is the prospect of a huge timezone jump (about 9/10 hours), plus a couple of 8 hour or longer flights simply too horrible to endure with an active child between 1-2? Is that an insane thing to even consider?

3) If Kenya sucks for any or all of the above reasons, where would you recommend we meet up for a holiday after? Note, this needs to be somewhere that will be at least sort-of en-route from Kenya to Sydney. As a guide, interconnecting flights could land us in UK/Europe; Dubai/Abu Dhabi/middle easty; Singapore, Honkers/Southern Asianish. Americas or anywhere near them is out. Partner and I have been to Hong Kong, Vietnam, Namibia, she's done much of Europe from Germany west, and I've been to Singpore. Not super-interested in revisiting any of those places - especially Hong Kong as we've been there tonnes.

PS not looking for comments around general safety issues, etc. Assume I'm on top of that.

Mefites, shower me with your wisdom?

Non-Heated Daycare Lunches

HMSSM — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 23:17:29 -0800

Need lot of ideas for lunches for a 1 year old. We're trying keep offering lots of new tastes & textures while he's happy to try new things. We've been doing baby led weaning and he eats most of what we do. Usually I pack up leftovers for him but starting next week, he'll be in a classroom that can't heat up food (but they have a refrigerator). So, ideas for what I can pack for lunch?

He loves pretty much all fruit, yogurt, crackers, chicken and ground beef, but will. not. touch. eggs, avocados and raw tomatoes.

No peanuts or products processed in a plant that also processes peanut products.

He like sweet potatoes and I've cooked, cut up and frozen a bunch so we can just pop a few frozen chunks in a container and its thawed by lunchtime. Other things I can do this with would be awesome.

Keeping a toddler in bed: sharing a room edition

rouftop — Tue, 29 Jan 2013 20:28:58 -0800

My exactly-two-year-old (tomorrow) shares a room with his older brother. When bedtime rolls around, stories are done, and lights are out... he will not stay in bed. Looking for any ideas. When we first placed the two boys together, there was a period where both kids went basically insane. They thought being together meant nonstop all-night playtime.

After much frustration and debate, I started reading the kids The Sleep Fairy three weeks ago, aka "bribe your kids to stay in bed with a pretend fairy as the agent so it's not really you that's doing it." I had resisted using this approach for some time because I knew my younger son wasn't cognitively ready for it, but I hoped that getting the elder child to stay in bed would somehow rub off on the younger child.

Well, it worked almost exactly as I feared. The older child now goes straight into his bed (hallelujah) and waits until morning to get up, and when he wakes up he finds a little present. The younger one? Still gets up every 1-5 minutes until he falls asleep, which can take an hour or more. He stands up in his bed, slithers out into the space between their beds, and if I don't respond he heads for the baby gate which he bangs with all his might, keeping the older brother awake.

I've taken to hanging out outside their room and have been trying the supernanny "put him back in bed with no talk, no cuddles, no nothing" approach. But he seems perfectly fine to get my attention in this limited manner for more than an hour a night.

Compounding my frustration is that he only sleeps 9 hours a night and is frequently up between 5-5:30 AM. So my whole night is spent outside their door, putting him back into bed, until he finally is asleep... and then I have to go to bed myself.

Separating the boys at bedtime is possible, but the problem is that the only other place a boy can sleep is in the adjoining room, so when baby brother gets up to bang on the gate he'll be doing so right into his brother's ears again. Plus now that one boy is completely passive I don't think that's really what keeps him going -- I think he's just bored and knows I'll come and move him if he gets out of bed, which is apparently enough for him.

Other things we've tried:
* a tot clock, set to change from blue (night) to yellow (day) at a certain time. We had to stop it because it was being completely ignored.
* letting the boys look at books in bed with a night light on. Led to them being even more riled up and an even later sleep time, no effect on staying in bed.

His naps ARE inconsistent, my wife tries to rouse him no later than 2:30 PM but that frequently doesn't work out due to whatever other challenges are happening around the house. Maybe that's an angle. Any others? I don't care if he chatters at his brother, sings, tosses, or just talks about his day. But he has to stay in his bed. What to do???

How to occupy little one in car trips?

oink — Sat, 26 Jan 2013 04:41:51 -0800

One year old is very inquisitive and very active. I need to drive twice a week with a one hour duration each way. With a dislike of being in the car (or just being confined), little one has figured out how to undo the seat belts. Without getting new car seats, are there any good mobile toys or anything to keep this mind (and hands) happy? Stores are full of colourful toys which last all of 2 minutes. Was contemplating something along the lines of an easier version of rubik's cube. Open to all suggestions. Thank you. (Also welcome suggestions for iPad apps - preferably ones that require some thinking rather than just play music.)

What are some Toddler-friendly places in Manhattan?

Alison — Mon, 21 Jan 2013 09:26:32 -0800

My husband and I are taking my nearly 2 year old on her first trip to New York. We're going to be there to buy books and fabric, but this will take less than a day out of our three day trip. We've been to New York dozens of times, but never with a kid in tow. We'd like some suggestions for toddler-friendly shops, sites, and restaurants that we can use to break up our errands. She's a well behaved kid, well-versed in visiting museums and sit-down restaurants, and is pretty good at handling new things, but she's still a toddler and thus unpredictable at times. We're trying to avoid breakables, long lines, and places where the occasional toddler tear would ruin the atmosphere.

We will be staying in Chinatown and our errand destinations are mostly in Midtown, the Garment District, and Soho. If the weather is friendly enough we will visit the Central Park Zoo or walk across the Brooklyn Bridge. She would probably enjoy a good toy store if the weather is poor. Foodwise, she is one of the least picky eaters I know and likes to try new things.

On one specific note, I would pay good money on a casual Izakaya in the Midtown area, one with tatame-mat cubicles where you can close the door for some privacy.

Is this toddler sadness reasonably normal?

kitcat — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 13:31:17 -0800

My 2.5 year-old daughter has gently, soundlessly sobbed when I sang to her at bedtime twice now. It seemed like a deep and genuine sorrow that shocked me terribly the first time it happened. I feel extremely concerned. Is this normal? My daughter is a happy, confidant, enthusiastic girl with a sense of humor. Very strong-willed, but also sensitive (she hugs crying children, she cries not from outrage or frustration but from shame and/or hurt feelings if scolded). She has a generally happy and stable home-life, although my husband and I are not perfect and we sometimes squabble in front of her (and she says "Mommy, Daddy, stop!", which makes me proud although this is really unacceptable and we are working on it). I don't know exactly what happens at daycare (although, of course I hear about bigger incidents), nor can any parent unless they spend a full day or several days observing. She is deeply loved and gets lots of attention and affection.

The first time she cried in this way, she seemed out of sorts in the evening (maybe tired, teething, who knows). And I'm sure she was under stress during this period, since I was under extreme stress, anxious and distant most evenings and working at school every weekend. Anyhow, I was gently talking to her, asking her if she was sad, and she nodded her head. I asked her about possible reasons she was sad, and she nodded to all of them (are you sad because Nana just went home? Because Mommy is so busy, etc?). But if you know kids at this age, you know that sometimes you can ask them anything and they'll agree or say yes. Anyhow, I cuddled her and started to sing the Beatle's "I Will". Right away I heard ragged sobby intakes of breathe followed by deep quiet sighs - the kind of cry adults do when resignedly, hopelessly sad. I felt her eyes to confirm that there were tears. I was so shocked that I reacted badly by starting to cry myself, but my husband came in and we comforted and settled her.

A month later I'm not stressed, just happily job-searching and spending a lot of time with her. But last night she did the same thing when she woke up hysterical in the night (bad dream?) and I calmed her down and then started singing "You Are My Sunshine" at her request.

Clearly, both events were preceded by stress and upsetness. But this kind of crying just seems too adult for such a young child. She's not quite verbal or reliable enough yet to tell me why she is so upset, and I do try to be careful about putting words in her mouth. I don't think she understands or at least knows how to answer the question "why?"

tl;dr - I am really worried about this. I remember being about 4 or 5 and learning how to cry without making a sound, and realizing how said this was (since making a sound when crying is asking for help; being silent hides the sorrow from others). Am I overreacting and is this just a fairly normal stress response? Is it simply a matter of catharsis? If there are things or something she is very sad about, how can I help her? Should I stick to less sentimental, happier songs and bedtime? Thank you in advance.

Looking for novels featuring good parenting

SandiBeech — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 12:39:30 -0800

I want to improve my parenting skills for my almost-2-year old. I don't have a lot of role models nearby, so I'd like to do some reading. I tend to put off reading non-fiction, even if it is well-written about a topic I am interested in. However, I will read novels even if they aren't very good and I don't really have time to read them. I was surprised at how much I picked up about ancient Egypt by reading Elizabeth Peters's Amelia Peabody mysteries, so it is possible for me to learn something from a novel that is not intentionally didactic. Does anyone have a recommendation for a novel that includes characters involved in good parenting of small children? By "good parenting" I am thinking of "How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk," which advocates a style of collaboration with your kids rather than a heavy handed top-down approach. I'm most interested in gentle mystery, sci-fi, and fantasy. I would rather avoid horror and thriller.

Spring visit to a national park with a toddler in tow

eliina — Sat, 05 Jan 2013 13:52:45 -0800

Which national park should we hit with our toddler this spring? Last March we took our 8 month old along on a trip to Zion National Park. It was a great experience! We stayed at the lodge in the park so we could head back to the room for naps, and she was easy to carry in our Ergo. The weather was great and since it was the off-season the park wasn't super crowded.

We'd love to replicate this experience at another wonderful national park. Obviously weather can be unpredictable, and now we're dealing with a toddler who walks and runs, but is still willing to ride in a carrier sometimes (we now have a structured backpack style carrier). We love hiking and photography.

Any advice?

How do I protect my newborn from getting sick

crawfishpopsicle — Fri, 04 Jan 2013 02:48:15 -0800

I have a 4 day old baby and my 2 year old just came down with a fever (101.5 at the moment). We don't have anyone who can take the toddler for a couple of days, but I am afraid the baby or my wife might get sick. I am really worried. What should I do?