Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with therapist

CBT in Baltimore

Anonymous — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:06:36 -0800

Please suggest therapists in Baltimore, MD that are familiar with CBT. I have moved to a new city and once again need to find a new therapist to help me cope with depression and anxiety. I am trying to find a therapist who specializes in cognitive behavioral therapy in Baltimore or Towson, Maryland. (I've made good progress with CBT in the past and would like to find a doctor who can help me continue that.) You can send private messages to cbtreferral@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Looking for a Therapist for a Friend in Richmond, VA

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 19:32:32 -0800

TherapyFilter: Asking for a friend of a friend—can anyone recommend a competent therapist accessible to someone living in Richmond, Virginia... especially someone especially good at handling issues of anxiety and panic? (Anonymous for the privacy of the individual[s] in question, in case someone could track them through me.)

Specifically, the friend-of-a-friend (a straight, white male in his early 20s, for what it matters) seems to be having issues with anxiety that increasingly have been manifesting in ways that resemble classic panic attacks—I'm thinking specifically the catastrophizing of physiological arousal leading to the positive-feedback cycle of anxiety that potentiates the attack. A doctor prescribed him an anti-anxiety medication of some sort, but he's considering therapy to help as well. However, to my knowledge, this doctor wasn't really able to proffer any suggestions as to who he could or should see to get some therapeutic assistance. As such, we're looking for recommendations for an excellent mental health professional to help him through his problems. I've heard that while many therapies tend to have similar therapeutic effects for many problems, panic disorders do have a history of better treatment through Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, so maybe keep that in mind? (That being said, if you or someone you know had a positive experience with someone from a different therapeutic modality for similar problems, feel free to recommend them, too!)

(There's also a thread wherein said friend identified said friend-of-a-friend's mannerisms as rather remarkably fitting the diagnostic criteria of Paranoid Personality disorder; however, this is a Wikipedia diagnosis, neither of us are clinical professionals, and the friend-of-the-friend is interested in dealing with his anxiety, so speaking in terms of both pragmatism and respect for his own ability to manage his well-being, anxiety/panic would be the primary specialty he'd be looking for. Nevertheless, it does characterize at least some issues as an individual close to him—and, to an extent, he—perceives them, so could be relevant if you have numerous doctors in mind and someone has a relevant specialty.)

If you don't have any specific recommendations, you can still be helpful! As is evident by my asking the question, neither I nor the friend (nor the friend-of-the-friend, I would imagine) have the faintest idea of how to find a high-quality therapist anywhere, nevermind in the Richmond area. If there are any general sites or resources we can look at—especially that provide something approximating reviews—that'd be excellent as well!

If you don't feel comfortable posting here, toss me a line at mefi.richmond.therapy@gmail.com

Thank you in advance for your help!

Good couples counselor in San Francisco?

roxie110 — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 10:43:00 -0800

Can anyone recommend a good couples counselor in San Francisco? We're a late 30s-early 40s hetero couple who have been together for 6 years. Neither of us particularly wants to delve into childhood issues (I did that for years in my own therapy; my boyfriend "isn't into that kind of thing"); we're mostly trying to figure out if we want to continue to stay together. In terms of working out relationship issues, my guess is that someone oriented toward cognitive/behavioral approaches might be best.

Any information about why you're recommending the therapist would be much appreciated. Many thanks!

Looking for a Kick-ass Marriage Counsellor

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 16:34:54 -0800

Help me save my family. I am looking for a really good marriage counsellor in Edmonton, AB. Complications inside. Everything was really great and loving and fun and then suddenly my husband moved out. He is having an affair with a much, much younger woman but says that he wants to work on our latent compatibility issues. (my wording)

The complicating issue is that, through google and a discussion with a psychiatrist friend, I feel that he had been having a hypomanic episode for the first (recognised) time in his life.

I am seeing a counsellor since this happened (two weeks ago) and saw one for years in the past to get my head in order. He is a recovered addict who has never seen a counsellor. I hope that he will start seeing one but that's not my call. He feels confused but great.

Ironically, we are really great communicators and we need someone really, hard core to help us--not someone who will ask us to "think of five nice things to say to each other". Know what I mean?

And I also need someone who can see and possibly treat (or direct to treatment) the hypomania because I can't mention it to him because he would resent me for trying to blame him. I don't mind going there--I just don't want to start there.

Also any similar experience with hypomania is welcome. The information on the web is sometimes conflicting.

Here is a throw-away email if you want to respond that way. -- savemyfamilyplease@gmail.com

Sliding-Scale Shrink Needed in Philly

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Sep 2009 07:53:54 -0800

Philadelphia Therapy: I really need a therapist. Unemployed, COBRA to run out soon, money running low, but therapy really, really, really needed. So, can you recommend a therapist in Philly who does sliding-scale treatment? I need specific names/numbers people. I don't have it in me to keep searching around. (I once called 45--literally, I kept a tally--therapists before I found one who accepted my insurance, was seeing new patients, and had an opening within the next two months. I cannot do that again.)

I am happy to go to the psych residents or whatever, but where are they? Who do I contact? "Call Penn" is not helpful. How do I find out who has sliding scales?

I have been unemployed for almost a year. I have no job prospects. Subsidized COBRA will be gone in a few months, and I just cashed out a retirement plan to pay rent for the next few months. So really, I can't afford more than $10-20 a session and most shrinks cost up to 10 times that.

Throwaway: shrinkadink@hotmail.com

therapist in columbus

Anonymous — Thu, 10 Sep 2009 09:47:26 -0800

Non-judgmental by rigorous therapist in Columbus, OH? I am trying to find a psychologist/therapist in Columbus that is non-judgmental about alternative lifestyles but is rigorous and intelligent. I need someone who will challenge me and not just placate me. I would strongly prefer if they took Anthem insurance or had a sliding scale..

thanks in advance.

Awesome Austin Therapist?

odayoday — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 09:57:23 -0800

Austin Therapist Recommendations: A friend is looking for a therapist to work through some issues. He wants someone who is active in conversation and is willing to confront him on things when necessary. He's had therapists in the past who were nice but too passive, and just listened more than they offered ideas and suggestions. The ideal therapist would listen without judging but would help stimulate new ideas and change in his life. Do you know of anyone like this?

How do I find off-the-books therapy?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 09:29:06 -0800

A while ago, I asked about the implications of accessing mental health care and possibly having a diagnosis tied to me. From the answers, I've concluded that in my specific situation, any help I need will have to be "off the record." Because that's my decision, this has made it hard to obtain care. How do I go about finding it anyway? I'm located in the United States, and have the usual litany of Ask Metafilter issues: self-esteem, challenges with interpersonal relationships, maybe a dash of depression and anxiety. I don't believe I have any "major" issues (bipolar, schizophrenia, sexual or substance abuse, violence, etc.) I'm primarily looking for talk (rather than pharmaceutical) therapy, although it's plausible that what I really need is something like a life coach.

I actually have (good, even) group health insurance, but the disincentives from the previous question are so great that I'd really not rather make use of it. In a word, I'd rather go untreated than have a record of any of this.

Can I pay for therapy and counseling in cash, on some sort of sliding scale, as if I were uninsured? Use an assumed name? How do I make this as untraceable as possible, while still getting effective care?

I'm open to suggestions for informal counseling as well, although since I am a staunch atheist, religious figures and support groups associated with a religion aren't something I would consider.

Husband in search of brownie points, more relaxed wife

bobot — Thu, 30 Jul 2009 06:53:08 -0800

Help me cheer up my wife! She's just started a new job (her first out of grad school) as a clinical therapist at a methadone clinic. Tell me about blogs or testimonials I can print out for her in a "Oh, THAT'S why I put up with this shit" vein. Her clients are mandated to see her for service and most are, well, less than appreciative of her efforts, ranging from apathy to downright hostility. Goes with the territory, obviously, but that doesn't make it any more pleasant to deal with. So I'm looking for some blog posts, thoughts, musings, amusing anecdotes, etc. from other therapists who have been there and done that, which I can send to her when she needs cheering up. I've done some googling but have had no luck so far, so I turn to you, oh hive-mind.

Help me eat/feel better.

Anonymous — Thu, 02 Jul 2009 15:26:01 -0800

How can I find a general therapist who specializes in helping people with eating issues? I'm significantly overweight. Over the past year or so, I've been seeing a nutritionist, though it hasn't had much effect on my habits or behaviors. A few months ago, I stopped seeing her, because I found that I tried to use my nutritionist as a therapist: I'd talk with her about my issues with food and eating, but those issues are wrapped up in my general life issues (I can find it difficult to do things to take care of myself), and she wasn't up to the task.

It seems to me that a better way to tackle my issues with food (which are pretty garden variety: emotional eating, using food as a reward, inability to keep myself from eating everything that's put in front of me) would be to see an actual therapist, but one who helps people with eating issues. Do such therapists exist? How do I find one in the New York area (and specifically one who works on a sliding scale)?

I've never used a therapist before, but this is an area in which I could really use some help. Throwaway email: harlemnonymous@gmail.com.

Can I help my therapist?

Anonymous — Thu, 21 May 2009 10:55:04 -0800

My psychotherapist's husband is very ill, perhaps dying. I have a strong relationship with my therapist, but we have always maintained clear doctor/patient boundaries. What (if anything) can I do to offer support without overstepping the boundaries of our relationship?

Help me help my friend love herself again!

wuzandfuzz — Tue, 12 May 2009 09:26:32 -0800

Therapist recommendations in Irvine or Los Angeles for a friend trying to extricate herself from an emotionally abusive relationship. A friend of mine is trying to remove herself from an emotionally abusive relationship, and needs a therapist who can help her build back up her sense of self worth and hopefully eventually leave this loser. Irvine or surrounding area would be ideal, but LA would work if you know of someone fabulous. If they take Blue Cross/Blue Shield, that would be ever better. Thanks, hivemind!

NYC Sex Therapist

Anonymous — Wed, 06 May 2009 08:39:23 -0800

Looking for suggestions for sex therapists in NYC. My wife (early 30's) and I (mid-30's) have been in a monogamous heterosexual relationship for 7 years, and we married a year ago. About 4 years ago, she had some psych issues for which she was prescribed Prozac. Around the same time we began having some serious problems with my uncertainty about the institution of marriage. Both of those issues resolved (her pysch thing in about one year, and my marriage hangups in two), but around the time both issues surfaced her previously strong sex drive diminished significantly, and it has never returned.

Between the age, the side-effects of Prozac (she's been off for 3 years), the side-effects of the pill (she's been off it for 6 months, with no effects so far), the lingering resentments of feeling rejected by someone you love (even after a happy engagement and year of happy marriage), and who knows what else, we need to see someone to help us do what we can to address the issue positively and proactively.

[The cause to us seems beyond the obvious, because everything otherwise is great: We both listen to one another, we make each other laugh, we're both in shape, we're both employed, we like our jobs, we have a good circle of mutual friends, we share household chores, we offer each other unsolicited compliments, & etc.]

We saw a very helpful couples therapist a couple of years ago, and he was great with our commitment issues, but at a loss for the sexual ones. He recommended someone at Cornell, who my wife had already seen, and who turned out to be a total quack that told her she had better start taking pheromones to make me more attracted to her before I leave her (my attraction for her has never been a problem). More recently she asked her OB/Gyn for insight/advice/recs, and she told my wife, "That's just what happens."

So, I am looking for any recs for good sex therapists in NYC. Any insightful anecdotes about similar problems also welcome.

Thanks, hive.

Therapist in Boston area?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 16:52:49 -0800

Can you recommend a therapist in Boston/Cambridge/Somerville? More details of what I need help with inside. Usually, I feel pretty good, but there are times when I kind of lose it for no real reason. I've been thinking off and on about therapy for over a year, and I've decided that it's time to actually do it. I just moved to the area, and I don't have a doctor here yet, so I'm not really sure where to start looking.

I was diagnosed with dysthymia several years ago, and I am still taking antidepressants as prescribed by my doctor back in my old town. They work pretty well, for the most part. My lifestyle is fairly healthy - I eat well, exercise hard five times a week, and get plenty of sleep, and that also works pretty well, for the most part. My work and home life are satisfying, and I have some wonderful relationships.

Every now and then, though - maybe a couple times a month, sometimes more - I just break down and feel fat and stupid and ugly and crazy. That's the best I can put it. My self-esteem just falls through the floor. It doesn't appear to be related to hormones. It's not always related to body image, but it often is.

A close family member died a few months ago, too, and although I feel like I'm generally handling that well, that's something that I'd want to talk about in therapy.

Additionally, in the past I've had issues with disordered eating and self-injury, neither of which I've brought up to past doctors/therapists. Neither are a problem now, but I wouldn't call myself 100% cured, and it might help me to have a therapist with experience in those areas.

I live in Somerville and rely on public transportation, so the more convenient the better. I do have insurance, but am not completely sure how much of this it'll cover.

Throwaway email address is thurrpy@gmail.com. Thanks for your help!

Need a therapist in Salt Lake City

Nice Donkey — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 14:51:48 -0800

Recommendations for a psychologist or psychiatrist in Salt Lake City, Utah? My dad is looking for one, and I know from experience that it's very frustrating poring over directories, just guessing about who might be a good fit. He's an atheist, so someone who is of a similar mindset or for whom spirituality really doesn't enter into the therapy would be ideal. Any information about a particular therapist would be great. Resources for finding a therapist in Salt Lake are also be appreciated, especially if they offer something more than matching your zip code to a person in your area.

Tired of Crazy

wrinkle — Wed, 18 Feb 2009 10:51:20 -0800

I've been very depressed for my entire life and have decided that it's time for another ride on the therapy train. My previous trips were rather unpleasant, so I'm hoping for recommendations for a doctor in NYC and some general advice. My life has been at a standstill (meaning I mostly stand still) for the past 12 years and it's time to put all of the angst aside and start living a little. I've seen two psychiatrists, one psychologist phd and some sort of a counselor in the past and never felt the slightest change or improvement. Mostly I just rolled my eyes, wrote a check and went home to sit on the couch.

I can't remember a time when I wasn't depressed so I have no idea what I'm "supposed" to feel like. When I was younger I would have manic periods where I would stay up for days and do lots of dangerous things, and I lived for those times because it was amazing to feel so alive. But now I care so little about everything that even the mania hasn't come to play in years. I'm not and I've never been suicidal but my profound apathy startles even me. Plus, it's getting boring. If you meet me on the outside I'm happy, confidant, friendly, outgoing, and often the life of the party. Seriously!

So,
1. I need a therapist. Preferably not a psychiatrist because I won't take any drugs, but I would like them to have a PhD. Know anyone good in Manhattan?

2. In general, what type of therapist should I look for? What type of therapy have you found to be successful?

3. How should I screen therapists to find someone I click with?

Thanks for your help!

Psychiatric Nursing or Social Work?

Eudaimonia — Mon, 19 Jan 2009 21:30:25 -0800

I'd like a flexible career involving meaningful interactions with people while I help them sort out their issues. Given the economy, psychic is definitely out (kidding, kidding). Help me figure out whether I should pursue a MSW or a degree in Psychiatric Nursing! (please?) I have a VERY hard time picking a career. I'm an INFJ. We do that, apparently.
I've noticed a few patterns though, and one thing that I always come back to psychology. I really do love psyc (everything from the big picture theoretical perspective to the micro, abnormal psyc/pathology perspective.) I have been doing research for a while now and have come to the point where I absolutely hate it. I do want to do therapy, however, but don't even want to deal with PIs, funding, research projects, etc. So, clinical phd programs are out. I've considered Counseling PhD, Ed psyc doctorates, and PsyDs, but none of them resonate. I'm finishing a master's in public health and have started looking into MSW programs or Psychiatric Nursing as two possible career paths.

Here are my career needs: flexibility, job security (both of which nursing has in spades, it seems), decent salary (again, definitely with the nursing, but not so much with the MSW), autonomy (it seems like nurses have the edge here as well)

It seems like the odds are in favor of nursing, but here are my concerns:
-totally squicked out by bodily emissions
-get bored/disheartened/depressed quickly when I'm doing something I hate (which I could forsee if I get stuck doing bedpans or paperwork for long stretches)
-I'm not sure how much therapy I'll actually be doing
-I'm into mindfulness and acceptance based therapies and integrative (mind/body/spirit) medicine, which I don't see a lot of in nursing (please please correct me if I'm wrong because this is a BIG concern of mine)

I get the impression that MSWs do a lot more actual therapy. But when I started reading about psyc. nursing, I honestly felt like I discovered some secret that no one else was in on. I mean, I'd get to do therapy, prescribe meds if I want, PLUS I'd get a really good salary and incredible flexibility? And while the Nurse Ratched references WOULD get tiring, what am I missing? Why isn't everyone else who likes psychology doing this?

I'm totally baffled and irked that I can't make a decision so I'd appreciate any anecdotes and/or insight into this or any of my concerns above. Thanks!

Recommendation for therapist specializing in panic/anxiety in St. Louis area?

Locative — Sun, 11 Jan 2009 10:23:45 -0800

Need a therapist who specializes in anxiety and CBT in the St. Louis / West St. Louis County area. For a person who has anxiety and panic attacks associated with their job, and probably some depression in the mix as well. They've been coping with Xanax and smoking, neither of which work.

PM me if you don't want to post. Thank you!

should i contact my friend's therapist reagarding decisions my friend is making?

Anonymous — Sat, 10 Jan 2009 12:20:47 -0800

Could/Should I contact my friend's therapist to deter my friend from making bad decisions? My friend has chronic depression, and she has been seeing a therapist and has been on medication on and off for the duration I have known her (3.5 years).

We connect on a very emotional level - both of us have suffered some level of depression and we have been supporting each other during good times and sad times.

After knowing her for some time, however, I have noticed that she makes a varied level of bad decisions when she is going through emotional difficulty, and she becomes very stubborn in believing that her decision is the best one for her, and she starts to cling onto some hope that I find it very dangerous.

Right now, she is going through difficult times - I am hesitant to go into details to keep her (and my) privacy, but she has been telling me about some of the changes she is considering of making, and I don't think these are going to be positive changes - if anything, these changes have potential to really devastate her in the end.

I've mentioned my disapproval, but as usual, she comes back with an answer of "we'll see, I think it will be fine though."

Something similar has happened in the past - she made some decision, I warned her of it, but she pursued anyway and turns out it was a bad idea after all. But none of the past decisions are as bad as ones she's thinking of making right now. At this point, I am very concerned about her, but I feel there is very little I can do to change her mind.

I am aware that I could be wrong about this whole "her making bad decisions". Maybe it will be good for her, and after all she is the one who knows about her and her life the most. Maybe I should let her make these decisions.

But for some reason, I cannot just let it go like that.

I am wondering if it would be a good idea to consult her therapist about this - to inform the therapist about some of the changes my friend is thinking of making, how and why I disagree with them, and how I am concerned.
But I know that this is crossing a line - I will be invading my friend's private life, and this could go very wrong.

I am feeling quite helpless in this, and any opinions/suggestions are appreciated.

Social work and public policy--can I do both?

aka burlap — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 08:55:36 -0800

Career path filter: Calling do-gooder types! Please share your insights about your profession. I'm interested in public policy AND in the helping professions--how to choose which to pursue? Can I do both, or do I need to just suck it up and pick one? Please help me get a better idea of what these careers are actually like--I want your perspective, hivemind! I want to help people, but I’m stuck on the question of whether to do it on an individual level or a larger, policy/advocacy/social change level. My background is more on the social level (BA in sociology, few years of work experience in non-profits), and that seems like a powerful route to take, but a lot of my natural abilities seem to have to do with connecting with and nurturing people individually. Are there paths that combine both these impulses? I want to contribute on both levels, but I think my idea of what is possible is limited right now; help me expand it!

I think I'm lacking information about what the kinds of careers I'm thinking about are actually like. I'd love to hear from any therapists, social workers, public-policy people, non-profit people out there: what kinds of skills does your work call on day to day? What are the people you work with like? What's the path to get there like?

Background info on me: 27, some experience in non-profits and in teaching (which I think is something I might want to do later in life, but not right now), good w/ interpersonal skills, language skills, and analysis of arguments. Not too much experience in any one job, as I've been stricken by career-choice fears and have been skittish about committing to jobs. (regarding that, I'm bored with my own midtwenties career-choice freakouts, and I'm ready to just pick a path already! So I'll spare you the in-depth analysis of my feelings and we can just get to the concrete advice.)

I am willing (in fact eager) to get more education if necessary, so bonus points for information about specific programs. I've been looking into Masters in Public Policy and Masters in Social Work programs, including possibly getting dual degrees. Has anyone gone this path? Any recommendations/words of warning?

Thank you for your insight! I'm happy to provide more info about my background/interests if you want it, but I didn't want to overwhelm with a memoir.

ps: I just discovered AskMe recently, and have been entranced (and already helped) by all the thoughtful and helpful advice. If anyone else is looking for insight on these kinds of questions, there's good insight here and
here.

Thank you!

I think my therapist is hot

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Oct 2008 13:24:14 -0800

I think I'm very attracted to my therapist. No, I'm not that kind of person, and that's why this is bothering me a lot. I am a guy, early-30s, and have been doing therapy with this lady for about a year. We have a one-hour session every week, and I usually arrive 10 minutes before, we end up talking about non-therapy-related stuff before we move on to our actual session. After it we spend some 5 minutes talking about generic stuff as well.

After some eight months in, I caught myself thinking about her more than I should, and not always as a good therapist, which she is. I started noticing the way she dresses, her smile, things she like, and asking more personal stuff, what she likes to do, read, movies to watch, etc. Being a very rational person, I immediately thought "Oh crap, I'm start to like this woman because she understands all my problems and suggests good solutions", which is basically why 99% of this sort of cases occur.

However, after giving a lot of thought to that idea, I realized that my therapy is not related at all to my love life, but to my professional life and how to deal with stress coming from it. I then noticed that the attraction I feel is based on the pre & post-session talks we have, and on the physical side as well. She has her share of qualities I find very interesting, but she's no beauty queen, therefore it's not a case of "oh god I have a superhot therapist".

Long story short: I don't think I'm attracted to the professional therapist, but rather to the woman behind it. Question is: my life has improved significantly since I started working with her, and ideally I wouldn't risk that improvement trying to get into a relationship with her, since the rejection risk is almost 100% (I know no therapist who's ever dated a patient). But I cannot stop thinking about this lady.

How should I deal with the situation? Go and talk to her (therapist), go talk to her (woman) or forget about it in the name of the notable improvement I have noticed in my life in the last 12 months?

Recommedations for CBT therapists in Austin?

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Oct 2008 10:00:43 -0800

I have a friend who suffers from anxiety and panic disorder. She currently sees a therapist, but is interested in a more structured approach. Does anyone have a recommendation for a female therapist in Austin, TX who specializes in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy? I would also be interested in getting recommendations for brief inpatient programs.

Los Angeles family therapist?

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Oct 2008 05:33:23 -0800

Family/Relationship Therapist in Los Angeles/San Fernando Valley area recommendations? Anyone have a recommendation for a therapist in the Los Angeles/SF Valley area? My relationship with my parents has become somewhat rocky and I'd like us to see a therapist together to help work things out.

How do I find a therapist in Dallas?

ultraultraboomerang — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 11:16:32 -0800

Anybody out there loooooove their therapist in Dallas? Looking for practical, general, perhaps behavioral guidance with a good old fashioned existential crisis, and/or resources that will help me find one. How did you find your therapist? How can you possibly pick someone from an insurance company's provider list? Are there online resources I'm not finding, like Consumer Reports except for mental health professionals?

Seems like a lot of therapists specialize in marriage or addiction or what have you, and I'm just looking for a reasonable, educated person to give some perspective on life in general and my life in particular.

I've had some problems with therapists' reluctance to leave religion/faith on the other side of the door, so bonus points for someone who will, or advice on how to avoid the ones who won't.

Of course, mail me with anything you'd rather not post.

Therapist? Professor? Something else? Help me figure out a career/life-direction dilemma.

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 18:45:02 -0800

Therapist? Professor? Something else? Help me figure out a career/life-direction dilemma. Dear MeFites: You are wise. Please help me think through a tangle of career thoughts. I'm a 29-y.o. woman living in a large city in the U.S.

I currently work as a freelance writer/online project manager, and teach one section of freshman comp as an adjunct at a small college. I quit a F/T job in new media in February because I was burnt out and no longer believed in the bosses. I learned that I had a knack for people-management, yet multi-tasking on-screen all day made me feel permanently stressed out.

Before that job, I interned at a handful of small magazines and a weekly newspaper.

I have an undergraduate degree in English lit. I really enjoyed college. I went to a small school where scholarship was highly valued; I relished being part of a community whose values I could get behind. I felt completely bereft upon graduation, so I decided to apply to PhD programs in English.

I matriculated into a good one in a rather remote small town. I got there and almost immediately fell into a deep depression (it runs in my family, it's my bete noir, and it often accompanies transitions for me). I got help and went on to have two pretty good years, but I immediately noticed that grad school was not much like college; it did not feel like a community. I envied my friends in cities, decided that scholarship was disappointing, and eventually withdrew from the program.

My second year at grad school, I taught two semesters of freshman comp. At the time, I didn't like the feeling of forcing people to do things they didn't want to be doing (writing papers, mostly), but I also experienced the teaching 'high' and enjoyed connecting with some of my students.

Temperamentally, I always excelled in school, and I love to read, though I also have a hard time sitting still, and given the choice, would often prefer a conversation with a friend. All my life, I've been interested in creating things: paintings, drawings, photography, poems, short stories, novels, a journal, term papers, theses. When I was 12, I decided that I wanted to be a writer; that dream has stuck with me.

My Myers-Briggs score varies some, but I'm a hardcore NF type. Usually I come up INFJ or INFP. I'm primarily interested in people: social history, social anthropology, psychology, the human condition. I consider myself an intellectual but definitely also a feeler, which not all intellectuals are.

I've had a bit of a hard time with depression and anxiety, nothing too dramatic, but I think and talk a lot about moods and feelings. As a child, I felt lonely a lot of the time. I think that most of my interests and passions revolve around communication with other people—through art, ritual, the written word, verbally, etc. Maybe I'm looking for ways to feel connected and to help other people feel connected too.

So here's the deal. I'm here, I'm 29, I'm single, I'm doing a lot of odd jobs and sort of making ends meet, but I want more. I want a career identity, and I want to feel like I'm on a path to something. I also probably need to be making more money, at least eventually.

I'm thinking seriously about returning to grad school. I have a project that would make a good PhD, probably not in English but in a related subject. I've told a handful of people close to me that I intend to apply for PhD programs this winter, and start in 2009 if I am admitted.

But! I have these afternoons blocked off to research what programs I'd like to apply to, and I find myself almost debilitated by anxiety during them. I am scared of a feeling of hostility from advisors or fellow students, scared of loneliness and isolation, committing myself to a long career path and lousy job prospects, scared that school wouldn't make me happy or fulfilled. On the other hand, I want to make something of myself. I want to be goaded into producing good stuff. It's appealing to have a path marked out for me. I think it would be cool to be a Dr. (and many of my relatives are PhDs). And I tell myself it would be different this time. I'd no longer move someplace I don't want to live. I've realized that I do like to teach. Being a professor is a path to writing, and writing books. I could try harder to create a caring community for myself within my institution. Doing a PhD might allow me to balance connectedness (to a school and department) with independence, in the way that I like.

But alternatives flicker across my screen. I had an amazing therapist when I was in graduate school, whom I worked intensely with. I loved our time together, and I fantasize a lot about becoming a therapist. I also think about pursuing writing other ways—should I go to journalism school? Or just sit down and start to write a book? MFA programs strike me as really expensive and probably full of trust-fund kids who are a lot younger than I am now; I'd be afraid of emerging two years later, essentially in the same place where I am now, but saddled with debt. However, I'd be happy to hear from people whose opinions differ.

I'd also be interested to hear from people who have done, or started, PhDs in the humanities or social sciences—academia is such a weird little cult sometimes, I think it's hard for people who don't know it to evaluate it as a choice.

I feel scared of picking something, but even more scared of not picking, and never settling down into anything. I want to find a way to be a grown-up in the world.

I feel so close to narrowing this down, yet also so much all over the map still.

Any insights would be appreciated. Thank you.