Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with teenagers

Maybe she can avoid my years of blurry pictures of flowers

dreamyshade — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 15:48:54 -0800

Gift-filter: I'd like to find a book about fun photography projects for a very smart 14-year-old girl. A family friend, a freshman in high school, likes to take photos out on walks around her neighborhood. That's the age I started to get into photography, so I'm really happy for her. What book can I get her for Christmas that would give her some good ideas about how to expand beyond shots of roses? She's brilliant and very artistic, and she has a typical small Canon compact camera.

I found Click: The Ultimate Photography Guide for Generation Now and Digital Photography for Teens, but I don't know if they'd be good. I'm hoping to find a book that would present some principles of interesting photography, samples of styles, and a bunch of good examples -- something encouraging and fun to browse, but not childish, and not focused on DSLRs. It doesn't have to be "digital photography for young people", but an Ansel Adams formal technical book would probably be too serious (I looked at this previous question). What's in between?

Kids these days.

canadia — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 09:26:01 -0800

What are some fun classroom activities for middle school students (ages 12-14)? My program director has given me the job of coming up with some activities for our entire middle school class, but I'm drawing a blank as to what these kids might be into. For our elementary students, we're having a speech contest and a spelling bee. But I work at a very small school, and I have several 14 year-old boys who think they're too cool to participate in any classroom activities we've done thus far. To make matters worse, I teach a foreign language, so the activities can't be too complicated or else the students won't be able to play. I had several disasters during our school's Halloween party because some of the games I'd chosen needed a higher level of language comprehension than my students had.

Are there any fool-proof classroom games or activities that both teenage boys and girls are interested in?

Friendship with past loves during current loves.

Askiba — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 15:36:15 -0800

Is it OK to regularly hang out with one of your past girlfriends while dating someone else? I am actually asking this question on the behalf of a very good friend. I've been trying to help with the issue at hand for days but I finally decided that I could use some supplemental knowledge from the hive mind. Searches returned nothing (but probably because I am terrible at trawling the AskMe archive. related links highly appreciated). Here is the tale, names used but changed, all for clarity. And safety, of course.

A good friend of mine, 'Steve', has been dating another good friend of mine, 'Sally'. Steve met Sally when I introduced him to her about one year ago. They began to date four months ago. In general they've had a pretty regular relationship, no nasty fights or near-breakups. However what I'm getting into for the purposes of this question is starting to boil over.

Steve is a well rounded guy- not much to speak of in terms of personality or other problems, at least relative to the questions at hand. Steve has a regular circle of friends that he has known for years, much longer then Sally. One of these close friends is a girl named 'Suzy'. Steve went out with Suzy for a year or so, back a couple of years ago. It didn't work out. It wasn't so severe of a breakup, obviously-- they're still best friends.

Sally is nice as well. However, she has anxiety and has panic attacks. She also lacks a good share of confidence. In the terms of the relationship it doesn't translate well. She has trouble asking him out to dates, talking about feelings and the like-- in fact, I had to help her earlier this year in revealing some of her deeper feelings for Steve. She's very self conscious in general. A lot of the relationship's weakest links are based on some of this worry. Since she has trouble asking him on dates her plans are often beaten to the punch. By the time she gets around to asking for a weekend date Steve might sometimes already have plans with friends like me or Suzy. And, that leads into this problem:

Sally has a problem with Steve hanging out with his ex-girlfriend on a regular basis. I haven't been able to figure out quite why- although it seems to me that to a lot of women (at least, close to Sally), this is a pretty popular opinion. Me and my male friends, we could care less about the topic- in general it wouldn't concern us if our girlfriends still hung out with past loves.

Steve has absolutely no romantic interest in Suzy, nor the other way around, as far as both parties have told me. So that's the first thing I need- is this socially acceptable? If not what is wrong with it? Potential for cheating, etc?

Sally's behavior is starting to hinge on erratic regarding this- Steve is seriously concerned. I'm not even able to talk to Sally, one of my best friends, rationally-- any attempts at helping or analyzing the situation are deflected by a simple "you wouldn't get it!". The problem escalated because Steve plans to hang out with Suzy and several friends on a weekend trip very soon.

He won't break up with her quite yet, but he's not happy with it in general and it is making the relationship strained. He has no plans to leave Suzy or his friends behind. So there's the second bit: He wants a peaceful resolution that leaves both his relationships, romantic and not, intact. That's where I'm stuck.

Footnote and etc.: you're working with high school age teenagers and their brains here. Plan and suit accordingly for someone in that area, freedom and experience level. Thank you.

Of course, I will provide additional information as well. Just ask if I have been vague.

My Teenage Daughter Said I'm Untrustworthy. WTF?

dzaz — Sun, 18 Oct 2009 13:01:38 -0800

How do I cope with my angry teenage daughter? After an somewhat nonsensical rant about how hard her life is (I wanted to chat with her about applying to colleges and how the process was going), she dropped the bomb that she doesn't trust me and therefore doesn't have to talk to me. As briefly as I can make it: I'm a single mom, and she's 17 and the eldest of 3 (and 16 year old sister and 11 year old brother as well). Her dad left 6 years ago and lives down the street with his gf and her kids (same ages as mine). Yeah, this has caused serious pain and she and other daughter don't see Dad at all.

Over the years I've tried to get her to talk to a therapist but you know how it is: if she doesn't want to talk, there's no point. So no more of that. She's always been a reticent kid, not prone to being dramatic.

Of note is a few years ago she did try cutting herself; she immediately agreed to talk to someone and within a few weeks truly seemed all sorted out.

In the past few years, she's found a part time job she loves in the veterinary field, got her license (I bought her a used car), and bought a retired race horse. By all accounts, we see less of her but she's pretty happy. School is not her #1 priority, she doesn't want to be a veterinarian and is planning to go to college to learn to be a vet tech assistant.

So far, so good.

So today I asked her how the process was going, asking if she wanted help or anything, and she just went kind of nuts. Her rant ultimately included that she doesn't want to talk to me ever because she doesn't trust me.

I was pretty calm and said that must be a pretty miserable feeling (she agreed) and asked if she could explain what incidents she was referring to because if anything, it was a pretty big thing to say without giving someone a chance to understand.

She refused, continued with her "I have no reason to ever trust you," etc. and told me to leave her alone.

So I did, but now I'm sitting here just wondering, WTF do I do about this?

I have NO IDEA what she's talking about. I honestly cannot recall ever saying one thing and doing another or anything like that.

Help?

How to Deal with Pathological Liars?

dzaz — Fri, 02 Oct 2009 03:08:06 -0800

How does one deal with a pathological liar? It's an icky trait that I've come face to face with in the past year with not one but TWO people who just make up the craziest nonsense. At the school where I work, I have a 14 year old student who makes up attention-getting, blatantly untrue lies (dead relatives, student was recently arrested, student has steel plate in body, needs open heart surgery, etc.). I kind of get this...looking for attention, teachers just keep directing him to his work. He also sees the school counselor and we do have daily contact with his separated and highly unpleasant parents who advise us to ignore him.

I get why he does it and we can all redirect him, but is there any way to get him to cut it out?

Which dovetails into PL #2: a paraeducator (or classroom assistant) who doesn't work with kids or cover classes but lies that she does? The daily routine with her is that she's rarely doing the job but makes up BS instead (was making copies, was getting mail, all sorts of things that when investigated turn out to be all untrue).

She's got an iron-clad contract and really truly can't be fired. They've tried firing her for the past 2 years and because she's doing such slippery lies (she'll say she WAS in a classroom assisting kids when she wasn't, but it always comes down to we have to prove she wasn't there. So it becomes our word against hers, it goes to mediation, and she keeps her job after she threatens to sue for unfair termination.

So she won't get fired but is there a way for the rest of the dedicated staff who does their jobs to kind of let her know we think she's full of it?

Kids Gone Wild.

dzaz — Thu, 24 Sep 2009 02:51:15 -0800

teacherfites: I've been a pretty decent middle school special educator for a few years now, working with all kinds of disabilities but most of my kids have behavioral issues. Not to be overconfident, but want to mention I've been nominated as Teacher of the Year in my state, but more importantly, I've become the go-to confidante for almost all of my students. So far, so good. The problem began with this school year.

Basically, due to budget cuts my class size has more than doubled, and at any given moment in my Resource Room (the special education room), I've got over 14 kids.

And I can't deal with it. It's too many kids with special issues and they're not getting the help they need. At any given moment, several kids are being pretty naughty. Pulling their pants up, throwing things, making faces, etc.

It's a fairly structured class in general: the kids have specific work they need to do, they can usually do some of it, but because of the sheer number of kids (which is definitely a behavioral trigger for the majority of them), they start acting up.

The admins want me to deal with it because they're also short staffed and don't want these kids in the office.

We've done role playing and games about respect. We've done quiet 1:1 chats. We've done reward systems (work for 10 minutes, get a break). Nothing is sticking for me this year.

If it helps, these are 8th graders who without exception are supposed to be on meds for various things (ADD, psychosis, ODD, OCD, etc.) They're not always on their meds, though.

Any ideas?

Is a 14-year-old girl really fat if she can't fit into a size 10?

so much modern time — Sat, 05 Sep 2009 18:44:47 -0800

Is she fat? A question about a fictional British girl and whether or not she would actually be considered fat. I'm currently reading Julia Bell's Massive about Carmen, a fourteen year old with a nagging mother who is constantly on her about her weight. In the book, her mother despairs when Carmen finds it difficult to fit into a size ten. It's made clear that in the book that her mother has an eating disorder herself.

As a non-Brit, I'm curious if Carmen would be considered fat as an English teenager, since in my opinion she seems pretty thin if she is just above a size ten. But I'm not familiar with the cultural expectations for English teenage girls in terms of their weight. It's also hard to tell for me since Carmen spends a lot of time in the book eating junk food.

I'd love to have some insight into this as it seems a fairly crucial distinction to understand the book properly.

How to learn to be a better mentor/supervisor to teenagers?

JoannaC — Fri, 07 Aug 2009 20:34:38 -0800

How to learn to be a better mentor/supervisor to teenagers? I have become involved, somewhat unwillingly, in a 'leaders in training' program at one of my workplaces. There are 14-16 year olds who I must supervise on the job, write evaluations for, and integrate into programs I am running. I really struggle with this part of my job. I find it annoying when they ignore/don't listen to simple instructions, and although I try and remind myself that most of them have never had jobs before, I get impatient with them when they struggle sometimes with basic workplace skills such as following a direction without talking back, or being where they are supposed to be at specific times. For example, today we had to have a talk with one of them about lunchtime, he is expected to be there with his group and he did not want to go. He told me to stop asking him because it was his choice, and I had to explain that others were expecting him and that I was accountable to them if he did not go. So it is his choice to eat or not once he gets there, but it is not really his choice to go or not...

I will probably be getting two more students next week. This is an aspect of my work with this organization that I have identified as an area in my own self-evaluation that I would like to improve upon. I would like to be more patient, to help them be productive and have a good experience, to be a better mentor who can help them get something out of the program. But all my previous 'leadership experience' has been as a teacher to pre-school children, where there is no doubt at all that I am the adult in charge and they will do what I tell them :) Supervising other people in their jobs is new for me and I am not enjoying it as much. Any tips or suggestions you can offer me?

Is Community College a Reasonable Choice for my Teenage Daughter?

dzaz — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 09:09:46 -0800

Community college: am I asking all the right questions for my soon-to-be-senior daughter? My soon-to-be high school senior daughter and I have been doing the whole college thing. Some background:

she's a solid "C" student (but "A" in English) in one of the top-ranking schools in the state but is not an academic powerhouse (so she's not going to get any scholarships);
she LOVES animals and is at her most joyous at work as a veterinarian assistant;
she recently bought her own retired standardbred racehorse which has turned her around emotionally and given her a whole new level of love and excitement;
she's a very talented writer;

and very importantly about her...
she has had episodes of cutting (PTSD related) in the past (under control now but she is socially shy, sardonic and a little fragile);

financially, I'm a single mom with 3 kids, we live in moderate-income housing and her dad has said he has $0 for college.

We've looked at the impressive state colleges and universities here in Massachusetts, but the only school that has a pre-vet program will probably not accept her as a freshman.

She's expressed an interest in being an English major (which I think is great).

So here's the idea: she would go to a Massachusetts community college for 2 years and then under a program called"Commonwealth Transfer" she would transfer to UMass Amherst or UMass Boston for her degree.

The pros to this plan are many: no college application stress (and as a teen with PTSD, prepping for SATs almost put her over the edge); huge financial savings; she would probably be an academic star; but most importantly she would get to keep her job and her horse. It's almost like 2 more years of high school.

The con is that for now, she'll remain at home and not get to live the dormitory experience, but my instinct is that she would not react well to that, anyway.

I have 2 friends who have also done this plan and both ended up at prestigious universities for their Master's degrees. They both said it was incredibly smart to do.

Any thoughts?

What's Fun for Teenagers in San Francisco?

kirkaracha — Wed, 05 Aug 2009 09:00:41 -0800

What are fun things for teenagers to see and do in San Francisco? My niece (13) and nephew (16) are coming for a week-long visit. What would be fun for them to do? Would something like going to Alcatraz, be cool, boring, or boring now but cool when they remember it later?

We're already planning trips to the King Tut exhibit, Santa Cruz boardwalk, and the Monterey Bay Aquarium. I thought of a Giants or A's game but they don't like baseball.

What is this, Footloose?

Methylviolet — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 12:48:29 -0800

Where can teenagers go dancing in greater Los Angeles? My 16 and 17 year old kids want to dance. They'd prefer ska or bhangra or alternative-y dance music, but mostly they just want a dance club that will let them in.

Ideas?

What am I doing wrong?

Anonymous — Sat, 01 Aug 2009 07:13:03 -0800

Any insights on how I can help my daughter? My daughter:

She’s 12, almost 13. Extremely smart, creative, musically inclined, beautiful, compassionate, loves animals and children are drawn to her.

Mood swings a constant in her history since age 4. Therapy and medication tried from age 6 until now. Adderal and Zoloft a powerfully bad combination ending in psychotic episodes and hospitalization at age 7. Irrational perceptions and can be very violent towards her older (aged 15) sister and even to me.

Specific behavior that I’ve never heard of; she won’t wear a seat belt in my car (it’s “uncomfortable”), refuses to do homework and when forced, she will rip it up or not turn it in, and she can’t wear jeans… in fact she will wear the same outfit over and over for MONTHS on end. Various things tried in therapy, never resolved. This is life as we know it since she was 6.

She is socially somewhat awkward – but can be the life of the party. She gravitates toward adults and can hold a great conversation. She is clumsy and frequently breaks things – sometimes on purpose.

She is living with her father right now because she started failing 6th grade and had multiple problems in school with teachers and students alike. It was her idea (and often discussed in therapy) and she obeys her dad (I have very little control of her). She was becoming dangerous to my other daughter, as well. I frequently think “She is her own worst enemy.” She has never had friends in the traditional sense like my older daughter has – sleepovers, etc.

She wants to come home – she hates the oppression and discipline of her father’s house. This is greatly opposed by my oldest daughter.

Multi part question: What can I do for her?? Years of therapy have done nothing. How do I protect my other daughter? Has anyone heard of this behavior? I have read extensively on various mood disorders and still don’t know What To Do.

Any insights are SO appreciated.

(Various notes – I’m a good mom. Her dad is a good dad. Her sister is very popular and easy going with tons of friends and this causes jealousy. Her dad and I disagree on the severity of her mood disorders and is vaguely anti-therapy. We’re really very normal looking on the outside with very normal aspirations in life. No childhood trauma and I was a SAHM until she went to school.)

Need help finding a 70s-80s BBC show

emjaybee — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 11:50:23 -0800

Does anyone remember a BBC kids' TV series from the 70s-80s featuring psychic teenagers? I last saw it in the mid-80s. I'm pretty sure it used to air on Nickelodeon. It had freaky deaky Dr. Who type graphics at the beginning, and one particular episode was about evil paintings taking over people's minds.

I think there were maybe three teenagers, one of them a girl?

Starting School with a Blast

dzaz — Tue, 28 Jul 2009 04:06:42 -0800

Teacherfilter: Hurrah, another school year is fast approaching and I'm looking for 48-minute or less teambuilding activities I can use with my 8th grade students (all with emotional disabilities). This is my second year working with these scallawags and we have a silly, trusting relationship, but I want to start 8th grade with a bang! I'm looking for fun, in-class group activities that will continue to get them to think outside the box and help each other accomplish a goal. Anyone got any corporate/academic memories that would address this?

Not a kid, not yet an adult.

Kimberly — Fri, 26 Jun 2009 13:31:38 -0800

My husband's 18 year old nephew may be moving in with us and I need some suggestions to make it a good experience. My husband's nephew graduated from high school last month and was recently told by family that he couldn't live with them anymore. He has one month to find alternate living arrangements. We offered to let him stay with us with some conditions and I was hoping to get some advice about setting boundaries and also about empowering teenagers to become adults and make their own decisions.

Nephew is a great kid (did pretty well in school and doesn't get into any serious trouble) and deserves some support. It kills me that he is basically being told he isn't wanted by other members of the family just when he's trying to figure out what to do next in his life. At the same time, this is my home and I want to be very clear what living with us means. I also think it's important that he start making adult choices and living with the consequences of those choices.

Our conditions include:
- paying a relatively small amount for room and board to help cover our increased costs for food and utilities. This amount is smaller if he is in college; larger if he isn't. If he doesn't help cover expenses, he will need to make other arrangements within 30 days.

- he is responsible for his own transportation

- some basic roommate stuff like headphones after 10:30 p.m. on weeknights, letting us know if he will be around for dinner, no parties, etc.

I would love some advice about empowering teenagers, some tricks for good communication in this type of situation, some suggestions for modifying or adding to our conditions. I'm not ancient or anything, but I'm far enough removed from being a teenager and even being around teenagers that any experience is welcome. I want this experience to be good for us and him and I do not want to end up being the "mom" in this situation.

Does Not Compute

misha — Tue, 16 Jun 2009 10:17:42 -0800

Please help me find the best laptops for our teens! Specifics inside. We have decided to get new computers for our teens--the younger is entering high school and needs it for school, while the older is really into animation and we want to encourage that interest.

I was originally looking at the Mac mini. We decided on laptops because we like portability and assume they will as well, they want webcams AND their high school prefers the Windows setup to Mac.

I'd still be up for Macs, because I feel they are more secure against viruses and the like, if we could get below $1000 each. The basic white 13" Macbooks at the Apple store are $999 and we're hoping to get under that price. I know we can run Windows programs on them with the right software.

Here's what we want:

Memory--lots of it. Can't get too much of this. Would rather have more than the 4GB the Macbook starts with.

Graphics-- Is the NVIDIA Ge Force 9400M the best choice for animation and gaming? Could we do better?

Preferably under $999 each!

Here's what they want:

High-speed--both love to chat on Google and have complained about speeds with the ancient models we have now (an old desktop and a G3 iBook).

Webcam--yes, we know all about internet safety, thanks!

Incredible sound--the oldest is really into music and his friends are in a band, so he wants the best audio he can get, even if this means peripheral speakers. Would love recommendations for these as well!

Software

If we got a Mac, we'd need to be able to run Windows programs on it as well--what software would we need, and how much is that going to cost?

We do not qualify (damn it) for educational discounts from Apple for the free iPod Touch promotion, as kids have to be accepted into college OR a parent needs to be a full-time teacher.

Thanks so much for your help!

Makeing allowances

Mr.Me — Thu, 28 May 2009 11:52:53 -0800

How much allowance should I be giving my kids and for what? My wife and I have two daughters; ages 13 and 15. We have a very happy little family going on, lots of helping each other and working together. I would like to give them an allowance and structure it to some of the chores around the house. Problem is, I think it might be a little late to start (?) and they've already been helping around the house since they were wee nippers. Please Hive, share with me your experience with instituting allowances. Rates and chores done would also be a help. I want to start this and be consistent so any input will be welcome.

For all those beautiful bulemics out there, this song goes out to YOU!

Keter — Mon, 02 Feb 2009 17:57:43 -0800

A close friend and I are embarking on a collegiate radio adventure through the wrist-slittingly fun world of teenage problems and angst. We're developing a list of musical sub-themes and came to one we like in theory but don't have much material for: Eating Disorders! Does anyone know of any (any) any (any) songs about Eating Disorders? Please share!

Because you can't make up an an uninformed mind.

orange swan — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 08:49:24 -0800

My neighbour’s eighteen-year-old daughter, let’s call her “Kay”, is in her last year of high school. She’s trying to decide on a post-secondary course of study for next year. I suspect she’s in the same boat that I, and most of my friends, were in when we graduated high school. To wit: we had virtually no idea of what educational and career options were actually out there; very little idea of what our temperaments and strengths actually were, let alone what kind of career path would suit them; and no clue how to go about researching and finding these things out. Moreover, I don't know how good her school's guidance counsellors are, but mine were next to, if not worse than, useless. What information and resources are out there for Kay to give her a good sense of what her options are and help her figure out what area of study would interest her and suit her abilities? I don’t want to overwhelm her with a mountain of very complex information; anything I give her needs to be straightforward and accessible, and also tailored to Canada/Ontario/Toronto. She probably would be best to go to a community college rather than a university at this point, and I have thought of having catalogues mailed to her so she can browse through them and see what interests her. One thing that was really helpful to me when I was picking out a course of study was a listing of all the programs in Ontario by topic — is there anything like that available now?

Looking for successful lessons from art class when you were a teenager.

nímwunnan — Sun, 23 Nov 2008 16:30:25 -0800

What exercises or experiences do you remember most from art class when you were a kid? Did you ever have an "aha!" moment, and, if so, what caused it? I teach two weekend drawing and painting classes for kids. One class is 14-15 and the other is 11-13 years old. It's been about 8 weeks so far, and I've been through the basics of life drawing, proportion, and working with different materials with both classes. The younger class is turning into an animation class, which I've done before. It's only a difference of a couple years, but the younger class is still at that point where they can have too much fun to be self-conscious.

It's the teens that I really want to work on. I feel like I've finally gotten their attention, but they're still all at that phase where they're considering everything they do against the image of who they want to be or think they should be. I'm doing fine as a glorified babysitter that teaches them basic technique, but I have two ambitions for the class:

1) I want them to learn about what they want to do with art and gain confidence and faculty with it.

2) I want to expand their ideas about art and what it means to them.

I never had an art class that did that when I was their age, so I'm looking for any stories of inspiration striking when you were a teen, or something you did in class that surprised you enough to pay attention at least for a minute. It would be best if it's something I can duplicate without great expense, but I'm interested in anything that felt like a breakthrough.

I've started splitting their time between group work on techniques and materials and individual work on personal projects. I want to be an adult in their life that takes their interests seriously and encourages them. There's:

a shy boy who likes non-fantasy manga
one girl who does fashion design
a cheery-goth girl who draws, aside from the usual goth stuff, transvestite rave DJ's
a sort-of-shy guy who's into skate/hip-hop style and graffiti
a quiet girl with a lot of natural talent but a resistance to visual contrast
a laid-back friendly guy who draws monsters
a kind of posh girl who likes drawing elves and fairies

and the rest of them just like drawing realistic drawing of people, mainly from photos.

If any of that thrilled you when you were a teen, let me know what worked/didn't work/took you to the next idea. Thanks!

Looking for information on how to deal with ODD kids

orange swan — Fri, 07 Nov 2008 06:38:41 -0800

A friend of mine has a fifteen-year-old daughter who was recently diagnosed with Oppositional Defiance Disorder (ODD). I'm looking for information and resources on parenting ODD-diagnosed/defiant and volatile kids to pass along to my friend: web sites, internet support groups, names of books to read, tips, insights and recommendations derived from personal experience, whatever you have that you think would be helpful. Thanks!

Limiting internet time for teenagers

roshy — Mon, 03 Nov 2008 03:05:49 -0800

My teenage cousin is staying up too late on the internet and my aunt has asked me to help her limit how much time she is spending on it. It is very similar to this question which has come before. But I'm looking for a software solution. Now obviously any kind of program is NO SUBSTITUTE for parental supervision. Just to get that out of the way. I can't reasonably have any effect on my aunt's parenting style. She lives with the kid-- I'm just housesitting with her next week.

While I am there, my aunt has asked me to try limit my 14 year old cousin's internet time. It isn't the internet that is a problem-- it is the fact she is staying up past midnight chatting to her friends on msn and myspace. She's not getting up in the morning in time for school and is constantly late. My aunt is a single parent who tends to do late and early morning shifts so she's struggling to set appropriate time constraints/boundaries.

I'm coldhearted so I recommended unplugging the modem and taking it away but I don't think my aunt wants to set herself up for that battle. I tried to show her how to change permissions on the router using the other computer in her room, but she's unable to really grasp it. I think an automated program limiting internet access would be helpful as it is something that my aunt would not have any direct control over. If my cousin has a tantrum over her limited internet access, my aunt has no option to fold under the pressure. My cousin can't handle computers beyond internet explorer so I'm reasonably sure she would not be able to circumvent this. And if she did, well, at least she finally learnt something useful on the computer.

What I imagine would be best is software on the computer that would block the internet connection after 9:30 or some other arbitrary time on a weekday, and could possibly be controlled over the network using the other computer in the house. Does anything like this exist?

Thank you for any assistance.

Help teenagers make a difference

roaring beast — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 12:23:34 -0800

I have about a hundred teenagers in a room for about two to four hours. What type of service project could we do on-site that would require little capital (less than $100), but could make a difference in someone's life here or somewhere around the world? We have lots of energy and time, but are lacking money and transportation.

How can you embarass a teenager who is sneaking out at night?

jeff_w_welch — Fri, 10 Oct 2008 11:23:08 -0800

How can you embarass a teenager who is sneaking out at night? A friend of mine (how cliche) has a daughter who is indulging in some early teen hijinks by sneaking out and basically getting into trouble. None of her actions are illegal or really THAT bad, but still the parents can't condone it. They've tried everything, taking her phone away, grounding her, taking her television, internet, away...nothing. It seems she feeds on that kind of resistance. So he's ready to try a new tactic. I suggested that the root of her disobedience is the feeling of being cool while "breakin the law" and that by somehow making it not so cool, she'd loose interest in it. So a harmless prank that will both alert him to the fact that she is sneaking out and also embarass the hell out of her could do the trick...along with some more traditional parenting tactics. So, any ideas?

Discovered 16 year old daughter engaging in sex. How to handle the situation?

Anonymous — Wed, 08 Oct 2008 17:55:05 -0800

Came home early to find one of our teenage daughters half naked on the couch with a guy? How should we deal with this situation? We, the parents, came early this afternoon to discover one of our daughters topless on the couch with a boy, who was also topless. Clearly they were surprised and we quickly kicked the boy out of the house.

The boy is 17, the girl 16, so no laws were broken. The boy goes to a baptist school and has begun the process of going into the army. We have not met him before, though we were aware that our daughter had just started dating him.

The boy called to apoligize for his behavior and say that he had received a Summarized Grade Article 15. Upon talking to his recruiting officer, we were informed that this was not so, though the boy had indeed loosely reported what had happened to his recruiting officer. When we spoke to the officer, we were informed that he had been given a Summarized Grade Article and that since no laws had been broken, he couldn't be given one.

As to our daughter, she's generally a good, typical teenager, no real complaints other than school grades and large phone bills. She insists she is still a virgin and that this is the first time the guy as been over, though she did admit he's picking her up and taking her home for several weeks.

What's the best way to handle this situation, in your opinion?