Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with teenagers

Pre-marriage counseling is fine. But how committed is he?

kinetic — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 05:25:32 -0800

It's been a few months after my fiance proposed and he made plans to move in with me and my 15-year-old son this summer. As predicted, my son began acting up, basically in the form of talking back and being a little rude to me in front of the fiance, who comes here every weekend. It's important to note my son does not act this way when it's the 2 of us and I completely understand what's going on and we're talking to someone. 3 weeks ago I had successful surgery. My fiance was here for a few weeks and was pretty helpful, but while he was here my son was less pleasant to me than usual. Both my fiance and I expected that he'd be anxious and act up, and he did.

Since the surgery, my fiance has expressed how deeply uncomfortable he now is with the idea of moving in with us (and getting married) because of how obnoxious my kid was.

I work with teens and it may sound like I'm in denial, but my kid wasn't really all that bad overall. Over the course of several weeks, the worst of it was: instead of doing chores immediately, he'd yell, "I will later!" and once he was playing X-Box Live with his friends and I was trying to nap but he was screaming into his headset and I told him to quiet down and he yelled (this is the first and only time he's ever done anything like this), "You're such a fucking bitch!" So I took away the headset and the X-Box.

In other words, it was a damned stressful time. But it appears to have given my fiance pause about moving in. So there's an element that actually, my fiance may not really get/want to live with a teenage boy.

Which would be enough, but...

Unfortunately and unexpectedly, my pathology reports diagnosed something more serious for which I am now undergoing treatment.

So I'm a little overwhelmed right now and I went to see a therapist who specializes in dealing with chronic (or sudden and serious) illness. One of the first things that came up was the question of how strong a support system I felt I had in place and I obviously thought about my fiance and his ability to help me and not get so freaked out about my kid acting up.

Cutting to the chase, I talked with my fiance about our recent stressful time, and asked him if, moving forward, I can count on him as a major support (for the next few months of treatment and y'know, forever).

He suggested family therapy before he moves in. I agree. Great idea.

So basically, I just ask this, "Are we beginning family therapy because we're both committed to our relationship and we're both in this for the long haul and love each other enough to know we're staying together? That this is a rough spot...we need some guidance...but we're going to get married?"

His response was yes he wants to work on this but no, can't promise staying together anymore because who knows what's going to happen? And the thing is...I kind of get it. I mean, I wish it was puppies and rainbows but I get that this was very stressful. I also get that this was very hard for all of us and that maybe he saw a living situation he didn't like. I also get that we're getting help for it.

But I also think...until several days ago, we were going to spend our lives together. Now I have an unfortunately illness and a few months of unpleasant treatment. Now there's a (somewhat anticipated) glitch within the family dynamic. We're working on the glitch together and I had assumed we were staying together.

So my question (and I'm reaching out for help here because I'm pretty messed up with my diagnosis and my medication and everyone here has always helped) is: what the hell, AskMeFi?

Is it worth getting family counseling if I sense he's got a foot out the door? Does he have a foot out the door? What am I not getting here (and I ask in all seriousness because I'm exhausted and I cannot for the life of me get my head around this right now).

Perfect Model Mix

spunweb — Sat, 16 Mar 2013 18:50:07 -0800

I want to make a mix CD for my niece who is an aspiring model. What should be on it? My 17 yr old niece just got 1st runner up in her first pageant and also recently was in a student movie. She's also done a couple cat walks and things like that.

I want to celebrate her! So I'm making her a CD, as one does. Can you help me pick some awesome songs for it? I'm envisioning this as her model AMP UP CD, that helps get her all fierce and stuff.

Here's what we've picked so far:

1. Christina Aguilera -- Vanity
2. The Weather Girls -- It's Raining Men
3. RuPaul -- Jealous of My Boogie
4. Right Said Fred -- I'm Too Sexy
5. Christina -- GLAM

Likes include: Britney Spears, disco-y stuff, big production anthemic power songs. Dislikes: Rihanna, "Who Runs the World? Girls!", and slow/sad music.

For some reason I keep thinking of this as the model version of Barney's mix from How I Met Your Mother -- it should be a "getting glammed up" power CD with no ebbs, just ups.

What we have here is a failure to communicate.

dean winchester — Mon, 11 Mar 2013 10:09:49 -0800

Our teenage son's voice is so low and hoarse that none of us can hear it. Every one of his teachers has complained that this is causing problems. My son, tired of repeating himself, has started communicating by nodding, shaking his head and shrugging, which makes his teachers treat him as sullen and uncooperative. Which in turn has actually made him sullen and uncooperative.

My husband, who can only hear within a certain range, cannot have a conversation with him at all. This has led them to arguments and misgivings, in excess of the usual father/son dynamic.

I have spectacular hearing, and I can only get the gist of what he's saying or asking if there is no other competing noise. He and I are very close and talk often and openly. Because I can hear him, I'm actually the parent he confides in, to the point of making me a "middleman" in conversations between he and my husband. If I'm where I can't see him and he's speaking, or where I can't hear him no matter what, he will repeat himself two or three times (to no avail) and finally just decide that he doesn't need to speak after all, lapsing into long silences.

My husband has an appointment with an otolaryngologist to finally get a full hearing exam and fitting for hearing aids (his first in over a decade due to financial issues). Our son has an appointment scheduled for his standard physical to make sure this isn't a medical issue, though I'm not sure he'll actually speak to the doctor to relay this (he's 16; should I be going in with him?).

His high school counselor is pushing us to get him involved in drama, but my son is super-reserved and not inclined in this direction, and looks at me in horror when I suggested a vocal coach.

Does anyone here have experience with this? Is there anything we could be doing differently, or that we're not taking into consideration?

10 degrees of latitude south

zvs — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 13:53:46 -0800

GiftFilter: Gifts for an outdoorsy teenager trapped in the burbs. I'm stumped trying to find a gift for my stepbrother, a high-school sophomore who plays football and recently moved into suburbia from his previous home in the Great North Woods.

He's a snowshoeing, ATV-riding kind of kid, and I think those activities are pretty much closed off to him now. They arrest you on your dirt bike here.

Any bright ideas for a substitute experience? He now lives in a second-tier metro area, so most reasonable activities are an option.

Help me change the life of a teenager

malhouse — Thu, 13 Dec 2012 18:05:11 -0800

I have my teenage nephew for a week. We can go anywhere. I'd like to change his life. Any suggestions? He's a great kid, but (as with a lot of 17-18 year olds) he's a bit moody and self-absorbed. I think it would be a lot of fun to do something with him that might give him some perspective on life, teach him some cool values, and all that stuff (while also still being an enjoyable time). It could be travel or it could be location-independent. Service trips are definitely on the table - but when I think back on my high school experience, I don't remember being all that impacted by the community service activities I did.

In short, I'd love to hear any suggestions, ideally from personal experience, of things that can be fit into a week and are truly unforgettable, life-changing, eatpraylove, made-me-a-better-person-somehow, etc. etc., with the added factor that sometimes teens can be very stubborn about learning anything from anything.

this one time? at my mom's house?

headnsouth — Fri, 07 Sep 2012 10:35:04 -0800

Should I let my kids' girlfriends sleep at our house? My kids are 18 and 16, in their last year of high school. I have a very open-door kind of house and having their buddies (guys) sleep over has always been ok. My rule with regard to girls in the house has always been the typical not in the bedrooms, not in the house when I'm not there, etc.

The 16-year-old had a girlfriend for about a year and a half and I had no problem with the rule of no shenanigans on my watch as they were young and her parents were definitely disapproving of any shenanigans whatsoever (two of her sisters already had babies as teens!). It never occurred to me to "accommodate" them, then they broke up, and that was that.

Now my 18-year-old has his first real girlfriend. She is 18 also. Same rule at my house, but at her house, he is allowed to sleep over. I am ok with it, he goes over there once or twice a week, and the biggest problem is that he doesn't drive and she's across town with just a scooter & public transport is minimal so it's a hassle getting him where he needs to be all the time.

But, I'm thinking, if I don't really have a problem at all, in principle, with my kids being sexually active, then why not allow it in their own rooms? Is a no-shenanigans-in-the-house rule just maintaining a pretense that they aren't sexually active? If I let go of the rule, then this girl would spend more time at our house & I would get to know her (I like her influence on my son but I think she feels unwelcome, it's hard for them to spend time on our side of town at all since she then has no way of getting home at the end of the night). A year from now, at least one of them is going to be away at college. I would like for them to feel as comfortable bringing their girlfriends home as they always have bringing their buddies home.

I'm having trouble articulating my thoughts about this ... I think I have some cognitive dissonance going on between what I've always "known" to be the way things are, and the way things really are! Any parents out there who have some experience with this? Please share whatever pros & cons you have on the subject. Thanks.

Wie sind die Roboter.

Nomyte — Wed, 25 Jul 2012 15:05:21 -0800

Basic programming using C++ from the ground up, high school edition. My high-school-aged younger brother seems excited about joining his school's robotics club in the fall. Apparently, they do some C++ programming in there. My brother is inexperienced, but undaunted.

I will admit up front that he's not a great independent learner at this point in his life. He is impatient, easily frustrated, and oftentimes very stubborn. He definitely lacks an internal locus of motivation. Robotics may easily turn out to be another thing that he gets excited about, buys a bunch of stuff for, and then quits after a week.

He's asked for a C++ book, and there's certainly no shortage of those. But most of them are directed to patient, attentive adult learners. I need something that is engaging, interesting, and makes no assumptions. His technical knowledge is really quite limited. I'd hate for him to quit before he finds a working compiler. Whatever you recommend should probably be project-based or task-based, even if in silly or useless ways.

In the end, even if he doesn't stick with robotics for long, he might end up with an extra tool in his inventory. And programming is fun.

In sum: please recommend learning resources for C++ that start with the rudiments of programming and teach basic concepts in engaging, creative, and interesting ways. Hard-copy books are preferred, but online resources may also be acceptable.

Alternatively, feel free to suggest stuff to get older kids excited about computers, robots, and programming. Focus on things that don't assume that computers, robots, and programming are inherently interesting.

The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.

Nomyte — Wed, 13 Jun 2012 14:32:14 -0800

My younger brother has just finished tenth grade. His math teacher was a martinet. His math teacher next year might turn out to be one too. How can I help my brother cope with this kind of instructor? A confession: I hated tenth-grade math ("Algebra II with Trigonometry"). It was a grab bag of topics introduced incoherently and without motivation. Textbook problems made assumptions and sometimes failed to make them clear. By comparison, math in eleventh ("pre-calculus") and especially twelfth grade (intro univariate calculus) was a breath of fresh air. I am several years out of college now and I'm taking math classes for fun. Unambiguous definitions are awesome. Rigorous proofs are awesome. Math is awesome.

Math is not my brother's best subject, but he is eager to improve and often turns to me for help with homework. However, he often comes back with feedback that shows that most of the problems I helped with have been marked incorrect or had points deducted.

After some back and forth it became clear that my brother's math teacher was a pedant. He deducted points for mistakes made in students' scratchwork, even when the reasoning was sound and the ultimate answer was correct. He deducted points for "skipping steps." For example, when rewriting fractions with radical expressions in the denominator, he apparently wanted to see an explicit step with multiplication by sqrt(2)/sqrt(2), or whatever. He was a stickler for arbitrary notation: one I discovered through trial and error is that he only wanted sequences and series to be subindexed with n and no other letter. I habitually subindex with i.

My brother's work was bleeding points left and right, in no small part thanks to my help. This, in combination with his otherwise imperfect performance, was making math very frustrating for him.

I help with homework via video chat and do not have easy access to his teachers. How can I best support my brother's learning, especially in math? If you have been in a similar situation (as either the student or the tutor), what strategies worked best?

What should we do after our troubled teenager has sex with her teacher?

Anonymous — Mon, 30 Apr 2012 06:29:34 -0800

So our teenage daughter slept with her married teacher. Not as much of a disaster as usual with her, but advice would be appreciated. Our teenager was adopted from foster care with biological siblings. She had been physically and sexually abused prior to adoption, and received no care for that until she came to us aged about 8. She also has fairly severe learning disabilities. All this we discovered through therapy later on, as she had been told to shut up or she would be abandoned/killed (not by us, by the abusers). So when puberty hit, she pretty much exploded. We have had one suicide attempt, multiple self-harming, and lots and lots of secret sexual activity with very inappropriate partners. She actively refused to engage with her peers appropriately - no dating or flirting with the boys in her class, but an older stranger asking her to a hotel for the afternoon, yes.

Because she was underage, we filed police reports when we found out. She's spent time in a respite home, had court-mandated therapy, had other therapists (both individual and family), and is currently on medication - Klonopin and something else - to stabilize her moods and help her sleep. Her diagnosis is severe PTSD, not bipolar. She sleeps poorly because she's hypervigilient from the years of abuse.

We've been through four rounds of this - catching her out engaging in inappropriate sexual activity (not making out with her peer-aged boyfriend, but hooking up with absolute strangers or rough demeaning sex).

Previously, we were able to "lock down" where one of us would be with her round the clock, she would have intensive therapy and she could earn back her trust and responsibilities. We have had no corporal punishment and focus on positive discipline, praise for what she does right, not punishment for what has gone wrong. This is all under therapy supervision, and has worked well in that at 17, she is not in juvie, has some female friends, is at a trade school she likes and doing well (top student last year!) and recently started seriously dating a peer-aged boy who is besotted with her.

Her other siblings btw have had abuse issues, less severe, but we have also therapy-parented them. We know Love and Logic, positive peer pressure, EMDR, etc etc. They are mostly okay now, because they started out with less abuse.

Then my husband gets a call yesterday from her school's ex music teacher. His wife had found out about an affair with our daughter. Turns out five months ago, she had slept with this teacher several times, and then he'd broken it off when he changed schools.

The guy sounds revolting, but when we confronted her about this, it's clear that she had a (warped but still!) relationship briefly with him. He's in his thirties, she was 17 at the time, so no laws have been broken. I imagine the principal will have something to say when we report it, which we will as it sounds like our daughter is not his only "girlfriend".

Our daughter threatened him recently with exposure, either in revenge for him ending the affair, or to get him to resume the affair, which is how his wife found out.

She's very clear that no money or abusive pressure (beyond the age difference and authority figure) was involved.

We're asking what to do now that we have no legal sway over her. Previously, we would've gone to the police and put her into respite care for her own safety - she has and is likely to do very risky things without 24/7 supervision during a danger period. But now she's aged out of that.

We told her the usual, that we love her and will continue always to house her, pay for school etc, but that she needs to choose to go back into therapy and work at repairing things before she will be able to mend the damage to the relationship with us, and herself.

Please bear in mind that she is not a typical teenager acting out. She is a severe abuse survivor. This is actually LESS of a horrible situation than the four times previously.

Re: STDs, she has quarterly health check-ups and is on a 2-year contraceptive implant, because of her prior events. We're going to the doctor this afternoon for an earlier than usual check-up, as she confessed to skipping one of her check-ups and lying about it.

She is a very good liar, due to surviving hellish experiences, and not that firmly attached to us, her adopted parents. Her biological family are in contact with us, but her choice is to have it very limited compared to some of her siblings.

She is of course, very very pretty with a model-like body.

However, we need to know:

1. What can we do, given that we can't (and don't want to risk her running away) supervise her 24/7 that would help?

2. What are things she can do, besides therapy? We're thinking maybe re-enrolling her in yoga for example.

3. The teacher and his wife (they have three kids, urgh) want to meet with our daughter and us for some kind of "discussion/forgiveness" session. So far we're stalling. I don't see the point, although I do need to inform them that our daughter has STDs that the husband has now exposed himself to. Should we go, and what should we talk about?

(We will be reporting the teacher to the school, as I wrote above. In our area, the circumstances of the affair make it legal though gross, so no police report.)

Movies for smart teenagers?

Myca — Thu, 12 Apr 2012 19:41:35 -0800

Hi, all. I'm looking for recommendations as to the movies that a group of smart, liberal teens ought to be shown. I'm a youth group advisor for my UU church, and we've made a tradition of showing the group movies at our overnights and retreats. My go-to is Harold & Maude, and we've also screened Fight Club and The Iron Giant. Moon would be good. So would Pan's Labyrinth and Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. I wish Bully was out on DVD already.

I'm looking for smart films, films with a lasting emotional impact, but also fun films. This is 70% entertainment and 30%, "you really ought to see this movie."

Enrichment and internships for a high-schooler in Rochester, NY.

Nomyte — Mon, 12 Mar 2012 16:34:13 -0800

My younger brother, a high-school sophomore, is asking about internships and other interesting opportunities for people his age in Rochester, NY. My younger brother is academically unremarkable. He has few or no adult role models. He is reluctant to talk to adults, even when he needs help. For example, it's been difficult to get him to work with his school counselor.

He seems to have few hobbies beyond videogames and socializing, plays no sports, is not a member of any extracurricular clubs. He has no technical skills (e.g., not handy with computers, not a great problem-solver) and not much sticktoitiveness. He hasn't held any part-time jobs, although, to be fair, it sounds like there are few in his immediate area (a sparsely populated suburb with mostly family restaurants), especially given his limited transportation options.

He's being raised by a cash-strapped single parent, so paid enrichment, group travel, and study abroad are likely to be an insurmountable challenge. My own ability to contribute financially is also limited (nor do I live anywhere near them). He has no relatives who can provide leads.

He's asked a couple times about colleges, and I've mentioned the value of being an interesting applicant. I also think that it'd be great for him to get out of the apartment and be around interesting people doing interesting things.

What I think he might find useful:

formal internship opportunities that target high-school students
exploratory, enrichment, and development programs for young adults
shadowing and mentoring programs
nonprofits and charities that can work with unskilled teenage volunteers

Please be as specific as possible in your answers. Suggestions of "try volunteering!" or "check with a local university!" are not likely to be helpful: I'm not in a good position to find a placement for him, and his own ability to make arrangements is pretty nonexistent.

How can my teenage son improve his dating/friend making skills?

hick57 — Thu, 16 Feb 2012 11:31:40 -0800

How can my teenage son improve his dating/friend making skills? My 17 year old son is a wonderful kid - gifted academically, talented musically, good looking, and knows how to work. He's struggling to make friends, although he has a few pals he occasionally spends time with. I know he would like to start dating girls, but is very uncomfortable asking girls out. What steps can I encourage him to take?

Contest gifts for teenagers?

SuperSquirrel — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 11:30:12 -0800

What would be a good participant gift for a high school or college-aged student? My school holds an annual contest for high school and college students to design a web page. We usually get about 100-125 participants, and we like to give them each some kind of small-ish gift for participating. In the past we've done personalized t-shirts, baseball caps, water bottles, coffee mugs, windbreakers, hoodies, tote bags, and the like. But we're bored with all of that, and we're looking for some new ideas. We' like to keep the cost of each item under $10 or even (preferably) cheaper. I've already checked places like cafepress and thinkgeek, but as I am no longer a teen-aged nerd, I don't really know what's cool. We'd like to be able to put the contest logo on it, so personalization is important, but not an absolute must if there's something perfect out there.

So what would the kids these days like in a goody bag from a college? We usually include a flash drive regardless, so that is a given.

(Winners of the contest get cash prizes, and we also have a raffle for one larger electronic item, like an iPod or an external hard drive.)

help with son who has school refusal

bossanova — Tue, 03 Jan 2012 17:34:47 -0800

I have a 14yrs old who does not do any homework or work at school. He also does not cooperate with me on any matter. I want to take him to the psychiatrist to find out if he has depression, anxiety disorder, or ADD but he refuses to go. He does not want to go to school either. I called the juvenile office and was told that they would not accept him unless he commits a crime. The hospital cannot admit anyone forcefully. The ambulance will not come out to my house to pick him up to take him to the psychiatric hospital unless he threatens to kill himself. The school does not want to deal with him either. I don't know what rights I have as a parent. Any advice would be appreciated.

Germany & France with Teenagers and Kids

crapples — Fri, 25 Nov 2011 11:09:34 -0800

Just starting to plan a trip to France (mainly Paris) and Germany (mainly Munich) with three kids ages 17, 14, and 11. We're from the US and do not speak German or French. We've done Europe before, but never these countries. We will go in June of 2012. I need resources so I can research the heck out of this thing. I'm open to straight up suggestions and comments about what we should do, where we should stay, how we should navigate our way around these countries, etc, but what I'm really looking for at this point is a list of solid resources that I can use to research these questions in depth for myself. Specifically I want resources that address the issues of traveling with teens and kids (not babies or toddlers, which seems to be easier to find).

When I Google "france with teenagers" I come up with very little of value. Other searches are equally unproductive.

So, my question is this: If we want to spend the next month researching, reading, comparing, and planning, what are our best sources of information?

Thanks.

Dealing with Unruly Youth

Anonymous — Sun, 06 Nov 2011 06:02:48 -0800

I was harassed by some teenagers on the street and kicked one of them, how could I have handled this better? Last night, when I was walking home from the coffee shop, three teenagers at a bus stop asked me for a dollar and I turned them down. As I started to walk away, one of them started calling me obscene names, so I turned around and confronted him. When I told him he should be careful what he says, he blew me off, so I told him I was going to take his hat as payment (which was a fancy ball cap.) When he started to fight me, I kicked him in the crotch, and all three of them started to go crazy punching me until the bus came, which was rather soon. They were scrawny kids, so mostly all it did was make me laugh, but that's beside the point.

Basically, my original intention was just to teach them a lesson in civilized behavior at my neighborhood bus stop, but I feel like I ended up being the more uncivil one myself in how I acted. I blame some of this on being in a rather poor mood last night when it happened, but that shouldn't be a reason. What could I have done differently? Or better yet, how do I interact with the unruly youth in my neighborhood without going all Charles Bronson?

I like my protagonists teenage and depressed.

Senza Volto — Fri, 09 Sep 2011 21:11:16 -0800

I'm looking for novels or movies that feature teenage protagonists suffering from depression, schizoid tendencies or similar psychological defects. To clarify, it shouldn't loosely be about teenage angst, but the protagonist must show symptoms of depression and/or other mental disorders.

Work from any time frame will do, but the more recent, the better.

Bonus if the work is related to a subculture (such as emo or goth).

An example of what I'm looking for would be Laurie Halse Anderson's Speak.

Teach me how to teach mythology!

guster4lovers — Sun, 28 Aug 2011 21:08:08 -0800

I've been given a mythology class to teach, mostly to juniors and seniors (at a public high school in California). Yay! However, the previous teacher won't let me borrow her material, and my mythological education was taking one class in college and a lot self-teaching (thus, there are gaping holes in my knowledge). And so, mefites, hope me figure out the best way to teach this class! Here are my questions/concerns:

1. I've settled on South African (Xhosa/Zulu/San) mythology first. The reason is that it was something on which I had quite a few resources (although I'm realising, not nearly enough!) and with which I had a bit of familiarity. I've done Nkulukulu's creation of man and How Death Came to the World (several different versions, which we compared and looked at similarities and differences in the telling). I've googled the subject to death and haven't found a lot of quality material out there.

2. The next thing I've got planned (we just started it on Friday) is to look at the way we (in the US/west) personify animals and the cultural characteristics we give to them. Then they'll write their own animal myth (using certain elements that they've drawn randomly). After that, we'll look at the African cultural characteristics of animals and then they'll re-write their myth to fit those personifications and analyse the differences. That might take a week or two.

3. I'd like to take the unit farther (maybe 2-3 more weeks), but I'm out of ideas. I'd like to do some background reading on myths in Africa in general, but also look at how stories have influenced art, and how they are woven into history. I don't really have resources (or even a clue/idea) for this part. I've also considered doing Things Fall Apart (instead or in addition to the history/art/whatever). Convince me whether or not it's a good idea. I'm also open to other African novels (Nervous Conditions? parts of Change of Tongue? something else?) or plays, but am a little stuck.

4. After that, I figured I could do a unit on hero's journey and watch some films that fit the genre. I'm thinking Star Wars (because I've done it before), but would like other suggestions and/or resources where someone has already built lesson plans on the film's connection to the HJ.

5. After that, I figured we'd read The Odyssey. Done it before and have lots of stuff to go with it.

6. That should put us through the end of the first semester. I know I want to do Greek/Roman/Norse mythology (for most of the remainder of the year) and I bought Edith Hamilton's Mythology and we have a textbook as well. I know I need to get the D'Aulaires' books on Greek/Roman and Norse mythology but I'm putting it off until I have a few paychecks. But other than those books, I'd love to see resources on lesson ideas, fun activities, or even just great books or movies that you would have wanted to do if you were taking my class.

7. I know LITERALLY nothing about the mythology of any other part of the world. What am I leaving out that I really shouldn't? I have some books on Native American mythology, but wouldn't even know where to start. I feel bad leaving out a massive portion of the world.

8. Finally, what are some organising ideas to use throughout the course? Right now, I feel like it's a lot of "Hey, look! Isn't that interesting!" but it doesn't feel like what we're doing fits into the larger schema of the course. Obviously there are references that you need to get in order to be an educated person, but beyond that, why study mythology? What do modern teenagers need to know about mythology? what might they find interesting? And how do I make this more than just another English class (which is what I teach)?

As I said above the fold, the previous teacher (who designed the course and was the only person who taught it at the school for 15 years) is not too forthcoming with her materials. She says I can "take stuff out of her filing cabinets," but none of it is organised and there are literally five filing cabinents. It's not gonna happen. For the purposes of this question, please assume that she is not a resource. Neither are the rest of the teachers in the English/History departments. No one has any background in mythology, and apart from a few books in the school library (but no librarian), I'm on my own. Also, the kids have all read Oedipus in 10th grade, but there's not really much background on mythology in that unit.

TL;DR: I am super excited about teaching mythology, but have no idea how to proceed. What resources would you recommend (assuming I have no money to buy lots of books) and what should I make sure to include? What will get teenagers excited about mythology? Halp!?!1!

Making plans for Nigel.

Nomyte — Sun, 17 Jul 2011 11:26:21 -0800

(Local attractions filter): Washington, DC, for teenagers. I am importing my 15-year-old younger brother into DC for Otakon weekend, and also a few days before and after. Every time he comes, I'm at a loss for where to take him and what to do with him, and I appreciate your suggestions. Some specifics:

The time window is July 27th through August 2nd.
He's been to DC several times before, so just seeing the Capitol, the White House, and the National Monument is no longer inherently thrilling.
He's not much for the Smithsonian museums, especially now that they're chock-a-block with out-of-state visitors with children.
We've repeatedly been to the zoo.
Baltimore and Annapolis destinations are OK, keeping in mind that we've already been to the BMA, the Walters, the AVAM, and the Aquarium multiple times.
No camping or overnight trips to the country.

Vague ideas of what we're looking for:

"Stuff adults do for fun," i.e., he's not interested in kiddie events.
Some sort of musical act or show, although nothing interesting seems to be playing nearby, and I'm loath to spend $50 to go to a random show at the 9:30 Club. Obviously, he can't go to 18+ shows.

He doesn't seem to have any hobbies or interests beyond videogames, anime, and websurfing, so your guess is as good as mine about what he might like. For reference, last year we went to an Arcade Fire concert and enjoyed it tremendously.

Something to do in Georgia

who squared — Fri, 27 May 2011 13:48:07 -0800

Things to do, places to see in somewhat rural GA for the next two weeks? I'm in the Hiram, Georgia area for the next few days. I've run out of things to do and places to see. I've a car and (sometimes) responsibility for teenagers. Any recommendations would be welcome!

Tantrum conundrum

Anonymous — Wed, 18 May 2011 14:25:01 -0800

How would you handle this? 16 year old boy breaks his Mom's cell phone in anger. Mom believes taking his phone away deprives him of the support of his friends, and has restricted most everything else, but not the phone. Eye for an eye or eye for an ear? It's a bit more complicated, though, so more inside... Here's some mitigating factors:
*Teen bought phone with Xmas money but Mom pays for his monthly use- she acknowledges sometimes he doesn't deserve it but he does do some chores.
*Both teen and Mom were exposed to horrific domestic abuse until he was 3, and he has been receiving mental health services since he was 5. He has all the traits of Borderline Personality Disorder, with occasional psychotic episodes.
*Because his emotional intelligence is significantly below average, he's had difficulty maintaining age appropriate relationships with peers. He has poor boundaries which have resulted in social marginalization (also, while quite intelligent, is not getting much out of going to school and despite desire to go to college, has poor school attendance).
*It's just the two of them in the household. She has physical limitations which requires regular assistance from him, but he rarely goes above taking out the trash and basic picking up. She usually completes all household tasks but it takes her much longer and results in significant pain.
*He will go into violent rages which mimic those of the biological father though he has been out of their lives for 13 years. Obviously, 0-3 is a very critical "imprinting" time in a person's life.
*His trauma has never been addressed clinically, and he has several med changes a year.
*He and Mom live below poverty level.

Most importantly, I recognize that in the big picture, the phone issue is really small potatoes compared with the challenges against them both. However, I feel that every opportunity we have to normalize consequences and not to excuse behaviors can have a lasting impact on his development. Aside from his obvious need areas, he can be incredibly compassionate, mature, creative and wise. Mom has reason to be afraid that these traits are being overshadowed by his acting out.

Oh, and my role in this? Technically, I'm his Godfather. He looks up to me as his Dad, and his mother and I have been working together as a coparenting team. Sometimes we might not see eye to eye, and come from quite different worlds, but we try hard to be consistent even though my role is rather limited in scope. I'm asking here because I'm actually a mental health professional but can't be objective in this situation (obviously). I do have lots of experience in situations like these but being in the middle of it emotionally makes this very different for me, and the child will criticize my attempts at helping stabilize things by saying that I have my "work hat" on, which is true. But the way I see it, if I were a mechanic riding in a friend's car and I heard a problem noise, I'd have to say something. It's not easily divested from. I don't have children of my own, and have been in his life since he was almost 11. I give Mom my input but I respect her natural role in decision making. This is a situation where we aren't agreeing in the consequence but do agree that our time to be effective is running out.

Thanks in advance!

(tl;dr Teen with behavioral and emotional problems broke his Mom's cell phone in anger. Because Mom thinks he is socially isolated, she won't take his phone away from him and imposes other restrictions. Is that giving in to him or just her being compassionate to a facet of his dysfunction?)

Throwaway: teenproblems.mefi@gmail.com

Thats my daughter in the water

holdkris99 — Sun, 24 Apr 2011 18:07:33 -0800

I recently found out I have a 13 year old daughter. Now what? Ok, so, I recently found out that I have a 13 year old daughter. Her mother and I dated for a couple of months way back when and then she moved away to Kentucky and that was that. Except that it wasn't. (I won't go into all of the details about how I found out except to say that paternity is established, I am paying my support payments, and I am glad this is all happening). I live in Texas, my daughter and her mother live in Kentucky. There is no ill will between her mother and I and her mom wants me to have a relationship with my daughter, particularly through these teen years. Problem is, I shouldn't say problem I guess; thing is, my daughter has not been receptive to me thus far. This is all to be understood. I call regularly, but she will not talk to me. I have visited three times in the last six months, and she just will not open up at all. This takes time I am sure. I write her regularly, send her cards or books or cd's gift cards, nothing extravagant, just little things here and there. Weird thing is that since I have come into the picture she has really been acting out, gotten in trouble for shoplifting, getting in trouble at school, the whole teen rebellion type thing I suppose. I am sure she sees me as a threat of sorts because its always been just her and her mom and her mom can be a bit naive about some things (and not to disparage her mom, it can't be easy raising a child alone). For instance, at 13 she is fairly mature, enough so that she has a facebook page saying she is 19 and she looks the part really. Things like that I have pointed out to her mom but her mom thinks it's all innocent fun. My question is I guess, how to proceed establishing a relationship with her while also expressing my concerns about things like her general safety online and things like that? I catch myself in my letters trying to be her friend because it seems like that would be an easier path to getting her to at least talk to me, but of course there are problems inherent with that approach. (n.b. I have a 12 year old son as well that does and always has lived with me, FWIW, so I have a little bit of experience with kids this age, but the situation is so not comparable). Anyway, any and all advice will be awesome and I will be happy to answer any questions y'all may have.

easy on the bawdy

nicolin — Mon, 04 Apr 2011 09:41:56 -0800

I'd like to find funny, slightly bawdy songs suitable for teenagers. In order to expand my songbook and be able to sing intellectually stimulant songs with teenagers involved in esl, I'd like to hear of bawdy songs that their chaste ears could withstand but still find amusing. Well, this question has partially been suggested by this recent question, but also, of course, by the learners' likings (they know an impressive numbers of bawdy songs - or chansons paillardes - in their native language).

That's it - bawdy songs - just not too offensive or suggestive.

How to design an after-school program for teens?

luckynerd — Wed, 23 Feb 2011 13:58:18 -0800

I have a chance to start an after-school program for teens in my rural community. I have no experience designing this sort of program. Help! I live in a rural community in SoCal. Public transportation is almost nil, so there's not a lot for teens to do around here. (Especially the junior high crowd.) I've long dreamed of being rich enough to open up a place where teens can hang out, get homework done, and maybe do a little exercise.

The local Parks & Recreation is soliciting applications for classes at their two Community Centers. One of the centers is within walking distance of the junior high and high schools. On a whim, I sent an email to the P&R folks asking about the application process. I received a reply asking me to be more specific about my idea for "an after-school exercise class."

Now I'm stuck! I don't know how the heck to design a program like this!

My general outline:

1. Open about a half hour before high school gets out (to get set up).
2. Exercise class that starts about a half hour after high school gets out.
3. Exercise class #2 that starts about a half hour after junior high gets out.

Exercise = stretching, little bits of dance & martial arts mixed in for variety. The main goal is to get kids to move around and have a little fun.

How do I make my idea sound appealing to the P&R folks, parents, and most importantly, the teens around here?

Oh, and my motivation for doing this? Offering kids an alternative to getting into trouble out of sheer boredom. Plus contributing to a really nice little community I've been happy to call "home" for almost 8 years.

New Millennials Movies?

Carlotta Bananas — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 07:59:52 -0800

What movies define this latest generation? All I can think of is American Pie and The Social Network and I can't seem to remember anything in between. Help me fill in the gaps. What movies are to the New Millennials what Reality Bites was to Gen-Xers?

*NOTE: This is not a "What was your favourite movie-" or "What are the most popular/successful movies from the last decade(+)" More "What movies are accurate to the time/people"