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The no-good, terrible, horrible, very bad table manners

Anonymous — Fri, 08 May 2009 07:03:17 -0800

My boyfriend has really terrible table manners. What can I do to fix this? (posting anon because I believe he also reads metafilter and knows my username)

My boyfriend of 2 years has very bad table manners. He tends to inhale his food, takes multiple bites of things at any given time, tears into hunks of meat or pieces of bread. Sometimes he'll lick his butter knife clean of sauce/jam. He'll use his fingers to wipe up bits of butter/jam/soup/sauce/grease and then licks them clean.

It bothers me, though not a great deal for the most part - if we're at home, I'm fine with it and really just don't care. However, we've recently been eating at more upscale places with people and this sort of thing is kind of embarrassing. He restrains himself a LITTLE when we're at these places (especially once I give him the eye) but he honestly doesn't think there's much wrong with his table habits.

I've mentioned it to him and offered to explain etiquette to him, but again, he feels he doesn't need it. He thinks he's doing okay. But I cringe when I see him lick jam from his butter knife or shove half a biscuit into his mouth.

So please help me think of some better ways to explain to him that yes, his table manners are bad, and he needs to change him. Some way to prove to him that they're not good. Or just some suggestions on how to keep him reigned in when we're out to dinner. I do practice good table etiquette in hopes that he will mimic, but it hasn't happened yet.

I eat my peas with honey?

vodkaboots — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 12:19:37 -0800

Can anyone help me master tines-down eating? All my life I've used my utensils in the North American style - fork mainly in the right hand, scooping the food into my mouth. Yay! But now that I've moved to England I'm struggling with tines-down eating.

Can any of the pros out there help me out with some basic tips? How do you get the food to stay on the fork properly? And what are the exceptions - last few peas, non-sticky rice, anything like that?

I've tried to subtly observe other peoples' techniques at the table, but then I forget to eat my own food quickly enough, leading to me being the last and only one left with food on my plate with everyone watching me drop food all over my lap.

Sit down and shut up!

LadyBonita — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 08:17:56 -0800

What is the proper seating arrangement for at home family dinners? I assume the father sits at the head of the table and the mother sits at the other end, across from father. Eldest son to father's right?

What about the eldest daughter? Younger siblings? What if father isn't in the picture? What if Grandpa lives with you? What if Great-Aunt Gertrude is a guest or the whole gang is over for Thanksgiving dinner?

We purchased a new dining table and our kids broke into an argument/debate about who would get to sit where at the new table. I'd like to end the bickering with a nice firm etiquette rule.

Currently in our family (at least previous to the new table) father sits at the head, mother at the other end closest to the kitchen, eldest child to father's right, youngest child to father's left so Dad can glare and growl when he won't eat his peas, and middle child to mother's left and next to oldest chlid, so he can't easily escape every 3 minutes. No one sits to moms right.

Do table manners dictate finishing everything on the plate, or leaving a little bit of food?

MiguelCardoso — Mon, 23 Aug 2004 21:07:35 -0800

Do current table manners in your part of the world suggest you should finish everything on your plate or leave a little? [More inside.] Traditional etiquette everywhere seems to be moving in the Japanese direction - "eat it all up to show you appreciate the bounty offered you." However, in some cultures (Asian as well as European, as far as I know) cleaning your plate is taken to mean you want more - or, at least, that you could perhaps have done with a little more, thank you very much. Hence the old rule that you should leave just a little, to show that you've had your fill or, in the more dainty, genteel versions, that you aren't a pig.

Where do things stand nowadays, in your neck of the woods, inasmuch as table manners still matter? As someone who has many foreign friends I confess I'm befuddled. For the record, I still follow my parents' rule: always ask for second helpings and then leave a little. But, increasingly, I find my hosts offended by less than thoroughly wiped and hoovered plates...