Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with swinging

Nice shoes, I'm married, she's fine with it, wanna do it?

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Nov 2009 05:58:20 -0800

How can I indicate to potential female partners that I am interested in casual sex with them, and that my wife approves? I'm male; mid-twenties; coastal metropolitan US. My wife and I are, for lack of a better word, swingers. As a couple, we've had plenty of luck picking up playmates for group play from craigslist and at swinger's clubs. My wife has gone on individual dates with fellows. I've not been so lucky.

The problem I'm having is how to indicate interest in a woman, IRL, while also indicating that I'm married (and so not available for a conventional LTR) but that my wife's all for it (and so it isn't an "affair"). I wear a wedding ring, so one would think it's pretty obvious that I'm married. But I don't want to drive away potential partners who might be into casual sex if they knew nobody's getting hurt, but who wouldn't contribute to infidelity. And I also think it's unfair to take somebody out on a "traditional" date only to spring on them, "Yeah, so, I'm happily married, so the best you can hope for is friends with benefits."

I'm not really talking about one-night stands with barflies--I'm not usually interested. Rather, I'm talking about the sort of girls that I'd happily hang out with even if we weren't doing it. Friends with benefits really would be the optimal situation. But, I've found that trying to develop existing friendships into, uh, "beneficial" ones doesn't really work very well. So let's assume it's the curvy goth girl behind the reference desk.

Throwaway contact account: "swinging_mefite_1776@hush.com".

Friendship, fun, more? How do I find out?

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 18:08:13 -0800

You're a late 30's, attractive female who is separated and looking to explore your horizons. How would you like to be approached by a younger couple? I am the male, older half of a couple who are quite...libertine. We are open to new people and new experiences, including bringing others into our bedroom. I guess you could call us "swingers," though it doesn't happen often - we aren't usually very forward, we just let things happen naturally.

I have been going to a particular medical office for almost two years, and have chatted with a woman who works there quite a bit. During my last visit we talked about her situation, being separated from her long-term partner and moving out to her own house. Also we talked about my girlfriend and I, what we like to do, and that we're more open and liberal. I also mentioned going out, and that she should come out with us, that we would "show her a good time."

On leaving, she handed me a business card with her cell number written on the back. At this point I assume that she is interested, but this is uncharted territory for me. I'm not usually forward, and I haven't been in this situation before.

Since both my girlfriend and I are open to this, but don't really know how to approach it, my question is: If you were this woman, how would you like to be approached? Something like calling her and saying hello, and asking her out for drinks one evening?

I'm not 100% sure she had the same idea we did, she might just be looking for friendship, so I don't want to embarrass her or myself (and my girlfriend). Any advice you can give on how to delicately approach the situation would be appreciated. I wouldn't mind seeing her as a friend, but I got the impression that she was open to more, since that was the direction the conversation was headed in, and we had talked quite a bit in the past, with no numbers being exchanged then...only now that she is separated and on her own...

Strangely enough, I am a bit nervous about calling her for some reason, and am not able to think rationally about what is probably a very simple solution. Anyway, thanks in advance!

Help us get in the swing of things

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Aug 2009 12:05:14 -0800

My significant other and I have started introducing swinging to our marriage and need some advice. We were inspired by this question, but we are not looking for polyamory with long term relationships, but merely by spicing up our current relationship by bringing others into our bed. We have had some experiences, and then took a break from it for a bit. We now are looking to get more into it and are hoping to find some advice.

We are not looking to sleep with different people every weekend, we are looking to make friends with folks that we would enjoy hanging out with, and basically have "couples friends with benefits". But how do we find likeminded people? Our searches on sites like AdultFriendFinder.com have not turned up anyone with whom we click in our area (it may be a problem with us living in the midwest but having a bit of an erudite attitude...not so into hunting, tractor pulls, etc. and a LOT of the people on AdultFriendFinder, no joke, have pictures of themselves in Wal Marts...).

We have even gone to a couple swinger's parties and met some couples who were nice enough but those devolved into orgies at the end of the night, which isn't exactly what we're looking for here...

Next, we are looking for any tips and suggestions to keep our communication open and as we figure out where we go from here. I've seen the book "The Ethical Slut" recommended, does that apply to swinging or just polyamory?

Anyone who doesn't want to reply in public can email us at the throwaway midwestswingers@gmail.com

Want more women

Anonymous — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 18:12:00 -0800

I am happily married, but regretful about being so chaste when I was single. How can I fix this? I am male, and became monogamous in my mid 20s with a wonderful female who I adore. I was not a virgin when I met her, but my sexual experiences were limited.

Now I'm in my late 30s and starting to wonder if I made a terrible mistake. I love my wife dearly, but given that I only have one lifetime I feel as if I should have had more various sexual experiences when I was single.

I have explained this to my wife and she understands the desire, but offers no solution. She is not willing to have an open marriage, nor is she interested in swinging, swapping, or any of those things. And I don't want to cheat on her.

Now before someone suggests spicing up my sex life with my wife, that isn't it, it doesn't help my desire. Within the bounds of monogamy my wife is fairly experimental and willing to try new things. It isn't that I'm bored with sex, I just want to experience more people sexually.

No, I'm not willing to cheat on my wife. I'd rather go without than cheat, but I'd also rather not go without.

This is not new, it's been bothering me for 3 years now. But it's bothering me more as time goes on and I'd really like to fix it.

Is there anything that can be done to rectify this, or has anyone encountered this and come to a way to NOT want this?

Chasing down some hot European sex

Anonymous — Mon, 25 May 2009 12:39:31 -0800

American male/female swinger couple stranded in London next month. Where's the best fun? We're a mid-twenties married couple seeking straight and queer-friendly sexy fun while in London on business. He is bi-curious and to even suggest that in most swing clubs will get you beaten up or kicked out (male homophobic behavior and chauvinism abounds). As much as they proclaim otherwise, most swing clubs are all about being thin and fake-looking and fucking like a porn star for the benefit of the men present.

Lifestyle and kinky folks, where can we find the hottest and least prudish sexual shenanigans in London? Ideas for anything from sex shops (there's so many; where to start?) to burlesque joints to sex clubs are welcome.

Throwaway e-mail: londonhumping@gmail.com

How creepy is polyamory?

pornucopia — Fri, 09 Dec 2005 08:39:58 -0800

Non-swingers and non-polyamorous people: Do swingers and polyamorous people creep you out? Yes, this question is directed at people who don't have experience with polyamory or swinging. Thanks.

Let's imagine you have a coworker, and it comes up in a conversation that he or she is polyamorous. How weirded out would you be? For example:
You: Hey, why didn't your husband come to the party last week?
Coworker: Oh, he was out with his girlfriend.

Or maybe..

You: Who's that guy your wife was flirting with at the BBQ?
Coworker: Oh, that's Jeff, just a guy she's having a fling with. I'm dating his wife.

I can imagine that this information could be presented in a very creepy manner, leering and winking and snickering, and so on, but let's just imagine that there's nothing creepy about the person or the presentation... we're just judging the creepiness of the fact that this person is polyamorous, and you know them/work with them.

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