I'm weird.

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Jul 2006 12:14:54 -0800

I have the opposite of this problem. I'm quite eccentric, and I would like your help. I'm weird. For as long as I can remember, I have been unlike any of my coworkers or peers, especially with regards to dress, conversation, and behavior. For example, I have strong urges to wear bright mismatched clothes with words written on them in marker. I would prefer to have random, free-associating conversations incorporating childhood memory, crappy music videos, objects in the room, and biology. I don't think linearly. I would like to dance in the lobbies of movie theaters. It's not that I don't understand how to fit in, it's just that fitting in is so simultaneously stressful and boring for me. I don't think that I'm exceptional or special, and I'm not seeking attention. If anything, I would prefer to dress oddly so that people know what they're getting into: it is a relief.

The problem is that I honestly don't want to be one of "those people," and I really do want to contribute to society. I value being a part of the social world. I enjoy relating to and connecting with people and being helpful and kind. Consequently, I feel a lot of tension between fitting in and flipping out. Sometimes I feel like I am two steps away from becoming Sun Ra or that homeless guy in the subway reading an upside-down newspaper outloud. The former is somewhat appealing, but the latter is terrifying.

Does anyone have any experience with this? Any Psych101 suggestions (yes, I'm in therapy, but I wonder about its normative aspects)? Is this just "being gifted" or "creative"? What are some strategies for reconciling these impulses with the real world? Should I just stop caring about being different, or will this finally push me over some anti-social edge?

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I'm weird.