Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with suicide and mentalhealth

What's a gifter to do with unwanted gifts?

UtterlyDrained — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:41:55 -0800

My wife's battled depression for a while, and though she rallied and had a decent few months, she plunged back into the depths of it for the few weeks around her recent birthday (which seems to happen every year, but this year was the worst yet). She had us cancel any birthday plans, cake, etc -- didn't even want anybody to say "happy birthday". After asking a few times and receiving this same answer, I went along with it; it was her birthday, after all. Her mood has lifted since then, but she still doesn't want her presents -- says to return everything, and shuts down when I bring up the subject. Fine, I can return them, except for one, a custom order meant as a present from our four-year-old (call her "Olivia"): a set of coasters printed with Olivia's scanned artwork. What do I do with them? Ideas:
A) Trash them.
B) Give them to her anyway, wrapped, and say "open or trash this, it's up to you". Seems blatantly disrespectful of her explicit request, though.
C) Unwrap them and then give them to my wife, saying "would you, uh, like some coasters?"
D) Save them for another holiday
E) Use them myself, in my own space.
F) Olivia was excited about them, and would love having her very own special set of coasters. I could give them to her instead. They would be a reminder of this episode to my wife, which could be bad (always reminding her of the ongoing depression that caused her to turn them down in the first place, and of the fact that she refused to accept a gift from her daughter because of her own issues), or -- in a way -- good (reminding her that her depression and actions affect those around her). (There's a small chance this could backfire if Olivia insists on presenting them to my wife as a gift; she's been, for instance, occasionally wrapping up her toys in packing paper and giving them to my wife since the non-birthday, though my wife hasn't connected the two as far as I know).

Ink as a coping strategy?

greekphilosophy — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:47:04 -0800

Why did my brother's suicide attempt make me want to get a tattoo? And should I? My brother attempted suicide a couple weeks ago for the sixth time in as many months. He's getting better now, we hope. He's been inpatient for a while already and will probably (god willing and the medical system doesn't screw him over!) stay that way for a while while they do a full psychological evaluation and decide what he needs to be doing to get better. Okay. So that's all settled. Or as settled as it is going to get.

But now I'm dealing with my own reactions to the whole situation. First I had invasive thoughts about hurting myself - not WANTING to hurt myself or die, just thinking that maybe that would somehow help. Bizarre. Uncomfortable. For the most part, over. And even though they persist, at least I've identified them as a) unhealthy and b) unproductive.

But I've been engaging in other grief-type activities since he was hospitalized, and I'm not so convinced that they are exactly as unhealthy as parasuicidal ideation. I've been saving his voicemails just in case he's ever successful and I never get to hear his voice again. I've been listening to his favorite musicians around the clock. And now, focusing on getting a tattoo as a personal and public reminder of my solidarity with him in his recovery (and also as a personal reminder of the dangers of my own mental health problems).

It's just...not like me. I'm not a sappy sentimental person. I don't like hard rock. And I've never seriously considered getting a tattoo. But I'm certainly not opposed to growing or changing. And facing the very real prospect of your younger brother's death (he went missing the day he attempted to kill himself, and as the hours went by we became more and more sure that he was dead) is certainly a changing experience.

Is this typical? Are these behaviors common, healthy expressions of grief? Should I stop trying to control how I express my emotions and just let them express themselves?

I'm already going to start seeing a therapist. I just don't know if I should also see a tattoo artist.

Is it right to divorce a depressed spouse?

UtterlyDrained — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:17:30 -0800

Is it right to divorce a depressed spouse? My wife hasn't been the happiest person as long as I've known her, and during our seven years of our marriage she's gradually spiraled into increasing depression and anxiety, to the point that she's been fighting back suicidal thoughts on and off over the last year or so. She dearly loves our two daughters (one four years, one nine months) but often has trouble dealing with them by herself for more than an hour without turning into an emotional wreck. This is all rooted in an incredibly poor self-image; she sees every moment of every day as proof that she's fat / stupid / a bad parent / universally disliked / a failure / etc. She has a great life by all objective measures but nonetheless she's miserable. Sometimes she's, well, functional for an afternoon or so, but this is the exception rather than the rule -- for instance, she has too much anxiety to talk on the phone, and can't put our older daughter to bed or finish eating a meal with the family because otherwise she'd end up yelling at the top of her lungs and stressed to the point of tears. She finally sought treatment this year, but after six months, two (well-recommended) therapists, and at least a half-dozen different combinations of medications for depression and anxiety, she felt nothing was working, quit both medication and therapy and is very unlikely to try either again for quite a long time. I'm really the one stable thing for her to lean on, the one healthy thing in her life. But after years of this, I'm drained and miserable. I'd love nothing more than to be able to help her to lead a happy life, but so far have had no success, and what once seemed a limitless future now looks grey and bleak. Would it ever be fair to leave her, or do I have a moral duty to continue to devote myself to supporting my wife and the mother of my children, regardless of what effect that has on my own life (and, possibly, our children's)?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from any of you who've been in a long-term relationship with a depressed person; what did you do, and in hindsight, was it the right decision?

I am not looking on advise for helping my wife out of her depression -- that's an entirely different question, and one for which I'd need to provide a lot more background, and what we've tried and what she's likely to be willing to try.

(More details in the first comment. Apologies for the length -- I want to provide some context, but I've already trimmed any kinds of details or examples. Feel free to skip the rest, or to ask for particular examples to determine if I'm a complete loon or jerk with a biased perspective).

Any stories of successfully breaking a depressive cycle?

nímwunnan — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 17:55:23 -0800

Any advice -- from experience please -- for breaking a friend's cycle of depression, hospitalization, and attempted suicide? A friend of mine has struggled with serious mental health issues as long as I've known her, but until the last few years was mostly keeping her head above water. She's gotten much worse lately, having been in and out of the hospital for most of the last year, and she's been treated with nearly every option available in the conventional mental health system. I'm worried that she's going to continue to spiral down, and the dioramas and cartoons I make for her don't really qualify as clinical treatment. Given the nature of my question, I'm certainly not hoping someone will suggest some concrete solution I hadn't thought of that is bound to work. I'm just interested to hear if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation, and if you encountered any methods of breaking the classic depressive cycle in such a way that gives the sufferer at least a little more power over his/her own situation. Not interested in hearing about new drugs or anything involving ECT -- that's been covered.

Support group for relatives of the mentally ill in NYC?

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 20:09:32 -0800

Support groups for relatives of mentally ill/suicidal in NYC? Without going into too much detail, a parent (with a history of drug abuse) recently attempted to commit suicide and was subsequently hospitalized.

Are there any support groups for people in a similar position in Manhattan or Brooklyn?