Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with suicide and depression

Long-term suicide watch or invasion of privacy?

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Sep 2009 20:12:06 -0800

My wife struggles with depression and, occasionally, suicidal ideation. But she doesn't communicate well (or nearly at all), so I have no real way of knowing when she's having a crisis rather than just another string of bad days / weeks. Is it ethical to monitor her internet activity without her knowledge so I have some idea of when I need to get serious about intervening? She has struggled with depression and other issues for years, and has mentioned suicidal thoughts on several occasions (though has never made an attempt). She's also a very closed person, generally unable or unwilling to communicate the majority of her thoughts and feelings to anybody including myself. I make constant efforts to draw her out, but it's particularly vital that I confront her when she's deep enough to be considering suicide; I owe it to her, I owe it to myself, and most significantly I owe it to our children to do everything within my power to keep her from falling over that precipice. But I have no way to know if and when these thoughts are coming to the fore again (which they do, inevitable, even if there's six months between them sometimes), and asking her every few days "so, thinking of killing yourself today?" is not really productive.

But one thing I do know is that she researches anything she ever does compulsively on the internet. If she was seriously contemplating suicide, she would look it up first.

So here's the question. Is it ethical to monitor her internet activity (e.g. check her browser history) without her knowledge with the sole purpose of checking for such research, so that I can be aware and take extraordinary steps to communicate with her or even involve professionals?

Please no suggestions about therapy, or meds, or improving communication in general, or other ways to deal with the depression problem between actual crises; I'm aware of the value of these, that's not the point of my question. She is not in therapy, so I am the only one who can really keep track of her state of mind. And asking her if I can monitor her activity would, in the absolute best case scenario, simply result in her using different resources to perform any such research.

Therapy without doctors

Anonymous — Sat, 11 Jul 2009 09:28:36 -0800

I can't do therapy. There must be other people who can't do therapy. What do these people do, when they get together, to fix their problems? What DIY, collaborative options are on the table, and how do I find them? I've had a really bad month to year -- graduate school has gone from bad to worse, and I can't get out of it. Suffice it to say, I am very, very sad. I've spent a lot of the last year alone, and am now am estranged from a lot of my friends. I've tried relocating temporarily to a new city, but I find myself getting increasingly desperate and related ramifications of total isolation. I have one friend who I talk to, and I feel like there's a limited tolerance for this kind of thing (there would be if I were the friend -- and he's been incredibly patient -- but it's got to be exhausting to listen to).

When I'm really sad, I get really paranoid, and I just fail totally to be able to communicate. This is obviously a problem. I do have this friend -- but again, I feel like I lean on him a lot -- and it's all I can do, when I'm really upset, to even make that contact.

Obvious solution -- therapy! Right? Therapy fixes everything! Except that I really, really object to this, and can't imagine attempting to fix what's wrong with my life -- itself the product of a highly professionalized, goal-and-career-oriented trajectory -- by going in for an hour a day of treatment I can't afford, talking to a "qualified medical professional" for forty five minute, once a week. I don't think that these are a substitute for basic, warm, HUMAN contact (not professionalized contact), which is what I feel like I need right now --- leaving aside the entirely disingenuous "fee-for-service" structure of mental health care (and especially private psychiatric care) that is a given in engaging with the medical establishment in any capacity.

I know there are groups that do low-cost community therapy. The ones I've seen in New York (where I am) are all part of the state hospital system -- which again, I don't want to go anywhere near or touch. I've seen a few that look like they make sense to me, but they're mostly in San Francisco. The one thing that has worked for me is low-cost yoga and meditation type stuff -- I've been doing a little bit of this in Philadelphia (where I am right now) and it's been a tremendous (if transient) relief. If anyone has suggestions for places they know and trust, in this line (or in the group therapy line) in New York, I would really appreciate any guidance.

Thanks in advance for all your help...and I'm sorry, in advance, for so aggressively bashing CBT, which I know a lot of people use, and which probably works. All I mean to say is, it doesn't work for me, and I'd REALLY like advice on where else to go...

Bad Not-Quite-Dreams

Anonymous — Wed, 31 Dec 2008 08:00:55 -0800

After many years of chronic depression I have finally achieved a reasonable facsimile of mental health. Except... When I close my eyes for sleep I am troubled by visions of killing myself in various gruesome ways. These visions range from flashes to full-blown plans, but they are uniformly gory and highly disturbing. I do not know exactly how long this has been going on, but my guess is for at least half a year.

To be clear: I do not wish to harm myself or anyone else; when I do remember them (because these visions never jump from the pre-sleep stage to full-blown dream) I am disturbed but rarely suicidal. And I know myself well enough to realize when I need to take the necessary steps to ensure I will remain among the living.

I've been on these meds (zoloft and occasional trazadone) for a year and a half. After discussing the pre-sleep visions with my shrink, he doubled the recommended dose of trazadone from 50 to 100mg, and recommended I "try to think about something else." He did not have answers to my concerns about this advice, namely the increased dependency/decreasing effectiveness of trazadone over time. Also I am unsure how to follow the second bit of advice: how does one let one's mind relax while concentrating on something one is trying not to think about? (Don't think of purple anteaters!) (Too late!)

Although the visions of self-harm only occur when I prepare for sleep it is beginning to affect the rest of my life. I realized I was staying up later, and reading far beyond the point of being tired, in order to avoid them. They are that bloody.

Have you ever experienced this? How did you recover, or learn to deal with it?

Is it possible there is another factor at play here? Lack of exercise? Mold spores? Brain tumor?

I am a single mid-thirties male and can be reached at badnotquitedreams@gmail.com.

Are these feelings normal, or symptoms of depression?

alpha_betty — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 09:06:56 -0800

How do I sort out whether my feelings are due to grief, or depression, and how do I proceed after the suicide of my brother-in-law? About a month ago, I began feeling the effects of depression. Periodically throughout my life, I have had major depressive episodes (diagnosed by a physician and a psychologist separately) and I have gotten semi-used to them, so it wasn't much cause for alarm, aside from the fact that it was the first one in quite a long time.

About two weeks into my funk, my brother-in-law (remember Mike?) committed suicide. It has now been just over two weeks since he died, and I am obviously feeling a lot of things: grief for his wife and family, especially my husband, with whom he was close - and grief for Mike, for feeling that desperate and hopeless; disbelief that he did what he did and that he's really gone; guilt and regret about the feelings detailed in the linked question; and the underlying depression that I was already in the middle of.

I am not suicidal, but I feel numb. I was once on antidepressants but haven't been for about two years. My husband and I have an appointment with a counselor on Saturday, and I have purchased a book on grief to understand what I and others around me are feeling (it is en route). I am questioning whether I should go see my GP to get a prescription for antidepressants, because I am not functioning well at the moment and when I have felt like this previously, I have been extremely destructive with my life (quit my job, quit school, self-harmed, etc.). At that time, however, I was not in counseling or therapy. I know it's normal to have a period of grief after a death, but I don't know where the line is drawn as far as normal vs. needing extra help. This is my first experience with death.

So how do I determine whether my feelings and emotions are cause for intensive treatment, or if it's a normal grief experience?

(My husband, for his part, seems to be coping better than I, but I believe that he is looking forward to counseling, as well.)

I am crazy. Help.

Anonymous — Mon, 08 Dec 2008 07:53:52 -0800

Help me design a multi-pronged approach to dealing with longstanding depression/grief/craziness. Anonymous so I can be more explicit about my psychiatric history.

I've had depression since I was about 12. I am now 30, female, good marriage. I have had periods of remission, but things have generally gotten worse. I don't want to end up dead.

I have a family history of suicide. There are a few different possibilities for my diagnosis: dysthymia, double depression, major depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, or any combination of these. My most common symptoms are periods of extreme procrastination and paralysis, suicidal thoughts, crying, utter hopelessness. I am at college and having a complete bitch of a time getting anything done. I also work a "real job" and I often feel that I am not all there, mentally. I am spacey, have poor memory and concentration, and am often paralyzed with anxiety. My performance seems to be okay (people often have trouble understanding how I can have such serious problems when my performance seems to be acceptable) but I know that I am working far, far, far below my potential. And I feel like utter shit most of the time. I use the internet compulsively and excessively when feeling anxious. I have very low energy (I know how to eat well, and exercise makes me more sleepy, but I do it.)

I have tried the following medications: Effexor, Wellbutrin, Risperdal, Celexa. Also zopiclone for insomnia. I was on the first four in various combinations for six years, and I felt like they did nothing for my mood, merely gave me side-effects (sleepiness, no sex drive.) I gradually weened off (a hellish process) and I have little faith that drugs can help me. But I am, of course, willing to try anything. I've read books (Feeling Good, Learned Optimism, a lot of others about depression, procrastination, etc.)

I have a history of grief. I've had many family members and friends die, starting from a very young age. Thankfully, no first-degree relatives (mom dad or sib), but most have been close second-degree relatives. The suicides have especially wrecked me. The latest one was pretty recent. I also have experienced some emotionally abusive relationships, and have trauma from sexual harassment. I have very little money and may soon be laid off.

I have a couple close friends, but I do not go to them much for support with this. I am embarrassed by my troubles. I don't talk much about it with my family, though they are also aware of my history. I had several not-very-serious suicide attempts in my teens/early 20s, but none recently. I really don't want to end up like my other family members who have suicided, but I feel in my gut that is where I'm headed.

I see a therapist pretty regularly. We do CBT and work on practical stuff. I have a Dr. appointment this morning, and had one a few weeks ago as well for the depression, because I need sick notes for missed obligations at school. The doctor says I need to be back on meds. I have been given a list of other therapeutic resources to access that include Dr.s who specialize in anxiety, and gestalt therapists.

This is a very complex problem that has not been adequately addressed...ever. I was in therapy for a long time, starting when I was 16. I did interpersonal and CBT. The last psychiatrist who assessed me said I may benefit from psychodynamic approaches, but I am not sure which ones.

Really, I feel like I need to take the reins here. Despite all the professionals I have seen, I feel like none of them have good answers to give me, even the nice and helpful ones. I am sick of struggling to function day-to-day and never knowing when an episode of major depression will hit and totally fuck everything in my life up. I am angry, hopeless, and full of grief. I don't understand how people keep living when life is so consistently horrific. I look at my friends who are able to have a career + friends + hobbies + family, and I am totally dumbfounded. Is that how normal people live? Can I do that too?

I need to do something. I have to design some kind of therapy regimen. Please help me with this.

Things I think I need: grief counselling, esp for suicide survivors, perhaps some kind of schema therapy, or gestalt, or maybe DBT. I've done a bit of research on these methods, but am really confused. I've also researched medications a bit (in the past) and am at a loss for what to do now. Which therapies and medications are best for what? I feel like I cannot get a straight answer from my docs.

If you can give me some ideas for a more intense, multi-pronged regimen I can try, and give me specific names/resources I can contact in Toronto, I would really really appreciate it.

How to I get out of a rocky relationship?

runflats — Mon, 22 Sep 2008 00:46:10 -0800

I can't get out of the relationship I'm in with my girlfriend. Normally, it would just end. Parties would walk away and that would be that. But it's just not that easy with her... This relationship is a rocky one. We have our good times. We have our bad times. We have times that are just outright drama. She has some emotional issues I didn't discover until a couple months in. And by then I was already hooked, or at least cared enough to try to prevent a scary outcome. She is prone to manic depression and occasionally suicidal thoughts. This means I keep how I really feel about the relationship bottled up to a certain extent. I don't "floor" her with the truth on purpose. I've been trying for a year to 18 months to get a breakup to be her idea (Note: not all that time, most of the time the relationship is pleasant). That way, she can move out, and move on and she'll most likely keep things together.

The last time I broke up with her outright, she drove straight to the grocery store, bought a bottle of pain relievers, and ate half of them during a manic episode. I helped her through that. And I learned not to be so blunt with her.

But I don't feel like I should have to be there for these things. I want a relationship that is truly fulfilling and this is not the one. But, I keep getting sucked back in. Both of us are very busy with work and school and don't have strong social networks to fall back on. We are each others' best friend.

But this has to change. I have to get out. Or it will be this way indefinitely. She's moved out this weekend after a fantastic fight. But if it follows past patterns it won't last. She huffs and puffs in anger for a while. She hates my "rules" (I like to keep my house clean, her standards are different). ...Until she leaves. Once she is out the door, she is the sweetest person on earth. She loves me, she wants to be with me. She really is incredibly sweet. (Acquaintances generally know her this way.) And is takes everything I've got not to let her back in. She's very persistent, so I've relented the few times that this has happened over the past couple years.

I want to break the cycle though. The relationship is too rocky to sustain, IMO. I'm pretty convinced that I don't want to ride a rollercoaster the rest of my life. She has really great qualities and really bad ones. The totality is that I want something else...maybe something better. But I haven't been able to break myself away because A) she has some really amazing qualities when she's "good" B) I'm afraid of what will happen if I stick to my guns on "no contact" and C) it gets especially hard to stay disciplined since each of our social networks are neglected, meaning, neither of us have a whole lot to fall back on (outside of family, whom neither of us likes to involve too much).

PS. She's on some meds which help *a lot*, but don't ultimately prevent manic episodes under a high amount of stress. Either way, I'm fairly young and we're dating. I don't feel like I want to deal with this condition for any longer...

Grief...depression...both? Now what?

Soulbee — Wed, 17 Sep 2008 11:55:35 -0800

How to deal with long grief leading into depression? I lost my boyfriend last year in a very sudden, very horrifying suicide. (there are links in my post about it last year if you're a trainwreck gaper like i am...) I'm in weekly therapy with a great therapist. I see a great psychiatrist monthly. I am on two antidepressants that don't seem to be doing much for me but I can't really tell, because am I depressed or am I still grieving? I just can't seem to get past it. Not a little bit. Not even at all. I have a history of dissociating unwanted emotions, but I feel this experience has ripped me open and I can't ignore anything that causes me pain now. And I can't stop thinking about him and what happened and why did it happen and should I have known, could I have guessed, is there anything I could have done, is there anything anyone could have done, how long was he planning it, why did he do it the way he did, what was he thinking WHAT WAS HE THINKING etc etc etc. Logically I have some answers to all these questions. But emotionally....my heart just ain't buying what my brain's selling. I feel like I'm getting punched in the gut forty times a day when i think about him.
I've managed to hold on to my job through this, and even had the best quarter ever, in the three months following his death. But everything else just seems....basically impossible. My friends have been less than supportive I have to say, but I haven't made much efforts to hold on to them, either. I bought an exercise bike so i could get some sweat going even though i hate leaving my apartment when i don't have to. i haven't done dishes in more than a month, and i haven't vacuumed once since i moved in here, in november of last year. i was paying the teenager downstairs to clean for me periodically, but i can't afford that now, and she's in college anyway, and I can't have a stranger in my house. i don't do any of the things i like to do; i was keeping up with photography for awhile but even that's by the wayside for the last 2 months...
OK my questions. I've asked these of my professionals, but I want a hivemind opinion:
1) I'm depressed....but is it chemical? People who understand tell me, but it's only been a year since your boyfriend __________ (insert horrible manner of self-inflicted death here), it's understandable you're struggling.... but can it be fixed? I figure the AD's are doing something....but it doesn't feel like enough...
2) Maybe no one can answer this....but....i long to know....how can i come to accept the unacceptable? There are no answers to the questions i have surrounding this loss...but new ones keep cropping up, obsessing me for days, spurred by things i read, things i see on TV, things i dream. the death of DFW last weekend was catastrophic for me in more ways than one.
3) I have started to think towards my future, acknowledging I can't stay in this safe, comfortable, well paying job that i HATE forever...I've stayed because I just couldn't handle another change....but it can't last forever, because I'm losing my ability to "embrace the suck" that is my day to day work. (it's not my coworkers, or anything against the job, i just....it's not what i thought i'd be doing with my life, and i cant' stay here forever)....but it feels impossible to make plans to do something that requires me to be really functional and presentable human when i feel like i'm so NONFUNCTIONAL and unpresentable. i never know what's going to pop out of my mouth. i can't even FATHOM the energy it would take to clean out my car let alone my house. Let alone successfully study for the GREs...and decide what I want to do with my life.
i've been waiting for more than a year now for some light to return to my life, but despite my best efforts it's just not happening. what do i need? more therapy? a swift kick to the head? what worked for you if you were in this kind of confusing black hole?

sorry for the length, thanks in advance for any answers.

What's a gifter to do with unwanted gifts?

UtterlyDrained — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 08:41:55 -0800

My wife's battled depression for a while, and though she rallied and had a decent few months, she plunged back into the depths of it for the few weeks around her recent birthday (which seems to happen every year, but this year was the worst yet). She had us cancel any birthday plans, cake, etc -- didn't even want anybody to say "happy birthday". After asking a few times and receiving this same answer, I went along with it; it was her birthday, after all. Her mood has lifted since then, but she still doesn't want her presents -- says to return everything, and shuts down when I bring up the subject. Fine, I can return them, except for one, a custom order meant as a present from our four-year-old (call her "Olivia"): a set of coasters printed with Olivia's scanned artwork. What do I do with them? Ideas:
A) Trash them.
B) Give them to her anyway, wrapped, and say "open or trash this, it's up to you". Seems blatantly disrespectful of her explicit request, though.
C) Unwrap them and then give them to my wife, saying "would you, uh, like some coasters?"
D) Save them for another holiday
E) Use them myself, in my own space.
F) Olivia was excited about them, and would love having her very own special set of coasters. I could give them to her instead. They would be a reminder of this episode to my wife, which could be bad (always reminding her of the ongoing depression that caused her to turn them down in the first place, and of the fact that she refused to accept a gift from her daughter because of her own issues), or -- in a way -- good (reminding her that her depression and actions affect those around her). (There's a small chance this could backfire if Olivia insists on presenting them to my wife as a gift; she's been, for instance, occasionally wrapping up her toys in packing paper and giving them to my wife since the non-birthday, though my wife hasn't connected the two as far as I know).

Is it right to divorce a depressed spouse?

UtterlyDrained — Tue, 04 Dec 2007 14:17:30 -0800

Is it right to divorce a depressed spouse? My wife hasn't been the happiest person as long as I've known her, and during our seven years of our marriage she's gradually spiraled into increasing depression and anxiety, to the point that she's been fighting back suicidal thoughts on and off over the last year or so. She dearly loves our two daughters (one four years, one nine months) but often has trouble dealing with them by herself for more than an hour without turning into an emotional wreck. This is all rooted in an incredibly poor self-image; she sees every moment of every day as proof that she's fat / stupid / a bad parent / universally disliked / a failure / etc. She has a great life by all objective measures but nonetheless she's miserable. Sometimes she's, well, functional for an afternoon or so, but this is the exception rather than the rule -- for instance, she has too much anxiety to talk on the phone, and can't put our older daughter to bed or finish eating a meal with the family because otherwise she'd end up yelling at the top of her lungs and stressed to the point of tears. She finally sought treatment this year, but after six months, two (well-recommended) therapists, and at least a half-dozen different combinations of medications for depression and anxiety, she felt nothing was working, quit both medication and therapy and is very unlikely to try either again for quite a long time. I'm really the one stable thing for her to lean on, the one healthy thing in her life. But after years of this, I'm drained and miserable. I'd love nothing more than to be able to help her to lead a happy life, but so far have had no success, and what once seemed a limitless future now looks grey and bleak. Would it ever be fair to leave her, or do I have a moral duty to continue to devote myself to supporting my wife and the mother of my children, regardless of what effect that has on my own life (and, possibly, our children's)?

I'm particularly interested in hearing from any of you who've been in a long-term relationship with a depressed person; what did you do, and in hindsight, was it the right decision?

I am not looking on advise for helping my wife out of her depression -- that's an entirely different question, and one for which I'd need to provide a lot more background, and what we've tried and what she's likely to be willing to try.

(More details in the first comment. Apologies for the length -- I want to provide some context, but I've already trimmed any kinds of details or examples. Feel free to skip the rest, or to ask for particular examples to determine if I'm a complete loon or jerk with a biased perspective).

How does my sister get her suicidal roommate's family to get involved instead of leaving it all on her?

bloggerwench — Tue, 22 May 2007 22:31:25 -0800

My sister is in med school. Her roommate, "Jane," is unwell in many, many ways. My sister doesn't have time to keep on being the hospital and police liaison and chief ambulance driver for her roommate. How do we get "Jane's" family to step up and take some responsibility? In the nine months since my sister started medical school, her roommate has made at least three suicide attempts; the first landed her in the hospital for a week, the second was stopped, only to have her turn around and take a bottle of Tylenol the next day, which got her another multiple-day stay in the hospital. Jane also cuts herself. She has had some therapy/psych eval, but it seems that, at this point, she needs a bit more. Ok, a lot more.

Jane's a grad student, mid twenties, obviously depressed, and is still having health problems related to the most recent suicide attempt, which happened a couple weeks ago.

Her family lives nearby, and yet has refused to visit her or take any part in picking her up from the hospital on any of these occasions, instead leaving that responsibility to my sister. They do not return my sister's calls, do not visit their daughter in the hospital, and do not appear to care what is going on in their daughter's life when my sister does manage to get them to answer the phone.

"Jane's" latest suicide took a huge toll on my sister's schedule: her days are spent driving back and forth to the hospital, trying to get "Jane's" family to return her calls, trying to reschedule the exams that she's missing due to all of this. My sister is overwhelmed. Completely overwhelmed.

Wait, it gets worse.

Yesterday, "Jane" was raped a half block from their house. Once again, my sister has taken care of everything, and Jane's family has not bothered to return a call to see how their daughter is doing.

Legally, they are not "Jane's" guardians. She's an adult. But my sister needs to be out of this situation, and it's really hard for her to move out when she's worried about her roommate on so many fronts. What to do? What to do?

My sister has already been planning on moving out at the end of June, but she is now wanting to leave ASAP. She's not the appropriate person to help "Jane," but she seems to be the only one who will do anything for her. That makes it pretty hard for her to decide to do what she needs to stay healthy herself: get out of this situation that has gone from bad to worse post haste.

So, tell me, hive mind. What advice can you give to her? What should she tell the girl's family, if anything? Most importantly, what might she say that will actually help them get more involved and maybe get Jane what she needs?

Mental health and family

Anonymous — Tue, 09 Jan 2007 21:02:12 -0800

Adult sibling with mental health problems living with parent. How to help from afar? Trying to maintain anonymity/so details below will sound odd or vague.

I have an adult sibling who has struggled for many years with mental health problems.This sibling has attempted suicide numerous times in the past.

For this reason, this sibling is now living with a parent. This sibling has recently bothered neighbors leading to the parent receiving a legal notice (failure to comply will result in ____).

Sibling has continued hostilities towards neighbors. Parent has tried to convince offspring to stop, but offspring has then become physically aggressive.

Some other problems 1) parent has some money but not a lot 2) if this sibling receives an ultimatum, sibling has acted impulsively in the past (suicide attempts,hitting)

I don't know how much I can help. I've thought of offering the sibling a chance to move with me. However, I live in a very small studio across the country (I know my sibling would not stay here)

Part of the current problem is that once again sibling decided non-compliance with medication is the better route.

My big concern for the moment is that if changes do not happen soon, one of the following will happen: sibling will antagonize neighbors more resulting in police involvement (which will result in an arrest or the sibling will something rash at a later point); legal problems for parent (who cannot afford this); sibling does something rash [towards a neighbor (altercation), parent, or self].

Can anyone suggest any resources? Other forums? Ideas that may have worked for you if you have a similar family?

Looking for advice & direction in this difficult time

Anonymous — Tue, 05 Dec 2006 13:38:50 -0800

I am 21 and have serious money problems, including a huge debt. The problems are turning into a depression. They affect my ability to commute to work (by car). And now, To top it off, an old friend of mine hung himself 2 days ago. Why? Because of money problems. I dont want to kill myself at all, but I am deeply depressed. Happy Stories, Life Advice, or insight .. all deeply apprecaited. Hello.

I am a young man at 21 years of age. I turn 22 in a few months.

I have a job in the internet field paying about $400 a week after taxes. I am at an EXTREMELY difficult time of my life right now. For many reasons, mostly money related:

1. I have about $10,000 in credit card debt which I have not made any payments on. I have been served papers already. This makes any applications for credit options impossible.
2. I have many unpaid parking tickets and my license is currently revoked, for 1 year starting when I turn it in (haven't done that yet)
3. My used car (only transportation to work) is on the edge of death and also becoming unsafe to drive.
4. I can probably afford ONE of the following .. all of which I am having trouble finding at a do-able price:
a. A studio apartment close to where I work (so i wotn have to drive nor need a car)
b. Another used (read: abused) car for transportation between my parents' house (where I live currently) and my work (about 14 miles away)
c. Repairing my current car. Thsi will eat up ALL of my savings for sure.
4. My parents divorced 5 years ago. The parent I live with, Mom, refuses to help with transportation to my job. My dad commutes to work and cannot help with transport either.
5. There are no public transportation options available. Therefore I will lose my job once my car blows up
6. I have no college education. I had to drop out due to.. you guessed it, transportation problems.
7. My mom is on the verge of kicking me out of the house. Or makign me pay rent. Neither of which I can afford right now.
And, as if things couldn't get worse...
8. An old friend committed suicide (hung himself) 2 days ago, mostly because of money problems. He once said "I hate money. It will be the death of me"

I need some sort of direction. I am definitely experiencing a depression and I don't know where to turn or what to do. My friends death makes this 1000% times worse on me. Please metafilter .. help?

Any stories of successfully breaking a depressive cycle?

nímwunnan — Wed, 29 Nov 2006 17:55:23 -0800

Any advice -- from experience please -- for breaking a friend's cycle of depression, hospitalization, and attempted suicide? A friend of mine has struggled with serious mental health issues as long as I've known her, but until the last few years was mostly keeping her head above water. She's gotten much worse lately, having been in and out of the hospital for most of the last year, and she's been treated with nearly every option available in the conventional mental health system. I'm worried that she's going to continue to spiral down, and the dioramas and cartoons I make for her don't really qualify as clinical treatment. Given the nature of my question, I'm certainly not hoping someone will suggest some concrete solution I hadn't thought of that is bound to work. I'm just interested to hear if anyone else has dealt with a similar situation, and if you encountered any methods of breaking the classic depressive cycle in such a way that gives the sufferer at least a little more power over his/her own situation. Not interested in hearing about new drugs or anything involving ECT -- that's been covered.

Now what?

Anonymous — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 10:55:19 -0800

Maybe I have a couple problems. The first one probably stems from the second. Insurance won't cover therapy or medication. Is there any place in Baltimore, MD that offers free or very low-cost assistance? Thank you.

Thinking about suicide

Anonymous — Mon, 20 Mar 2006 17:13:38 -0800

I keep thinking about suicide. I think about suicide in some form or another when going about daily life. Jumping in front of a car, from a bridge or variations on those -- never hanging myself, or overdosing on drugs though. The thing is, I immediately discount at and know I would never do such a thing... The thoughts that occur at the same time are along the lines of "Will people actually miss me?". Is this a question everybody asks themselves with such regularity? If so, is it common to link these thoughts with being missed after a suicide? I score fairly low on the Beck Depression Inventory... So is anything actually wrong with me?

Thanks in advance.

C'mon, doesn't everybody do it?

Anonymous — Mon, 13 Mar 2006 04:23:10 -0800

How often do you contemplate suicide? What's your score on the Beck Depression Inventory? I contemplate suicide on a fairly regular basis, my score on the Beck Depression Inventory is about a 36, some days it is hard to get out of bed, blah blah blah. Supposedly this means I am severely depressed. However, it's hard for me to believe what I feel is all that different from what everybody else in the world deals with.

So is it? MeFites, what do you feel in your day-to-day life? Do you see the "classic signs of depression"? What's your Depression Inventory score, if you don't mind me asking? And are you diagnosed with depression or do you consider yourself depressed? Are my results really that abnormal?

It's hard for me to justify talking to a therapist or doctor about this if it's something everyone has to deal with. I don't want to go through the trouble and the medications if it's something that simply requires a bit more willpower.

How do I help my depressed son?

Anonymous — Thu, 09 Mar 2006 08:04:42 -0800

Me: "Do you think about hurting yourself?" My son: "Suicide? All the time." Help us please. So, my son calls me at 8 am this morning as I pull into work. "Can you come home?" he asks. "Because I am having this lame breakdown."

Background on my son: He is a magnificent young man who I love beyond measure. He is 22, my stepson actually, we have been a family for 11 years. He lives with us and goes to college, where he does quite well. He spent the last year studying abroad. He has a huge outgoing personality that really attracts people and a first rate mind. He is very alternative, grew up in a big city living with his worthless father. He has lived with us 3 years.

I drive home and we talk. It turns out that he has fought depression for years and years. I had no idea. He self medicates with booze, nicotine, and pot, though not in very large quantities. (2-3 drinks a day he says, though I think more, pot a few times a week.) He has trouble focusing, has no ambition for school (though has done some good work in some of his classes anyway) and most of all feels overwhelmed by anxiety and self loathing. When people like or trust him, he says, he feels compelled to disappoint them. I held him while he cried and spelled it all out.

Many years ago someone told me that when a person is displaying this kind of behaviour, you should always ask them if they think about hurting themselves. I asked. He told me how, every day, he thinks about killing himself, usually by driving into something. He rejects it immediately, he says, but the thought comes back.

He wants to tough this out with some help from his family. I said no, we need professional help, and he is not dead set against it. Tomorrow we go to see the school counsellor. (Also, tomorrow I tell my wife!) So I think I am doing the right things.

What else should I be doing? What can I expect as he enters therapy (I guess). What do I need to know and do to be the best possible dad to my son right now?

Helping a Depressed Friend

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Jan 2005 22:49:16 -0800

Tonight, one of my housemates checked into a safehouse. Unbeknownst to anyone else in the house, he's been cutting himself, and he's suffering from heavy depression/suicidal thoughts, mostly due to school and being away from home.

What can I do to help out? Things to do when he gets home? What would be nice to bring him while he's getting help? For anyone who's been in this situation, what did you find especially helpful/uplifting?

Help My Brother

Coffeemate — Thu, 29 Jul 2004 11:22:54 -0800

Help save my brother's life. [more inside] My 19-year-old brother is blowing every chance he gets to do things right. He was a senior in high school last year taking all his classes at the local college through a PSEO program. First semester he got B’s and D’s, second semester he stopped going to class and failed every one. Because he didn’t pass an English class, he didn’t graduate from high school in May. He was given the chance to do an English course through independent study; his work was due today. Our parents asked him if he’d turned it in and he said, “yes,” but when my mom called the teacher she found that nothing had been done all summer.

He attempted suicide in May when our parents found out that he wouldn’t graduate from high school, and I fear he will do it again if pushed too hard about this most recent setback. He is angry and verbally abusive towards my mother. Any time she asks him a question he flies off the handle and screams at her. My parents are incredibly angry and hurt that he lied to them again and doesn’t seem to understand the consequences.

He had been accepted to Iowa State for this fall and is excited to go, but without his high school diploma he can’t go to college. He is brilliant but seems completely unmotivated to do anything but lurk in the basement and play video games. What can be done to help him?