Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with suicide and coping

Perspectives on the downward spiral, please

greenland — Tue, 04 Aug 2009 22:57:04 -0800

Need advice for books on how to deal with a family member's suicide. I have every reason to believe that I just saw a close relative in the flesh for the last time. I can't really talk to anyone about this, so I'm hoping to find a book or three (or a blog, anything written) about or from people who've had to go through the experience of having to watch someone slip away, despite their best efforts. I know I can read through Amazon or Goodreads reviews, but I trust the hivemind more. Any suggestions?

How to help a friend cope with a parent's attempted suicide.

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 16:49:28 -0800

Help me support a friend whose father attempted suicide. Added complication: my friend is half a world away from both his family and me. My friend "M" called me a few hours ago with the horrible news that his father had attempted suicide. Its caught him and his family completely off-guard as M's dad has always projected the image being the total strong and capable father/husband/provider - also the type that probably bottled issues and emotions up, fwiw. Thankfully, it does appear that he's now getting the care that he needs. My question is how to support my best friend through this.

The complication is that M is currently stationed overseas, with his family and myself back in the states. Talking to M, he seems to be a little dazed by these events right now. I've strongly urged him to go talk to someone over there - he mentioned that there are facilities with counselors/therapists where he's at, or he may go talk to his unit's chaplain. This is his second deployment, and he's always had such an incredibly good state of mind given the stressful conditions he's faced, and I worry that this could really throw him. M pushes himself hard being a good officer and commander, I'm concerned he won't make the effort/take the time to help himself deal with it.

I'm the person that he's emotionally closest to (much more so than his family), and we're able to talk fairly often. I've already started to gently urge him to talk to a professional about this, and I'll continue to do so. But I want ideas/suggestions/comments on anything else I can say or do to help him through this tremendously difficult time. If you wish to respond off-metafilter, please email me at: anonsupport3@gmail.com

Are these feelings normal, or symptoms of depression?

alpha_betty — Thu, 11 Dec 2008 09:06:56 -0800

How do I sort out whether my feelings are due to grief, or depression, and how do I proceed after the suicide of my brother-in-law? About a month ago, I began feeling the effects of depression. Periodically throughout my life, I have had major depressive episodes (diagnosed by a physician and a psychologist separately) and I have gotten semi-used to them, so it wasn't much cause for alarm, aside from the fact that it was the first one in quite a long time.

About two weeks into my funk, my brother-in-law (remember Mike?) committed suicide. It has now been just over two weeks since he died, and I am obviously feeling a lot of things: grief for his wife and family, especially my husband, with whom he was close - and grief for Mike, for feeling that desperate and hopeless; disbelief that he did what he did and that he's really gone; guilt and regret about the feelings detailed in the linked question; and the underlying depression that I was already in the middle of.

I am not suicidal, but I feel numb. I was once on antidepressants but haven't been for about two years. My husband and I have an appointment with a counselor on Saturday, and I have purchased a book on grief to understand what I and others around me are feeling (it is en route). I am questioning whether I should go see my GP to get a prescription for antidepressants, because I am not functioning well at the moment and when I have felt like this previously, I have been extremely destructive with my life (quit my job, quit school, self-harmed, etc.). At that time, however, I was not in counseling or therapy. I know it's normal to have a period of grief after a death, but I don't know where the line is drawn as far as normal vs. needing extra help. This is my first experience with death.

So how do I determine whether my feelings and emotions are cause for intensive treatment, or if it's a normal grief experience?

(My husband, for his part, seems to be coping better than I, but I believe that he is looking forward to counseling, as well.)

Ink as a coping strategy?

greekphilosophy — Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:47:04 -0800

Why did my brother's suicide attempt make me want to get a tattoo? And should I? My brother attempted suicide a couple weeks ago for the sixth time in as many months. He's getting better now, we hope. He's been inpatient for a while already and will probably (god willing and the medical system doesn't screw him over!) stay that way for a while while they do a full psychological evaluation and decide what he needs to be doing to get better. Okay. So that's all settled. Or as settled as it is going to get.

But now I'm dealing with my own reactions to the whole situation. First I had invasive thoughts about hurting myself - not WANTING to hurt myself or die, just thinking that maybe that would somehow help. Bizarre. Uncomfortable. For the most part, over. And even though they persist, at least I've identified them as a) unhealthy and b) unproductive.

But I've been engaging in other grief-type activities since he was hospitalized, and I'm not so convinced that they are exactly as unhealthy as parasuicidal ideation. I've been saving his voicemails just in case he's ever successful and I never get to hear his voice again. I've been listening to his favorite musicians around the clock. And now, focusing on getting a tattoo as a personal and public reminder of my solidarity with him in his recovery (and also as a personal reminder of the dangers of my own mental health problems).

It's just...not like me. I'm not a sappy sentimental person. I don't like hard rock. And I've never seriously considered getting a tattoo. But I'm certainly not opposed to growing or changing. And facing the very real prospect of your younger brother's death (he went missing the day he attempted to kill himself, and as the hours went by we became more and more sure that he was dead) is certainly a changing experience.

Is this typical? Are these behaviors common, healthy expressions of grief? Should I stop trying to control how I express my emotions and just let them express themselves?

I'm already going to start seeing a therapist. I just don't know if I should also see a tattoo artist.

Dealing with Suicide

Anonymous — Tue, 25 Jan 2005 13:15:24 -0800

Dealing with suicide. No, not me, someone in my family, who is now dearly departed.

Comments, suggestions, advice? Thanks.