Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with suffering

Humanity is depraved - I need uplifting stories to deal with it

xenoworx — Mon, 04 May 2009 09:23:17 -0800

I'm having a really hard time dealing with news of humans' brutality to other humans. When I read the news (esp. that coming out of the African continent) , my immediate response is that, as a species, we simply don't deserve to exist. I need some recommendations for literature, films, poetry, that addresses these issues and comes out optimistic. No Cormac McCarthy thanks. My primary sources of current affairs are the BBC, AP, The Economist, NY Times. I don't watch any TV, but do watch films esp. documentaries. An example of a typical story that just makes me want to cry:

http://www.economist.com/world/international/displaystory.cfm?story_id=13145799 (subscription may be r/q)

There's little I can do to prevent this, other than living a good, moral life of my own, so I'm looking for uplifting or thought-provoking stories that would take the harsh edge off my reaction to World current affairs and help me believe that, in the face of what we're capable of doing to each other, we do have some redeeming characteristics.

One other thing: much as I'd like to believe that there is some great benevolent deity that has a grand plan for us all, I don't. So please, no Western religion. At all. You can argue that my lack of Faith is the root cause of my depression, but at this point, I choose to find some other coping mechanism.

Thanks All.

How to help my girlfriend overcome her past?

HBomb — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:27:01 -0800

Background info: I've been dating my girlfriend for almost 2years and we both love each other very much. However, every once in awhile she will get depressed because of her troubled past. She is my first girlfriend, while she's had a few bad partners who I would punch in the face if I ever saw them. Just to name a few, she was physically abused by one, had a "friends with benefits" she is extremely disgusted/ashamed about. Every once in awhile her past will come back and cause her a lot of suffering. I've been very patient, respectful, loving and understanding to her throughout our entire relationship. However, I feel helpless to help her overcome her past. I've suggested counseling but she thinks it won't really help. Has anyone gone through something similar? I want to help her but I don't know how? Do I just continue doing what I am doing? Thank you in advance

How do humans find the strength to endure?

desjardins — Fri, 04 Apr 2008 06:04:38 -0800

I'm looking for writings about human psychological endurance in the face of extreme hardship, whether that hardship is by choice or circumstance. Examples inside. I watched a show recently about space exploration, and it briefly touched on the psychological strength the astronauts must have in order to survive in such isolated and confined conditions.

Awhile ago, I saw a documentary on a ten year old African boy who had become responsible for his entire family since his mother and brother developed AIDS. He lived in the face of crushing poverty and provided food for his family by walking barefoot for miles each day to sell [something, I don't remember what] at a market.

Certainly there are many examples in the news every day - people in war zones, people coping with natural disasters, etc. There are also those who put themselves in dangerous or high pressure situations, such as mountaineers.

I wonder how the people in these examples process their suffering. How did they find a reason to go on? How do they have the resilience to come back from hardship? What is the difference between those that mentally survive and those that crack under the pressure?

How do healthcare professionals balance empathy with detachment?

granted — Mon, 15 Jan 2007 22:19:16 -0800

Doctors, nurses, therapists, social workers, health professionals of any and all flavors: how do you dissociate yourselves from the misery, suffering, and death of your patients or clients? I'm seriously contemplating going to medical school to become a psychiatrist. Without going into too much autobiographical detail, the prospect fits in a way no other prospects ever have - the best way I can describe it is that it seems a natural outcome of the way I'd like to live my life anyway, in an ideal world, if that makes any sense at all. I've thought carefully about it, and having the M.D. is very important to me - medical training combined with training in psychotherapy is exactly what I want in graduate study and in a profession.

My biggest concern, though, is that I'm overwhelmingly, almost pathologically, empathetic. Like the most overly sensitive emo bitch you ever saw. Like sobbing uncontrollably when my sister and I stopped the car one time to remove a dead cat from the middle of the road (we hadn't hit it - i can only imagine the hysterics if we had). Like not being able to watch game shows because I feel too bad for the losers. Like still getting spine-chills while remembering mean things I said to people in grade school. Even if I learn to tone this down through therapy or whatever, I'm always going to be a very sensitive person, prone to taking on others' problems as my own.

Obviously, I think empathy is essential in any healthcare profession, but it seems like there needs to be a delicate balance between this and detachment, so that the suffering you face daily does not overwhelm you. And I'm sure the thrill of helping people heal does counterbalance this, but still: how do you deal with this? Does it require extensive psychological acrobatics, or does detachment come naturally over time? How do you avoid ending up a sour, burnt-out alcoholic?

(My own squeamishness is another possibly related concern, but I suspect I'll get over that a couple weeks into my first-year residency, if not sooner, yes?)

The value of loneliness

Anonymous — Tue, 28 Mar 2006 19:07:23 -0800

Does loneliness have any value? For some reason, I've always had this idea that periods of loneliness are necessary and healthy parts of life. I don't know where I came up with that. If this makes any sense, I kind of see those periods of being lonely like trimming back a plant, at first it looks terrible and dead, but it is necessary for the plant to grow and become fuller. Is there any truth to that?

I guess I wonder this because I'm going through a lonely spell right now. I'm in my early 20's, transitioning to a new phase, in a new city alone, with tons of time to think. I'm in good mental health, and am making an effort to meet people, so I'm not just sitting around feeling sorry for myself. But periods of loneliness, I don't think, turn on and off so quickly. Anyways, this question isn't really about me other than my wondering whether this can be a somewhat healthy thing to go through, or should I just make a full-on effort to be happy all of the time. Any insight pertaining to loneliness and periods of loneliness would be appreciated too.

Lord have MRSE (or MRSA)!

plinth — Thu, 01 Dec 2005 19:52:06 -0800

How to cope with unpleasant and not fully explainable longterm medical issues? How to begin? So I have a clotting disorder of unknown origin/cause that has been treated for a decade with Coumadin (warfarin sodium) which has been in check, but a batch of cellulitis that is suspected to be MRSA or MRSE and apparently multiply antibiotic resistant has caused me to clot superficially (apparently anticoagulants do little to stave off superficial clots). This has resulted in two episodes and 8 days total in isolated hospitalization.

Now, I'm talking to doctors including the best specialists in my area and am getting answers that are appropriate for current medical understanding and technology. My rational mind is working overtime and really doing the best I can given circumstances, but that leaves a hole.

I'm pretty darn in touch with the emotions that are going on (hate, anger and fear for the most part with a healthy mix of sadness and disappointment) and I spend a fair amount of time constructively expressing and explaining my emotions with my family, but that still leaves a hole.

What else would you do to help move on? I mean, if genetics are an indication, I'll have another 40 years of leaving with episodic pain, swelling and so on and I can't say that I'm in love with that prospect.

Death by allergies!

TomSophieIvy — Sat, 12 Mar 2005 21:50:21 -0800

My allergies, the eyes, the sneezing, the Jekyll and Hyde reactions to most meds, the more inside... Portland's unseasonably early and warm weather, while lovely to some, have caused my normally bad allergies to go in hyperdrive. Insanely itchy and runny eyes, congestion and sneezing have impaired my daily functioning. However most oral medications either do nothing for me, or alleviate some symptoms lightly and briefly while I go all Bruce Bixby and turn into the Incredible Hulk. This newfound rage makes me worthy of a tranquilizer and relase to the lions. I'm looking for any recommendations for newer medications (psuedo-anything gets me crazed) and eyedrops; any naturopathic remedies or ideas are gladly accepted as well. I'd love to know what my fellow sufferers are able to pry from their Doctors...

Helping a Grieving Friend

elpapacito — Tue, 11 Jan 2005 07:53:04 -0800

Tonight the father of a close friend of mine passed away. In the last month this is the third relative he has lost and his mother is in cancer treatement : more inside He recently lost two grannies, one very loved one and his father yesterday won by a pneumonia at the age of 70.

The guy is steaming with suffering as all of this is falling on his head in less the one month ..plus his mother is in an out hospital due to chemioterapy for a cancer. Basically his family has been decimated during xmas.

I really would like to help him in the grieving process and of course I offered my assistance on any matter I can possibly assist in.

Question: know any lived (not merely referred to) psycological method to help the grieving process ? Some hint to how to handle the situation which is quite harh..his family disappearing in front of his eyes.

THat's so real it's depressing.