Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with success

The fear of not finding a quote...

frwagon — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 18:22:21 -0800

Trying to remember a specific quote about fear of success, and my google-fu is failing. The quote was longer than most quotes, and went something to the effect of "We are not afraid of failing, but we are afraid of succeeding and becoming everything we can be...." There were religious overtones to it, but I can't remember much more than that. Any ideas?

From Awful to Awesome

divabat — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 15:25:50 -0800

Are there any stories of people notable/talented/successful in their field who started out being completely crap? Most of the "roads to success" stories I've read involve the person having some form of latent talent at the beginning, or actually having talent but not being appreciated for it. But has there been anyone who was or is currently successful at something that started out being really really bad?

A sportsperson who was a total couch potato and could hardly run, or a painter that couldn't grasp technique, or a dancer that kept stumbling. But through effort and persistence they broke through and became a star.

Any stories along those lines?

Blogs that do for my GPA what Get Rich Slowly did for my credit score

lizzicide — Sat, 08 Aug 2009 18:18:47 -0800

Can anyone point me in the direction of blogs about succeeding in college and grad school? Bonus points if they're geared towards professionals working 40+ hours a week, instead of coaching teenagers through the nuances of dorm life. What I'd like to have is a selection of blogs to pump up my RSS reader and help encourage, motivate, and direct me in my studies while reminding me that there ARE people out there taking harder courses and working longer hours, since...well...I can get discouraged. Advice, insight, tips are all welcome, and bonus points if someone can finally make GTD make sense to me. I’ve had great success in the past using personal finance blogs like Get Rich Slowly to motivate and educate myself about paying down debt and building up savings, and I'm hoping some decent productivity blogs geared towards college students will help me here.

Background on me: I'm a 21-year-old student enrolled in UMass Lowell's online BS in IT/Business Minor program, having completed about 60 of the 120 required credits. My company offers $10k a year in tuition reimbursement through undergrad and grad school, and $15k a year for doctorate courses, so the motivation is definitely there to take advantage of this benefit. This semester, I'll be taking five courses (15 credits) while working 40 hours a week -- 8 of these hours in an IT internship within my company. I'll definitely be busy and I'll definitely need the encouragement.

I'm losing my edge to the kids from France and from London.

Anonymous — Thu, 06 Aug 2009 08:19:12 -0800

It doesn’t matter how many goals I achieve, I never feel good about myself. It’s really beginning to be a real drag. It’s even starting to keep me up at night. I sit up in bed thinking about how much of a loser I am all night long. It’s really insane. How do you feel like a success? I recently turned 30, so I think that’s part of it. I have also had the same dead end job for the last 6 years since I finished college. I thought it was going to lead to something, but it hasn’t and now I feel I have wasted so many opportunities in my 20s and have nothing to show for it. I don’t know how to leave. I am so specialized in this stupid job that I don’t know how to move on. Humanities degree, obviously.

But, you know, it shouldn’t make me feel that bad. Many people smarter than me don’t even have jobs these days. I also have a family and worked all these years at this job to support it. It gave me the flexibility I needed to keep my family going. There were great reasons to stay, including raises and health insurance, but I regret staying so long. Really, really regret it. I was going to leave YEARS ago, but things kept coming up. Health, collapse of economy, little things like that. So I am still here, feeling bad about myself. I compare myself to mythological people from high school, imagining them all rich and happy and in wonderful careers. What the hell? I didn’t care about them then, why am I comparing myself to them now? And I don’t even talk to any of them, so it’s not like I am comparing myself to anything real.

This is the part that just drives me crazy: we are all doing well. My wife and daughter are doing wonderfully. I love my marriage. We have no debt. Finally live in a great apartment. Have money in the bank. I am totally sober. All of these things I worked damn hard to achieve. But I don’t feel like a success. I feel like a total, complete loser. Ashamed all the time of my job, my past decisions. My self-worth is totally shot. Maybe my hedonic treadmill is stuck at a higher setting than most people because objectively I have achieved plenty for my age. Not a lot of 30 year olds are picking out high schools for their kids to go to next year. But, I feel so far behind people my age that had their 20s to actually craft their career.

I am just giving this as a bit of background. I know that I have to quit my job and find a new one. Besides the voice that tells me I will end up at Burger King, I am just worried that once I achieve the goal of a better job, it will just be something else. For a while I hated myself for not being sober. So I got sober. Then I hated myself for being totally broke. So I saved up a sizable amount of money. Then I hated myself for having such a crappy apartment. So I got a great one. I mean, how the hell do I ever feel good about what I have done? It’s this endless struggle and it doesn’t matter what I achieve; I always end up at this place just feeling like a loser.

So, how do you savor your success? How do you feel like a success?

Tell me why my worth isn't attached to my achievements.

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Jul 2009 15:50:06 -0800

CBT Related: How do you convince yourself that your personal worth is not contingent on achievement and success? I am engaged in cognitive behavioral therapy and have been successfully remapping some distorted belief systems in a number of areas. Success in truly adopting a new "healthy" belief system relies on your ability to rationally, logically convince yourself that this new belief is INDEED true. To the degree you actually believe it, you will adopt it. It can sometimes be tricky crafting arguments that challenge my unhealthy beliefs that my brain will actually accept...but with practice I get better at it. There is one MAJOR sticking area though...and that is my belief that my worthiness comes from my ability to achieve and succeed.

This belief causes considerable anxiety and grief for me personally and I have had a tough time coming up with an argument that I actually believe to the contrary. Since grade school we have been programmed to equate achievement with success (you got an A! you're now DESERVING!) And our society pretty much reaffirms this programming through media and popular culture. Those who succeed are more desirable mates, higher earners, more influencial...they get more, control more resources and are generally admired. To me, this translates to "better person." I am convinced by reams of data that they are not necessarily HAPPIER people...so that much I believe already. That being said, I generally feel down about myself when I am not achieving, succeeding, manifesting my awesome existence through stuff that makes people say "ooooh!" I constantly feel the pressure to amount to something extraordinary or suffer the consequences of being less than worthwhile...

What are some rational, realistic arguments that challenge this powerful belief system? So far I have been unable to convince myself that my own worth is unhinged from what I accomplish in life, and I am looking for the perfectly crafted argument that will drill penetrate my brain like a shiv with the handle broken off.

Doing well at a job I'm overqualified for

Anonymous — Wed, 22 Jul 2009 13:29:11 -0800

What can I do to thrive and forward my career in a job I am overqualified for? I'm about to start a job that I am overqualified for. Mind you, this isn't just my opinion - between the time I applied and when I was offered the position, the position was actually re-listed at a lower level. I have a decade of experience and an advanced degree in my field, while the position requires a bachelor's degree and 2-3 years of experience.

I took the job for a few reasons:

- The firm is well-respected, progressive and offers good opportunities for advancement.
- I would be getting in on the ground floor of a new project, so there should be lots of opportunities to prove myself and take on higher level responsibilities.
- I've been unemployed for the better part of a year: a bird in the hand, etc.
- I'm personally excited about working on this project for this firm - I think it has the potential to be very personally rewarding.

Despite all these great reasons to take the job, I am a bit concerned about the realities of working in a job I'm overqualified for. For instance, I'm worried that I'll get bored with my assignments, especially at the beginning, and that this will negatively affect my work. I'm worried that if I spend too much time on tasks that are fairly easy for me, I'll become stagnant in my career. At the same time, I don't want to be that annoying new person who thinks they're too good for the grunt work. How do I balance all this?

And then there's the ego issue. I wish this weren't a factor, but I'm only human, and there's a small part of me that feels like a bit of a failure for taking a job that I probably could have gotten five years ago. But I know this isn't my boss's fault, and I want to do everything I can to keep this from becoming a bad work attitude.

Granted, this is a better problem to have then "crap, my unemployment benefits are about to run out." I'm really grateful to finally have a job after months of unemployment, in this crappy economy, and I want to do the best job I can. So hive mind, do any of you have experience with this, either from my position, or from the POV of being a boss to someone in my position? Please share your wisdom.

Email for follow-up questions, or if you want to share advice privately: askmethrowawaywastaken@gmail.com

Enough about me, what about you?

Anonymous — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 09:49:43 -0800

How can I stop feeling bad for myself when something good happens to one of my friends? Today one of my friends had something extraordinary happen to him, something that is best defined as "crazy good", and I am proud of him, know he put lots of hard work into it, etc.

But this also brought up the green monster in me. This happens a lot, I have trouble being genuinely happy for other people because I was raised to be very competitive, and to always fight to be the best. So while great things happen to total strangers on a daily basis, when something good happens to a friend (be it an award, a promotion, a huge cash bonus, etc.) I can't help but feel jealous.

The closer someone's success is to my own life (they work in the same field, they achieve something I'd wanted to, they make money) it is even worse.

I'm wondering how to get past the "me" part of all this so I can just genuinely celebrate the success of those close to me.

Success after failure; after 40

FazioGazebo — Sat, 13 Jun 2009 20:09:12 -0800

Has anyone made a significant financial comeback after 40? Hi.

I'm a 42 yr old man. I've been financially successful but after starting a company, a tough lawsuit and over-leveraging myself I am deeply in debt and without work for the first time in my career.

I need to create financial abundance if I am to care for my two children and live the life I believe I deserve.

If anyone found themselves broke and despondent at middle age but turned it all around, I would love to hear your story.

Thanks.

Who said this Swiftian quote?

telstar — Mon, 01 Jun 2009 15:25:22 -0800

"How can you say I am not a success? I have not been eaten and I have not failed to eat" (or words to that effect). Trying to find the source of this quote. I was thinking maybe Jonathan Swift, but my google-fu is failing me.

What's the best advice you have regarding successful marriage/ divorce prevention?

Anonymous — Mon, 25 May 2009 07:30:12 -0800

What's your best advice for preventing divorce- starting before you even decide to get married? I am in my mid-20's, female, and for the first time dating someone I might actually consider marrying. But, like many others my age, I'm terrified of divorce . . . especially because it seems like even people who could not be more in love and happy, somehow end up having irreconcilable differences ten years down the road. What happens to these couples? I've read plenty of stats during my obsessive googling: people are less likely to get divorced if they are over 25, if they are highly educated, if their parents aren't divorced. But that isn't all there is to it. Searching 'divorce prevention' on askmefi finds nothing (sad!), but it breaks my heart to see that there are hundreds of posts from people asking for advice on getting through their own divorces. i don't want that to be me in 20 years.

So . . . whats a mid-20's-girl who believes in marriage to do in the face of such harsh reality? I'm asking anon simply because I want general advice- nothing specific to my own life. For those of you who are happily married, what do you think you have that your now-divorced peers lacked? For those that are divorced . . . (well, number one, I'm sorry. I really am.) But secondly, what could have been different- or do you think it was doomed from the start, and you just failed to recognize it? Do people just have an unrealistic concept of what marriage is? Are people just too selfish? Are people just getting married to the wrong people? Do spouses neglect each other once kids come into the picture? Essentially, what advice would you give a stranger to help her ensure that her first marriage is her only one? Or is it ultimately a crapshoot to marry someone you love now and maybe you won't both be completely different in 10 years?

The one small thing about me that I suppose is relevant is that I am not religious. I know that makes a difference for some people. Also, I know that not getting married is a popular option for many, but I'm not ready to write off marriage yet, so please don't tell me to do that (yet. If I change my mind I'll let ya know.) Please don't get snarky at me, I'm not asking you to solve my personal problems, I just want to start a real and hopefully productive conversation on a subject I'm very curious about (and I'm sure I'm not the only one.) If you'd like to share your advice anonymously, throwaway account is throwaway.not.divorcee@gmail.com .

Thanks, hivemind.

I think I can, I think I can...

embrangled — Mon, 11 May 2009 00:38:41 -0800

You know the feeling you get when you succeed at something you initially thought you weren't capable of? I want to feel that way more often. What things, big or small, do you do in your life which give you the joy of proving your inner pessimist wrong?

How to bounce back from Epic Fail?

Anonymous — Fri, 01 May 2009 06:16:07 -0800

How do you bounce back after taking a high risk opportunity that flops? Essayist Nassim Nicholas Taleb has written:

"Many people do not realize they are getting a lucky break in life when they get it. If a big publisher (or a big art dealer or a movie executive or a hotshot banker or a big thinker) suggests an appointment, cancel anything you have planned: you may not see such a window open up again."

Growing up, you hear advice like this on seizing the day and not letting go. Which is fine if you want to believe in destiny but it seems like there is a shortage of corresponding advice on what to do when you "cancel anything you had planned" only to discover that your "window" is a portal to Epic Fail.

Maybe your "hotshot banker" turned out to be Bernie Madoff. Or the "big publisher" turns you into a failed author. Or your "movie executive" mangled the film you took years trying to make and no one saw it.

Let's say you're older now after relentlessly pursuing your "lucky break" that wasn't. Now your life has been led on a goose chase that has cost you time and confidence. By going through one "window" you paid the opportunity cost of not going through other windows. You now have some serious questions about the life logic they hammered into you in the third grade musical about never giving up on your dreams, no matter what, like Thomas Edison.

If you have spent several years trying for something only to fail in your quest...how do you dispense with bitterness and get back that fresh feeling of still having a dream? You hear people talk about how they wish they had taken more chances in life, but what advice is out there for when you did and it sucks?

Tattoo to reward a long, hard, but worth every minute, journey!

kgreerRN — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 21:01:17 -0800

Ideas for evidence of my success as new ink! I just successfully completed another huge milestone in my nursing career. This road has been very long and stressful, to date the hardest thing I've ever done. It is also by far the one thing that I cannot get enough of. I love what I do, I love being a nurse and I love learning. I have several tattoos already, but this one is more of a reward and a reminder of my love for nursing and the hard work it took to get here. I have ruled out the typical Caduceus, and Star of life. I like the ECG rhythm, but it's become very common. I like words, and beautiful fonts.
If everyone didn't have "breathe", I would get that...
*breathing is what kept me moving forward, and my nerves at bay
*my job is to keep people breathing! :)
*i can finally breathe and concentrate on enjoying my life and career instead of passing tests!
But too many celebrities with that tattoo.

I would like to incorporate nursing as well as the hard work and success I have achieved. This will be small...ish <4 inches, somewhere out of site; just for me

How much would you give up starting your own business?

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 12:49:05 -0800

How much would you give up starting your own business? Part of this is a philosophical question, too, so my question may never see the light of day. Posted under anonymous because I am a bit embarrassed at the steps I am willing to take to try to launch this (see below).

In the last few months, I walked away from a fulltime job as a writer (2 years) and launched my own freelance writing business.

I know how to write material for my market, and how to do it well. In addition, I saved enough $ to last about 5 months with no projects. Also, I read forums and talked to several freelance writers, and thought I would be prepared for every possible scenario.

This hasn’t correlated to success in a small business. One month was spent chasing projects and prospective clients. This month has been spent chasing down the clients for pay (and some of these clients still owe me a lot of $).

Although I have several thousand dollars coming to me from the first few months of business, at this moment I have 2 months of savings left. Plus, I live in a major metropolis (NYC), and to be honest, until now I have been an idiot with money (not much savings, small retirement, etc.). If I am honest with the money that will come in – it equals ¾ of previous salary on a month by month basis.

I do see success in the long run, because I am learning what to do and not to do from experience; for example, I have more clients and I know who to talk to ASAP if the $ doesn’t appear in my hands (although I am still chasing it down, ugh). I have a vision, though, of eventually not only having a business, but having opportunities that I would not have in a work place, determining my schedule, and a freedom to work anywhere in the world. In the next few months, though, that probably means either using a credit card and/or cashing out what little retirement $ I had (I am 40 years old, by the way). I’ve also gone without health insurance the last few months.

What lengths would you go to try to succeed? A year of this?

I am also looking to hear from other people who have done the same. Did you launch a business that barely took off/went negative in the beginning but went well after a given amount of time? Or one that failed? What criteria did you use to assess the success of your business, and whether to fold or continue onwards? Were there things that you think you could have done to improve the probability of success?

If you have any ideas as to where I could look to for ideas or a good perspective (books/blogs), please share.

Thanks…I plan to give this a go, but I wonder if there are other perspectives I should think about it (I am afraid of throwing all rationality out the window, and at the end of this still having no money and will need to go back to a fulltime job).

Quit signing me out, Google!

wsg — Sat, 21 Feb 2009 10:18:15 -0800

Every time I close my browser (Firefox) Google signs me out. How can I stay signed in? It's very annoying. Googling has not returned an answer to the question.

Has anyone ever truly lost weight and kept it off?

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Dec 2008 15:17:37 -0800

What kind of hope is there for the average person to lose weight and keep it off when someone like Oprah who has personal trainers and personal nutritionists and personal chefs and personal minders and more money than God can't manage to do it? I never used to be a heavy girl. I ate terribly, but I exercised at the gym every day, and I was slim and fit regardless. But then I moved, and I got older, and I put on close to 80 pounds in a decade. I have watched people all around me struggle to lose weight and then they put it all back on plus more. I can't even motivate myself to try because it looks like I'm just setting myself up for disappointment--I'd have to radically change how I eat (learning to cook, for a start, which is a whole other hurdle). I keep reading that none of it works anyway, and everyone has a "set point" or something, and only 5% of people manage to keep weight off after losing it.

Canned milkshakes are gross. I sat in on a Weight Watchers meeting once and I felt like I was in a cult. I'm at my wit's end.

Has anyone here managed to lose real weight and never gain it back?

Do lazy people change?

mjewkes — Mon, 27 Oct 2008 09:01:40 -0800

Do you know of anyone, yourself included, who has actually made significant positive in terms of optimism, discipline, and ambition? How did this happen? Ask MeFi is replete with questions of getting ones life together, building discipline, overcoming laziness, and developing ambition, direction, and purpose. [1][2][3][4][e t c].

Anyone had any luck? What prompted the change, and how did you do it? Any lasting change?

Personal stories only please. Lots of advice out there - does any of it work?

What is the quote regarding someone's unavoidable career path in music?

unknowncommand — Tue, 09 Sep 2008 16:56:08 -0800

Looking for a quote where a rock star(?) says that he became a musician because he couldn't do anything else. Or wasn't good at anything else. Or had no other option/choice. Or something to that effect. Help?

Need some oral fixation!

repoman — Fri, 11 Jul 2008 12:03:39 -0800

I need to stay on a quite impressive roll of having given up a long held vice. Could you all please assist in this effort? Specifics inside. Brief history: Have chewed tobacco for most of my life. Just turned 40 and promised my bride I would give it up at 40. Most recently (past 3-4 years it has been the Swedish variety Snus. Before that it was the nasty Skoal, Copenhagen combo). I have been free of this monkey (without relapse) for about a month.

The big question: I need to continue feeding my oral fixation but am running out of ideas. What I need are specific favorites. No gum or candy please. And nothing generic like carrots (unless they are infused with blue cheese). Anyway, the closest I can come to an example is the Trader Joe's brand of habanero pistachios. Almost perfect, except I am really tired of them. So please be specific by brand and maybe where I can find your suggestions. I don't care what it is provided it is not sweet. Thanks a lot.

Smallish cities and ambition - can it happen?

brandnew — Thu, 29 May 2008 05:10:12 -0800

Are there any small or medium sized cites that are producing a disproportionate number of famous, ambitious, or motivated people? Recently Paul Graham wrote an interesting essay on the messages that cities send to its denizens. In his essay he implies that it is difficult to achieve cultural, educational, economic, social, or other types of success if one is not immersed in an urban culture that promotes such success.

Mostly I buy his argument. I have lived in a number of cities, and each has had its own unique vibe. And, anecdotally, it seems true that being surrounded by like-minded people makes achievement much easier. It becomes a reinforcing feedback loop. However, his essay implies that these environments can only happen within a city with a sufficiently large population (he uses Paris, London, LA, DC, NYC, Boston, an SF as examples).

However, some people may not want to live in a city with a large population. So, is it possible to achieve success outside of a large city? Are there any small or medium sized cities that encourage success? What are some cities that are churning out a disproportionate number of successful, ambitious, or highly-motivated individuals? Finally, what is the messages that these smallish cities are sending?

What books should I read if I want to be successful?

wireless — Sat, 19 Apr 2008 22:16:12 -0800

What books should I read if I want to be successful? I'm looking for books that will help me learn pragmatic skills that will make me more successful in different areas of my life: organizational skills, personal finances, leadership skills, relationships/handling conflicts/networking, life decisions, problem solving skills, and so on. (These are all things I want to start focusing on more.)

Some books that fit the bill:
You Can Be a Stock Market Genius
Influence: the Psychology of Persuasion
Getting Things Done
Smart Choices
How to Solve It

Any recommendations?

(FWIW, I am a college student planning to go into the business world.)

Fall down seven times, get up eight.

desjardins — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 07:35:05 -0800

I'm looking for really terrible creative works made by well-regarded artists. For example, Picasso's secret crappy drawings, or John Coltrane playing out of tune. I welcome examples from all creative pursuits from all eras: literature, music, art, dance, theatre, film, architecture, graphic design, etc. I've read that in order to succeed creatively, you have to be unafraid to create utter crap, and lots of it, before you find your groove. Practice makes perfect and all that. So I'm wondering, where is this crap? I realize that crap is highly subjective, but surely there are widely-regarded examples from the masters. I'm ideally looking for things created BEFORE they became famous; not AFTER someone had fallen from popular favor.

My aim is to take inspiration from the perserverance and self-confidence of others. Biographies about the struggles of creative sorts are also welcome as long as they have a happy-ish ending.

Writers who became famous by leveraging the internet?

JaySunSee — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 11:54:58 -0800

I'm looking for names of writers that rose from obscurity to commercial/critical success from using the internet. Know of any? Not personally mind you, but examples of writers who leveraged the internet to achieve some reasonable measure of acclaim. Thanks.

RoleModelFilter

Alterscape — Sun, 30 Dec 2007 11:16:49 -0800

Help a friend of mine find examples of young women who've done extraordinary things? A friend of mine leads a moral-support/discussion group for highschool-age girls. She's trying to find examples of girls and young women (teenagers, mostly) who've done extraordinary things in business, public service, etc to present as positive role models who rose above all the negativity of that phase of growing up. I know I've read a few pieces of journalism about this sort of thing, but I can't dredge up any names out of my memory. Help me, AskMe?

I'm sorry I can't offer any more specific guidance, but my hope is that if I make this an open-ended question, we'll get some new/interesting information!

Maximising my chances of success getting to top consulting company?

gttommy — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 12:44:17 -0800

I have a year before I am eligible to work for a big consulting company. What should I do during this year to maximise my chances of success, or bump up starting salary? I have only one subject (capstone thesis, no classes) to do next year, however big companies don't accept applicants who have not graduated. And graduate positions start only at the beginning of each year. With only one subject to do in 2008, I have a lot time.

Details:
Over a year of object-oriented coding
Over a year of mobile phones sales
Degree: BE Software, BA Int'l Studies in Chinese (6yr course)
Avg grades: ~73/100
Activities: Some involvement with clubs and volunteer programs, nothing outstanding or demonstrating leadership, debating skills or care for the greater community
Country: Australia
Willing to relocate to: UK, US, NZ, Asia
Companies of interest:
Particularly Bain and BCG for their reputation in culture and work/life balance

I've considered getting a full-time job geared towards it, like IT sales or business analyst. Also maybe being more active with uni activities. Just not sure what directions would maximise return. Any advice in any area is welcome.