Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with struggle

Should marriage even be a hard question?

namespan — Fri, 08 May 2009 18:38:15 -0800

Should marriage even be a hard question? Are there people for whom it was who end up very happy together? I know some people who think this decision should be mostly easy, and is, when you meet and develop a relationship with the right person. This view is very attractive in some ways: it seems to simplify some decision making. I'm looking for other points of view, formal or personal (but I'm willing to entertain points of view that reinforce the idea that "just knowing" is a better way).

My question isn't really abstract. I'm in a situation with someone who is lovely, sexy, smart, fun, and generally all kinds of awesome. We've known each other for four years, dating occasionally and across state lines for the first two years while communicating a lot long-distance; we've been together for most of the last two years, except for the last few months. She's been head over heels over me since we first met, I've been slower to get in but really liked her from the beginning and have come to love her very much. We've had some very happy times and a close connection.

Despite this, there's been a lot of tension and some trouble in the relationship, no small amount of it related to the fact she's always been ahead of me in terms of how much deeper she was in, and we've managed to make ourselves miserable over the question of whether this would lead to marriage. She's at the point where she's ready to move on. I know we're both wondering if the fact that this is difficult is the answer itself, but I also wonder if sometimes people can get stuck in some ways that keep them from getting to the other side even when it could be completely fantastic.

I'm more interested in abstract answers (studies, anecdotes, philosophy) about how couples who go commit from this point tend to do than direct commentary on my situation, but measured advice is also welcome if my question shakes something compelling out of you.

Dylan quotation

goethean — Tue, 20 Jan 2009 07:33:51 -0800

I once heard this quotation by Bob Dylan to the effect that everybody is struggling in their own way. Anyone know the exact quotation?

Quote about pointless struggle against insurmountable injustice

mistersix — Fri, 25 Jan 2008 15:01:51 -0800

I am looking for a quote that I heard or read recently, something along the lines of "It is pointless to struggle against overwhelming injustice; it is worse not to struggle against it" or "You ask how it is that I can expend effort fighting against an unchangeable, unjust system? I ask how it is that you can live with not doing so." I'm looking for the exact quote, and the book or essay or what-have-you in which it originally appeared that I can read for some context. I probably came across the quote in the past few months, on a website or radio show. The quote, if I recall correctly, was from some philosopher, politician, or social activist; not a violent person, and not a fictional character. It may be a quote from Camus or Sartre. My impression is that the speaker meant that probably-futile action/protest against a systemic wrong you can't right is preferable to accepting that you can do nothing about it. Thanks in advance...
If you don't know the source of the quote, but know a well-written book or essay that explores the idea of it, such pointers would also be welcome.

What's going on with my brain?

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 07:34:17 -0800

Is this depression, or is it something else? And what should I do to make it better? I don't feel sad or tired all the time. Just utterly, utterly unmotivated. My lack of motivation is messing with my life at home and at work. And I'm drinking, smoking dope and surfing the internet more than I probably should.

Six months ago, I was the happiest I'd ever been (this was me). I wanted more, I went for it, and things don't seem to be working out as well as I'd have liked. I think I'm sliding back toward depression, but I'm not sure if I'm actually there yet.

I'm exercising, I'm eating well, I'm in a good relationship, I'm paying off my debt. I started a new job, and it's got me back in in the city I was yearning for.

But I don't like my boss, and the job isn't what I'd hoped it would be. I'm a very career-focused woman, and I've been angling for this job for six years now. My disappointment with the job is pretty overwhelming, but I'm still dedicated to my career even if I don't like this particular employer. I feel stuck.

I have zero motivation at work. I'm smart and fast, which means I can get the minimum done fairly well in a short amount of time. But I probably spend six hours a day surfing the web and posting to various message boards from work, and two hours scraping by.

I have zero motivation at home, too. I'm leaving newspapers everywhere, dishes everywhere, bills, paperwork. The bathtub is a mess, the toilet is unscrubbed. There's moldy food in the fridge, and when I look at it I just groan and shut the door. I'm having trouble paying bills on time. I can't make myself do anything about it. I keep telling myself I'll take care of things next weekend, but then I never do.

I'm probably averaging 10-12 beers a week. Not as much as during my last depression, but enough that I get a buzz more than half the nights when I come home. I'm smoking pot 4-5 times a week. Again, not as much as I've smoked in the past, but I know it's all about escapism. Mixed with the drinking and my smallish frame it really zonks me out.

And I'm feeling overwhelmed by the stress of my recent move, my new job, my impending wedding, the death of a cat, and the loss of a friend/support network I had before I moved.

At work and at home, I feel like I'm sabotaging my future by slacking off so much.

I'm not sad, really, just weighed down, overwhelmed and unable to move.

I don't know what to do.

Advice?

Please don't tell me therapy. Unless you can recommend a genious miracle worker who takes Blue Cross in the Portland metro area, I don't want to hear it. My experiences with therapists have been universally disappointing.