Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with stereotypes

Why are writers people that wad ruled paper?

voronoi — Wed, 16 Dec 2009 07:04:28 -0800

What's the origin of the image of the frustrated writer? You know this character - crumpling his drafts into little balls and throwing them in the wastepaper basket, or staring endlessly at a blank page. What are some really early appearances of this image? If you don't know the exact origin, examples of it from film and television would help.

What stereotypes do people hold about Portland, OR?

thinman — Thu, 19 Nov 2009 10:06:11 -0800

What common assumptions and stereotypes do people have regarding the city and residents of Portland, Oregon? And regarding Oregon in general? It'd help to know where respondents are from.

I want to give off a vibe of 'anime' without being a particular character.

jacalata — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 17:23:57 -0800

[AnimeCostumeFilter] What are some elements that could make up a 'generic anime costume'? The main plan is crazy blue spiked anime hair, with halloween as an excuse (suggestions on how to accomplish this aspect welcome). But I can't think of any particular anime characters with blue hair I want to dress as, so I was thinking 'generic anime figure'. My main requirement is that the costume doesn't go anywhere near 'school uniform' or 'cleavage/slutty' themes, and apparently that is cutting out all the ideas the google is giving me. (I'm going to have the hair, so I want to be able to wear the outfit to work, where normal dress is jeans and tshirt but some people will be in costume for the day).
me: 24, female, needs long sleeves and pants for warmth, blue eyes, wear contacts but could put on glasses if it fitted in. I would like it to be recognisably 'a costume' not just look like 'what those crazy kids wear these days', but it's going to be DIY.

Ideas so far
- really bright colours? I have shiny blue trousers and a bright orange gaming tshirt.
- karate style outfit? I'm sure someone I know has one.
- particular logos/symbols/details I can add that people would associate with anime?
- is it possible to do the eye makeup without looking as weird as all the photos of people trying it on the net?

Saddling Him With My Baggage

Anonymous — Tue, 08 Sep 2009 10:27:44 -0800

Parenting techniques, insight, and maturity needed before I completely ruin my kid's life. I have a nine-year-old son that causes me great anxiety at times. I know it is not rational to feel this way. He is a healthy, intelligent, nice kid. He does very well academically. He is self-motivated. He can be very shy at times. He has a competitive streak. He enjoys getting good grades and doing well. Sometimes he believes he can't do things when I'm confident he can. His confidence suffers at times. He has friends and functions fine socially. I have been told numerous times that he is "goodhearted", "strong", "athletic", "fair", "calm", and "kind" by teachers and friends. His second-grade teacher called him "my absentminded professor". He is fairly athletic and participates in sports and other extra-curricular activities. He can do almost anything you ask him to do.

At times he has behaviors that annoy me and cause me great anxiety. Not your everyday kid things like leaving the refrigerator open or peeing on the toilet seat. The anxiety happens when he runs a certain way, or talks like a baby, or throws a certain way, or sits on my lap when we have company, or does anything that I deem "strange", "feminine", "babyish", or "annoying".

Even though he is very smart he is an airhead. I hate to label him this way and I would never call him an airhead to his face. It seems he is always daydreaming, spacey, and forgetful. I was the same way as a kid and I don't want to hold it against him but it still drives me crazy. An example: Sometimes I lash out when he is spacing out in the bathtub or shower and doing nothing but playing with himself and staring at the ceiling. I'll raise my voice and yell his name a few times and shout, "Get to work!" Sometimes I'll begin washing him and shampooing his hair and pull him out of the tub, throw the towel around him and bark more orders. I lose my patience quickly with him when he is acting spacey. It leaves me feeling like a terrible parent and does nothing to build our relationship, instill confidence, or bring harmony. Sometimes I have great anxiety when he is on the field playing various team sports. Sometimes when he is playing with friends I'll eavesdrop. There is one neighborhood boy that is always touching, hugging, and hanging on my kid and it causes me anxiety.

I have another younger son that does not annoy me. He can space out in the bathtub or throw the ball poorly but I don't seem to get that anxious feeling. He does do better when prompted and seems more "with it". He is also more "masculine" than the bigger kid. I hate myself for thinking this way and scrutinizing masculine vs. feminine behaviors. I know it is wrong, childish, and even hateful on so many levels. My spouse thinks I'm crazy when I brooch the subject and always says, "He's fine. Leave him alone. Give him a chance to succeed."

I compare him to other boys his age and always seem to think other boys his age are more "boyish" or "masculine".

I don't want to sound like I am constantly berating my kid. Mostly, I have the thoughts and fears and refrain from acting out on them. There are times when I do act on the anxiety and I know I am crushing his confidence and causing a lot of heartache on both ends. I wish I were one of those very confident parents that accept their children for who they are. I do accept him most of the time and I do love him dearly but I still have these fears that he is not behaving the way a nine-year-old should and I freak out.

I should note that I can go for weeks, even months, feeling fine and anxiety-free. I only seem to have anxiety about my kids. I have a pretty awesome, low-stress life, and if you want to call this a problem, this is the only one I have. The anxiety comes and goes (the beginning of a new sports season for instance) and I begin focusing on his behavior. When he was younger I had no such thoughts or problems with him. I have been in therapy in the past and I do constructive things to control my anxiety levels (exercise, yoga, meditation, friends, hobbies, etc.) I know my behavior and thoughts are wrong and destructive.

This is deeply embarrassing for me to ask. I feel like I should be more evolved and wise. I am not a monster. I desperately want to calm down and accept him for who he is, be proud of him (I am proud of him), and help build his confidence instead of crushing it.

Why am I acting like this? Why am I so frustrated? Am I afraid that my child might be gay? Do I feel like his behavior is a reflection on my parenting? Maybe. How can I stop or channel this anxiety in a more productive way and let him be and accept him for who he is? Any advice, anecdotes, or wisdom appreciated.

Arts and Cultural Appropriation

divabat — Mon, 17 Aug 2009 20:19:50 -0800

How have issues of cultural appropriation, stereotypes, and diversity been tackled in art and popular culture? I'm in the early stages of working on a performance piece on cultural appropriation and identity in the arts, and I'm looking for inspiration from others that have done the same. So far I am only familiar with Guillermo Gómez-Peña and his Living Museum of Fetish/ized Identities, and the SF/fantasy RaceFail debacle.

I am especially interested in these issues as they occur in burlesque, circus, and theatre, since that's what I'm working with, but any creative field would be good too.

Nerdy white girl wonders about hip-hop fashion and subcultural stereotypes.

bubukaba — Fri, 24 Jul 2009 10:37:07 -0800

I am curious about different varieties of hip-hop style (basically, the kinds of things I see cool [mostly] black teenagers and young adults wearing). I'm interested in looking at pictures of it (are there street fashion blogs for this kind of thing?) and also in finding out more about the history, origins, and cultural associations of this kind of dress (anything from academic articles to fashion magazines). Even information as simple as where one can buy this kind of clothing, or what you know or have noticed to be "cool" things to wear among the hip-hop set these days would be good to know. I'd also love to see any trendsetting music videos or whathaveyou that you can recommend.

I'm also interested in anything you can tell me about specific nuances of music or other cultural artifacts that have associations with different 'parts' of hip-hop culture. (I guess one thing I'm trying to hash out here is what the different 'parts' of hip-hop culture even are.)

I'm in Chicago, if there's anything specific to location that I should know about.

Things that I've noticed in particular and wouldn't mind knowing more about:

1: Men wearing outfits that match, completely. I saw a guy on the train the other day wearing a really cool hat/shirt/pants combination with a sort of macabre Jack the Ripper motif. (Is wearing clothing that matches signify anything special? Does one buy the whole outfit together, or is Jack the Ripper the logo of some particular line of clothing that I know nothing about?)

2: Women wearing clothing highlighted with intense neon colors.

3: Women wearing masculine clothing (wife beaters, baggy pants, do-rags, close-cropped hair or cornrows). (Are they lesbians? Tomboys? Some female analog to the banjee boy?)

4: Men with a hip-hop look sporting mohawks.

Aside from aesthetics (I really dig how a lot of this clothing looks, though I as a nerdy white girl could never get away with wearing most of it), a lot of my interest rises from my familiarity with the styles of dress associated with predominantly white subcultures and my apparent lack of familiarity with the styles of dress associated with black subcultures. I feel like I'm culturally literate enough to recognize the stereotypes that are being played with (or played to) when I see a kid with a mohawk and a leather jacket, a guy wearing a salmon pink polo shirt, a guy with a goatee and skinny jeans, or a girl wearing Birkenstocks and dreadlocks (to use some simplistic examples) - but I have no idea how to read similar signals from people who are part of 'scenes' that aren't dominated by whiteness. I can't even tell if the kinds of things I've described as "hip-hop style" in this question are part of the same 'scene' or not. In the world of subcultural stereotypes, would the guys with hip-hop mohawks hang out with the guys in matching outfits, or would that be as 'weird' as a skinhead hanging out with a hippy kid? (Note: I know that in the real world people hang out with all sorts of people - I'm just particularly curious about stereotypes at the moment.)

Needs to find the sources of the physical vibes that I'm giving off.

sixcolors — Tue, 23 Dec 2008 14:16:30 -0800

Is it possible to alter your physical appearance in a way that will prevent you from being stereotyped (from STRANGERS), without trying too hard or not being yourself? I'm a petite female, mid-twenties, long hair. You will normally find me in jeans, tee-shirts (or polos, hoodies, or button downs), sneakers, and wearing some kind of hat. These clothes are usually from Gap, Old Navy, AE, or Target. I'm a fan of the color black, gray, and especially blue (regardless of the shade). Sometimes I wear tinted lipgloss. Sometimes I go without a purse. I am a pacer and a fidgeter...or I'm close to dosing off. My eyes are either darting all over the place, or really focused on whatever I'm looking at. I have a pretty deep voice. Out in public, I'm either alone, with my folks, or with my friends (who are actually very feminine!).

When I am out in the public I am sometimes alarmed how I am treated by strangers. This is NOT an everyday thing, but it happens enough that I'm at point where I'm considering changing something about the way I look (or my body language). The funny thing is that it is at one extreme or the other (when I'm not treated normally). I'm either treated like a churchlady*, or like a violent thieving skank whore, depending on the crowd. There has to be some sort of blind spot that I have, because I don't think I come across as either in no way! That's why I listed my physical description, maybe I'm missing something, that someone can point it out.

Treated like a "churchlady" examples: Went to a restaurant/lounge combo last weekend, 21 and up after 8:30, we arrived around 10. The waiter listed a list of popular alcoholic drinks to my all of my friends, but when he came to me he asked me if I wanted water, soda, or tea. That wasn't the first time that this has happend. The question "What church do you go to?" is often the second or third question people ask when meeting me (but they don't do this to my friends). Sometimes when I go to an R-rated movie, I'm asked by the person in the "box", "are you sure you want to see that?".

Treated like a thieve, whore, or violent person examples: Women sometimes cross the street when they see me, get up when a I sit down at a mall bench, or move their purses closer to themselves. I'm followed around in stores (more than the other customers). I was approached TWICE by hotel managers in two different hotels, asking me for identification, when there were dozens of other people in the lobby. Both times, when they found out that I wasn't a guest they threatened to call the cops if I didn't leave right away. Both times it was during a severe thunderstorm, and I was waiting until the weather got better. I know I was semi-trespassing or loitering, but it was strange how they singled me out like that. When I go to clubs, despite that my female friends like to dress in short skirts and go-go boots, I get approached (not them) by guys who try to feel up my shirt or down my pants and sometimes talk pretty dirty/sexual to me.

I have some pretty concrete examples, so this cannot be paranoia. Plus, there are times that I am treated normally, I think if I'm being paranoid I would be "experiencing" the above all the time, not sometimes. But, even "sometimes" is too much for me, I don't want to be treated like something I'm not, ever. I could see how people can assume those things about me once they get to know me a little (I'd rather not go into that), but not just by looking at me.

*No offense to church ladies! I used to be quite religious myself, but I'm not anymore. I don't want to be treated like one since I'm not one.

Mmmm donuts

lifeonholidae — Thu, 30 Oct 2008 17:46:32 -0800

Why is it that any portrayal of police officers in movies, or television always include a love for donuts? Just a question that came up tonight that took my interest. Any suggestions why this association with cops and donuts exists?

What do you think about Kansans?

metricfan — Fri, 19 Sep 2008 04:38:34 -0800

What do you think about Kansans? What are the stereotypes? I teach a public speaking gen ed at a state university in Kansas, and at 9:30 I'm going to lecture about how some in the country perceive them and why that is motivation to learn to communicate well. I want to show them the consequences of not being informed about their opinions as well as not being able to argue for them. In the process of motivating them to represent their opinions well, I hope they begin to question where they got their ideas and why they have them. So, using the outrage/indignation they'll likely have when hearing the stereotypes of Kansans will hopefully drive them to become better informed and more reflective.

Obviously one potential problem is perpetuating a Midwestern distrust of the coasts, so I will be taking care to emphasize how it's only some people. But since I've identified myself as a Democrat, I am aiming to avoid the GOP v. Dems/conservative v. liberal trope.

I have found in the past semesters pushing them to voice their opinions on social issues and making them research and write good arguments leads them to a healthy reflection period they rarely have. The class is definitly focused on audience analysis, thus forcing them to connect their opinions with how others will understand and feel about them. It's a very valuable process I think avoids judgments about the student's opinions, but rather repeatedly asks "why?" and "what does it mean for others?"

So anyway, I'm basically asking fire fuel, but any other constructive comments about the above is welcome. I also like hearing about other people's experiences in public speaking classes, especially considering how many people loath it. My students think discussing politics or social issues almost always leads to fighting, and I think it's terribly important to help with that fear. We need constructive dialogue in this country, and we can't do that if everyone is afraid.

When we look back, what will this decade look like?

Cool Papa Bell — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 13:48:08 -0800

Neon and skinny ties in the 80s; flannel and nose rings in the 90s. What will be the signature, stereotypical fashion or clothing item of this decade, the one that will be used in the future to instantly reference and signal this time period to others? If I want to stereotype the 80s, I'll dress men in Miami Vice neon colors and do their hair like the Flock of Seagulls guy. Women will look like Madonna in the height of her thrift-store look.

If I want to stereotype the 90s, I'll dress everyone in grunge flannel, clunky boots, tattoos and nose rings. Maybe that's only the early 90s, but you get my point.

If I want to stereotype the time period from roughly 2000 to now, what will it look like?

Will not covering up this tattoo negatively impact me at my upcoming job interview?

Anonymous — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 19:17:45 -0800

I have a job interview on Wednesday for a very interesting non-profit organization involved with animal research (for good purposes). All of my suits are skirt/jacket combos. I'm very short...too short for pant suits, and no time for alterations. The skirt suits wouldn't be a problem if I didn't have a huge tattoo on my leg. In my former career in creative arts, tattoos were acceptable and even commonplace. I'm not sure if this is a big deal with the new field. Nylons look silly over the work, and tights make me look like a little girl. Plus, it's very hot out. Is showing the tattoo something I should worry about? Do you think it will be viewed negatively? Any suggestions to help make me look more professional? FYI, the work covers my shin/ankle/foot and is water, leaves and flowers. This is in California.

Look out! Here come the Americans!

daveleck — Fri, 30 May 2008 09:49:25 -0800

I am looking for foreign (non-American) films wherein the antagonists are a nefarious bunch of Americans, doing stereotypically bad American things. Watching the new Indiana Jones film and reading about the Russian communist party uproar over the film's Soviet evil-doers has me curious about foreign films with American bad guys (like the constant evildoing Nazis and Soviets we see in so many comic books/spy novels/action/adventure flicks).

Sadly, I fear a large portion of American moviegoers buy into this traditional Nazi/Communist schtick, so I'd be very interested in seeing some corresponding examples from "the other side". It would be particularly interesting to me if (a substantial portion of) the home market audience of these films buys into the stereotyped portrayals in the film.

Looking for examples of surfers, people talking about surfers, or people depicting surfers in media.

iamkimiam — Mon, 25 Feb 2008 12:11:14 -0800

Looking for depictions of surfers in mainstream media. Examples by people who aren't actually surfers (actors, reporters, wannabe surfers) are great, but people in the surf community are good too. The more common, well-known examples are better. I'm thinking of scenes from movies, passages in books, news stories, documentaries, blogs, comedy skits, but unscripted examples are best. I've got the big ones covered...Point Break, Surf's Up, Endless Summer, etc.

Here are a few examples of the type of things I'm looking for (surfers, non-surfers, scripted, unscripted all good):

Documentaries about surfers/surfing (I've pretty much got this nailed, but if there's some good historical clips of surfers talking somewhere that I haven't thought about, well, that would be great. Bonus points if the bit is relatively well-known or representative of the community in some way.

A scene from a popular movie featuring surfers talking.

An interview or skit or piece on a talk show, SNL, comedy bit, news spot.

This is for a research paper. Thanks!

Did you hear the one about the loud-mouthed Texan?

bjork24 — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 17:24:36 -0800

Is there a version of this representing attitudes from people within the US about their neighboring states? If not, someone smart needs to start collecting all the stereotypes. Just don't ask someone from Arkansas. ;)

What stereotypes do Americans have of Massachusetts and New England?

gregb1007 — Tue, 01 Jan 2008 18:49:43 -0800

What stereotypes do Americans have of Massachusetts and New England? Ever since hearing President Bush's derisive reference to John Kerry as a "Massachusetts" liberal, I've asked myself whether Americans who live far from the bay state have negative stereotypes of Mass (and New England) in general. I've also had some foreigners tell me that they think that Mass is overrun with rich wasps. (That impression apparently derived from viewing law sitcoms.) Anyhow, my question is: What stereotypes, if any, do Americans have of Mass?

Why is europe portrayed so badly on US TV?

daveyt — Wed, 10 Oct 2007 05:01:24 -0800

Why is europe portrayed so badly on US TV? Watching Heroes last night, I noted that yet again, the UK (specifically Ireland in this case) is portrayed as it was in somewhere around the late 1800's. Dark, rainy, accents that no longer really exist, dingy pubs, everyones a 'ruffian', everythings grimy and dirty.

'Alias' was always amusing for its portrayal of foreign locations - and they did a dingy "Oirish" pub. Lost is better, although the UK ones have been inaccurate but always stereotypical. The list goes on.

Sure some of that kind-of exists, and of course it still gets dark and it rains a fair amount, but I'm saddened again that a program with the high calibre of heroes resorts to ancient old sterotypes. I'm fairly sure that other countries are portrayed just as badly, although 17th century Japan looks kind of cool.

I understand that even wildly successful TV programmes have budget and location restraints, but that ep is just another ..sigh...

I'm reminded of how on the 20 or so visits I've made to the US, and in the 30 odd states I've been to, I've had the same conversation - usually along the lines of "So you like the soccer there eh? You like the manchester team? Oh you go to the matches? Isnt that dangerous? I mean with all the fighting and all?"... wtf? When questioned, each American almost universally believes that Soccer=Violence and all mainstream news items are usually about fighting.

So is it just dumbass producers? Ignorant networks? Fat yanks? Is it part of the usual American media 'conspiracy' to ensure that everywhere outside the US is portrayed somewhere along the lines of "theyre be beasties 'ere". What do real people think? I am particularly interested in how US'ians who have never been there think of Europe in terms of its aesthetics.

Diclaimer, I'm in the UK, yes I've seen the most recent US broadcasts of Heroes. How? Ssssh. Secret. And I love the US. Well the people anyway and the TV. And the breakfasts.

Mmm... fizzy grape.

papakwanz — Sun, 30 Sep 2007 13:00:14 -0800

Racist stereotype filter: Do African-Americans really prefer grape soda? I've heard that African-Americans prefer grape (and other fruity type flavored) soft drinks. Is this true? Are there any statistics to back this up? If so, any explanations as to why? Is it specific to a certain region of the US? Is it biological? Do blacks from other countries also show a predilection for grape sodas? Someone explain this to me!

PS: I'm particularly curious since I also love grape/strawberry sodas, but I'm not African-American, and I seem to be one of the few people I know who likes them.

Opposite of Oreo?

chudmonkey — Thu, 16 Aug 2007 09:33:54 -0800

Not About Cookies: What the opposite of an "oreo"? Okay, so sometimes black people who 'act white' are referred to as oreos and asian people who 'act white' are twinkies.

So what food-related term can I use to describe white people who are "black on the inside" as it were? Are there any foods that are white on the inside and black/brown on the inside?

Yes, it is me I'm trying to describe. Humourously.

Bleeding heart tired of the blood...

every_one_needs_a_hug_sometimes — Fri, 29 Jun 2007 22:26:36 -0800

Help me trust my gut instinct, and not feel bad about using stereotypes, in regards to teaching to pretty much life in general. As someone who has been discriminated against quite a lot, I'm more than aware of the horrible power of stereotypes. I moved to the United States when I was 12 and didn't really speak English very well, and was very aware how that influenced the way people treated me.

And so, now that I'm relatively assimilated, and I'm part of the mainstream, so to speak, I try not to put people into boxes or treat them unfairly... there are often times, I think, that I do the opposite of what my gut instinct tells me to do in order to be fair, but it almost always burns me in the end, especially when it comes to teaching and tutoring. Please help me overcome my middle-class guilt, and help me become a better teacher.

I work for a rather expensive test preparation company, which means that I get to teach quite a lot of different classes in a relatively short amount of time, and in a wide demographic area. I find that more and more often, my first impression of a student (or a class) is almost always right, and I work very hard to do the opposite of what I think I should do, in order to be fair or kind, and it just never works out...

For example, after the first three hour class, I'm pretty sure who the good students (the ones who care) or the bad students (the ones who are there because their parents want them there) are going to be, and I'm always right. Or I know that a class is going to be good, or it's going to be bad, just based on the geographic area or how well the students are dressed, and I'm always right. I feel bad about this, because I worry about self-fulfilling prophecies and so fourth, and so I try to overcompensate, and it makes me sad when what I expected end up being true despite my hard work.

I guess to be respectful to the students, I'm just going to try to be vague and specific at same time...

One recent example, I was teaching a math review course, and I had one student who was the typical surfer dude. My first impression then, after teaching him for three hours, was that he's going to have a hard time with the course, based on the questions that I ask him and based on his reading the questions aloud in class. (He didn't read very well.) So what I do is I offer him extra after class help and additional tutoring for free just out of my own time to get him where he needs to be... of course, he didn't take me up on the offer, saying that it wasn't necessary and so on and so on... and then of course, 4/5 of the way through the class, he just got up frustrated and left saying that he just couldn't do it, and that I was terrible teacher -- when, of course, everyone else followed along just fine.

Another example, I tutor this kid, whom I really like, and he recommended me to another kid that he knew. After talking to this other kid, I realized that he was going to try to pay for it on his own, and that he couldn't really afford it. The immediate impression I got was that he was going to give me a hard time, since he was a junior and hadn't had Algebra II yet, and the e-mails that he wrote me were always full of spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. On top of that, where usually I talk to the parents, I could never get in touch with his parents, and could only get in touch with him through e-mails -- so I felt that his parents weren't really involved, and I felt bad for him.

So then I thought, this kid is having a hard time, and though my impression was that he wasn't going to be the brightest student, he's motivated and I respected that, and he was coming from a disadvantaged background, so I offered to tutor him for free for 10 hours, as long as he paid for photocopying the materials. And of course, he ended up accusing me of trying to scam him somehow -- saying that I had promised to tutor him for free, but now suddenly want him to pay for the materials... That I had lied and misled him and wanted to him to pay me after all. It was obvious to me that he had problems reading and writing, but I had clearly written that I would give him my time for free as long as he paid for the photocopies (which weren't much, but I was already going to drive an hour to tutor for an hour for free). It just really drove me insane.

And I find this all the time. My first impressions are always right. I have no problem when my first impression of a kid is that he or she is going to be a great and dedicated student, but I always feel guilty when my first impression is that a kid is going to give me a hard time -- and because I feel guilty, I work extra hard and invest a lot of myself trying to help him or her, only to always inevitably find out that things will turn out the bad way I expected in the first place...

So yeah, these are just the two most recent of many humiliations that I've suffered just as a private test prep teacher... Of course, I am occasionally surprised by the super good kids, but for whatever reason it's when my students disappoint me that affect me the most.

I find that stereotypes are almost always right. Certain types of kids will have their parents constantly involved, certain types of kids will have their homework completed every single class, and certain types of kids won't give a damn at all and talk over me when I'm trying to teach. I am more and more disappointed everyday when I put in extra effort to help low achieving students out, and I feel more and more bigoted every time my first impression turns out to be right after all. Is this just a part of life? Do teachers here have experiences that I could learn from?

The one thing that I'm grateful for, is that at least I did this before actually becoming a full time teacher... it's just sad... I have friends who signed up for Teach for America knowing that it was going to be hard, but was going to do it anyway because they really believed in teaching... only to find themselves being under supported by their schools and being physically and verbally abused by their students, and then quitting half-traumatized. Why do we do this to ourselves?

Please help me justify following my gut instinct and first impressions and not feel bad about it. I feel awful about not treating all students equally, in so much as giving them all the benefit of the doubt... But I'm seriously just tired of getting burned out emotionally trying to fight against the tide. I am reminded of the whole "a conservative is just a liberal who got robbed on the way home" (or whatever). Despite my desire to do good, I'm learning more and more that... I just can't. I'm tempted to just be elitist, and screw the poor and illiterate people and let them fend for themselves...

In general, I am just a schmuck. I always feel guilty about my first impression if it is a negative one, and I overcompensate by going against my instinct. I lend money out to friends whom I know aren't worth it, because I feel bad for thinking that they won't pay me back. What I remind myself of is that saying, where you don't have to taste poop to know that it's bad, but in my case, because I feel guilty about thinking negatively of poop, I have to taste it just to give it a fair chance. Help me not do this anymore. Please.

Help me dress to conform!!

informity — Tue, 17 Apr 2007 03:39:47 -0800

Fancy Dress advice needed. I need to dress to conform! I am going to a fancy dress party in a couple of weeks. The theme is Dress to Conform (basically stereotypes - think Mexican in Poncho and sombrero, Think Tory MP with suit, women’s underwear and a brown paper envelope of money...... etc)

What shall I go as?

The party is with a pretty mixed crowd, I would say above average intelligence, mainly female, mainly gay, and mainly fabulous.

I am of the female variety.

Any ideas would be fabulous!

They aren't really from Mars, are they?

hyperfascinated — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 22:48:55 -0800

FormerLesbianFilter: Can you give me any insight about men and/or the way men think and function? I'm now in the 9th month of my first serious heterosexual relationship, and while both the relationship and the guy are awesome, it's been striking just how different it is doing the relationship-dance with a male. At times I feel like I really don't know what the heck I'm doing- I feel quite aware that I haven't been practicing this since the age of 13 like most women have.

So, for men:
What do you wish yr partner understood about you or men in general?

For those of you who love men:
What have yr relationships taught you about interacting with men?

Can anybody recommend a book that might be helpful to me?

What's with all the pickups?

zek — Sun, 08 Jan 2006 18:55:26 -0800

How come Tex-Mex restaurants attract so many big SUVs and pickup trucks? This is something I've noticed in Austin as well as in several small cities in Texas.

In recent months there's an Italian joint we found that we like. So happens it's next to a Mexican place. Last night I actually made a rough count of the cars as I went through the parking lot. The Italian place: 35% pickups/SUVs. The Tex-Mex place: 80%. This particular Tex-Mex place doesn't even serve alcohol on their premises, so it's certainly a food thing. What's the deal? Is there a demographic phenomenon at work here?

How is it that [seemingly] Ford Escalade drivers like the enchiladas, while a Saturn driver relishes the lasagna?

Why do Americans have such odd ideas about the British?

salmacis — Thu, 17 Nov 2005 02:30:14 -0800

Why do Americans have such odd ideas about the British? I was watching an episode of Family Guy last night, where the local bar gets turned into a British pub. I was greatly amused by the strange stereotyping coupled with complete ignorance, when I realised that it wasn't just Family Guy. I see the same bizarre attitudes in say, The Simpsons, South Park and other programs. I run into it all the time online, too: no thead on Fark.com about Britain is complete without references to bad teeth, etc. I know I'm talking about comedy here, but they all seem to betray an underlying set of assumptions and attitudes that seem to have no basis whatsoever in reality. I'm also aware that British programs will stereotype Americans as well, but to nowhere near the same degree.

(If you're an American getting offended about this question, please don't be - obviously I'm not saying every American holds these strange views, and I'm talking to a more worldly crowd than average here)

Like, totally?

slimslowslider — Wed, 27 Jul 2005 10:46:15 -0800

California stereotypes: What do East Coasters really think about Californians? We are moving from Northern California to Providence, RI, and I am curious what assumptions people will have about us. Will my car get keyed with its CA plates? Do people know there is a big cultural difference between Nothern and Southern California? I've never lived outside of California and I really don't know what to expect!

All stereotypers need my help to become better people.

xo — Thu, 14 Jul 2005 13:13:23 -0800

What are some persuasive points to make to help someone realize that stereotyping isn't a desirable way of categorizing people? Say that the person's main argument when you say, "Hey, that's stereotyping!" is, "I'm not saying I hate them; I'm not saying they're bad; I'm just saying they talk loud/don't tip well/act just like that skit on SNL." How also to explain the sometimes subtle difference between saying: "People from this region/culture talk like this," (accents) and "People from this region/culture act like this," (possible stereotype)? I already immediately say that I don't like to hear sweeping comments about particular races/cultures/religions/genders in order to get the person to stop saying that stuff around me (and potentially around others)... but the chance to make a comment that could be thought-provoking is very tempting.