Middle Aged Man's dilemma: stay w/ current situation or quit to start over - current wife cannot have children

NFLfan — Mon, 16 Oct 2006 03:59:41 -0800

Middle Aged Man's dilemma: stay w/ current situation or quit to start over - current wife cannot have children Aged 49. Great job. Good life. However current wife cannot have children - she has 2 from previous marriage and had female troubles after 2nd child. The dilemma: I still think that I want children before it is finally too late and can still be a viable Father. The 2 step-children are ok, but the old saying: "blood is thicker than water" keeps racing in my mind over and over again. Quick background: Yes there has been some "acceptance" problems with both step-children, particularly the older one, who rebelled strongly at first. Wife knows my concerns, and is unhappy of course. Her 2nd marriage, my fourth. I do have a son from marriage # 1 and he is 24, but is overseas. More "dilemma": wife is great, could not ask for one better. OK the 2 step-kids are burdensome and I will be supporting them forever as I lost that battle over schooling practices as I was not the "real Dad". My concerns are:

1) Any child-rearing woman that would take a chance on a man like me is going to be significantly younger than me, and let's face it: American women are big on both age and looks;

2) I just do not think my chances are good to even find ANY potential suitable woman that wants the good old-fashioned marriage w/ children. Most of the women I have worked with and/or just happened to be acquaintances with talk the Modern Woman talk of " Hell no - no kids for me - my big job and lifestyle means too much for me" ; " No Man is worth much these days"( exact quote from wife's friend); and many more lines that belong in this group of discussions;

3) Current spouse is a great one - also afraid that I would NOT be able to get along and/or have same retirement goals if a younger woman was to found. Current spouse is somewhat of a "Saver" like myself. A younger woman is going to see my savings and will want to spend, spend, spend. Been there done that a FEW times before, and at 49 I don't want to keep replenishing the retirement if a relationship did not work out( a cold, real fact in our days of Alimony, child support, etc - been there and done that too).

4) No more exploration of adoption, etc. Been there and tried that too. Saw my own real parents do this and the girl insisted on finding her "biological" parents and now she is gone to them after my parents raised her for 17 years. I know that this is an isolated case on my part fromn a personal level BUT there are many similar heart-break stories online. Plus the "fetal-alcohol-syndrome" adoption children is something I do not want to be a part of.

If I indeed decide to pursue the children angle, I need to get going soon, or just forget about the whole idea and just stay put.

I know that this is the "quick-and-dirty" version of this case here, but the members of this online community seem razor sharp and if inclined to do so, will be able to contribute positively.

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Middle Aged Man's dilemma: stay w/ current situation or quit to start over - current wife cannot have children