Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with std

I have High Risk hpv. What now?

Anonymous — Fri, 03 May 2013 13:37:55 -0800

I just found out I have High Risk hpv. My doctor didn't seem too concerned, but I feel like my world is falling apart. How do I cope? My Pap smear is normal but showed that the virus is there. My doctor didn't seem too concerned and said to just keep up with my annual paps, and didn't really want to engage in any discussion about my various emotions surrounding this. I'm falling apart and would like some advice and resources. Things I've tried to tell myself to help me stop freaking out but hasn't worked:

1) I'm under thirty, and The Internet recommends not getting screened for hpv before that age because it's quite common and tends to clear in 2 years. Doesn't help.

Um... I guess that's the only thing I've tried to tell myself. I feel incredibly alone because I don't want to go around blabbing about it because of the stigma associated with it. This is incredibly difficult for me because I normally cope with problems by talking to everyone I possibly can, crying/talking it away and moving on. That's the hardest part - I feel crushingly alone. But I just don't want to be labeled as "has an un curable std" until I know whether or not it'll clear.

I feel horrified and guilty that I may have given it to someone. I know two of the people I've slept with since my pap before this one were completely clean and I feel like I may have unknowingly screwed their lives up. I'm a lesbian and stupidly thought you couldn't catch an std from another woman. I also stupidly slept with multiple women after my last break up, I went back trying to figure out who I could have caught it from and there's 4 people on the list.

I'm just looking for advice, encouraging words, resources not easily google able. My doctor pretty much told me it was no big deal, but I'm so freaked out that I started crying in the office while I was waiting. I feel like I've been told I have a much higher than average chance of getting cervical cancer in the next five years, which was already probably higher than normal since I smoke, and I just have to wait around for two years to see if my immune system fights it off.

Help me quantify just how safe the sex I'm having is

Cogito — Sun, 03 Feb 2013 13:25:39 -0800

I know the basics, but how can I find out more detail about my personal STI risk so that I can make informed decisions? Planned Parenthood, the CDC and others have great information about what STIs are out there, their consequences, treatment and how they can be tested for.

What I want to know, but can't find, falls into three general categories:

For different infections, what are the risks of transmission for different kinds of sexual contact (i.e., vaginal, anal, manual, cunnilingus, fellatio all w/ or w/o barriers)?

As a function of time within the incubation period range, how likely is a false negative?

What are the sensitivity and specificity of the different test procedures?

I have found a bit of information for #1. For instance, Planned Parenthood says: "Giving or getting gonorrhea during oral sex is rare, but you can further reduce your risk by using condoms or latex or plastic barriers." But it doesn't quantify how much rarer it is via oral or oral with barriers or where that information comes from.

For #2 and #3, I haven't found any information. I got a great handout from Planned Parenthood that lists the incubation period for different STIs (not on the website, sadly). However, some of the infections I'm most concerned about have really broad incubation periods: 2–12 weeks for HIV and 2–16 weeks for herpes. I'd like to know if there's any information about the accuracy of testing during the incubation period. For instance, if I am tested for HIV 8 weeks after my last sexual contact, is that meaningless, or can I assume some % of certainty? Furthermore, these tests are not perfect even beyond the incubation period, but I can't find any data about how accurate they actually are.

I suppose it's possible that this information just doesn't exist. Maybe the studies haven't been done. But if it is out there, I'd really like to know and be able to read the data myself.

HPV: Do I stay or go?

Anonymous — Fri, 01 Feb 2013 07:35:03 -0800

The woman I'm dating has HPV. What now? I've seen previous questions about this, but they concern male/female transmission. I want to know about female/female.

We've been dating for a few weeks but aren't girlfriends yet. She informed me before anything happened that she had HPV, the genital-warts causing kind, and that it's a type not covered by the vaccinations as she'd had them before this. I've had Guardisil FWIW.

I've been taking time to think about whether or not I want to continue things. I absolutely do not want to get it, knowing myself it would be a big hit to my self esteem and take awhile to get past. I also have a friend with HSV1 and I've seen the stigma and poor reactions he gets in the dating world and don't want to put that on myself.

but I do want to continue things with her... I think. My questions are:

- Will we ever be able to have sex without barriers? I don't like them. At all.

- Will we ever be able to make out with tongue? Share drinks?

- What other things will we not be able to do that I haven't considered?

- If you have experience with this not related to the questions above, please feel free to share anyway. Thank you.

My main concern is that we will not be able to have a "normal" sexual relationship without risk to me. I don't like "please wait while I retrieve the condom" sex, and I read barriers don't work 100% anyway... Is continuing with her basically ensuring I get it too? Things are amazing and look promising with this person... should this be a deal breaker?

HSV Blood Test Paranoia

emoemu — Tue, 15 Jan 2013 00:07:37 -0800

No symptoms present, no evidence of exposure. To blood test or not to test? Per my usual protocol, I went to get comprehensive STD testing before exchanging bodily fluids with a new partner. I have never been offered an HSV blood test before, but I saw a new doctor this time who offered it. She said that typically most doctors do not offer the test unless people show symptoms, but I could get it “if I wanted to.” At first it sounded like a good idea, but the more time she gave me to think about it, the less good it sounded. So I delayed my blood test to give it more thought. Here are my concerns:

I have never shown symptoms of HSV-1 or HSV-2 but the doctor says that does not guarantee a negative result (i.e. Many people are asymptomatic carriers, or just haven't shown symptoms yet.) My major fear is: IF I get a positive result*, my anxiety and hypochondria will control my life, whether or not it is necessary to be concerned. I will worry about developing symptoms on a daily basis, and I will be more afraid of sexual contact than I already am.

However, I realize that STD testing is not really about me. It's mostly about protecting those I am intimate with. But if this is not a standard STD test that everyone would get, that complicates things. And if the stats of how many people are actually infected with HSV are accurate, wouldn't I just be freaking myself out about something that a large number of people have but so few know about?

Although I'm used to being the only “germaphobe” around a sea of saliva exchangers, I don't really think it will be good for me to be one of the only idiots who actually knows their status and gets to worry about it amongst a sea of ignorant folks who choose to live in oblivion to the fact that such a high number of people carry these infections. I've also never required my past partners to get this blood test so now if I get it, I'm pretty sure I'll require that my partner get it too (whether or not it is difficult or expensive for them to get...which it seems like it might be.) But why change my protocol just because someone is offering me something I wasn't offered before? Why become even more of a germaphobe/STD-aphobe than I already am, just because my doctor is offering me that opportunity?

Lastly, does anyone know if a positive result (or even getting the test in the first place) will have an affect on my individual health insurance coverage?

*Since 50-80% of the population has oral HSV-1, I am fairly certain I will test positive for that. Seeing the result on paper may still be somewhat upsetting/concerning/anxiety-inducing, though probably manageable. Since a much lower percentage of the population has HSV-2, and I am pretty careful, I am guessing I will get a negative result for that - and if not, it may cause serious stress - as a positive result for any STD test is wont to do.

Potential herpes infection - help?

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Dec 2012 08:51:52 -0800

I think I might have herpes, and I'm freaking out. Can you give me any advice or reassurance? Yesterday, I noticed a painful flat white bump with a red border on my labia majora. At first I thought it was an ingrown hair or something, but after Googling, it sounds very much like a herpes lesion. From what I've read, the initial outbreak is often accompanied by flu-like symptoms - and over the past few days, I've experienced headaches, a slight fever, chills, & an ongoing sore throat.

I've had PIV sex precisely once, over a year ago, and we used a condom. However, the guy also went down on me a couple of times. I didn't notice any cold sores or anything at the time, but I was so inexperienced that I probably wouldn't know what to look for anyway.

I'm going to make an appointment with my doctor first thing Monday, but I've already pretty much convinced myself of the worst. I'm terrified of having herpes - not because of the disease itself, but because of the stigma, especially when dating. I'm actively dating via OKCupid etc., and I don't want this to spoil my chances with the few eligible guys in my area - but at the same time, I would never ever sleep with someone without disclosing. And I know a ton of people don't disclose, or don't even know they have it - and I'm kind of wishing I were one of them.

I guess I'm just really freaked out and would appreciate any reassurance (incl. personal experiences) or resources that you can offer me. Thank you in advance!

Throwaway email address: potentialinfection@gmail.com

Identify this STD, please.

dkleinst — Thu, 06 Dec 2012 21:40:53 -0800

Asking for a friend (semi-NSFW): I noticed a white discharge coming from somewhere it shouldn't... What STD is this? I know that YANAD, and I'm planning on seeing one tomorrow. Here's the basic situation. Had unprotected sex twice recently. Once, last night, once a week or so ago. Noticed a slight burning sensation in my penis today, but didn't think too much of it. Just now, I've realized that there's a milky, white discharge coming out of it.

Is this chlamydia, gonorrhea, or something else? Is there anything I can do about it tonight? Or should I just chill out and see the doctor tomorrow.

Months ago, boyfriend told me he has herpes. It still bothers me. What now?

Anonymous — Sun, 02 Dec 2012 09:15:12 -0800

On herpes and forgiveness. Nine months into our relationship, my boyfriend told me that he has HSV-2. That was almost a year ago. It still bothers me. What now? Almost two years ago, I met a guy online. We lived in different cities, but a lively correspondence led to an in-person meet-up. He was an eccentric but compelling character, and we had great sexual chemistry and interesting conversations. After some time without a boyfriend, it felt great to have someone to share the details of life with.

We began visiting back and forth. Last winter, on a trip we were taking together, he told me he had some very painful news to share. He revealed that he has genital herpes (HSV-2), and that he felt a flare-up coming on. He hadn't told me yet, he said, because he gets flare-ups infrequently, almost always when he's traveling alone and not sexually active. He acknowledged he'd been in denial or semi-denial about his condition, which he'd had for six years, and that it was inappropriate of him not to have told me earlier. We had been sleeping together for about nine months, albeit more infrequently than many couples because of the distance thing.

I was livid and nearly dumped him on the spot. Compounding my anger was the fact that we'd been having unprotected sex, something I felt reasonably okay doing because when we first met, he strongly implied that he had a clean bill of sexual health. He told me he'd recently "been to Planned Parenthood," and I didn't press for specifics (which was bad of me, know).

He apologized, as he has many more times over the months, but somehow his apology didn't feel deep or real to me. When I mention this to him, he gets defensive, along the lines of: 'I've apologized a million times, and you continue to stigmatize me!'

I'm not sure why I didn't actually send him packing right then and there. But I think it has something to do with the fact that I was coming off the most stressful year of my life, and I must have been feeling too fragile to deal with a breakup. I don't necessarily feel proud of continuing to date him, but that's what I did. Three or four months later, I moved to his city and into the house that he shares with housemates.

Early on in our time of living together, we fought about the herpes issue. I did internet research and discovered that regular use of condoms and daily use of suppressive anti-viral drugs by him would greatly reduce the risk of transmission. He agreed to use condoms, and we do, but he still resists the regular use of antivirals. He insists that his case is mild (maybe two flare-ups a year), that he hates the thought of daily prescription drugs, etc. I have some sympathy for that point of view, but I also feel as though, after concealing herpes from me for so long, he should have bent over backwards to make things right. He continues to say he simply doesn't think he'll give it to me, and I continue to think 'wtf, the risk may be low, but of course it's there.'

He's all right with using condoms but from time to time mentions that having sex without them, eventually, is an important goal for him. For my part, I feel less sexually comfortable with him than I might, and I'd like that to change someday too, but it's hard to see how it can. He often points out that with herpes, the bark is worse than the bite (e.g., the stigma can be harder to handle than the disease itself). He has a point. And if I were 100% sure about marrying him and being together forever, I could likely become more relaxed about the risks. It is not a life-threatening disease. Nearly a fifth of Americans have it. I know. Look at it from one angle, and it's not such a big deal.

But there's the catch-22: it's hard to feel 100% sure about marrying and being together forever with someone who has violated my trust in this way.

FWIW, I am early 30s and he's around 40. I'd like to get married and have kids someday. I'm aware that the window of opportunity for that doesn't last forever. He's quite sure he wants to be with me. That certainty has been a big part of his attraction. But there's more too: the aforementioned joy of companionship. He keeps me organized, on an even keel. We are both independent workers, so we're together just about 24/7. And we haven't killed each other yet.

He feels that I am holding him at arm's length emotionally—which I am—and he would very much like me to make a commitment to him, in terms of establishing a rough timeline for buying a house, getting married, having a kid, or at least making clear my intentions to do one or all of those things with him. He accuses me of using the herpes issue like a trump card, alleging that I was ambivalent about him in a bigger way from the start. Again, there's some truth to that. From the beginning, I've been both sincerely drawn to him, and regularly confused/taken aback/annoyed in some of our interactions.

In a sense, that pattern has stayed constant. From my end, the relationship often feels like the proverbial frog that bumps its ass on the ground when it hops: for hours, days, or even weeks I'll feel hopeful—This could be it!!—and then that old anger, indignation, and/or nonplussed-ness will come back, accompanied by massive amounts of guilt that I'm not loving him right, that I haven't really committed.

I don't have other major trust issues with him, e.g. I don't believe he's ever cheated on me, and I'm not that worried that he will. The only thing I can really relate to this is that he can be a private person: if he doesn't feel like sharing, getting him to explain how he feels about a particular thing is like pulling teeth.

Also FWIW, I had my blood tested for herpes a couple months after he first told me, and came up negative. I don't believe I am infected now, though of course if I ever go back to dating I'll have to find out definitively, and probably be prepared to disclose my history of exposure even if I do test negative.

MeFites, what am I asking? Am I over-reacting? Under-reacting? How bad was the thing my boyfriend did? Am I going to be able to forgive him? Or am I just letting my day-to-day comfort and the fear of disruption that a breakup would cause lead me to kick the can down the road, wasting both of our time? Is this relationship dead? Or am I fretting myself out of a humanly imperfect but in many ways good thing?

I will own that I am, by nature, someone who has a hard time making up her mind, and is inclined to agonize over decisions. I'm moderately neurotic, and while I've always had good friends and, often, a romantic relationship, it may be that I have a hard time letting people in. I think my boyfriend loves me. I've had numerous opportunities to walk away from him, and I haven't taken them. The idea of just saying 'yes' and moving forward has a great appeal. On the other hand, my ambivalence has been wearing on people in my life (and also confusing them, since I don't generally tell the whole story), and I know it's been wearing on my boyfriend and on myself too.

Because someone's gonna suggest therapy: shortly after I moved to his city, I implored my bf to go to Planned Parenthood. He did, and someone there gave him a lead on some inexpensive couples therapy. We haven't made an appointment yet, though I bring it up from time to time when we fight. If anybody thinks it'd be worthwhile (or not), opinions welcome.

Throwaway email: sobriquet32495872@gmail.com

She said she has herpes - and I don't know what to do

strongdad — Thu, 13 Sep 2012 11:04:47 -0800

I'm torn... I went out with a girl who was very sweet, and we seemed to hit it off really well. Things started to get a little heated and she suddenly stopped and started to cry - she informed me that she has herpes and wanted to let me know before we got intimate... Now I don't know what to do... and I feel like a jerk After she told me this - I praised her for her honesty and spent the night holding her (no sex).

This was 3 nights ago and I have wrestled with every scenario possible...

I am scared out of my mind that if we are intimate and I get herpes as well - and the relationship does not last... That now I will have to be the one telling this to every potential girl I might consider getting serious with.

Am I being shallow and a jerk? is there anyone that has been in this situation that can offer insight?

Thanks metahive

Doctor told me I don't need HIV test

Anonymous — Sat, 25 Aug 2012 18:50:36 -0800

Does it make sense for my doctor to tell me I don't need an HIV test, because I'm a heterosexual male and I only had unprotected sex with one person in the last 6 months? I am a male and I had a drunken one-night stand with a random girl back in February. I didn't use a condom.

I went to my doctor and asked for a full test, but he told me I don't need one for HIV, and if it were any other STI's, "You would most likely have symptoms already." He said that since I am a heterosexual male and it was only one person I had unprotected sex with, that it was a pretty low risk, so no need to test for it.

I read that sexually active people should be tested every 6 months.

Is this normal for my doctor to tell me not to have an HIV test? Isn't this dangerous for the next person I have sex with. I know it was only one girl who I was unprotected with, but I don't know her. What if she had HIV?

I feel weird about this. Should I?

Alarmed about a piece of me that just fell off.

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Jul 2012 21:10:26 -0800

A few days ago I was in the shower, and I noticed a tiny lump in the front of my armpit. Initially I thought it was a zit, so I poked it with a needle. It hurt and thus it was apparently not a zit. As I examined it closer, I saw that it was more... fleshy. Cancer runs in my family, so I was concerned that maybe this was the beginning of a tumor. Then I remembered that a girl I had been seeing recently had a mole near her hairline that seemed kind of fleshy. And this spot on my armpit was almost the exact spot where her head always used to rest when we slept together. A wart, then?

I called a dermatologist and made an appointment to have this fleshy thing removed and biopsied, but the earliest slot that the doctor had open was next month. That just left the question of what to do in the meantime. I read online that warts can be spread by contact, so if this was indeed a wart, then having it on the inside of my armpit might result in it spreading as the side of my arm rubbed against it. I decided to err on the side of caution by treating it as if it was a wart and putting a salicylic acid bandage over it.

Two days later, I took off the bandage and noticed that the fleshy thing had changed color. Instead of being skin colored, it was now a dark red. Taking care not to contact it with bare skin, I tugged experimentally at it and it fell right off, leaving only a tiny spot of blood where it had been. At this point I confess that I freaked out a little, tossed the thing in the toilet, and took a long shower.

The question is, what do I do now? There is absolutely no trace of the fleshy thing since I didn't have the presence of mind to hang on to it, and by the time I see my dermatologist I probably won't even be able to remember the exact spot where it was. So now I'm concerned that if it was a cancerous tumor, I may have removed the doctor's ability to diagnose me. Even if it was just a wart, I'd really like to have medical verification so that I can provide full disclosure and make sure anybody I get involved with in the future can receive the necessary vaccination. On the other hand, I recognize that no matter how common such things are, there's still a stigma attached, and I don't want to "overdisclose" if it could simply have been an inflamed hair follicle or something like that.

So my question is: will a dermatologist be able to identify what that thing was, even in the absence of any physical evidence? And how alarmed should I be?

What is this rash?

masters2010 — Mon, 02 Jul 2012 12:01:31 -0800

YANAD, but might you have some insight into this strange rash? I realize you are not a doctor, though I am on the move right now and won't be able to see a dermatologist until next month.

My girlfriend thought the strange rash that she has had since her childhood (before she was sexual active) was not contagious, and therefore failed to mention it to me. This rash presides in her nether regions, and was passed along to me. She said she had it checked out when she was little, though with inconclusive results. It now comes and goes and she pays little attention to it, though it does on occasion bother her.

It originally made itself present in a few places along my pubic region and up towards my stomach. I had it checked out by the university health center, and they too were unsure. They swabbed it and it came back negative for herpes. It then went away, then about a week later one spot appeared next to my belly button. That then went away, and it showed up in one armpit. That then went away, and it came back again in the same armpit. It went away once more, and has since reappeared in the same spot. Apparently this virus likes my armpit.

The rash itself appears as one, or two, or a few red spots. They on occasion though rarely fill with puss, though always blister and leave a sore open wound. It is rather uncomfortable and a bit painful.

Pictures of the current rash can be found here.

Might you have any idea what this is? Is there anything you suggest I do to minimize the discomfort?

Thanks!

Preparing for a Possible HIV-Positive Result?

cscott — Wed, 20 Jun 2012 23:16:22 -0800

Preparing for a Possible HIV-Positive Result? Hi everyone,

So this question isn't going to be one of my usual rants about how unfair the world of dating is. I have a more pressing concern. I was last tested for HIV and other STD's on January 12th at NYC's public health clinic and was negative. This was both the antibody test and the new test which looks directly for the virus (but doesn't generate false positives as often as PCR etc.) But because of my depression and low self-esteem I developed an alcohol abuse problem. I plan to seek counseling for this as soon as I get home; I've already stopped drinking and plan to stay sober for good. Right now, I'm overseas with no access to HIV testing, but will be getting tested when I return to the US in a couple of weeks.

I am very worried that my test may be positive. I am not a promiscuous guy in general, but I'm gay and so belong to a high-risk group. I've combed through my calendar since January. I made it home alone in one piece each weekend, but there are two nights which are troubling. On February 11th, I went out with a friend to a gay club in Williamsburg, Brooklyn and got way too drunk. I was fine for most of the night. But at around 3.30 AM I remember texting my friend and some other people (mostly incoherently) outside the club and calling him several times. At some point, I gave up and left. I remember nothing after that and woke up in my apartment in Manhattan with my coat, wallet, keys, and phone in my possession. I immediately wondered, "I have all my stuff and feel fine, but how the hell did I get home?" I saw in my online banking account that I paid $6.70 for a cab at 4.45 AM. I didn't feel any pain, discomfort, or soreness anywhere and figured that I probably took the subway from Brooklyn for most of the way back to mid-town Manhattan and then, at some point, hailed a cab for the rest of the way. But how do I know whether I went to someone's place first and had unprotected sex without remembering? I feel deeply guilty and ashamed because my irresponsible behaviour.

That is the only night in January and February that is worrisome. At the end of February, I left the US to come overseas for four months. On April 16th, I hooked up with a friend, his boyfriend, and another friend of his. I had had too much to drink and passed out in the bathroom at a house party. The host tells me that he found me there after people asked him where I'd gone. He says he dressed me and that I started kissing him (I don't remember this part). I then remember him tapping me on the shoulder to come out and say bye to everyone as the sun was rising; I was sitting on the couch near that bathroom. Then I remember coming to my senses again upstairs in the host's bedroom with my friend and his boyfriend; the host was undoing my belt as I snapped out of it. At this point I was completely awake and knew that I wasn't about to enjoy any of it but went along with it anyway. We had some brief unprotected oral sex and when it was my turn to do the host, I specifically asked for a condom, which I used. That part is fine as far as HIV is concerned, but what if the host did something to me while I was on the bathroom floor or at some point before the (protected) foursome began? I didn't feel any pain, soreness, or discomfort in my nether regions then or later. But I guess I'll never know with certainty.

Anyway, as you can imagine, not knowing exactly what happened those nights and being in a high-risk group means I need to get tested in two weeks. I'm afraid of the worst. Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Has anyone gone to a clinic and tested positive? How did you respond and cope with the diagnosis? I know that HIV is no longer a death sentence, but I've read and heard that the side effects of the medication are almost unbearable and that often many other health complications ensue (i.e. osteoporosis, lipoatrophy, etc.) Sigh. Sorry for another lengthy question ...

Does the likelihood of exposure merit action in this case?

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Jun 2012 12:09:04 -0800

Is there sufficient likelihood of STD exposure in this oddball circumstance to merit arrangements for testing and medication? This weekend I went to the hair salon. I needed to use the restroom, which was unisex. I sat down without fully inspecting the seat. When I stood back up, I noticed there was blood on the front inside rim of the seat. This blood also had spread to the bottom edge of the seat. The blood was not dried and was not mine. I examined myself and noticed a small amount of blood on the tip of my penis. I am circumcised and have no exposed sores that I know of.

I am sure exposure to anything is a long shot, but I know everyone takes blood very seriously. Even if the risks are small, do I need to take any emergency actions?

Thank you.

Herpetic Whitlow Transmission and risks

Anonymous — Fri, 27 Apr 2012 08:41:04 -0800

Considering dating / having sex with someone with Herpetic Whitlow (HSV-2 type) and have questions about transmission risks. A potential partner I have just met has disclosed to me that she has Herpetic Whitlow caused by HSV-2 and I have a variety of questions. I think if I were monogamous, I'd be okay accepting the potential risks, but I have other partners and I have to consider their health and disclose information to them, as well.

She contracted the condition while working in the dental field and was not aware of it for some time. She did have a subsequent partner, months later, who had HSV-2 in the genital region. She has never had a genital or oral outbreak. How likely is it that she would have asymptomatic shedding in those regions? What are the transmissions rates of herpetic whitlow and how is it spread? Does it sometimes shed asymptomatically from the hands, as HSV can in other regions, or does the fact that it's not a mucus membrane make that less likely / not a factor?

When you ask for STI test results, what are you asking for?

Anonymous — Mon, 23 Apr 2012 15:34:36 -0800

Can the hive mind provide nuts-and-bolts info on STI testing with a new partner? What should be tested? What's the window for diseases manifesting after a previous encounter? I have lots of questions about the details of STI testing when discussing potential sexytimes with a new partner.

1) What diseases should be tested for/should I ask to see the test results for? My understanding is that there's not a single comprehensive STI test or test battery, so what needs to be done to ensure the safety of myself and my partner?

2) Some diseases can be transmitted but not be picked up on an STI test for a period of time. How long should I insist between my/my new partner's last intimate encounter and the STI test, in order to not miss anything major?

3) What other health information is relevant in deciding on what STI tests to do? Should I be asking about HPV shots, specific sex practices that carry additional risk factors, drug use, or other things?

Can I pass jock itch to a sexual partner?

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Apr 2012 12:26:26 -0800

Is tinea cruris easily sexually transmissible? (Male, USA, mid-40's)

I had what I thought was just irritable skin on my inner thighs so I typically wear bike-short like "performance" nylon-lycra boxer briefs for hiking so my thighs don't rub together. Three days ago, I walked 3 miles in jeans and got badly chafed.

I'm seeing the doctor on the 13th. In the meantime, I'm treating with over the counter 1% hydrocortisone cream and a clotrimazole spray. I also have an infection in a toenail, so I'm going to ask about an oral antifungal which I hope would knock out everything.

The pictures of tinea I'd seen before had little red dots, but this is big patches like Wikipedia's pictures. It doesn't itch, but when rubbed from walking just hurts like I'd expect skin rubbed raw to. That's why I didn't treat for tinea before. Also my dad & son have eczema. I have a tendency, but not as strong. My dad was treated as a teenager for athlete's foot repeatedly to no avail (made it worse really). My (pre-teen) son had eczema and athlete's foot at the same time between his toes which was treated effectively with prescription steroid cream and antifungal cream

I have a date this weekend. Am I putting her at risk of a yeast infection or jock itch if we have sex?

Is it even possible for this to be an STD?

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Mar 2012 12:02:52 -0800

YANMD — girly parts and boy parts edition. Is this even possible for STD's? Background:

My girlfriend and I have been together for four years now, in a monogamous relationship. We co-habitate, and like to refer to ourselves as 'married-lite'. I have absolutely no reason to believe that she has been unfaithful with me, and I know for a fact that I have not been unfaithful with her. To reiterate as clearly as possible: she is the only person I have been with for four years.

About a month and a half ago, she started complaining of an unusual amount of vaginal discharge. Today, she went to the local PP clinic and was confirmed as having a fairly severe yeast infection. The kicker, however, is that the attendant nurse/physician also noticed a high amount of white blood cells, indicative of an underlying bacterial infection. They gave her some doxycycline, and performed some tests…for STD's!

Now I know that it's probably nothing, that an elevated WBC count doesn't *necessarily* indicate the presence of bacteria, and that — in the event that there are bacteria — plain old BV is pretty commonplace.

That has not stopped me from freaking myself the fuck out.

We don't use barrier protection, as she has an IUD and we are monogamous. I have only ever had sans-condom sex with one person prior to our four years together (though that one person did prove to be unfaithful). I never got tested after that last person…but I never had any symptoms of anything. After a few months clear, the general assumption was "clean," and now it's been five years since that person. Still no signs or symptoms of anything at all.

So now, I am reading all sorts of material online about STD's lying dormant for years, being asymptomatic, etc, etc, and it has got me in full-on panic mode. Is it possible that I have had something for four years, not known it, and it has only just now become an issue? That seems so very incredibly far-fetched as to be completely outside the realm of possibility. I can't for one second believe that she has been with anybody else, and we have had a few pretty serious talks about such. I guess we won't know until tests come back, and my logical self knows that it's probably something mundane…

But what I want to know is… what are the odds? Can this sort of asymptomatic thing really lie dormant for so long? Is really possible for me to not have any presentable symptoms of something like gonorrhea or chlamydia for FOUR YEARS? How likely is it for these infections to live in tandem with a yeast infection? How common is it for a yeast infection to cause elevated WBC count? Please help stop me from hyperventilating here.

I need to recover my self-esteem from a possible STD diagnosis?

Anonymous — Sun, 25 Mar 2012 15:12:12 -0800

I need to recover my self-esteem from a possible STD diagnosis when I'm a vulnerable place? Just moved to a new city and started dating a guy who shared some common friends from college. I had an inkling this was a bad idea because I was already the "new girl" and if it didn't work out then it would endanger me integrating in with these people. But I didn't follow my inkling.

A month into the relationship I thought I had maybe either a yeast infection or bacterial vaginosis. I booked an appointment with the closest OBGYN with the soonest appointment because I was so uncomfortable.

I should have followed my instincts and left when she started castigating me about my sex life. I come from a religious background and for the past two years I had been dating a religious guy and we had been waiting until marriage (we broke up because I realized I was an atheist). Before that, I was not a virgin and had several sex partners in the context of long term relationships. But after the breakup of that two-year relationship I was just starting to come to terms again with the idea of having sex.

But then this doctor, who doesn't speak good English, looks at my cervix and says it is "covered" with HPV genital warts all over and that she will biopsy them. I am shocked and start to cry. She tells me that most American women have this because they sleep with different men. She hands me a prescription for Avesta. I didn't know very much about HPV and she gave me no idea what the prognosis would be, how long the test would take, or how to apply the medicine.

I called my then-boyfriend and cried about it. He's a medical professional, so he says it's not a big deal, but he comes over to comfort me. But when he comes over he says he no longer feels comfortable having sex with me because we could spread the virus back and forth to each other even if he gave it to me ("it could mutate" he says, I have enough of a biology bg to believe this is bullshit), so we shouldn't date anymore. He says he has been in a LTR for years and then had sex with a girl a month before he met me, but he has never had sex without a condom (which he also used with me).

I'm not so much devastated by the breakup, but by the fact that he broke up with me because I had a venereal disease. I feel gross, ashamed, and broken. My mother suggests I see a doctor at a more prestigious hospital and I do. This doctor looks at my vagina and cervix and tells me that she can't see anything of note, certainly not anything that looks like a wart. But gives me a pap and takes some scrapings. A quick lab test shows I have bacterial vaginosis. She also explains to me the real prognosis and tells me not to be ashamed. She tells me not to fill the original prescription because if I HAD warts on my cervix, it wouldn't even have worked and would have made my vaginosis worse.

At this point I just feel so messed up. I called my now-ex and begged unsuccessfully for him to take me back and just break up with me for another reason, any reason, particularly since he's moving away from the city for a job in a few months. I'd rather be broken up for nearly anything but this and it makes me feel too ashamed to hang out with these old college friends now.

I feel alone, since I'm so new to the city that I don't have many friends to talk to, and used. The one main friend in this social group is away and I keep thinking...how do I stay friends with her since this now-ex is one of her close friends? We have been friends for many years.

I shouldn't have kept talking to this now-ex because he keeps describing us both as "damaged goods" now, which is scary since he is a high-ranking medical professional. I'm just waiting for the tests, hoping I don't actually have this, but what if I do? How do I feel safe enough to be in a relationship again without a crippling fear of being rejected?

Should I see a counselor? Should I take action against the first doctor? I just don't know how to feel good about myself again.

throwaway whatdoidonowwiththis@gmail.com

I can't have vaginal warts if we're both monogamous, right?

Anonymous — Sun, 30 Oct 2011 09:34:07 -0800

I can't have vaginal warts if we're both monogamous, right? My husband and I have been married for 3 years, dating for 4 years before that. It is a monogamous relationship and I have no reason to think he has been with anybody else during this time.

Due to an injury of mine, we have been unable to have sex for the past 3 months. In addition, I've been occasionally taking a prescribed painkiller which has a side effect of constipation.

Because of my poor diet as a teenager, I frequently got constipated and developed hemorrhoids. I eat much better now, but every once in a while if I get constipated, the hemorrhoids will flare up.

So lately I've had some hemorrhoids, probably from the constipation, and possibly because I've been spending a lot of time sitting & lying down. I didn't think much of it.

Yesterday I was feeling well enough that I told DH I was ready to try sex again. So we did. And as he entered me (we're talking vagina, not anus) I could feel him rubbing up against one of the hemorrhoids. I didn't say anything because it wasn't *too* painful and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

But it occurred to me later - hemorrhoids don't appear near the vagina. But I'm not sure what it could be. It can't be warts or an STD, can it? We have been in a faithful monogamous relationship for years, and I hadn't even had sex for 3 months before yesterday.

I know I should probably see my doctor, but I'm just wondering if anyone here can say something to assure me that I did not just give genital warts to my husband.

I don't know what they could be. Looking back over the past couple of weeks, I did get a flu shot at my doctor's office, and I did give blood to the Red Cross. But I assume that everything they do is so sterile that I couldn't have gotten anything from them, right?

So, just looking for some rational words of assurance. I am afraid to say anything to my husband because he might be angry that I didn't say anything at the time when I first felt the pain as he entered.

What's wrong with my manhood?

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Oct 2011 07:53:20 -0800

What’s going on with my manhood? Rash, irritation, STD? I noticed a few weeks ago a rash, or discolored skin on the underside of my penis shaft. The shape is triangular with the triangular base of the junction where the testicles and penis come together. It runs up to the frenulum/ glans and is much thinner at that point. It also appears less dark in the center of the discolored area. There is some very slight but infrequent irritation. This is mostly when I feel my pants or underwear touching the area. It has not gotten worse or better in the 3 weeks since I noticed it. There are no sores, no bumps, no discharges, no pain, no flu symptoms, no enlarged lymph nodes, or anything else irregular. The discoloration seems to be where there would be the most friction from masturbation but I have not been doing that except once or twice in the last few weeks. (Even then I am careful to avoid touching that area). There has also been some vague itching around the rest of the crotch. I think this maybe in my head.

A pharmacy sold me an anti-fungal crème a few days ago and I can’t tell if it is helping yet.

The other two factors are a few weeks ago in the states we had a very hot August and I tend to sweat a lot in that area. Also, at the beginning of August I had protected sex with a woman known to have a reputation for getting around. A friend with a dark sense of humor told me she had herpes but then told me he was kidding. I don’t believe it is herpes. My understanding is that herpes does not tend to effect the areas that do not make skin to skin contact. The area affected was definitely covered by a condom. The symptoms started about 5 weeks after this encounter.

I am traveling abroad and feel a little intimidated by using foreign healthcare and there is also the language barrier. I don’t really know how it works. I am going to brave the healthcare system and have it looked out later this week.

Are there any thoughts as to what could be the problem? I’d like some input as I can’t see a dr. for a few more days due to work obligations Thanks.

Gardnerella-Tending Tips?

Anonymous — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 07:06:38 -0800

Medical / Sexual Health Question: WTF could be causing these long-term symptoms, and HTF can I take care of them, hopefully once and for all? I'm a ~40-year-old man who's been in a monogamous relationship with my current girlfriend for almost 7 years.

We were both sexually active before we met each other, and both of us practiced safe sex with previous partners, with a small number unfortunate exceptions (but no diagnoses of STDs other than HPV). We do not and have not practiced anal sex. I rarely give her oral sex, because she isn't a big fan (my loss).

At the beginning of our relationship, she would often complain of vaginitis-like symptoms a day or two after we had unprotected sex. She would complain of yeast-infection-like symptoms (without the characteristic discharge of a yeast infection) and also ended up with a number of bladder infections. At the beginning of our relationship, she used to halfway joke that she must be allergic to me, but the frequency of the symptoms was a real cause for concern.

Early on, I went in for a test (pipette scraping in my urethra) and the only interesting results were an abnormal amount of Gardnerella. The doctor told me it was nothing to worry about, but gave me an oral antibiotic, anyway. She also went in for a simultaneous test, but apparently the same doctor didn't think she needed any sort of treatment. I am not sure, but I don't think she was prescribed any medicine at that time.

I went in, on my own and unbeknownst to my girlfriend, for a follow-up test a few years later, but, if I recall correctly, the doctor (another doctor, this time) didn't see a need to prescribe me anything. I don't remember the exact test results, but I do remember that I wasn't prescribed any medicine.

The problem is that, 6 years later, things still seem to be about the same. I think we've both tried to sort of ignore it, or maybe grown used to the symptoms and, to some degree, accepted them as normal.

Except that we also haven't. I think it's negatively affected our sex lives, if even just on a subconscious level. I think both of us have noticed a drop in sexual desire that, I suppose, may be related to a subconscious desire to avoid the discomfort that often comes after sex.

Although we have lived together for 5 years, due to our work/life situations, we spend several weeks apart from each other a couple of times each year. We also have sex on a very infrequent basis. But what I do notice is that, after an extended period with no sex (say, a period of abstinence that 'just happens' plus several weeks of time away from each other), we both notice these symptoms more after we do have sex for the first time again. That is, it's like we're sort of 'used to' the symptoms if we're having sex semi-regularly, but after some weeks without sex, the symptoms seem to go away, making them much more noticeable when they come back.

My symptoms: increased frequency of the urge to urinate, to the point of mild incontinence. Slight burning or discomfort in my urethra when I urinate. Intermittently, a strong urge to urinate that only produces a few drops of urine. A pressure in my pelvic area that may be related to 'clenching up' in order to delay yet another trip to the bathroom. Additionally, if I have sex and don't take a shower before going to bed, I sometimes notice a strong, almost fishy odor coming from my genito-anal area, and a mild itching or burning 'back there' the next morning.

I've never noticed a discharge, nor had a difficulty actually urinating when I need to - it comes out in a strong, steady stream when I really have to go.

I plan to talk to my current doctor about this, but I thought I'd ask in here, since we've already talked to at least two doctors about it, without clearing up the problem. Maybe I can go in with some ammunition to get him to take this seriously.

I'd also like to know if there's a test that doesn't require scraping my urethra with a sharp glass pipette, since I find that exceedingly uncomfortable. Along those lines, I'd also like to know about testing options, in general. We both tested negative for HIV at the beginning of our relationship, but that's all we've been tested for, and I wouldn't mind having a more thorough test, if that's possible. I'm not in the US, so things may be a little different where I am, regarding testing, etc. It's a modern county with excellent health care, but I sometimes get the feeling that some of the practices aren't as cutting-edge as what I'm used to from the States.

Please hope me!

Should I use a condom if my girlfriend sleeps with women?

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 20:10:13 -0800

My girlfriend is going to start sleeping with other women. I'm a man, and I'm not. Should we go back to using condoms? I've looked through the safe-sex and non monogamy literature, and I haven't been able to gauge just how risky it is for me to have unprotected sex with my girlfriend after she's had oral sex with other women.

Some background: we've been monogamous and off condoms for years. She's on the pill, and that suits me just fine. But recently she's wanted to sleep with women. We've talked it over, and I've given it the green light.

At first she had planned to use dental dams, but it turns out that no one really uses those. We've heard that oral sex between women is considered "low risk," but we haven't heard what that means exactly.

Since I have no plans to sleep with anyone else, this question is just for my own sense of security. The easy answer is that I should go back to condoms, but if my risk really is very low, I'd prefer not to. It's only because I don't like how they feel.

Thanks in advance for your help. I set up this throwaway email account in case anyone wants to get in touch: essteedeefree@hotmail.com

How can I keep my boyfriend while lowering my risk of getting his HSV-1? (Herpes Simplex 1)

Anonymous — Fri, 30 Sep 2011 08:18:40 -0800

My serious boyfriend has just tested positive for HSV-1, while I have tested negative. We are both panicking, and need good, detailed statistics and math on the risks, reductions, and transmission rates in order to figure out what to do. Please help! Additional factors:

Emotional: The relationship, although only a few months old, is very intense. We are very much in love and have talked about building a future together, something that has been rare for me in the past. It is a long-distance relationship, where he is planning to move to be with me. I don't want to leave him, but I also don't want to contract HSV-1 for a few reasons: firstly, I saw some research on the internet that suggests it is strongly linked to Alzheimers, which my family has some history of. Secondly, if something happens-we break up for whatever reason, or there's a car crash- I know that having an incurable, highly communicable STD will make it harder to date. Thirdly, we both want to have children, and I am very concerned about the possibility of transmitting it to our children.

The Physical: To his knowledge, he has never had an outbreak, so we don't know if he has it orally or genitally. He does not think that he has ever had a cold sore, though did say that about a year ago he had some "jock itch", which disappeared after treatment.

What I already know:
I know that the virus is most contagious during outbreaks, but there's still a risk from viral shedding in between them. I know some antivirals exist that can be used for HSV-1 and may reduce the viral shedding. I know that condoms partially protect, but not totally. I know that a high percentage of the American public is believed to already have HSV-1. I know that the risk of neonatal transmission is low if you already have the virus, but high if you acquire it while pregnant (though I'm fuzzy on the details).

What I would like to know:
What is the base male to female transmission rate for asymptomatic HSV-1? (For oral to oral, oral to genital, genital to oral, and genital to genital, if anyone has it) How much is this reduced, male to female, by using a condom, for oral and penetrative sex? (I'd like to know if one is riskier than the other) How much is this reduced by antivirals? (Ideally, in percentages by year for base transmission rates, then percentage of reduction for mitigators) Are there any other methods of prevention I don't know about? Can HSV-1 be transmitted orally to other locations of broken skin on the body, or do manifestations other places on the body take place from already having the virus? (I.e, do I have to be worried about bites, etc) I see also that some vaccines have existed at points-are any still available anywhere? (Even if they only add an additional 20 or 30 percent protection, it would help)

Please also let me know where you are finding any information, if you can-my boyfriend and I would both feel much more comfortable with solid data other than the clinic's "no no, everything will be fine."

Transitive STD testing and testing for oral transmission, oh my!

Anonymous — Sat, 17 Sep 2011 05:42:52 -0800

I had unprotected sex and performed cunnilingus. I'm uninsured. I'm asymptomatic. Where and what type of STD testing should I look for? Also, if I test clean then what is the chance that that she too is/was clean? The primary question is where can I get a general panel of STD testing cheaply (or free) given that I am currently uninsured because I'm (hopefully temporarily) unemployed. Barring other options, how much should I expect to spend at my general doctor for the proper tests? Is that worth it given my situation below? Also, given that in addition to sex I performed cunnilingus with no protection what other STD hazards have I potentially exposed myself to and how do I bring this up with my doctor or whoever does the testing? Do I need specific tests?

Finally, how conclusive would my being clean be to establish that my exclusive sexual partner is also clean?

Quick background, I've never been that sexually active in the past. Even so, in the last about 5 years with no activity I've had a few of the "oh might as well do the STD blood work" during some of my physicals just because, why not? I've always been clean.

Fast forward to about 3 months ago, I was traveling abroad and had the above mentioned sex with (and only with) the woman who is now my girlfriend. I have had no real symptoms* but I worry. She will be visiting the US soon and I'm concerned about how to broach the topic of mutual STD testing since... it seems a little like closing the barn door after the horse has left. Plus it could be a touchy subject, cultural differences and all, she may not understand if I demand she get tested out of the blue. (don't get me wrong, mutual testing is my ideal scenario, barring cost and confusion factors)

So I'm thinking maybe if I get tested and am clean it would imply that she too is clean? Does it work like that? For the record we had unprotected sex+ about 6 times ending around a month ago. I expect we will have unprotected sex+ again when she visits.

Thanks Hive Mind.

*I am a hypochondriac so I've "noticed things" but they are minor and have more reasonable explanations... like I'm thinking about it too much. At any rate, nothing to indicate a specific test or concern.

Fast std clinic in toronto?

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Aug 2011 08:06:53 -0800

GTA: Fast and/or anonymous STD check in Toronto? Can anyone recommend a clinic in Toronto that has fast results on STD tests? I spoke with the Hassle Free clinic and they sound great but results take 2 weeks. Anyone do it faster? Price is not an issue. Emails can be sent to anoninto at gmail. Thanks!