Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with startingover

Is there anything out there for people with a checkered past of drugs and jail?

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 11:52:41 -0800

How do I help my brother help himself? My brother is 40ish and has spent his adult life in and out of jail on various drug related charges. He is currently living with our mom in the Atlanta metro area, after getting out of jail earlier this year. I don't live anywhere near Atlanta. He can't find a job and my mom is at her wit's end on what to do to help him. Personally, I think he is showing all the classic signs of depression. Obviously, he doesn't have medical insurance, nor does he have any reasonable prospects of having insurance in the near future. Are there programs available to help him? I'm thinking he needs to get away and start over. Something like joining the military, but for repetitive drug abusers. Someplace where he'll be watched closely, be told what to do, and be put to work in exchange for room, board, and minimal spending money. He can be a hard worker and good employee - but he has to be told exactly what to do. His trouble begins whenever he starts making decisions.

My mother is too old to have to be dealing with this stuff, and she is simply unwilling to push him out the door to fend for himself. If I could point him towards something that gets him out of her house permanently, and gives him some direction, or just a job, it will be a win - win.

Is there anything out there for people with a checkered past of drugs and jail? Where do people like my brother find jobs? At this point, carnie at a carnival, some company shipping ex-cons to Iraq for contract work, it doesn't matter. He is not in a position to be choosy.

Throwaway email if you need to contact me: helpmybrother@mailinator.com

Advice for moving to a new city?

Anonymous — Sat, 03 Jan 2009 13:48:43 -0800

What tips/advice would you give to somebody looking to move to a new city and start anew? Long story short, I've reached a crossroads in life and things have become pretty stale professionally, creatively, and personally in $oldcity, where I've lived for the past eight years. I've got a plan in mind to pack things up and move to $newcity sometime in the next three to five months.

I've visited $newcity several times in the past and always found it to be a place that I thought I would enjoy living for a variety of reasons. However, other than a couple of acquaintances, I don't have any real friends there, and the closest family would be ~ 5.5 hours away. I probably will not have a job lined up in $newcity when I move.

Between now and moving, I plan to pay off my car (I owe ~ $3k more) and then save enough money to live 4-6 months without income (just in case). I'm in the process of subscribing to news, culture, and various other weblogs based in $newcity so I'll have an awareness of what is going on before I move there.

What else should I do in the next few months to prepare for a move? What should I be looking for/doing/reading/preparing for that I'm not thinking of? Personal advice or anecdotes are just fine. I can probably visit $newcity once or twice for 3-4 days a piece before moving. Timing isn't a large issue, other than a personal desire to move. FWIW, I'm a late-20's male, no kids. E-mails can be sent to anonmefierneedstomove@gmail.com

Help me to suck it up and stop feeling so sorry for myself.

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 07:04:31 -0800

Help me get some perspective so I can stop being a constant state of panic and depression. So I'm about to graduate from grad school and I'm in my mid 20's. Despite doing decently, I have no job prospects and without going into too many details, given the nature of my profession it is far, far too late in the hiring cycle for me to get anything. I've had one interview in six months and the economy is horrible. I have six figure debt in school loans and will more or less have to depend on my parents for quite a while to survive.

I've been killing myself to get this degree and to get lots of work experience in my field for the last few years, all for nothing. I feel like an idiot for deciding to go back to school in the first place and for just being not quite good enough to get a job. 85% of my class has a job and I don't. On top of that, I've had a lot of bad luck. My employer at my current job heavily implied for 9 months that I would receive a full time offer when I graduated. They've now told me that business isn't doing well and oh, they forgot to mention, the higher ups don't like to higher anyone without a year of experience first. (I'm particularly bitter about this as many people I know got jobs through paid internships like this one and it's likely I could have gotten a job somewhere that might have given me an offer had I known.) My life has revolved around trying to find a job for the past 8 months (despite the prospect of an offer I wanted to have options if it fell through). It's constantly on my mind that in a short few months my loans will be coming out of deferment and there won't be a job with the kind of salary I need to pay them.

I'm also single, so I feel very alone going through all this and my family is generally a disaster, so I can't depend on them for emotional support.

Despite all this however, I will survive one way or another. I can probably get a glorified secretary position that pays in the 60's which I am insanely overqualified for, but if my parents help me out a little I will be able to pay my rent and make my loan payments, and not have to live on ramen. However, doing this will destroy any chance I had at a career in my field and there will only be minimal advancement opportunity (if any).

I realize I'm depressed and that in the grand scheme of things I'm not that bad off, but I really have defined myself by my job and my career and it's hard for me to accept that I'm not going to be the person who has the big successful career. My confidence it totally shot, to the point of it affecting my performance in school and at work. I also find it impossible to concentrate and am always procrastinating.

How do I let the dream of having a career in my field go? How do I accept that I'm just going to be a secretary for the rest of my life? Basically, how do I just get into the mindset I need to be in to get over this, get a grip, and get started on my new life?

How to start your life over from scratch?

Smarson — Fri, 07 Dec 2007 12:35:57 -0800

If you had to walk away from your life in a split second, how would you start over? Writing a short story about a character who has to leave everything behind in his life with no prior warning. Literally set up as walking down a street and sees "x event" (something from his past) and realizes that everything associated with his current identity is compromised. Consider he has no wish other than to get away undetected and set up a new identity from scratch with only the clothes on his back and the twenty odd dollars in his pocket.

I'm struggling with how my character can accomplish this. It seems like obtaining official forms of ID is a lot harder these days than just splicing a photo booth picture of yourself over someone else's drivers license a la The Fugitive or stealing the SSN of someone who is deceased like in Enough. Not looking for a step-by-step guide to identity fraud, more just a way to reasonably explain how my character is going to manage recreating himself. Beyond identification, what steps must he take to re-integrate into society as a new person?

For the sake of argument (and those who might want to play with the narrative) assume this person is male, between 27 and 37, college educated, middle class suburban/ urban upbringing and would be trying to fit back into that cross section of society. Classic protagonist moral outlook (morally opposed to hurting others unless provoked), but willing to resort to petty crime (robbery, fraud, etc.) on a short term basis for the purposes of survival. Contacting Police/Feds/Witness Relocation Program is out of the question.

How do I find a job / apartment in a new city?

Anonymous — Thu, 21 Jun 2007 22:35:03 -0800

Any advice on moving to a new, far away city, renting an apartment, getting a job, and perhaps attending a college? What sort of planning should I go through? I intend to move to somewhere well-populated like Portland or Toronto or Amherst, where I won't know anyone.

I'm poor, I've just finished my freshman year at a large state university (which I didn't particularly enjoy, nor succeed at with a 1.9 GPA). Being away from my parents was good- I find them to be emotionally (sometimes physically abusive), and I don't want to go back, but I also don't want to be homeless.

A few questions about my future education: Is it too late to apply to good colleges for transfering in the fall semester? Would it be a waste of time attending a community college for a year before transfering?

I have some factory work, customer service, and theatre set-dressing work under my belt, as well as some good references- but I'm struggling to find work in the small town where I'm currently staying at a friend's house. There's also a huge problem here, which I intend to avoid / escape.

Aside from looking for opportunities on Craigslist, I'm really not sure how to go about doing any of this; thus any advice on starting over would be appreciated. I don't want this endeavour to end with me failing miserably, being in debt, and listening to the Old 97s song "Nineteen." I really need a life counselor.

And now for something completely different

MasonDixon — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 08:28:24 -0800

My partner and I are tired of getting beat up by institutions that ask us to do good and pay us little. We want a change! My partner and I have both spent years in the academy and in and around work in non-profits and a Mainline Protestant church. Were both just over thirty have less than 80k in previous student loans, no kids, but no house equity to dip into either.

We are both very intelligent, articulate, creative and educated people (read: liberal arts majors) who are tired of watching our "dumb" friends and acquaintances out earn us, buy houses, etc.

How can we start over? How can we get out of our "noble" and low-paying jobs into the mainstream economy? It'd sure be nice to make a REAL middle class wage.

Starting 2007 with a clean slate?

tastybrains — Wed, 27 Dec 2006 12:57:56 -0800

I'm looking for ideas or suggestions for some kind of ritual or tradition to do on New Year's Eve to really symbolize starting the new year off with a clean slate. It's been a kind of crazy year for me with ups & downs, and I am hoping to put it behind me and give myself a clean slate to work with for the new year. I know this is true for some of my friends as well. I thought it would be nice to do something on New Year's Eve to really symbolize the fresh start the new year brings.

So, I'm really interested if any of you have traditions or rituals that you do on New Year's Eve or New Year's Day that symbolize the fresh start and sort of make you feel renewed.

One idea I had was to write down negative things from the past year and put them in a coffee can and burn them. But I'd love even more ideas as to how I can go into 2007 really feeling like it's a blank slate.

I'm turning 30 and I don't know how to grow up.

orangemiles — Mon, 28 Aug 2006 10:56:05 -0800

Starting over filter: how do I find out what I'm wired to do? Taught for five years private schools and thought I'd do it forever. Moved from Chicago to Florida for husband's job, hated my public school teaching job here due to nasty children and nasty bureaucracy, and now am an administrative assistant for a home builder. Like this job ok, but I'm not sure it's scratching my itches. But teaching didn't do that, either. Am good at: teaching, organizing, communicating, vision-casting, delegating, renovating, streamlining, and being an introvert.

Husband has worked in numbers (AR, AP, procurement) for 10 years and is doing number crunching now, but as an independent consultant training and implementing accounting software. Is good at: listening, communicating, following and enforcing guidelines, anything having to do with numbers, fixing things, playing bass guitar, dealing with people, being an extrovert.

We both took a DISC personality test last week as part of our wtf-is-up-with-our-lives counseling (like a good metafilter member we sought counseling when we hit a rough patch). My test came up as a "tight pattern", meaning I'm in the midst of change and don't know who I am. His came up as good with numbers and following prescribed guidelines, but not good with change and uncertainty. Also, being an independent consultant didn't seem to be a great fit.

We moved to Florida for this job for him, and we both hate it here. We're willing to go anywhere in the country and do pretty much anything-- no kids, no significant debt, frugal lifestyle. How do we figure out what we would be best doing, and where do we go?

Are lucrative, dangerous jobs for real?

MarvinTheCat — Thu, 24 Aug 2006 18:01:14 -0800

Requesting advice for finding and starting anew in a dangerous yet lucrative or rewarding yet non-lucrative job. An example of the former would be the "I know a guy who's making $150k/year driving a truck in Iraq; an example of the latter would be Doctors Without Borders. If only I were a doctor.

Background: my wife of five years has chosen to divorce me. I grew up just outside Chicago and lived there single and with her for ten years in the city. Three years ago we moved to the suburbs of her home town: St. Louis. I haven't adjusted particularly well and she has fit back in exceptionally and chooses to proceed without me. Having no family or friends to speak of here, and a job where the best aspect is that I get to bring my dog to work, I'm not inclined to stay. But I'm not entirely sold on heading back to Chicago either.

Helpful Details:

- I do not have a military background, nor am I an especially physically imposing figure, though I am physically fit.

- I have, in the past, been certified as an EMT, and worked for our local rural ambulance service during college. (Delivered a baby! In the woman's bathroom!)

- I'm willing to relocate internationally. My sister's husband was just transferred to Singapore so they are moving there with my 2.5 year old nephew; something in that region would be a bonus.

- Unfortunately I do not have any specialized post-graduate degrees in finance, law, medicine, physical or computational sciences or the like.

- I do have lots of experience with and knowledge of the maintenance of Macintosh networks and clients and the applications most people use them for; less so with Linux, grudgingly with Windows. (You can guess what I do now in 3 . . . 2 . . .1 . . .) Where this gets me in the greater world I do not know.

- People describe me as thoughtful, careful, well-read, and exceedingly patient.

- I love animals. More than people given my current circumstances.

Thank you for your consideration and advice. I'm doing the usual internets-based research, but this site is too great a resource to not ask here also.

Help me...well, everything.

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 15:56:44 -0800

Please help, I am the moistest newborn regarding life skills. My question is this: how does a person start over after suffering a severe early setback?

When I was nineteen years old, I started taking the pill. A few weeks later, I found myself rooted to the ground with anxiety and depression. I dutifully talked to a doctor, who asked about my family history of mental illness—my father, sister, grandmother, and great-grandmother are all manic-depressive—and speedily diagnosed me as being manic-depressive as well. He started me on horse-doses of Topamax, Wellbutrin, and Klonopin. It would be an understatement to say that I reacted poorly to these drugs. My weight dropped to a hundred pounds; I fainted on a regular basis; I was overcome with fatigue and listlessness. However, when I expressed concern to my doctor, he assured me that the pills were helping, that the pills were necessary, that I would need to be on the pills for the rest of my life. It hadn’t occurred to me that the estrogen could be causing the depression, and it apparently didn’t occur to the doctor either. Needless to say, I now regard him with a hatred I would normally reserve for a bunny-swallower reeking of nun-blood.

I remember very little of the next few years. I got married when I was 21, and moved away from my family when I was 23. Removing myself from my dysfunctional parents seems to have triggered in me a desire to change; six months later, I stopped taking all the pills cold-turkey. The benzodiazepine withdrawal was excruciating, as some of you must know. I wasn’t even aware that it was a habituating drug. However, after a few months passed and the withdrawal symptoms lessened and finally disappeared, I found myself feeling so good—not euphoric, merely energetic and happy. I felt better than I had in years, better than I could remember. I felt normal and capable again, and that feeling hasn’t gone away.

How do I begin my life again? I’m 24 now, and I feel I missed out on a few years that are crucial to developing certain survival skills. I have no degree. I have no car. I have no job. I have no credit cards, no bank account. I have no money. My husband and I recently moved to Florida, so I have no friends, either. I acquired a literary agent shortly after I started taking the pills, but lost contact with him as my health began to worsen. It looks very bleak, all written out like that. It is bleak. My husband is abstractly supportive, but he seems to be more of the “throw the toddler in the pool and he’ll figure out how to swim, and if he doesn’t then it’s his own little toddler fault” type. When I talk to him about going to college, he is given to making mildly discouraging remarks—no, don’t study that; well, we’ll see if you can get in; what would you do with that degree; sure, if you can figure out a way to finance it. This…is not helpful, thought I understand that he is only trying to be practical.

I apologize if this question is too broad or vague; I posted this under my usual name so that I could clarify my situation in the comments as needed. Treat me like Rip Van Winkle—that is to say, do sexy things to me while I grow a long beard under a tree—or like a recently-released prisoner wearing the government’s stiff pants. I am not very good at asking for help, but…please help. I have no idea where to start.

Where should I start over (in life)?

necessitas — Tue, 01 Aug 2006 07:41:40 -0800

Where should I start over (in life)? I am just coming out of a long term relationship. I don't have very many friends (and the ones I do are scattered around the country). I've spent the past y years moving around quite a bit, so I don't have a support system in any one particular area. So I am pretty much figuring out how to start over from scratch, with almost no support system and no real direction. My family have all moved away from the city and state in which I grew up (Miami, FL), so "moving back home" isn't an option, either. I don't have many friends, but the few I do have are all married, settled into their lives and scattered around the country. I didn't put down any roots in the area where I lived for the past 3 years (the whole boyfriend-is-my-life thing, I'm ashamed to admit), so staying in that area isn't an option (not to mention the fact that it is dull, near-rural with cow pastures as far as the eye can see).

If you were in your early 30's and feeling sort of unanchored, where would you go to start over? I am looking for a place that does have interesting culture and nightlife, something more affordable than LA or NY and a place where it would be easy to meet new people as an early 30's transplant. I prefer city to suburba, but I guess I wouldn't really mind if I lived in an interesting suburban area with lots going on. My dream area is somewhere with good public transportation (I realize that almost every area in the country has public transportation, but it isn't really used as a preferred mode of transport in most places) and/or plenty of things in walking distance so I could walk to coffee shops, bars, etc. My dream city is actually London, however, since I am a US citizen, that isn't even an option (not to mention cost of living).

Some options are NOVA/DC area or Phoenix. The Northern Virginia area is where my mother now lives. However, I have never heard great things about the area. People are constantly saying that it is a transient area, hard to meet people, etc. I don't know if this is reality or not (for the record, it is where I am staying at the moment while I figure out my next move). My sister lives in Phoenix and likes it. I don't know if it is the place for me or not, I really don't know much about it.

I like interesting cities like Portland, OR and Asheville, NC, but I'm not sure either cities are ideal to live in. I must admit, one of the main reasons I am hesitant about Portland is due to all the discouraging responses I've read here on AskMe about moving to portland. Asheville, while I love it, seems like a better place to visit than live.

Some specifics: early 30's, single, female. I don't really have much of an established career. I used to have a career in market research, but I haven't done much with it in the past 5 years. I presently have a fledgling business, but working for yourself is a bit isolating so I am afraid I will have to give that up for a 9-5 in order to fit into a new area. If that is the case, I will need to move to an area where I will be able to find a job (another fear about portland). For fun, I like yoga, shopping, museums, bookstores, nightlife . . . that sort of thing. I like some outdoorsy/adventure/nature type activities, but not on a daily basis.

I am not a "joiner" or an outgoing person, but I realize that new friends aren't going to fall from the sky. Thus, my new location would have to have lots of opportunities for me to meet other people in their 30s, as opposed to plenty of opportunities for new college grads, people in their early-mid 20s to meet other people. Additionally, in this area, early 30's and single needs to be the norm. So, Salt Lake City is out (not that it was ever an option to begin with, I am not LDS). For the past 3 years, I lived in lancaster where people get married and start having famlies either right out of high school or right out of college. Nothing wrong with it, but it will makes it hard to meet other like-minded friends/dates. Finally, I neither belong to nor plan to join a religious organization, so I won't be meeting people through church/temple/mosque.

Ok, so now you have all the specifics, where should I start over from scratch. Also, I am feeling a bit like an alien, in my thirties with few friends, no support system and totally not "established," so if you have experienced this as well, anecdotes are welcome.

Can I take a mulligan on college?

mullacc — Mon, 24 Apr 2006 18:05:35 -0800

ReDoFilter: Is it a good idea to go back to college? I graduated with an undergrad degree in finance 3 years ago. I currently work on Wall Street and while I've been successful thus far, this is not the path I want to follow.

I am employed at-will, but my job is a two-year program (starting this summer) - after 2 years it is up or out. I'd be thrilled to walk away now, but if I stay the next two years I will have saved up a good amount of money.

So, I know want I don't want to do, but I have no idea what I do want to do. What really gets me excited is the idea of spending a few years getting the education I've always wanted - a thorough education in philosophy, literature and the liberal arts in general. Not only does this type of education interest me in and of itself, but I think it is the kind of setting that would allow me to figure out what I want to do with the rest of my life, or at least, how I want to make a living.

I've begun to look at the type of programs out there that will take a non-traditional student like myself. A place like St. John's College sounds very interesting. My savings over the next couple years would make it financially feasible to do another 4-year undergrad degree at a school like that.

So, my question: is this a good idea? I know people return to college all the time, but it seems like they usually have a specific vocation or goal in mind. I'd be going in completely blind. Perhaps I'm just pining for my college days after putting up with the corporate grind for a few years? It feels more real than that, but I'd be interested to hear if my feelings sound like the normal quarter-life crisis freak-out. I'd also be happy to hear about the experience of anyone that may have gone through a similar situation.

A move like this would probably prohibit a return to Wall Street, but I'm confident that I could use my experience to land a less prestigious job in finance if all goes awry.

How do I get one of those "career" thingys?

Anonymous — Wed, 28 Dec 2005 18:41:23 -0800

AdviceFilter: Help a 34 year old high school dropout start his education/career over. I apologize in advance if this is long and lacking a true narrative line.

I’m in a long-term relationship with a woman who wants to eventually be a stay-at-home mom, at least until the kids are in school. We’d like to have at least two kids, one or both of which we’d like to adopt. As she won’t be working for a number of years, it will be up to me to be the sole earner for our family. She and I have been discussing ways for me to improve my earning power.

The bad news: I am in therapy for a variety of psychological disorders, including Bi-Polar II & anxiety (I’m on Zoloft & Wellbutrin XL for those), very mild OCD (mainly expressing as fingernail/cuticle chewing), and sex, food & video game addictions. My conditions are well under control, and my partner knows everything about them.

The good news: Not to brag, but I’m a pretty smart person; both book smart and street/common sense smart. I can hold my own in a variety of subjects; in fact, a friend of mine (who holds a number of degrees) called me a “polymath”, which I suppose is sort of a renaissance (not the “faire”) geek.

I dropped out of high school at seventeen, holding a 3.8 GPA; not because I couldn't handle the work, but because I couldn't handle the social aspects. Went to college for a short time, but finally quit and started working full time. Worked a variety of retail jobs, at 24 I started working as a temp/contractor in offices. I am currently on a long-term assignment at a large company, making around $16 an hour, with no health insurance. There’s a good chance that I’ll be hired on permanently in the next few months; at around $42,000 a year plus benefits.

I have great MS Word skills, especially in proofing/editing. I’m okay in Excel & PowerPoint. I would like to work in a more creative field. I handle stress well, and enjoy beating deadlines and problem solving. I consider myself to be a great combination of the creative and workhorse types.

I would like to go back to school and get a degree. I have considered a number of career paths. One thing I thought I might be good at is working as a pharmacist; I am meticulous in my work habits, and skilled at remembering detailed information and doing research. Plus, I’ve read that there is a currently a shortage of pharmacists, and many start at $80K per year.

I also think I might enjoy working as a video/film editor. The meticulous nature, combined with the occasional chance to be artistic seems like a good fit for me.

I’ve also considered a job that would allow me to work at home, like a home-based administrative assistant/office help sort of employment, or some such situation.

From the skills I’ve described above (creative/artistic, great at/enjoys research, analytical mind, great problem solver, good with office software, meticulous), what educational/career path would you suggest for me? Thanks for listening.