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How do I get over deep anger at my spouse over moving for his career?

My husband finally got the tenure-track academic job at an awesome university he's been working towards his whole life. So how can I get myself to stop hating him for it? Lots of rambling inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 11, 2014 - 86 answers

Concerned with husband's recent forays into binge drinking

My moderate-drinker husband has twice in the last month drank to the point of repeatedly vomiting. These binges are out of character and deeply concerning. Should he see his doctor? What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2014 - 42 answers

Will my husband be fired for this?

Help! My husband is in deep trouble at work for meeting with me on a recent business trip. Although he had the permission of his superiors to meet me, they are still going to hold an investigative hearing, which could result in his demotion, suspension, or even termination. He has offered to provide documentation proving that our meeting was not a flagrant attempt at violating company policy, but his superiors are not interested in seeing it. In spite of his long tenure, it isn't looking too good. What can we do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 11, 2014 - 38 answers

Why did you not tell me about medical appt?

Just received a voicemail from a breast surgeon's office confirming my wife's appointment tomorrow. Problem? My wife has told me nothing of this. I'm kind of pissed. My first reaction is to pick up phone and be angry about her hiding this from me, but then I took a deep breath and tried to figure out why I don't know. I don't want to cause a huge fight if she has something serious medical going on, but WTF? FWIW, my wife has a history of abnormal mammos and was biopsied once before and everything was benign. I'm going to call her shortly, but don't want to bring anger to table...how do I do that? Signed, Concerned but angered
posted by teg4rvn on Jan 21, 2014 - 48 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

What to do when your equal-division-of-labor spouse is too hurt to help?

My husband got into a pretty bad accident this week and will need surgery in a few days. He is at home and his pain is managed, but he can't move around much. I'm now in charge of doing everything in our house as well as taking care of him, and I'm having trouble coping. [more inside]
posted by oysters oysters oysters eat eat eat on Aug 31, 2013 - 28 answers

How to best help husband recover post-vasectomy?

My husband is taking one for the team...so to speak. He's going in for a vasectomy on Wednesday, and has already planned to take the next day off from (office) work. Aside from frozen peas and ice cream, what can I do to make it easier on him? [more inside]
posted by ninjakins on Aug 12, 2013 - 21 answers

Job pairing: A Physician and a ?

I am about to enter medical school. My partner works in an entirely unrelated field, but doesn't plan to stay in that field. It recently occurred to us that (with appropriate training) he could switch to a job in healthcare that would enable us to work together after I finish my residency and begin my practice. We are trying to come up with an exhaustive list of jobs that exist in the office of a primary care physician in private practice. Can you help us flesh it out? The things we've thought of so far are nurse, nurse practitioner, billing and coding, office manager, bookkeeper. Please point out if you know of someone who does this job in the same office as their partner/spouse.
posted by anonymous on Jul 28, 2013 - 29 answers

Massachusetts Tenant Blues

My landlord thinks that all Massachusetts tenants have the right to move their spouses into a rental property. For this reason, he wants to charge my roommate extra rent, even though his wife has no plans to move in. What rights do we have as tenants in this situation? [more inside]
posted by summit on Jul 24, 2013 - 12 answers

Boyfriend's progressively disabling (terminal?) illness

My boyfriend has a progressively disabling illness -- a form of muscular dystrophy. He will lose the ability to walk and easily get out of bed, etc., in about 10-15 years. We've been together for five very happy years, but that said, we are young (early 20s) and don't have many responsibilities other than school. My friends really like him, and so does my family. We've been very open with one another and have great communication. However, my parents are adamant that I find somebody else due to his illness. They won't force me to break up with my boyfriend, because they know he's a fantastic person, but will continuously express discontent when I hang out with him. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 30, 2013 - 55 answers

Spouse's forgetfulness

My spouse's forgetfulness is a never ending source of intermittent random stressful events. I respond with panic and frustration. Hoping I can get some help with my reaction to these events. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 20, 2013 - 21 answers

Can my husband take FMLA to clean up the house, because I can't?

I'm currently not working, due to what might be fibromyalgia and/or chronic fatigue (and it might not, some doctors disagree, but that's aside from the issue at hand). My husband has stepped up and taken over all house and yard work, but the mess has been building up for years as my health has been deteriorating. I'm wondering if my husband can use FMLA to take some time off to help get caught up with the house and yard work? [more inside]
posted by [insert clever name here] on Mar 2, 2013 - 17 answers

It's like having an obnoxious in-law, but not.

My friend and his wife are visiting later this year. I enjoy my friend's company very much, but being around his wife for more than a day or two drives me nuts. Help me find some way to mitigate this without damaging our friendship in the process. [more inside]
posted by Broseph on Jan 14, 2013 - 19 answers

Health Insurance for Younger-than-Medicare-Age Spouse?

I'm 51, spouse is 58. When he retires at SS age (let's say 68), he will be eligible for Medicare (age 65). I won't. Spouse currently gets good group health insurance, which covers both of us, through his full-time job. I don't work for money and haven't for 20 years. If he retires in 10 yrs, at 68, he will be covered by Medicare (assuming anyone is by then ...). But I will be only 61 then, so I won't be eligible for Medicare for 4 more years. What are my health insurance options? (We live in NH now.) Believe me, thinking about this keeps me up at night.
posted by mmw on Dec 22, 2012 - 11 answers

Buy a house without a spouse?

Buying a house while married but physically separated -- what are the possible issues? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 14, 2012 - 5 answers

Health Insurance Coverage for Separated Spouse?

I have a question regarding employer's health insurance coverage of a separated spouse. I understand that the information I might (hopefully) be given would be general and not necessarily pertinent in my case but since it's close to a holiday and I cannot get more specific information until next week, I'm hoping that some general info will calm the freakout I feel just around the corner. [more inside]
posted by SweetTeaAndABiscuit on Nov 20, 2012 - 9 answers

Help for the spouse of someone with mental health issues

I really need help with being married to -- and raising a young child with -- someone who's living with long-term anger issues, depression, anxiety, and OCD (obsessive fear of doing violent things). I feel alone, sad, exhausted, and in way over my head. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 15, 2012 - 9 answers

How To Deal With Spouse Stress?

My husband has just gotten a new job in his dream company at much higher pay/benefits after a long and stressful search. That's the good part. The bad part is this job involves a lot more responsibility, longer hours, commuting time, and a much bigger project to oversee. How can I help him deal with the increased workload and stress when he is clearly having trouble adjusting to it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 12, 2012 - 13 answers

At this rate, there will be sixteen by next week.

Cool or uncool: your spouse gets a second dog from a local shelter without asking or consulting you? [more inside]
posted by fatllama on Sep 7, 2012 - 88 answers

Housework Blues

I'm confused about how to equitably split up housework. I am messier than my spouse, and to him this means I should do all the housework. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2012 - 54 answers

What to do when someone you love is lying to you?

What do you do when someone you love is lying to you? Details inside! Thanks for the advice:) [more inside]
posted by blubutterfly on Apr 4, 2012 - 39 answers

Debts and Death

My father died recently. We're mostly past the grieving stage and into the dealing-with-his-lack-of-money stage. My mother has apparently been driving herself insane trying to figure this out. I just found out about it, and would like as much info, pointers, or anecdotes as possible so I can keep her stressfree. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by mad bomber what bombs at midnight on Feb 27, 2012 - 20 answers

How to prevent self sabotage?

Asking for a friend: How can a person get over a crippling anxiety of getting dumped? [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on Feb 20, 2012 - 11 answers

How do I pursue my career and not leave my husband in a depressive mess?

After 2 years in a crappy job, I finally have an opportunity for more work with another company! So excited! Problem 1: the work is 1000 miles away. Problem 2: I’m afraid if I leave for periods at a time my husband might fall into depression. [more inside]
posted by feidr2 on Feb 16, 2012 - 10 answers

I've made a huge tiny mistake

Should I run away from the job I just got because a to-be-coworker's wife is sending up danger signs? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2011 - 36 answers

Yes, I'm putting on my own oxygen mask. Now help me help others.

Yes, I'm putting on my own oxygen mask. Now help me help others. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 14, 2011 - 12 answers

How can I support my spouse in their job search

How can I best support my partner during their teaching job search? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2011 - 11 answers

How does one cultivate genuine gratitude?

How do I cultivate gratitude for my wife, without feeling like I'm sucking up to her or giving-in to her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 15, 2011 - 22 answers

In sickness and in crippling fear of you judging me

Be Excellent To Each Other: Anxious Spouse Edition [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 6, 2011 - 7 answers

What's a nicer way to say "BUTT OUT"?

My husband is critical, I'm defensive, we fight. What are some tricks for defusing situations like this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 6, 2011 - 33 answers

Wife attacks me while asleep. Why?

So my wife tends to dig her fingernails into me when we're both asleep. Why? [more inside]
posted by Brocktoon on Mar 22, 2011 - 16 answers

Mom and Pop Conundrum

A husband-wife freelancing team has decided to become "official" in the eyes of Uncle Sam. It's just that the poor old guy doesn't make sense some times. Any mefites out there familiar with starting a business with their significant other? [more inside]
posted by shiggins on Feb 20, 2011 - 11 answers

How to help friend pick up her life after losing her spouse

How can I help a friend who has lost her spouse at a very young age get on with life? A dear friend passed away in august last year after a long sickbed. He was only 32, and leaves behind his girlfriend, who is just 23. I'm worried about her. [more inside]
posted by charles kaapjes on Feb 9, 2011 - 25 answers

Secure and simple way to document accounts for spouse?

Secure and simple way to document accounts for spouse? [more inside]
posted by patrad on Jan 10, 2011 - 17 answers

I can work in the Netherlands, but how do I find a job?

I'm entitled to work in the Netherlands, now how do I find a job? Only catch - I don't speak Dutch [more inside]
posted by nerdfish on Dec 13, 2010 - 6 answers

Should he stay (away from the vet) or should he go (in for surgery?)

Who wins? The spouse who wants to pay the thousands of dollars to fix what's wrong with their cat or the spouse who doesn't. [more inside]
posted by smirkyfodder on Nov 2, 2010 - 79 answers

Atheist ISO non-religious Al-Anon-style support

I am very deeply in love with and married to a man who has substance abuse problems - particularly alchohol and cigarettes. I am not interested in leaving him. My powerlessness to help him causes me pain, and my misguided attempts to "fix" him are painful for him. Watching him destroy himself is destroying me, and is making me less loving a partner than he deserves. I've looked into Al-anon but, being passionately atheist and unable to reconcile myself with its higher power BS, I have not been to any meetings. Please help me find alternatives. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 22, 2010 - 23 answers

Help convince spouse to take risk

How can I help convince my spouse to support me in an entrepreneurial endeavor? She is risk-adverse and I'm sick of white collar jobs. [more inside]
posted by patrad on Sep 29, 2010 - 32 answers

Why can't I win even if I win?

When you "win" an argument with your spouse, it's not really winning, or is it? [more inside]
posted by abdulf on Sep 17, 2010 - 47 answers

But he hasn't seen my college campus!

What's the easiest way for my husband and I to visit my family in the US? [more inside]
posted by bardophile on Aug 2, 2010 - 12 answers

James and Mary we're not

Help me navigated the political differences between me and my spouse! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 28, 2010 - 42 answers

I Screwed Up My Marriage

Help. I screwed up my marriage. I "emotionally" cheated on my wife with an ex-girlfriend and now I'm afraid the damage is done. I'm looking for any help or suggestions. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 8, 2010 - 44 answers

So I'm an ingrate, right?

How do I ask my awesome husband for gifts on special occasions? I am a little disappointed that he did not get me anything for my first Mother's Day (other than a very thoughtful and loving and personal card and flowers he added to the basket the day before when we were shopping together). I hate to sound like an ingrate, but I was a bit disappointed that I didn't get a little gift-wrapped something. Should I say something or should I accept this is the way he is? [more inside]
posted by bigwoopdeedoo on May 10, 2010 - 83 answers

I know my spouse cares about me. Why can't I shake the feeling that the opposite is the case?

How do I cope with my spouse's total lack of interest in my work and creative pursuits? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 25, 2010 - 21 answers

Dream Vacay without the fiance

I am getting married in early July. I was offered a month long, all expenses paid trip to London for the month of May by my job. My fiance will have to work and can't go with me. She is not thrilled by the idea. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 7, 2010 - 91 answers

Spouses on academic interviews?

The search committee encouraged Mr. Anonymous to bring me on his campus interview. Huh? Do I go? And if so, how do I handle it gracefully? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 7, 2010 - 16 answers

Help me please my wife without buying any pills.

2010 is the year of My Happy Wife. Oh Wives, Girlfriends and other partners, help me find things - large and small - I can do with/for her, and give her, that will help make this her best year ever. [more inside]
posted by HopStopDon'tShop on Jan 5, 2010 - 41 answers

I like not catching colds, but I also like kissing my wife

If your spouse catches a cold, how likely are you to catch it from them? [more inside]
posted by ManInSuit on Nov 9, 2009 - 23 answers

Can my wife work for me?

Is there a financially beneficial way to bring my spouse on as an employee in my consulting business? [more inside]
posted by teg4rvn on Sep 29, 2009 - 8 answers

How do you deal with the unexpected death of a spouse?

Have you lost a spouse at a very young age? How did you cope? [more inside]
posted by mrbill on Jun 21, 2009 - 73 answers

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