Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with socialphobia

Have you ever had a fear of strangers?

humblepigeon — Tue, 25 Aug 2009 10:40:51 -0800

Have you ever suffered from a general fear of strangers? What did/do you do? Read on for more info. I don't know what you'd call it (and it might be useful to avoid classifications), but nearly all the time I'm balanced on a knife edge between being totally accepting of strangers, and being prejudiced and cynical about them. I know this is a defense mechanism, but I feel it is holding me back socially.

Have you ever had this? What do you do to combat it? Is it possible to get to a stage where you can be totally cool with all kinds of strangers?

I'd like to avoid theories and/or diagnosing in this thread. Let's just keep it to practical, useful advice if we can. Thanks.

Remember you can always message me privately if you don't want to chat here.

Help me find some new drugs

Anonymous — Mon, 03 Aug 2009 06:23:14 -0800

I use to self-medicate with marijuana for my social-anxiety and low-level depression...can that fact be used to direct me towards a specific antidepressant? Several years ago I was smoking pot very regularly - it was essentially a miracle drug for my semi-severe social anxiety. It would totally relax me around other people, even strangers, and allow me to speak, smile, and have an otherwise "normal" social life.

After a couple bad experiences, and several months of being alone and smoking by myself regularly, it completely turned on me and now I can't even smoke with my good friends without having a complete freakout of social paranoia...

I've been wondering...I have tried a number of SSRI's, with only very subtle improvements in my social anxiety and overall mood. I'm still searching for a better solution to supplement therapy. Is there any research on how cannabis acts on the brain, specifically with regards to anxiety and depression, which might point me towards a specific antidepressant to try?

Research or anecdotal information - any help would be appreciated. Thanks!

Sea of lies

Anonymous — Tue, 21 Oct 2008 06:56:33 -0800

Please help me become a better person. Tales of shame, guilt and lies follow. I have issues. I feel down almost all of the time, and guilt and shame are a big part of my thoughts on a daily basis. I've recently gotten to the point where I'm seeking help, and I've been diagnosed with dysthymic disorder and social phobia so far, and I think there's a fair chance that avoidant personality disorder will be added to that. I'm still in some sort of intake/testing phase and I've been told it'll probably be a month or two before I get a therapist.

I want to change, I really do, because my life right now sucks. One big problem is that I've lied. I've lied to family, and those few I could call friends. I've lied about how things are going with me (I've said I feel fine, I don't), how things are going with my degree (I've said they're going okay, they're not), about my social life (I say I have friends, I basically know no one in the city I live in besides my flatmates), about past relationships (I've said I've had a girlfriend, I've never had one). I've both told outright lies, and lied by omission. I've lied because I'm so ashamed of who I am and what my life is like. I want to stop lying, but all those lies are already out there, and I can't undo them, and they won't go away without a full confession. I'm scared beyond belief at the thought of confessing, and I'm not sure it's the right thing to do (or how to go about it). But then on the other hand I feel I can't keep lying. I don't know what to do. I want to tell the truth, but I'm afraid everyone will look down upon me for lying to them (and it would be well within their right to do so).

It's mainly the lies I don't know what to do about. But if you've got any general advice on how to deal with depression, social anxiety and feelings of guilt and shame, please tell.

Moderately screwed up. Hand me that ratchet, Nurse.

rosemere — Mon, 02 Apr 2007 12:28:47 -0800

Therapy or bootstraps? I have no friends beyond immediate family and online acquaintances. I can't clean house or do my home-based job because I get distracted -- by surfing the Net, even though it gets boring and I get less and less pleasure from it, by eating, by walking around the house, or by doing anything but the productive work I know I need to do to be happy. I have a very difficult time even reading a complete book, and I have always been an avid reader. And I have almost completely starved the creative part of myself. I have almost nothing to show for my life over the past twenty years. I'm seeing my family doctor this week to get a referral, but I have tried psychotherapy once as a teen, once in university, and once in my thirties over many of the same issues, and found that typical talk therapist could either be out-smarted or else they were dispensing cookie cutter advice.

In my first year at a small alternative high school, I hid from fellow students. If I was walking down the hall and people were approaching, I would duck down a side hall so I wouldn't have to greet them. Somehow things turned around the next year and I developed a circle of friends, and I was reasonably sociable and happy. The same thing happened in during my undergraduate degree, where I had several new friends and was part of two overlapping social circles.

But I grew less and less adept at gaining friends as the years passed. In grad school, I saw two women who never met each other before form a fast and deep friendship. I was part of the larger social circle they were part of, but always felt I was on the periphery.

And after leaving university and getting away from the few comfortable social circles I had held onto for 10 years, I found myself around people I didn't feel comfortable with. I was too old, or too shy, or awkward, and I didn't try to make friends.

But now I'm in my 40s. For the past ten years, I haven't even tried to be sociable. My husband and I hardly go out. Our mutual circle of friends has almost completely melted away and his current friends are people from his job (yes, young and attractive and smart and intimidating, and I feel that I embarrass myself around them).

When people talk about the friends they have from childhood or college, I look back and see friends I used to have that I would be ashamed to meet now. I am even more embarrassed that I don't have friends now. I know this is stupid, but it's my gut reaction.

So -- yeah. Social isolation. Self-esteem issues. Some depression. Difficulty concentrating. Do I give therapy another go, or should I just sit down and try some basic, sensible things like volunteering, taking some classes, etc.? That could help with the social isolation, but I still have issues with concentration and focus that may or may not resolve on their own.

(One thing I very recently realized is that I may need to either "incubate" with a group for a year or more to find my place in it, or else I need to be thrown in the deep end by literally living with people, as I did in university co-op housing for a couple of years or in the 6 weeks of French immersion I took one summer before university. I probably won't move into communal living any time soon, but I may need to find a comfy niche for a year before the specific friends issue gets better.)

how do you overcome shyness?

adampsyche — Fri, 15 Oct 2004 06:44:36 -0800

How do you overcome extreme shyness?