Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with socialising

And... uh... what's your name again?

forza — Thu, 22 Oct 2009 03:49:57 -0800

What kinds of generic questions are good to use in social situations (groups, parties, etc) when there are awkward silences? I don't exactly have stellar social skills -- I mean, they're not hideous or anything, but I do way better at one-on-one interactions with close friends than anything else. Yet life seems to keep throwing me in situations in which I must talk socially with people, and I feel like I could improve my skills in this area.

One thing I have noticed that I do badly happens when there are awkward silences. I become uncomfortable and babble. Very often I will leap in with some funny / self-deprecating story, which often works, but fails if you do it too much - and I don't like feeling like I'm talking about myself too much. Or I will "mock" insult other people (targeted to people who I know won't be bothered), but again, this only really works in small doses, and only if such people are around.

The advice often given on MetaFilter in this situation is to ask questions to other people and get them talking, but this is where I fail miserably. What questions?!? Very often these are people I sort of know, or it's in group situations, so "how many siblings do you have again?" type things are awkward and strange (or I already know the answer). I know nothing about fashion, so questions like "where did you buy that necklace/scarf/etc" die a painful death once they answer, because I don't know how to respond. I recently moved to Australia from the US so I don't understand most of the major sports, nor do I have a favourite team, so general sports-related questions don't work either. (I'm trying to cultivate an interest in at least one of them but this will take a while).

When I ask people in real life for advice most people say to ask about whatever I am truly interested in -- but the problem is that most of the time I am interested in things that aren't conducive to general social chit-chat: I'm an enormous geek so I will be thinking things like "I wonder how you could capture the social dynamics of this scenario with an agent-based system" or whatever. Unless you're in a very specialised crowd, these sorts of thoughts are not the kind of thing that leads to good questions (and I don't have as much problem when I'm with that sort of crowd).

I was hoping people could give me examples of generic questions that I could memorise and have to hand when in these situations. Non-intrusive, friendly, useful in a variety of contexts, and just aimed to be conversational filler and polite chit-chat. I know this may seem like a silly request, but pretend I am an alien from outer space and need everything spelled out in detail. Bonus points if you can kind of sketch out how to deal with the sort of answers these questions often get.

And just to clarify: I'm not asking for questions that work with people you have just met. I'm asking for questions appropriate for people you kinda-sorta know, and are friendly-ish with, but are not close friends nor probably will never be; e.g. at work-related social situations, or talking to a friend of a friend at the bar while the friend goes off to get drinks.

What to ask other than "What do you do"?

jouke — Thu, 03 Jul 2008 13:13:15 -0800

What other questions can I use than "what do you do" at the SF mefi meetup tonight? I'm looking for alternative stock questions to have at hand when meeting people I don't know and have no obvious things in common with. Maybe I can use them at the SF mefi meetup tonight!

"what do you do" doesn't always work. F.i. when people are bored or frustrated with their jobs or the job is very obscure.
I'd like to have other stock questions at hand when momentarily stumped that have a good chance of bringing out interesting sides of people or that germinate interesting interactions.

I'm not really looking for general advice on socialising or observations on the insufficiency of stock questions etc. Thanks.

How to ignite post day out conversation?

oxala — Sat, 09 Dec 2006 18:32:28 -0800

After a long day in the company of others, how do you keep conversation fresh during the evening and nite? After spending some "intensive" time with companions during the day, which tends to exhaust conversation about what we are seeing and doing as we see and do it, how do you then reignite conversation over dinner and into the night? I know these people and their background inside out so getting to know them is not a problem and I don't have much in common with them. I see them everyday so nobody needs to hear our life story or daily happenings. As the host I feel I should keep the night flowing, but it's hard. Reminiscing over the day is okay for a few minutes but not really condusive to an enjoyable night.

Any ideas? Party games and the like not really appropriate.

Need some NICE pubs/bars in or near Soho, London

angryjellybean — Thu, 02 Nov 2006 06:33:32 -0800

Need some NICE pubs/bars in or near Soho, London, for this Friday/Saturday that aren't too expensive!! Firstly, the 'not too expensive' part is very important. i.e. anything above something like £3.50 for a single vodka and coke is out the window.

I have a friend staying this weekend and it's likely we will be out and around town Friday and/or Saturday night.

Rather than settling in one place it'd be nicer to visit a number of pubs or bars, all within walking distance of each other, and preferably within or near Soho/Tottenham Court Road/Oxford Street, but the main requisite is that it has a nice atmosphere.

Not too studenty but not too dressy either, so that 3 twenty-something girls can chat and drink and feel comfortable that they're not under/overdressed or feel like they have to dance because of the club-like style of the place. Also no chains like Revolutions or O'Neills - it's just not inspired enough.

Oh and p.s. anything open AFTER 11pm would be fantastic - why does everything in this area seem to close at 11 and send you off to £10-entry clubs??