Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with social

How to entertain parents you don't get along with?

thegreatcokeolympics — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 10:29:58 -0800

Activities to do in San Francisco for mellow people... My parents and I will be visiting SF for christmas and staying a few days after. This is the first time in a while we are spending time together due to the inevitable drama and negativity that comes when we get together. I really want this trip to go well! I need some suggestions for activities that will keep us preoccupied (so we don't have the chance to argue or complain), but not annoy us, and by us, I mean my mother. This means nothing too loud or that has that "young person" vibe. I'm 28 and my parents are in their mid 50s, so I'm aiming for something age neutral.

I ask for suggestions because I seem to either find young person hot spots or family oriented spots (which inevitably means directed at kids), but nothing in between. Please point me in the right direction!

Also, nothing too expensive.

Thanks in advance for your help!

WorkAccidentFilter: Help me protect my mother.

jofuu — Tue, 22 Dec 2009 07:52:07 -0800

She's burned her hands at work and I fear the company doesn't even want her around. Here's a little (err, lengthy) backstory...

My mother just turned fifty years old. Previously, she ran her own house cleaning business for seven years before her arthritis forced her to leave. Over the past few years she's gone from job to job, never really fitting in and usually leaving (or being let go) from around 6 months to a year. Mostly she has picked up work waiting at various restaurants, but at five feet tall, diagnosed with post-trauma stress, alcoholism and arthritis it shouldn't be too difficult to understand why things haven't worked out. Unfortunately this is the type of work she's done all her life.

She has a tendency to be overbearing in that she never stops talking (in part, I feel, from the very solitary lifestyle she's acquired.) She doesn't really have friends because of this and, having no friends and little family who care to deal with her stress, has absolutely no confidence and seems to be always throwing herself under the bus in an effort of falling under the good graces of others.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So last week she started at a little soup shop that just opened up in her town. After a few days of training they eventually stuck her in the back kitchen thawing and handling bags of hot soup (160 - 200 degrees F). After her first day she complained that she had burned her hands. (The shop didn't supply their workers with any sort of protective wear) She had even attempted to explain to her boss the situation, but he was "busy". By morning the pain had not gone away so she visited the walk in hospital where they told her she had first degree burns and that she shouldn't be handling anything so hot in the near future. She was advised to have her boss file an accident report and then file workmen's comp.

The next day she was scheduled to work the front register and she went in as scheduled. Upon arriving she learned she would once again be handling the hot soup in the kitchen. Knowing that if she complained, not only would she incur the scrutiny of her boss, but her coworkers also - she stuck it out another day in the kitchen (she said her hands had been feeling better and would work with them). Last night she calls me up crying because again her hands are burned. She called the hospital back and they told her she should DEFINITELY not have worked in the kitchen, and that until she files workmen's comp. she shouldn't be working at all. So she called out of work today and explained what was needed before she could return. My obvious concern is what repercussions her attendance will have on her future employment with the company, and if the negligence on the part of her boss is wholly unwarranted and due, in part, to a personal bias against my mothers individual persona.

In the event she is let go, or neglected to the effect of her leaving, how can I protect her? I just helped her sign a lease on a new apartment and I don't know what we will do if her income is cut off. For the past few months she has received unemployment (which we will only partial now that she has a new job).
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Her situation is recurring. The opinion of her family and former friends generally falls somewhere between sympathy and an attitude of questioning her ethics and values. She comes from a staunchly lower-middle class family (Catholic, nonetheless) but the town she was born and raised, which she raised my brother and I, has been slowly inculcated with an air of superiority due to a flood of new money. Life here is too fast for her, no doubt, but there is no where else to go. (and I can guarantee you, if there was money for a lawyer I wouldn't be posting this on Metafilter, no offense :) )

Yes, she struggles with alcoholism and has been charged with various petty charges due to her behavior when drinking, but she attends all the programs the state demands of her (at the expense of her time/energy/money). She's a very lonely person who doesn't have the means to help herself, and most people around her blame her struggles solely on her, or at least cannot make the effort to see the effect of the larger social system on the individual. One last thing I would like to mention is that, when she realized she had a drinking problem years ago she brought it up to social services and asked for help for the three of us, wherein DCF charged her with neglect and threatened to remove us from the home. She was in the middle of getting a degree so she could become a teacher and, now with much time wasted due to the neglect charge, finished her degree for nought. (At the risk of this becoming a tirade I would just like to throw it out there that in my opinion social services in the United States have much more to due with maintaining a population of workers than it does with helping individuals better their lives.)

What gift(s) could I request for Christmas that would make my life more interesting, social, or creative?

Kirn — Wed, 09 Dec 2009 02:41:00 -0800

What gift(s) could I request for Christmas that would make my life more interesting, social, or creative? I've been asked by my mother for suggestions of what she could get me for Christmas. Recently I've realised that I spend too much time reading books, watching movies and playing video games, and not enough time doing creative or interesting things, attending cultural events, or being sociable and meeting new people. This is particularly daft as I live in the interesting city of Brighton, an hour outside the even more interesting city of London.

What gift(s) could I ask for that would help me to have a more interesting, social, creative 2010? There's infinite interesting stuff happening in London (and Brighton), so what would give me an excuse to see/do more of it? There's infinite new creative activities I could get involved in (none of which I really engage with currently) so what would give me an entry into them? What would get me out the house? What would get me outside my comfort zone? What would bring a bit more culture, a bit more social scene into my life?

Absolutely any and all suggestions welcome, I'd love a wide grab-bag of ideas. Thanks!

I am an author; now how do I convince others of that fact?

googly — Mon, 07 Dec 2009 08:46:49 -0800

How do I best reflect my contribution to a multi-authored academic paper? I am a co-author on an academic paper in the social sciences that has a total of six authors. One author (I'll call him "Dave") and I have done the vast bulk of the writing and revising of the manuscript. This is agreed upon by all, as is the fact that Dave should be first author. The question is, how can we best reflect my contribution in the order of authors? The two common possibilities are second or last authorship, e.g.:

- Dave, Me, W, X, Y, Z, "Title." [This signifies my second authorship, but doesn't really distinguish me from anyone else].

- Dave, W, X, Y, Z, Me, "Title." [This distinguishes me, but my impression is that last author is often interpreted as a ceremonial role for a PI, and can actually imply that the person didn't contribute anything substantive at all].

I normally don't like to nit-pick about this kind of stuff, and honestly feel a bit silly even asking the question. Consultations with colleagues and Dr. Wiki haven't helped. But this is my first multiply co-authored paper, it will be placed in a very high-profile journal, and I want people to recognize that the ideas and analysis are mine and Dave's. My specific questions:

- Would second or last authorship better reflect the fact that Dave and I are the two primary authors of the article?

- We already specify the extent of my and Dave's roles in the authorship statement, but does anybody actually read these?

I've accidentally been leading a friend on.

brenton — Sat, 05 Dec 2009 01:59:47 -0800

Help me clean up a complicated friend-triangle before it becomes a messy love-triangle. Ok, context: three classmates (John, Jane and Jannet) at my grad school and I have become very close this semester. The four of us hang out almost every day.

The problem is that Jannet thinks that she and I have a thing going. I guess you could say I have been leading her on... but it's more complicated than that.

I actually like Jane a lot, but Jane likes John (who likes her, but may not be entirely serious about it). So the result is that Jane, who doesn't want to lead me on, has sort of been avoiding me and being close to John when the four of us hang out, which leaves Jannet and I together all the time. Like whenever we sit down, John is on the end next to Jane, then Jannet, then I. It's just the social dynamic of the group leaves Jannet and I paired. Since the four of us spend hours together every day, it has been looking like Jannet and I are "an item" and I was oblivious to it until recently. It seems I am always the last one to know about these sort of things.

I dearly love all three of these people in the most platonic sense, crushes aside. I don't want things to become weird, but I don't want Jannet to be hurt either. I feel that she deserves more than the cold shoulder.

What should I do? I'm not going to act on my feelings for Jane at any foreseeable point in the future. I love Jannet dearly, but not in a romantic way. How do I gently make it clear to her that there is nothing happening between us? Or should I do something else entirely?

Help Me Help Him

terrier319 — Tue, 24 Nov 2009 19:44:01 -0800

A great kid. Uncomfortable in his own skin. Teen pressure. We've all been there. Help me help him. He's at the gawky stage of life, uncomfortable with how he looks, not muscular like some of his friends, shy, reserved, unsure of himself and how he might ask a girl out.

Shuns social interaction, worries about what his friends think of him and why he's feels he's not "cool." In short, a kid living through the painful period of adolescence.

I am trying to help him by assuring him that we have all been there, he will get through it, that he has to find something that really interests him and that once he does his true light will shine through and others will find him interesting.

Good looking 15-year-old, good grades in school, tall, physically attractive and otherwise a fine kid. He just wants to be liked.

It pains me to see him suffer through this. I want to help but I know that he has to live it like everyone else. Please offer any suggestions.

Yet another Friday night...

SNWidget — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:31:27 -0800

GoodTimesFilter: Instead of going out and being social, I tend to make excuses, saying I need to stay in to complete work - which I often don't actually complete, due to procrastination and distraction issues. How I can quiet this negative voice, and go out to have a good time? I've been like this for as long as I can remember - "Sorry, can't go out tonight because I should get some work done." And then? I don't actually get anything done, I sit around, screwing around on the computer. I'm fixing the procrastination/distraction issues with medication (which seems to be starting to work), but I'm still at an impass with the other bit.

It always seems like there's something else I should be doing, but instead of missing out on these great opportunities, while sitting at home and getting no benefit - social or productive.

I feel like I missed the day in high school where people were taught to sometimes turn off the part of their brain that says, "Hey, I know you have to stuff to do, but go out for a movie on Friday night. It's not like you'll get anything good done anyways."

How do I turn this off? Or, how do I get myself to go out and enjoy these social activities, without thinking about the billions of things I have to do?

Seeking new Church

dmbfan93 — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 12:52:04 -0800

Need Church Recommendation in NOVA/DC area with active 20/30/40 single congregation Looking for a church in the NOVA/DC area, and specifically am looking for a Christian faith based church that is less focused/caters to families or equally caters to the single population and folks with lifestyles alternative to the family unit. Tired of feeling like an alien because I don't have a spouse and four children trailing me as I walk down the church aisle to my pew. If you know of any vibrant church congregations that have an active 20/30/40 something crowd composed of more than the usual married families but include an active single people population, please share the names of those churches and location. Thanks.

Barefoot, pregnant, and slaving over a hot stove

ivanka — Mon, 16 Nov 2009 08:14:47 -0800

Where the expression "barefoot, pregnant, and slaving over a hot stove" came from? What is the history of it in English speaking countries?

Step 2: ???, Step 3: Friends!

frwagon — Sun, 01 Nov 2009 20:27:52 -0800

How does someone with minimal social skill get the most out of an organized gathering? So, I've recently signed up with Meetup.com, and have a rather exciting week of meetups scheduled... but I've .. never really figured out how to MEET people at things.

My blueprint kinda looks like the internet meme - Step 1: Show up to meeting... Step 2: ??? ... Step 3: Profit!

So, I'm really excited about going, and can't wait to meet the people there, but I have no clue how to convey to the people at the meetup "Hi, I'd like to get to know more about you and maybe eventually hang out outside of the Meetup gatherings."

I've tried organized meeting things before, but always stop going because I don't get the connection with people that I hope for, and eventually sort of... give up.. Help me make this time different, HiveMind!

Name that campaign - innovation + social media

latch24 — Tue, 27 Oct 2009 05:27:33 -0800

Name that campaign! Need help finding an inspiring name for an internal/staff campaign that encompasses innovation + social media use... So, I am responsible for running this campaign for work and I am struggling to think up an inspiring (and short) name for it. At the moment I am just calling it "Using social media effectively" but its boring, long and not particularly inspiring. The whole idea is that we want staff to think of innovative and effective ways to use social media (facebook, twitter, flickr, etc etc) to solve problems, communicate ideas and create opportunities for discussion and interaction between staff and perhaps even our external clients. So far I have come up with... nothing and my team, friends and family haven't been a whole heap of help either so I come to the mefites for ideas. I would love to hear your ideas! It can incorporate the name of media, rhyme, anything!

If I have to use "Using social media effectively" it won't be the end of the world but I would like to at least try something a bit fun first! Thanks for helping.

Can an extrovert and introvert prosper together?

Sentus — Sun, 25 Oct 2009 15:35:13 -0800

My girlfriend is extremely outgoing while I enjoy quite evenings at home. How do we keep both sides happy and satisfied? I met this sweet girl and we had an amazing start, so amazing in fact, that we moved together after a month of intensive dating.

We been together for four month now. Love each other dearly, share many same goals, have similar opinions and lifestyle(Eating healthy, exercising, sustainable farming) . Have great communication. Most of it is just pure bliss. But,

I am a classic introvert while she is a hardcore extrovert.
I enjoy quite evenings at home, playing the guitar, reading, writing, having long conversations, the occasional movie, meeting up with few close friends.

She loves being around people, knows a good chunk of the town by name. Loves to party, drink and socialize.

At first I thought it wont be a big problem, that we could find a middle ground. I could go to the events that she feels are especially important to her, rough it up and let her go out by her own to the rest. But the thing is she is way more outgoing than I thought. Most weekends she would go to two/three parties a day with an unofficial gatherings in between. We are talking about four to five hours a day. Most weekdays she'll have something going on for three hours or so. This is way way too much for me to handle. Whenever I do go, I am very unhappy, counting the moments to return home and afterwards it takes me hours to recharge and regain my sanity.

Please notice; I definitely don't want to change her. I think she is great the way she is. Trying to change people to your own image is futile and will often lead to resentment. I also don't believe I can REALLY change; Yeah I can acquire skills and experience but when all is said and done at my core I would still love to be alone/small company than big groups. I feel that extroverted and introverted people have their own strengths and weaknesses, and being more extroverted is not a goal for me.
I can fake it when I really want to, and appear welcoming, enjoying myself and looking interested, but obviously its just a charade and a very draining one. I was like that most of my life (introverted) and it "works" for me most of the time.

I love this girl and really don't want to screw it up.

So,
Do you think our differences our too deep?
Anybody else was in the same boat? How did you guys coped? Did it worked out?
Words of general advice?
Ideas for a logical arrangement?

Sorry for any grammar mistakes, or just general awkwardness. English is not my main language.

Thank you and have a great day,

Real Estate development in a nutshell

drea — Wed, 21 Oct 2009 20:38:47 -0800

I think I really, really want to get into developing real estate. Can anyone give me an overview description of what the work / process is is like? The thing is, I have no educational/professional background in real estate per se.

I want to start small and I know it will be a long while before I see my big hairy audacious goal realized. So what I want to know exactly is:

What books, articles do I read on basic strategies for real estate business development? Where do I get ideas for a business plan? What knowledge is within my reach for me to study? Where do I start looking?

Social housing (which is a big reason for my wanting to go into this), from the little that I know, is usually done by nonprofits and the government. Is providing that a commercially viable option? Can private companies survive while providing low-cost and public housing / has it been done?

What am I expected to reasonably accomplish every five years up to the twenty - year mark?

I know I have to start small, but where exactly does developing real estate start, and how does it grow, exactly? Where does my funding come from apart from loans?

So far, what I can see about the idea is to buy lots, develop houses, and then sell or rent them, use the profit to develop more houses, and so on until I gain momentum and a large portfolio. But it seems to me that it's like living hand-to-mouth, and given the recent financial crisis it doesn't seem like a good idea to just borrow a ton of money from the banks from the get-go.

I hope my questions makes sense. The idea fires me up and I want to start but I hope my lack of experience and knowledge doesn't cause me to stagnate/give up. I'm also really really young, but I'm looking at this as a way to give me a headstart in the business. Eventually, I hope the answers will give me what I need to start pursuing this goal. The answers might not be as in-depth as I'd like but I figure the hive mind can give me various points of view to assess.

Thank you very much.

I would like to subscribe to your newsletter, and give you my card!

cgomez — Fri, 16 Oct 2009 09:21:59 -0800

Help me network like a professional. What are common mistakes that soon-to-be graduates make at network events? What is proper etiquette for name exchanges, gracefully making one's way into a group conversation, and how one does one make an impression without coming off too strong? Particulars after the break. This is a large networking event for accounting students put together by the campus and about twenty accounting firms. If anyone has experience in this job field specifically, that would be great. The purpose is mainly for students to get to know the different firms by briefly meeting representatives and staff from each and asking questions. What is the best way to ask thoughtful questions, but how do I incorporate myself into it or somehow make it more memorable?

Also, I'd greatly appreciate just any general advice for dealing with situations I may not be thinking of.

How to build a private social network with only admin-user communication?

Josh Coe — Thu, 15 Oct 2009 20:49:09 -0800

I'd like to create a self-hosted private social network where users can submit a photo and personal information. But when a user logs in, they should only be able to see and modify their own profile information, and they should only be able to see and communicate with the admin, not the other users. I'd like to use a CMS such as Joomla, Elgg, Drupal, or Wordpress (Buddypress?), but I'm not sure what would be the best approach.

Why Should You Use Social Networking at Work?

Jaybo — Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:06:47 -0800

Many workplaces ban social networking sites such as Facebook, YouTube, Twitter and so on. What are some of the reasons workplaces should allow (and even encourage) staff to use social networking sites? I'm particularly interested in the case you would make to someone in the healthcare field but examples that are applicable to other areas, especially those that may ban social networking site for privacy or productivity reasons, are welcome as well.

Breaking(up) news

Anonymous — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 17:32:30 -0800

What is the best way for a couple to tell their mutual friends that they're ending a long-term relationship? My partner of nearly six years and I decided a few weeks ago to break up. This breakup is amicable and mutual. We still live together and will have to do so for at least the time being for financial and logistical reasons. We are best friends and were before we became a couple. Most of our problems were related various very complicated issues that are impossible to explain briefly, but they weren't really tied to our ability to interact as friends, just as a romantic couple. No misbehavior by either party, or anything like that. We are very private about the inner-workings of our relationship, and none of our friends, mutual or not, know about these problems. We met early in college and I'd say 75% of each of our friends are friends with both of us. We have a group of about 10 core friends who are equally friends with each of us.
We haven't told anyone but family, and a few non-mutual friends who aren't really connected to our core friend group. We still hang out with each other, and hang out with our friends both together and separately and just act normal. It seems hard to bring up the subject of us breaking up without it being weird, or seeming like an announcement or something. Neither of us list our relationship status on things like Facebook, so it's not like we can just go the passive route without it seeming really contrived (we don't have to "end" our online "relationship" since it doesn't exist).
I know that a few of our best mutual friends are going to be 1) shocked, and 2) probably pretty upset because we've all had a certain dynamic as a group that they will see as changing, even if it really doesn't have to that much (neither of us foresee dating again in the near future since we need time alone, and even then it will probably be outside of our interactions with the friend group at issue). We have been seen as a unit for the past 6 years. The breakup is still pretty surreal to us (we're still having a hard time coping, but that's a whole 'nother AskMe). We know we don't have to tell them yet, but it's going to come up eventually, especially as we spend less time together.

TL;DR aside, I'm looking for suggestions of what worked for people who had to tell their friends about their breakup.

Working in Retail

phrontist — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 20:38:52 -0800

Following a second interview tomorrow morning I will more likely than not be working at a large chain bookstore for a few months (including, obviously, the holiday season). I've never worked in retail, or anything that required me to deal with the public for that matter. I'm not expecting it to be very difficult, but is there anything I should know?

Building New Relationships

Garden — Mon, 12 Oct 2009 11:38:40 -0800

Does anyone know of any quizzes or tests that would be good at indicating what type of hobbies or interests a person should pursue? I need to take on some new hobbies and interests so that I am more involved with people. I believe by doing this it would make meeting new people a lot easier. I'm basically in a rut right now, I do the same things all the time. I took a yoga class over the summer and enjoyed it immensely. I used to play guitar, but that doesn't push me to get involved with other people. My whole objective of finding new interests and hobbies is to find make new friends and to have something to talk about with new people. A lot of my hobbies are solitary activities that don't require me to get involved with new people. The yoga class was good and I'd like to start that up in the future again. I've seen a lot of career tests out there, but I sure don't see any tests that would recommend what interests and hobbies a person could take up. I've thought of taking up woodworking or stained glass but again I'm not too sure about the social aspect of these activities. Any ideas/suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Even if you don't have any idea about an online test or quiz. What have you done to start new friendships or relationships with regards to hobbies or interests?

Does my girlfriend spend too much time on online forums?

kleenkat — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 13:25:23 -0800

Am I being unreasonable about how much time my girlfriend spends on online forums and message boards? It's ironic that I am asking this on metafilter, but I really feel like my girlfriend spends way too much time online talking to strangers about every day things, hobbies, etc. What is weird though, is that she doesn't actually participate in many of the hobbies she claims she is on the message boards for. She just talks about them and the stuff she talks about sits and collects dust in our apartment (cameras, guitars, etc.) Hasn't touched them in over a year. She is a moderator on one forum and probably spends 4-5 hours each day, if not more, on these three forums. One being Fluther, where a bunch of people ask questions that can simply be Googled. I understand online community and what not, and when I say something to her she gets pissed off because I'm doing work for school. I am not, however spending nearly as much time doing graduate work as she does online. She is only these forums throughout the work day, and on her computer when I get home from work every day, even when we are cooking dinner she intermittently checks the forums for new posts or to answer ridiculous questions on Fluther.

Am I being picky or unreasonable? I just think it's strange but hey to each their own. I just feel like she is constantly at her computer. Yet, when I try to get her to go out in the "real world" and hang out with friends, she says the general population annoys her. Since I started dating her I really miss REAL social interaction with people, even with strangers. It now makes me reluctant to participate in many social events because I know she will be bored or despise being there. What should I do? I love her very much, and I don't want to come off as insensitive....I just wonder if it is unhealthy. She's a sweet, caring girl.

THanks in advance...

Moving past social anxiety

Garden — Mon, 05 Oct 2009 07:25:17 -0800

Does anyone else feel like an imposter? I often have a hard time building relationships with people. I can be polite and make small talk with other people, but I struggle with making friends. I struggle with social anxiety which is part of the problem, but how do you move past it and build relationships with other people so that they are genuinely interested in getting to know you better? This is the part that is the most tricky for me. I'm good at being polite and making small talk, but talking about things past this is where I really struggle. For most of my life I've always gone with what the other person wants to do and I've followed obediently. The problem is that I don't know how to lead in a friendship. I frequently worry about the fact that the other person I'm hanging out with is getting bored. I don't know what to talk about most of the time beyond small talk and being polite so I'll rely on meeting my friends and hoping that they have something interesting to talk about. Some of my friends from the past that I still hang out with enjoy having conversations when we have a drink and that's fine. I guess the problem is that I don't understand what the next step is with talking to people that I've just met. I think that a lot of people become disinterested and think that I don't have much going on in my life due to the fact that I don't know what to talk about. Perhaps this is true, as most of my hobbies are solitary activities such as reading and working on the computer. However, I also enjoy going to the art institute, museums, and baseball games. I'm sick of being so unsure about what to talk about. This is one of the reasons that I don't date very much as I can sense that the person I'm with feels bored. A lot of the times, I feel bored as well but I don't know what to do about it. I've been seeing a therapist for a while and we talk about the social anxiety being a problem, and I'm trying to get past it, but I just don't know what to talk about. Any suggestions/ideas?

I need help locating an article about how single men are more successful than married men.

myodometer — Sat, 03 Oct 2009 22:08:41 -0800

Looking for an article regarding the fact that single men are responsible for more social breakthroughs than are married men/fathers. Several months (possibly a couple years) ago, I remember reading an article regarding a study that determined that single men are responsible for more breakthroughs in the science world (for example) than are married men. The article outlined the how and why of these results. I believe it possibly also mentioned the health-boosting effects of long-term relationships over the health-diminishing nature of the bachelor lifestyle.

However, my Google-fu skills have failed me in locating this article again. Anyone out there know what I'm talking about?

Best way to educate a child who is a follower in large groups but independent in small groups.

lynnie-the-pooh — Wed, 30 Sep 2009 07:54:18 -0800

Need advice: what is the best way to educate a child who is a follower in large groups but an independent leader in small groups? Hello:

My five year old daughter is in public Kindergarten right now and the teacher tells me she is not independent and that she is a follower. She does not speak up and does not show confidence. At home, my child is talkative, independent, assertive, and a negotiater; the complete opposite of her school situation. Plus she is reading at a first grade level.

But I also see this independence outside of home, as long as it is a small group or only a few people. For example, she is a model/actress for a company, and can get up and do a monologue that she memorized in front of a small group. And one time I introduced her to a lady that she never met before (who was a choir instructor), and my daughter got up on the stage in front of this person and began belting out a song from the sound of music, using her arms and face to express the song and everything.

She used to go to Montessori school for preschool, where supposedly an independent child will thrive. The teacher there did tell me that my child was on the quiet side and seemed to be a follower. Now that we are in public school, it seems to be the same thing.

My question is, should I put her back in Montessor, in hopes that she will become independent? Should I keep her in public school, since those schools are more geared toward telling children how and what they are going to do and learn, or should I homeschool her and then put her in a lot of activities? I do homeschool her in the summer, so it's not like I don't know anything about that.

What I'm concerned about, is that a child who appears to be free and independent and assertive, is now changing her personality with every experience she has at public school. And eventually she will see herself as the quiet, unsure, follower in the group.

Any advice?

Lynnie-the-Pooh

No room if you 'aint hitched?

smoothvirus — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 08:06:18 -0800

Do hotels or motels refuse to rent rooms to unmarried couples anymore? I took my girlfriend on a romantic getaway to the beach this weekend, and while I was not very concerned about it, I did wonder if it would be a problem. Back in 1991, I visited a platonic friend in Indiana and when she reserved the room for me, she had to lie and tell the manager that I was her cousin, even though she was not spending the night in the room. We were not romantically involved but the manager would not rent a room to an unmarried couple. This was a major chain motel in a big city in Indiana. I did go out on the Internet to see if this sort of thing still goes on but did not find anything, save one notable exception.

P.S. My girlfriend and I had an absolutely wonderful stay on Cape Hatteras in North Carolina this weekend. Go if you get the chance!

I want to build a web site where gamers can converse via video. Where do I begin?

raddevon — Mon, 28 Sep 2009 07:16:08 -0800

I want to build a web site where gamers can converse via video. I'm thinking of something a bit like a Seesmic targeted toward gamers. Where do I start? I'm not a developer, but I can poke around in code a bit on my own. I wouldn't be opposed to using a roll-your-own-social-network solution and doing it all myself as a hobby. I also wouldn't be opposed to hiring a developer off elance and positioning this as a business. I don't really know where to start in either direction. Does anyone have any suggestions? I have experience with Wordpress and Drupal.