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FinancialFutureFilter: What should I be aiming to do to ensure I'm financially ok into my old age but still living (my version of) a good life 'til then? (Australia-centric)

springbound — Tue, 27 Jan 2009 19:45:13 -0800

I'm 29, single (assume it's going to remain that way) female, and have spent the last few years saving an amount that's getting close to about $30k, which I presently have in my bank's equivalent of a your average ING Saver account, figuring by now I'd've figured out what I could/was willing to do with it, towards securing some kind of financial future that doesn't involve a cardboard box. I haven't, largely I suppose because I don't know what I need to be aiming for. Looking for advice. More inside. When I began saving, it was with the vague feeling that I ought to do the grown-up thing and buy an apartment at some point to serve as an investment. I'm probably (depending on how I feel when the application's approved) going to go live overseas (Canada) for a few years, at some point in the next five years. To my vague figurings it sounded sensible to buy a two-bedroom place (as all the investment-property-luvvas recommend) and rent it out whilst overseas.

Now, (a) economic times are changing, in ways I've never experienced before so am unfamiliar with what to expect, and (b) I'm not honestly all that comfortable with the idea of being so saddled with debt that I've got no money to do any travelling for the next 30 years (or 'til whenever I could sell this fictitious apartment for some kind of profit, which given deflation and all seems like it could be some years down the track). I'm also in a period right now where I'm disliking the field I'm working in and weighing up what to do next (which will probably involve more study), whether to go overseas, whether not to, etc etc etc -- and thinking about tying myself to a loan that prevents me from studying, prevents me from changing jobs to one that might be a better fit but pays less, and just generally prevents me living my life the way I want to, makes me uncomfortable and trapped-feeling.

So, however, does the thought of reaching retirement age with nothing to my name. I've seen my grandfather struggle on the pension, and he owns his own home. I'm a frugal enough person but I don't want to spent retirement being grossly unhappy and unable to do or buy anything I want to or need. I don't know what's in my superannuation fund right now, but I spent a fair bit of my 20s studying, so I doubt very much; and it's only gotten worse of course with the stock market crapping itself. I work (and have done since I graduated) for an employer who makes only the minimum contributions to it. I make none. I'm not sure whether in the current economic climate I should or shouldn't be reconsidering that.

Obviously I can't have it all, but I want as much a rewarding life as I can have. I don't want to limit my options unnecessarily, but I also want to have a secure financial future. I'm not going to have any kids whose granny-flat I can muscle in on later. ;) My immediate family are now all home-owners, and I suppose the assumption is that I'll do the same thing when I get my shit together enough (I feel pressure, too, but it's largely internal to me: the parents used to make suggestions, but I think these days they've given up on me doing anything remotely suggestive of the smell of success), but I'm also a bit different to the rest of my family in that they all want the nice house in the 'burbs with a two car garage and that makes them happy. I feel isolated in the 'burbs, want to live in areas where there's a bit of interesting stuff happening, and in an ideal world I'd go overseas once a year and change careers four times in my life.

Can anyone offer any advice, specifically, I suppose, about what (if anything), and when, I should do with this $30k I've saved (including the question: is now so bad a time to buy property that I shouldn't even *consider* it?), and, more generally, any other advice on what I should be aiming for in terms of a balance between living-my-life-being-free and having an ok old age? Most of the people around me seem to be better-placed in terms of choices, either through being older and/or richer and/or more established, or partnered with two incomes to play with, and/or with a completely different goal-set; and many are inclined (naturally!) towards suggesting I should do exactly as they have. The few who don't, I worry might be going too easy on me. ;) To clarify, by the way, I'm not saying I wouldn't like to partner and/or perhaps foster a child (the latter would be some ten years down the track); but only the first of those is a priority for me, and in the interests of not counting my chickens when they may never hatch, I'd really appreciate some knowledge about how to proceed if neither ever happen--advice from outside the circle whose advice I'm currently limited to and who also may have an investment of whatever kind in me doing what they've done. Even if you wind up repeating what others think, that would be valuable and appreciated in terms of gaining a good overview of the different approaches out there; plus I trust you guys to be more objective for not knowing me!

Thanks guys. :)

The ultimate "Why am I single?" thread

philosophistry — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 23:22:42 -0800

If you were single for a while and somehow got out of it, how did you? I've been single for 3 years and consider myself a good catch. For the first two years of that period, I wasn't actively looking. I'd go to clubs every now and then, and I'd also keep up-to-date with my female friends, but nothing every materialized on both fronts. In the past year, I've really pushed myself hard onto the dating scene. I've gone with the idea to accept almost any theory of dating. And yet, I'm not getting any real traction. A lot of good first dates, but no good second dates. The girls that like me, I don't like back. The girls I like, don't like me back.

I'm curious about stories of people getting out of a long dry spell of singledom, and what they think got them out of it.

Is it possible to just be too damn awesome?

Anonymous — Sun, 26 Nov 2006 07:25:10 -0800

Is it possible to just be too damn awesome? I'm a woman in her early 30s and I've been single a long time - since my mid-20s.

When I was younger I had relationships of varying lengths, from several months to several years. I took a break quite intentionally in order to go back to school, focus on myself, deal with depression: to get my house in order. I thought that I might spend a year or two alone, grow as a person, and then smoothly resume dating like normal people, but somehow, years later, I find myself a spinster.

I'm doing all the stuff that people say you should. The time I've spent alone has been enriching, and I have a good life, a good career, good friends, and many things going for me. I enjoy spending time alone, but I have hobbies, take a continuing ed class, and take good care of myself physically. I'm generally well-liked and well-regarded. I'm no beauty queen but I'm reasonably attractive, I'm sexually driven and confident, and I am intelligent with interesting thoughts. Many people, when discussing relationships and singledom, have expressed amazement and confusion that such an eligible lady as I has been alone for so long.

Meanwhile, I've taken every approach out there:

"Get out there and take on new hobbies."
"It'll find you when you've stopped looking."
"It's OK to pursue him. Ask him out."
"Men don't want to be asked out. Wait for him to ask."
"He can't read your mind, be up-front that you're interested."
"Just tell him you want to fuck."

Still, I'm perpetually, firmly, unfortunately single.

Over the years I've gone through periods of sadness where I bang my head on the wall trying to figure out why I can't be loved. During a couple of these periods whilst talking to male friends, it has been posited to me that I intimidate men by being too awesome. I seem confident and have my shit together, and either I don't seem like I need anyone, or I otherwise scare men away.

I think it's an interesting theory, but I'm inclined to think that these men were just answering the question the only kind way possible.

Is it a real possibility? Could I be too much for men? Has building character and becoming a richer person made me unlovable?

On the flip side, would men generally prefer that I be more helpless, less capable?

I know that no one here can tell me why I'm apparently unappealing. I just want to know if my friends' theory could possibly be true, if it's a known phenomenon - and if it is, how on earth to proceed in the hopes of someday finding a partner again. I don't need a man to be complete, but everyone needs affection. It's been years for me and I'm withering without.

[questions can be sent to quasiawesome@gmail.com]

SWF ISO HELP

Anonymous — Mon, 08 May 2006 03:00:31 -0800

Question for the married/attached mefi folk - What do you wish you would have done as a younger, single person to help you (emotionally, sexually, romantically, personally) with your relationship today? Help a reformed serial dater enjoy singledom while thinking about the future positively! I'm a 25 year old heterosexual female. I think I'm an attractive, fun, smart, and interesting girl. Had a few long term relationships early on in life, which stunted my "fun dating" period. Basically, most of my experience has come during long periods of serious relations with just a few guys. No casual dating whatsoever. Eventually, I would like to settle down - but only with someone who absolutely knocks my socks off. So for now, it's the single life for me.

How can I

a) best take advantage of this time alone for my own personal growth?
b) deal with sexual attraction (basically - i just wanna make out! no sex!) and not end up looking like a tease?
c) not concentrate so much on dating, which to this point has taken up such a large part of my life?
d) anything else you might want to suggest to me?

Thank you!