Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with silence

I am at a standstill. Have a done everything I should??

Anonymous — Fri, 11 Sep 2009 10:00:26 -0800

When I think about the situation, I think I'm doing the right thing. Then why do I feel so bad about it? Okay, this is really long. Please read though, I'd love some solid MeFi advice.

I am female, and have a close female friend. We have known each other since middle school and now attend the same college and live in the same apartment building in the same hallway. Normally, this would be awesome because we have been really great friends for many years, and we normally spend so much time together that people joke we're married. The problem is what happened a few months ago...

We were both studying abroad in adjacent European countries. She was nice enough to invite me to visit her in her city for a long weekend. I really looked forward to the trip, and was very excited to see her when I got there. The problem was when I get there it was like she was a different person. She was very standoffish, often giving my general questions "So how are your classes going?" curt one or two word responses. In public she seemed annoyed of me, and became really angry with me for minor things (e.g. I asked her, at a pastry counter, if she'd tried a particular type. She yelled "I haven't tried any of these, okay!" startling the people around us. She refused to go to out to any restaurants despite my repeated requests, and so I ended up having to make dinner at her apartment every night. The culmination of the strange behavior was her giving me the silent treatment for briefly chatting with my boyfriend on her laptop one evening, even though she had been chatting with hers a few minutes earlier. She was upset because, "you're here to talk to me, not him!"

This is not to say there weren't bright points. Sometimes everything would seem back to normal. We'd laugh talk about mutual friends, make our same jokes, and generally have a really nice time. But I was really uncomfortable the whole time because I didn't know when she would start treating me like a childish nuisance again. For the record, I tried really hard to make she I wasn't being annoying, rude, or demanding. I don't think my behavior merited this treatment at all. When she dropped me off at the entrance to the train to the airport, she quickly said "Hey, sorry, I've been a little weird this weekend. Hope you didn't mind." The problem is, I did still mind. I had a horrible weekend, felt on edge the whole time, and couldn't imagine what I'd done to be treated that way. I was really torn up about it, crying on the phone to my mom, and even having nightmares about being back there. I stalled on what to do, didn't talk to her, and she didn't talk to me for a few weeks. Finally I decided I should write her a letter explaining how I felt, asking for an explanation, and making it clear that I didn't want to be treated that way again. I really wavered on whether this was the right course of action, but read in a number of advice columns that this was.

Out of the blue she sent me a one-line email joking about a guy we both know. I decided that this was the time, and so I responded to the joke, but also added my letter about her behavior, wanting to know if I'd done something, and trying to get an explanation. I had my mom and a close friend proof read the letter to make sure it was polite, non-emotional, and straightforward. And then she never wrote back. Months passed, and even though we'd both be online at the same time in our email system, she never wrote back. I was really hurt, but figured she'd decided we just weren't friends anymore or that I wasn't worth a response or something. I was hurt, and still am, but decided that I should just let things go.

Now school has started. And through chance, we live in the same building in the same hall. I didn't think she was coming back to school, but since we hadn't spoken in months I had no idea. I figured maybe she'd come talk to me, but she never has. We pass each other in the hall, and she always smiles really big and says "Hi!", which I reciprocate, but don't say anything more. My thinking being if she actually wanted to be friends she'd reach out with more than that.

So, its awkward. The worse part though is that we were two friends in a close-knit four-person friend group (part of a larger ten-or-so friend group). No one has ever asked me about the situation, but I can tell they know someone is going on, because they look sheepish if I ask what they did last night and they say hung out with her. I don't want them to stop hanging out with her, but I also don't want them to think I'm ridiculous. I know she has told them her side of things because a close friend said to me "I know about your stupid little feud. You need to get over that." He also mentioned that she "didn't write back to your letter.", so I know she got it. I got really flustered, actually teared up, and said that I think it should stay between the two of us, and that I didn't want to get other people involved.

Bless you if you have read this far. Since then nothing has changed. She sent me a text message a few days ago inviting me to a group get-together at her apartment, but I didn't want her to think that things were okay with us. I told her that unfortunately I was busy, and thanked her for the invite. Okay, so my specific questions.

-Am I wrong for thinking that the ball is in her court, and that if she wants to stay friends its her turn to do something? Should I just drop the whole thing?

-So far I've avoided talking to this about any mutual friends. Everyone only knows her side of the story. I feel like everyone things I'm being ridiculous, but still don't think I should say anything. What say you?

-How can I make this less awkward for everyone? At this point, I have doubts we can be friends, so I just want to move on. Has anyone successfully navigated a similar situation?

Thank you for so much of your time. I eagerly await your advice.

No Silencio

minifigs — Sun, 22 Mar 2009 17:59:34 -0800

Why is there a teeny tiny bit of silence at the start of exported mp3 tracks? How can I get rid of it? I need to export mp3 loops. I know mp3 is unsuited for this but the brief is the brief. When I export the loop as an mp3 roughly half a second of silence is added to the start. From googling I know this is just something that mp3s do but is there a way around it? I've suggested Ogg Vorbis to the client but I haven't heard back from them yet. I have audacity, garageband, and reaper at my disposal. Freeware solutions are preferable, thanks.

I didn't think I had that many John Cage covers ...

scruss — Sat, 29 Nov 2008 07:48:36 -0800

Several mp3s in my large collection are silent, or almost entirely so. Please help me find ways of detecting them automatically. I ripped all of my 1200+ CD collection using cdparanoia, and put them in storage. The files are now being served by a linux box running Firefly Media Server. For unknown reasons, some of the tracks have ended up being silent, or containing very short bursts of noise separated by silence. I've uploaded a typical example; it's supposed to be Robyn Hitchcock and The Egyptians – Oceanside.

What I'd really like is a script or command-line program that will scan an mp3 and indicate if it's mostly or entirely silent. It would be preferable if the process were fairly quick, as there are about 20000 files to scan.

A Library Fortress of Silentude?

robocop is bleeding — Thu, 01 May 2008 07:14:51 -0800

There is a war going on in the library. This conflict is between students who seek solitary silent study and those who seek to study or work on projects in groups. An individual student's allegiance to a faction can change from day to day based on their current course load. Because the Grouparians have the advantage of numbers, they tend to win out over the Solitarites. Surely the latter group needs a fortress all their own? We try to have resources available that fit both factions' needs. There is a quiet floor where cellphones and loud noises are (in theory) banned. There are also a host of group study rooms where folks can meet and work. Unfortunately, each group frequently 'raids' the others' resources in order to satisfy their needs: lone students slip into a group study room because it has a door and is quiet, while groups spread out on tables on the quiet floor (where even if their conversation is kept at polite volumes, it can distract).

Groups have a resource in that they can reserve group study rooms ahead of time. Lone students do not have an equivalent "just for them" resource. So in planning for future building/expansion of the library, I'd like to include one for them.

What I am considering would be an invitation-only, application-required, need-a-key-or-card-to-access "Silent Study" study room (as opposed to the "Quiet Study" floor). The room itself would have individual study carrels (say, a dozen) and an even more draconian noise policy. Like orkut or freemasonry, access to the room would only be provided to those invited by a current member. The initial invitations would be extended by the library to patrons based on past experience and statistics. Each room member would be able to invite a limited number of new members.

Upon invitation, new members would have to apply with the Circ Desk for access. Things like overdue books or frequent problems with noise would impact their application poorly. They would get a card or key that would allow access to the room.

Room policy would be positively draconian for anything other than quiet study. Cellphones off. No talking. No group work, etc. Members who violate the room policy could lose their access privileges AND the member that invited them would receive some sort of reprimand/demerit that could lead to them being evicted in their own right (so they'd have to be choosy about who they invite).

So my questions:

Is there any other American academic library that offers a similar room or service? If so, is there any literature about it?

If you were a college student, would you want access to this room?

How best to promote the room such that membership spreads equally through the college's many social groups? I don't want this to become a "grad student only" or "accounting majors only" type room.

Can you think of any alternatives? We do not have the staffing budget for professional, fulltime shushers (Plus shushing an MBA group as they work on a project goes against the library's desire to help them with their education) and students of both factions get upset when their needs are not met.

I've already taken steps towards turning the library into a TGI Friday's with the use of buzzing pagers to notify patrons when resources are available ("Dufrane, party of 4, your table is ready..."), so don't have much of a problem of turning part of it into a VIP airport lounge. I just want to know if this idea is worth going to bat for.

Can you recommend a quiet PC?

ascullion — Mon, 19 Nov 2007 07:22:27 -0800

Does anyone have any recommendations for a quiet PC? I've searched, and there are a few previous questions on this, but nothing recent.

I'm looking for something that meets the following requirements..

- off the shelf
- available in the UK
- can handle a decent number of pci cards and internal hard disks (ie - a mac mini won't be suitable)
- a little fan noise as possible (i don't mind some hard disk noise)
- below £1,000, not including monitor

It's going to live in my (small) living room, and will be on pretty much 24/7.

All tips warmly recieved!

Help me not go insane at work!

niwnfyc — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 12:24:11 -0800

Are there any devices that I can plug my headphones into to give my complete silence so I can concentrate at work? I've heard of noise canceling headphones that you connect in-line with your music player to cancel out background noises while listening to music, but what I would like is a device that I can just plug my in-ear headphones into and it will give me complete silence by canceling out all background noises. It needs to be complete silence, not white noise. Do they sell such a thing?

I know earplugs will do this for me, but I need to be able to easily put them in and take them out all day, which is why I would prefer my in-ear headphones.

How Can I Hear Less?

jennydiski — Sun, 29 Jul 2007 06:24:21 -0800

What is the most effective way of reducing the sound of other people: voices, music, traffic, all the stuff that encroaches on silence. Is there a really efficient earplug or headphone that will work or some external machine that will counter noise effectively?

Origin of a drastically false assumption about actual alarm system status?

Quarter Pincher — Tue, 10 Jul 2007 10:55:23 -0800

Where does the idea come from that an alarm company can actually tell whether the system actually is armed? I've worked for an alarm system monitoring company for 6 years. In all my experience, there's only been one single system (that 98% of customers do NOT have) that a dispatcher can actually go into right that moment and determine whether the system is armed or not. Very very few people have this system, yet it is "common knowledge" that alarm companies are able to do this, despite being absolutely untrue. Where does the idea come from that alarm companies can tell? Movies?

On all the rest of the systems, the status is only determined by the signals the central station has received in the past even if that was moments ago. There is no way to actually tell if the system is actually armed right this second. If there is a severed connection, such as a clipped phone line (with no radio-based backup)(among thousands of other possibilities), the system very well could be disarmed and we simply wouldn't know. The fact that an alarm company says "the system is armed" is purely a guess providing for an absurd number of assumptions such as the phones being in proper order, etc.

We've had so many cases of people simply failing to hang up their phone properly that prevented the alarm signal from reaching us (because it couldn't dial out), that when we tell them "it isn't armed" they go back to check to discover that it really is armed (and thus get mad at us), we've had to resort to "we show it is not armed" or "the building may not be armed."

Every time we explain why we only "show" that it isn't armed or why it "may not" be, it's like they're brand new every time, and to a lot of people we have to explain it multiple times, as if the "we actually know" assumption is the automatic default.

Or is this simply not the case at other alarm company central stations?

Help me stop the iTunes seziures on Windows XP.

chairface — Wed, 15 Nov 2006 15:59:02 -0800

iTunes 7.X on my Windows box has seizures during the last several seconds of a song. My search fu has failed me. I have a moderate collection of music (18G) on my iTunes setup on Windows XP. During playback on some (but not all) songs, iTunes will lock up my machine for a few seconds during the last 5 seconds of a song. It's maddening.

I just stumbled across one song that has this seizure problem every five seconds for the entire last minute of the track (which is all silence). I have crossfade playback turned off. The track is not marked as part of a gapless album.

My boss has the exact same problem with his iTunes setup. Any idea how I can make the problem go away?

Apologies in advance for asking yet another iTunes question, and thanks in advance for any advice.

Songs of Silence

grateful — Wed, 16 Aug 2006 09:25:43 -0800

Shhh! A mixcd about silence... Looking for songs whose titles or lyrics prominently feature the word(s) "Shhh", "Quiet", "Hush", "Silence", "Whisper" and other similar concepts. May be willing to extend this to "Private" or "Secret" if it works. Pop/Rock/Alt from 50s to 00s, other genres considered.

I've already thought of Bowie's "China Girl", S&G's "Sounds of Silence", "Secret Agent Man" (as a maybe) and "A Kind of Hush" by ???.

Time of no reply

Eater — Thu, 01 Jun 2006 08:16:10 -0800

How do you deal with the frustration of waiting for a reply and never getting one? Is there a helpful mantra or attitude adjustment or something? I happen to be a reliable person; I return email and phone calls pretty promptly. But the majority of my business contacts, and friends, people I need to hear from and people I'd just like to hear from, have an annoying tendency to not write back, for months at a time. Several of my friendships seem to depend on me initiating every plan. Six months ago I sent in an application for a job I'm absurdly qualified for -- not overqualified, just exactly qualified, one of the very few people in the world with experience in precisely that field -- and there's been no response. Last month I noticed they had reposted the job ad, so I wrote to HR politely asking if they had ever gotten my application. No response. I find that frustrating.

I've checked my mail server settings and I'm pretty sure I'm not missing or junking messages. I don't think the messages I send are pushy or offputting. Sometimes I keep a running list of the people I'm waiting to hear back from, and it hovers around 20. I know people are busy, and I know it's pointless to hope they'll change. I don't take it personally, and I try to put it out of my mind, but whenever I get grumpy one of the main irk-sources is how unreliable the rest of the world seems to be! I'm not an uptight person -- do I sound crazy? How does everyone else deal with this?

[I know, it would be hilarious if this question went unanswered.]

Music with silence

Joseph Gurl — Mon, 05 Dec 2005 17:45:03 -0800

Looking for music with interesting or creative uses of silence. Please no John Cage.

A field recording of two minutes of silence.

grefo — Fri, 15 Jul 2005 14:08:25 -0800

Is there a field recording of the two minutes of silence yesterday honoring the London bombing victims? I read a blog post describing the moments leading to the two minutes. The writer described the cacophany of the city suddenly becoming quiet. It seems to me that a recording of that event would be interesting to hear.

We need to talk.

anastasiav — Mon, 04 Oct 2004 20:05:07 -0800

Inspired by this question
Attention all men: I need your expert advice. How do I get my longtime SO to have a conversation about "our relationship" without frightening him and driving him into a clamlike silence? In the course of fixing my longtime (10 years +) live-in boyfriend's computer, I discovered a gigantic (22,000 images plus) cache of porn. This in and of itself is not a problem. What is a problem is the fact that he is clearly embarassed about it, lied to me several times about it, and now refuses to have any sort of conversation about it (or the lies) at all. At all. He just sits there in stony silence until I give up trying. This clearly isn't healthy, but I have no idea what to do about it. He's never been big on the whole "talking about things" anyway .... how do I get him to at least engage in some kind of conversation about this?