81 posts tagged with shyness.
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Networking (and socializing) for socially awkward people.

I'm ashamed to say I've been somewhat avoiding the whole job application and networking stuff. I find it very difficult to speak to people because I have a quiet voice and I'm very standoffish. I tend to have a very robotic way of speaking and I've been told I look overwhelmed and scared a lot. I find it very difficult to express myself and sometimes I wonder if I even have a personality. How do I change so I can be more likable and approachable? [more inside]
posted by sheepishchiffon on May 28, 2016 - 14 answers

Hello, severe social anxiety

Thinking about some soft skills I may be lacking in the workplace (listening, speaking up, confidence), and wondering how I can improve. [more inside]
posted by stoneandstar on Mar 29, 2016 - 8 answers

Please help me survive my first week at a new job

I love the company but my brain is torturing me with anxiety all day long [more inside]
posted by winterportage on Nov 9, 2015 - 14 answers

How to become a welcome regular customer when fave cafe is taken over?

I have social anxiety and mostly socialise either online or at meetups of socially anxious people organised via a community web site. However I'd like to become comfortable just being around other people in my local café and possibly (not essential but would be nice) be able to have short chit-chat conversations with the staff too. Honestly at this stage just getting out the apartment regularly and being around others would be a valuable thing in itself, I don't expect a shouted greeting like Norm in Cheers :) but maybe I could get more from my visits too. Is there anyone who is a regular at a bar or coffee where they visit by themselves but still feels quite at home and comfortable talking to the staff? How did you get to that point? [more inside]
posted by AuroraSky on May 7, 2015 - 19 answers

The Zen of Shooting the Shit

If you find social interactions to be a breeze, can you impart some of your wisdom on this envied ability? [more inside]
posted by oceanview on Sep 23, 2014 - 35 answers

I can't stop not doing my final project. I don't want to fail. Help.

This is my last semester of college, and there's a major project I haven't worked on for weeks. Parts of it are past due. Other people are counting on me. I feel paralyzed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 2, 2014 - 23 answers

I want to sing!

I'm desperately shy about my singing. I really want to be able to sing in front of other people. When I'm alone, I have a versatile, powerful, emotive voice. In front of humans, or even when I hit the record button, my voice breaks up, drops to a whisper and becomes atonal. I hate this. Even singing happy birthday with other people makes me crazy. I love to sing, and I'm envious of people who can do it so comfortable in front of others. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
posted by Cat Pie Hurts on Mar 31, 2014 - 14 answers

Elvis can't figure out how to leave the building

Help me learn to exit conversations, interrupt people, and generally be more assertive with the big groups I'm in charge of. [more inside]
posted by hereticfig on Nov 10, 2013 - 13 answers

The ethics/practicalities of an older woman dating a younger male virgin

[This post contains somewhat graphic descriptions of our intimate experiences and sexual topics generally, so if you are sensitive or perhaps at work it is good to know that.] I am in my early 30s and my new boyfriend is in his mid 20s. I am the first woman he has ever dated, the third he has ever kissed and if we progress in the relationship I will be the first he has ever had sex with. He is a phenomenal human being and I can hardly believe how lucky I am to know him let alone get the chance to have a relationship with him. I am worried about a few things, however and want to weigh them carefully before proceeding any further. [more inside]
posted by telomere on Sep 16, 2013 - 36 answers

I don't want a kiss from a child who doesn't want to give it.

My 3yo niece (through my husband's side) loves me, but is always shy at first when I see her. Her parents tend to push her at me saying "Give Aunt C a kiss!". She doesn't want to. That is fine. I believe that her body is her own, no matter how young she is, and I really, really don't want her to feel forced to have physical contact with me when she clearly isn't interested. I usually say something obvious like "oh, she doesn't have to, it's fine", but her parents don't seem to hear me and still hold her there, at my head level, while niece and I look like we are being repelled like magnets from each other. Can you help me come up with a script that will get it across that really, it's okay, with maybe a little bit about why I don't feel comfortable forcing her? I think it would be cool if they could reflect on the message they are sending her - this never happened/happens with her older brother, who is equally shy at first. [more inside]
posted by coupdefoudre on Sep 5, 2013 - 29 answers

Hey, Extroverts!

This is a question for the extroverts, the popular, those who play well with others and the possessors of good people skills. What do you know about meeting people, making friends and relationships (both platonic and romantic) that others might not? [more inside]
posted by the hot hot side of randy on Aug 9, 2013 - 37 answers

I don't want to be the jealous girl.

How do you dust yourself off and carry on after shy and awkward days? And how can I stop fixating on, comparing myself to, and feeling envious of a social, extroverted classmate? [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on Mar 20, 2013 - 28 answers

Help me define some specific social skills-- which skills are necessary?

I see a lot of people refer to 'social skills' as an amorphous entity that encompasses being 'good with people', or apply extraverted-individual standards to define them (such as 'mingling at parties' or 'engaging in small-talk'). What I'd like to see is a set of actual skills, something like 'the skill of knowing how to write longhand', or 'the skill of tuning a piano': really specific and concrete, with broad applications regardless of one's lack of desire to mingle at parties or in bars. I guess I'd like to know what the hive mind thinks are the specific skills necessary to succeed in college (that is, with professors and/or fellow students) or with professionals in a semi-informal working environment. Bonus for specific skills needed for a teacher. Bonus-plus for breaking down any skill into aspects or components. [more inside]
posted by reenka on Feb 18, 2013 - 17 answers

I just skip the banquets

How do I learn to be less shy in professional situations with groups of strangers? [more inside]
posted by redlines on Jan 5, 2013 - 14 answers

help me be sexy

How do I be seductive? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 30, 2012 - 23 answers

Shy and Unlucky in Love

Help me figure out why I'm so unlucky with romance [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2012 - 26 answers

Improve my social skills with points, levels, and prizes

Do you have suggestions/recommendations for games and/or desensitization practices with the objective of improving social skills? Shyness and/or introversion filter. [more inside]
posted by Dances with sock puppets on Nov 30, 2012 - 8 answers

Why do my male coworkers pick on me?

Why do my male coworkers pick on me? [more inside]
posted by jenh526 on Nov 21, 2012 - 32 answers

Dating advice for shy people?

Dating advice for introverted/shy women (or men!)? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 28, 2012 - 11 answers

How can I encourage my friend to come out of his shell?

O wisest MeFites, do you have any ideas about how to foster intimacy in a friendship with someone who is emotionally guarded and shut down? [more inside]
posted by strelitzia on Aug 15, 2012 - 26 answers

why can't I keep a job?

I keep getting fired from jobs, and I think my poor social skills play a major role. I don't know how to change this pattern. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 10, 2012 - 29 answers

Judge Dread

I know intellectually that I shouldn't worry so much about people judging me, yet my mind still goes there. Any advice/tips? [more inside]
posted by Team of Scientists on Jul 31, 2012 - 9 answers

How can a former shy person go from merely functional to friendly?

I used to be very shy. Through years of pushing myself (I'm 33 now), I've become pretty amazingly functional. But I find myself in an unexpected spot. While I very much want to be around people and I can now handle it without freezing up, my experience of actually being around people is one of gritted teeth and willpower. There's very little joy in it. In theory, I'd like nothing more than a bushel of friends hanging out in my kitchen on a Sunday night. In practice, I push myself into social situations like dunking my arm in freezing water, pulling it out with a huge sigh of relief as soon as I let myself. That's not a recipe for forging new friendships, which I know take time and certain amount of vulnerability. What can I do to take myself to the next level -- from functional to genuinely friendly? Do people ever make it to the next level? On the phobia scale, it's not enough for me to be able to let a spider crawl on my arm without having a panic attack, I need to be able to lay down in a cave full of spiders and love it. (I've been in therapy for a year, but aside from that, I'd like to hear from you all.)
posted by anonymous on Jun 7, 2012 - 21 answers

How Do I Know if I'm Shy

How do I know if I'm shy? [more inside]
posted by sweetkid on Jun 5, 2012 - 9 answers

Help a shy four year old who is missing out.

How to help my four-year-old better cope with his extreme shyness, so he doesn't keep missing out on things he wants to do? [more inside]
posted by Ausamor on Jun 2, 2012 - 14 answers

Me : Extrovert. She : Introvert. Can this relationship survive? Should it?

Me : Extrovert. She : Introvert. Can this relationship survive? Should it? [more inside]
posted by Sloop John B on Mar 28, 2012 - 67 answers

How to Get What I Want

How do I, an early-30's woman, get what I want when it comes to dating and sex? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 21, 2012 - 16 answers

How do I refrain from embarrassing myself at my prospective grad school?

How can I overcome (or at least convincingly mask) my near-paralytic shyness and social awkwardness before my upcoming GradSchool visits? Help! I'm a very special snowflake... [more inside]
posted by Dorinda on Feb 15, 2012 - 19 answers

How do a Shy Girl and a Shy Guy Get Together?

How do I approach a shy guy, or how do shy guys like to be approached? [more inside]
posted by oceanview on Dec 30, 2011 - 21 answers

Hey, I don't really want to hug her, either.

Unwilling toddlers and forced social interactions with adults: is it OK to instruct your child to (for instance) hug Great-Aunt Maisie, when she'd prefer not to? [more inside]
posted by Bardolph on Dec 29, 2011 - 46 answers

How to ask for phone numbers

How do I ask for a woman's phone number in a non-creepy way? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 2, 2011 - 43 answers

How can I break free and love her like she needs?

You are a man and you were once shy about sex, particularly about vocalizing your wants/needs. How did you come out of your shell? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 21, 2011 - 20 answers

How do I tell people I have social anxiety?

I've suffered from severe social anxiety for around 7 years. It's not as paralyzing as it once was but I still find it very difficult to talk to people. I never know what to say in social situations so I keep pretty quiet which seems to make people really uncomfortable. I've been told I across as aloof and self involved. I feel like I should let people know why I'm so quiet but I feel weird telling people that I have social anxiety. Is there a way I can communicate that I have a hard time talking to people without coming across as a weirdo.
posted by Chenko on Sep 12, 2011 - 18 answers

louder please

How to help pupils to sing ? [more inside]
posted by nicolin on May 19, 2011 - 15 answers

Help me get over my self-conscious side!

I’m half introvert (don’t need to socialize every day; do like to escape and regroup after socializing) and half extrovert. My extroverted half can be extremely social, and even, on occasion, meet people really easily—and get them to like me. But if I feel I don’t relate to people around me, or that they won’t get me, or that they are poor listeners and I’ll either have to fight for their attention or fight against their judgmentalism (on whatever subject), I get hideously self-conscious and tongue-tied. How can I change that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 11, 2010 - 9 answers

How do I stop being a regular truant out of extreme shyness?

I have this terrible habit of skipping school out of social anxiety or shyness, even for the smallest reasons like not bringing an important book, arriving late or not knowing where the class is. How do I stop this and be a regular? [more inside]
posted by Senza Volto on Aug 22, 2010 - 36 answers

You don't know me?

I have a fear that people will perceive my intentions as the exact opposite of what they really are. I'm scared the people who I feel friendly towards will perceive me as hostile, rude, or uncaring. I worry that those I love the most will think I don't care. What the heck is my problem? And what can I do to straighten myself out? [more inside]
posted by chocolatemilkshakes on Aug 19, 2010 - 8 answers

23 y/o female's problems with relationships

is there something wrong with me? never had a real relationship, drinking to socialize, infatuations with people on the internet... [more inside]
posted by achtland on Aug 9, 2010 - 12 answers

How to be a quiet guy in a world of extroverts

Introversion: it's always made my personal life difficult and now I'm worried it might cost me my job too! I need tips on how to stop retreating into my shell before this gets any worse. [more inside]
posted by photo guy on Jul 11, 2010 - 19 answers

Overcoming shyness in dating

Can't make a move... should I just talk to her about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 19, 2010 - 46 answers

How do I at least get a date with a shy guy when I am shy and full of self-doubt?

I like shy boys and grumpy boys. I am shy. How to approach? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 2, 2010 - 24 answers

Help me lie about myself.

As part of a team-building/training exercise at work, we're supposed to make a website about ourselves. I can handle the technical end just fine, but I hate, hate, hate having to make a display of my personal self in public. I'm pretty sure I can get away with making stuff up, as long as it's sufficiently outrageous that everyone feels in on the joke. Now I just need some ideas... [more inside]
posted by Karmakaze on Apr 30, 2010 - 35 answers

Need hotter sex plz kthx!

I'm somewhat less than satisfied with my sex life. How do I talk to my girlfriend about this, without sounding critical or exacerbating her shyness (which is part of the problem)? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2010 - 18 answers

So how do I do this...?

I need advice finding something to do this weekend in Philadelphia. [more inside]
posted by Merzbau on Mar 31, 2010 - 15 answers

Where can a 40 year-old dude go in the Tempe/Chandler AZ area to be (sort of) social?

Where can a 40 year-old dude go in the Tempe/Chandler AZ area to be (sort of) social? [more inside]
posted by mattholomew on Mar 18, 2010 - 4 answers

How do I get this kitten's inner tiger to come out and play?

The lady I'm seeing is really shy in bed. What can I do to help her feel more comfortable? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 1, 2010 - 20 answers

She likes me, but does she *like* me like me?

Late start at dating, and I'm worried that I don't/can't express attraction on dates or around people I like. Halp! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 18, 2009 - 8 answers

Suggestions for shy/anxious lurkers at meetups?

Where can I find, order and purchase, by this evening, a T-shirt that says "Lurker" in big white letters? (Or would that be a bad idea?) Alternatively: please help me find ways to minimize or avoid social anxiety awkwardness at the PDX meetup. [more inside]
posted by Two unicycles and some duct tape on Jul 18, 2009 - 28 answers

Just not that into me?

Hi, I met a man online about a year and a half ago...we have communicated via phone for all this time though some times more frequent than others. I am a 30 something and he is a 40 something. It took us a looooooong time to met (which I finally did this past weekend) for a variety of reasons. I was nervous, we both are shy, I was not sure if he would like me physically, etc., etc. In fact, there were two trips that were previously cancelled. This weekend, finally, I went. I stayed at a hotel, and he was a good host. I was there for 3 days. We did all kinds of touristy things in his town and he treated me like a lady, yet, there was no physical contact. Actually, 2 hugs, that was it. When I arrived, and when I left. No attempted hand holding, no subtle touches, no kiss...it took so long to meet and we are not exactly close in proximity so another meeting may not be anytime soon. I have to say, I expected that he might...so I gotta wonder, does this mean that he was "just not that into me?" I am not sure how to proceed. Hope you can help me figure this out?
posted by mdn31 on May 26, 2009 - 31 answers

How to Keep Steady?

Please help a fella out with the next stage of his Courtship Reeducation Program: How to stay cool when you can't stay ambivalent? [more inside]
posted by EatTheWeak on May 25, 2009 - 13 answers

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