75 posts tagged with shame.
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dating with a messy past

How do I date with a promiscuous/unhealthy past and lots of issues about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 22, 2015 - 25 answers

How do I navigate these difficult shores?

I am increasingly unhappy in my current job and in my mind have decided to exit stage left as soon as is possible. I had a recent interview which went well and there is the option to proceed to the next stage. The problem is I was asked if I would be ok with presenting to large numbers. I said yes whilst my inner voice screamed no. It was the verbalisation of my biggest desire - not the reality. I am tied up in knots deciding - what is the best thing to do? [more inside]
posted by numberstation on Aug 5, 2015 - 13 answers

Why would somebody behave like this, and how should I have handled it?

Please help me process this incident of horrible male behavior, put it in perspective, and come up with some ways to respond if I am ever unfortunate enough to experience something like this again. The balanced, zen part of me says that jerks like this must be living pretty sad lives*, and are probably more miserable than they try to make other people, but right now, that zen part needs a little support. [more inside]
posted by rpfields on Jun 9, 2015 - 17 answers

it wasn't me, I wasn't there / I was stone drunk, it isn't clear

I used to be very, very wild. Now I am very, very boring. How can I bridge the gap to get back in touch with the people who only knew me as I was back then? Difficulty level: I don't want to talk about the old days at all. [more inside]
posted by divined by radio on Mar 24, 2015 - 21 answers

Step mom angst

I feel like the worst stepmom in the world. I feel like I'm disengaging from my stepson... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 27, 2015 - 28 answers

Handling being hit on 101

I am a butch genderqueer trauma survivor with severe PTSD. I just moved away from abusive family and living on my own for the first time in a decade. I was feeling very positive and safe until a drunk guy groped me and tried to come into my apartment. Can you teach me how to handle that as I have no experience dealing with random gropes due to how I look and my response was wrong in every way? [more inside]
posted by kanata on Feb 21, 2015 - 33 answers

Scared of attraction.

29 year old heterosexual male. I believe that I have social anxiety when it comes to talking to women I am attracted to - perhaps more than normal. This has meant very little sex or relationships throughout my life. Practical ideas for dealing with this would be appreciated. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 25, 2015 - 18 answers

Is there such a thing as anonymous online counseling?

I find myself unable to be fully candid speaking in person with therapists and wonder if I might do better corresponding with a therapist online by e-mail or chat or something. Does this exist? Would you recommend it? Is there a better idea? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 29, 2014 - 13 answers

Minnesota bankruptcy

I am thinking of filing for bankruptcy - Chapter 7, as I am unemployed since February and have no assets. I have $0 in my bank account due to a levy by the Minnesota Dept of Revenue for 2013 taxes. (I have since talked to them and am in the process of getting that straightened out.) I have zero money, and if it weren't for the generosity of a good friend would be homeless. Are there any pro bono services in Minneapolis that can help me, or would filing myself (probably) be okay, as long as I follow the filing directions carefully (the MN bankruptcy court site has a pretty good page on what forms need to be filed, etc)? I don't have $1200+ to pay a regular attorney. Any advice appreciated. I'm completely overwhelmed and now afraid that any future job opportunities may be threatened due to the potential for garnishments, etc.
posted by anonymous on Sep 21, 2014 - 6 answers

Please help me be ok with the prospect of being a life-long renter.

Through a series of unfortunate events and choices, I've reached middle age without being able to purchase a house (I'm single, if it matters). It looks like my financial situation won't change in the forseeable future and I'm carrying a significant load of personal debt. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 8, 2014 - 60 answers

How to get over something stupid I done

I did something I feel really bad about, it does not sound like much, but I feel terrible. [more inside]
posted by slimeline on Sep 5, 2014 - 32 answers

Teach me to teach an adult to tie his shoelaces!

My SO is in his thirties and has never really learnt to tie his shoelaces properly. How do I teach him? [more inside]
posted by Sarah Lund's Jumper on Aug 17, 2014 - 38 answers

How to get over a bad moment with a reporter

A while back, a journalist witnessed me displaying a small lack of integrity. Now, I see his name everywhere and can't get over my shame and anger about what happened. How can I move past this? [more inside]
posted by violetish on Aug 15, 2014 - 28 answers

How to best support my partner who wants help w/ shame & addiction?

My partner has been wrestling with alcohol and sexual shame for a long time. This week, he confided in me that he wants to seek help based upon a boundary I set for myself, that he does not want to live like this anymore. I don't want to "over-help" or engage in any co-dependent behavior and I want to be a loving partner in this. But I also need to protect myself and our kids. What can I do or what should I avoid? Specifics inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2014 - 11 answers

living with acceptance in an unjust world

Yet another coping with life after child abuse question (TW): I am really struggling with the idea of fairness in the world and the stigma of being mentally ill due to abuse. Looking for resources or stories to help me start to come to terms with an unjust world. [more inside]
posted by kanata on Aug 2, 2014 - 33 answers

Handling the shame of suicide

I attempted suicide a week ago. Things are good now. New meds and more therapy. Tons of support. Really really glad I am alive and feel safe and secure that it won't happen again. But how do I deal with the shame of seeing how I hurt people who love me? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2014 - 31 answers

Job application anxiety and disappointment

At the beginning of this year I finished my courses and exams to become an emergency medical technician. I finally have the certification I that allows me to work in the field, but I’m fighting against paralyzing anxiety that’s making it hard to apply for jobs. This is something that I've struggled with the past, but the stakes feel a lot higher this time and I’m looking for advice on how to proceed. [more inside]
posted by arcolz on Jan 22, 2014 - 11 answers

Books about suffering loss but being better for it

I'm going through some things that have both brought me a lot of sadness and presented an opportunity to change my life for the better. I'm wondering if there are any books the MeFi hive can recommend, novels, memoirs or otherwise. They should be about people who have suffered loss, perhaps enduring shame, but emerging better for it. [more inside]
posted by Cybria on Jan 17, 2014 - 11 answers

Trying to live happily ever after, after an affair. But with a twist.

I love my boyfriend dearly and we have had a very strong exclusive relationship for over a year now. However, we started as an affair while he was married. I am still struggling with the guilt I have over this. Are there any resources out there for helping people deal with the aftermath of the affair when the couple is now the husband and the mistress and not the husband and wife? [more inside]
posted by Argyle Sock Puppet on Jan 9, 2014 - 45 answers

Task management for the overwhelmed

Are you easily distracted and overwhelmed? What task management techniques/systems have you found successful? [more inside]
posted by overeducated_alligator on Dec 30, 2013 - 17 answers

How to deal w being around people/things that remind you of nightmares?

I feel ashamed and uneasy about being around people that remind me of my nightmares. How do I cope with it? [more inside]
posted by ichomp on Oct 8, 2013 - 2 answers

Feel bad about going to strip club, Help!

So I went to a strip club when I was pretty intoxicated and feeling lonely and depressed. Long story short I got a series of lap dances where you were allowed to touch the strippers. I feel tremendous guilt and shame about going there and objectifying women. [more inside]
posted by mrdrummed on Oct 4, 2013 - 41 answers

How do you come to terms with your feelings after a break up?

I've just broken up with someone I still love after a very tumultuous year and am struggling with feelings of shame. What ways can you suggest to deal with these feelings and come to terms with what has happened? [more inside]
posted by Ranting Prophet of DOOM! on Jul 28, 2013 - 9 answers

I need medical care and I'm too ashamed to go to the doctor.

I need to go to the doctor, but intense shame is keeping me from seeking help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 18, 2013 - 46 answers

How to help a relative cope with past sexual assault?

My elderly mother in law recently confided in me that her now-deceased husband sexually assaulted her decades ago and it haunts her daily. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 19, 2013 - 10 answers

Still scared about stupid sex

How to deal with intense anxiety from stupid and risky sexual decisions in the (pretty) distant past? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 8, 2013 - 27 answers

Sorry to inflict this on you.

My question is disgusting and primarily about my butt. Details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 18, 2013 - 28 answers

Possibly HIV Positive -- Now What

I may have HIV and I don't know what to do about it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 28, 2013 - 51 answers

Recovering from child sexual abuse online

I'm finally processing the reality of being a victim of online enticement by a child predator. Besides therapy, are there any good resources for helping deal with the shame? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 21, 2012 - 12 answers

How do I stop masturbating to violent images?

I am a woman who is deeply ashamed of what sexually excites me and need help or resources in learning to stop my porn/masturbation problem. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2012 - 24 answers


I think I need to file bankruptcy. Guilt and shame. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 26, 2012 - 17 answers

Help me be less of a catastrophe

Trying to climb out of huge life hole. Complications: shame, depression and probable ADD, inattentive type. Before you suggest therapy, I have an appointment at the local community mental health intake place this Thursday. I just need to know I can get through this, and that others have made major life changes at 40+ that have stuck. I have few IRL friends I can talk to about this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2012 - 16 answers

Help me get the bullies out of my head so I can go to the gym in peace

You were bullied as a child, especially in gym class. You protected yourself from the mocking by being invisible and dropping those classes as soon as possible. You were embarrassed and afraid if people noticed the way you run or move. You didn't learn to dance because of this shame. As an adult, you have gotten over this fear/shame and have become physically fit and strong. How? [more inside]
posted by sadmadglad on Jun 9, 2012 - 37 answers

Overcoming shame after quitting a job

I quit a job without notice more than a year ago, and I still haven't fully recovered. Please help me overcome my shame and move on with my life. [more inside]
posted by constellations on Apr 18, 2012 - 31 answers

You're amazing!!!........I suck.

How to deal with the shame that comes after hypomanic behaviour? [more inside]
posted by costanza on Apr 5, 2012 - 19 answers

Caught up in more shame.

I did some out of character, stupid things while in the middle of a long nervous breakdown. I told many of my close friends. Now how do I handle the shame? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 21, 2012 - 15 answers

Help a girl say no.

Late-twenties female in need of new strategies for handling intimate encounters and avoiding disassociation during sex and shame afterwards. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 5, 2012 - 35 answers

How to stop blushing when coworkers talk about sex

Help me stop blushing when people at work talk about sex. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 13, 2011 - 20 answers

Learning to love sport again

How do I get over my feelings of fear and shame with physical activity? [more inside]
posted by snowysoul on Dec 4, 2011 - 17 answers

And she became a hermit, never checked email again, and lived happily ever after except for the gnawing self doubt and failed dreams.

Sticks and stones can break my bones but unread emails make me want to hide in a closet. Please help me get over my avoidance of communication. Bonus: failed therapy attempt; social outcast complications. [more inside]
posted by griselda on Dec 2, 2011 - 26 answers

I said I'd never and now I have

Do you know of any literary quotes on the theme of self-disgust and shame when authors or characters realise they have turned into that which they once despised? [more inside]
posted by cincinnatus c on Nov 23, 2011 - 10 answers

How did you tell others you were in an abusive relationship?

I realized last night that I need to get out of my emotionally abusive marriage. I'm really scared for a lot of reasons. For those of you who have been in my shoes, how did you "come out" to others about your situation? How did you cope with people who told you you brought it on yourself? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 9, 2011 - 32 answers

Is EI too shameful?

Work is ending next week, nothing lined up to follow. Should I go on EI or is that too shameful/irresponsible for someone of an upper middle class background? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 5, 2011 - 19 answers

How not to people-please your way to relationship angst

How do those who tend to people-please stay honest with their feelings and needs in romantic relationships? I want to avoid becoming overwhelmed and disoriented after about half a year or so, which seems to happen again and again. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 27, 2011 - 14 answers

How to stop feeling like I'm not good enough?

In my work, with my family, and my friends, I suddenly feel like a child, or that I am inferior to them. I'm not!, So why am I jobless and friendless? BTW: I don't feel this way in other areas of my life, only when it comes to work and friend-making. [more inside]
posted by midnightmoonlight on Aug 12, 2011 - 6 answers

Guilt and shame

Could someone give me good, colloquial definitions of guilt, shame, and the difference between them? Or maybe I'm looking for another word... [more inside]
posted by dogcat on May 22, 2011 - 18 answers

an apopogy for the unforgivable

I've been invited to a wedding where I'm only going to know a couple of guests. One of them is a woman who has every right to hate my guts. Help me navigate this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 29, 2011 - 46 answers

How do I get over the shame of my bigoted teenage past?

How do I get over guilt and shame of sharing very prejudiced things online as a teenager? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 13, 2011 - 38 answers

Save Me From Style Parody

Quick, MeFites! In less than an hour I'm dressing to go to the Cirque du Soleil. I'm determined to wear my vintage black velvet strapless evening gown with flamenco ruffles. How do I style it tongue-in-cheek without trying too hard? [more inside]
posted by tel3path on Jan 16, 2011 - 13 answers

Reign of blows.

Help me alleviate a noxious family dynamic. [more inside]
posted by Nomyte on Dec 11, 2010 - 31 answers

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