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Loss of libido with Levlen/Levora?

roxie110 — Thu, 12 Nov 2009 13:32:13 -0800

Has anyone taking the birth control pill Levora/Levlen had a loss of libido? I've been taking this pill for a year now, and (along with some weight gain that kicked in about 6 months later, yuck) I've noticed a pretty steep drop in my libido.

This is the first time I've ever been on the pill, and I'm trying to figure out whether this may be related to the pill itself, or whether I'm just not that attracted to my boyfriend anymore (it's been 6 years)!

Any info or advice would be welcome.

Dead libido at 24? What should I do about relationships?

anonymousme — Tue, 15 Sep 2009 13:07:18 -0800

Dead libido at 24? What should I do about relationships? I'm a 24 year old female in good physical and mental health. I exercise, eat well, have had blood work and a physical done recently; no problems and nothing irregular except a slightly higher-than-average testosterone level, actually.

I had a pretty high libido as a teenager, but that might just be because I usually wasn't getting regular sex. I was in a long distance relationship for most of my teens and half of college.

I started noticing my libido declining in my second long term relationship, when I was 21. I started noticing that I was annoyed rather than aroused when my boyfriend approached me and touched me sexually. Unfortunately, the more I drew back, the more grabby and gropey at all times he got. It became a cycle. (Groping had never bothered me before this. It used to turn me on.)

It ended quickly after that and I chalked it up to unhappiness with the relationship in general.

My next boyfriend wasn't a groper, so that annoyance factor wasn't there. And I wanted to have sex with him occasionally. But he wanted it more. Nothing excessive, just a few times a week. I did it with him when he wanted to, even though I would really have preferred to just cuddle.

Eventually, I just didn't want to do it at all anymore. We stopped having sex for about 4 months. I felt extremely guilty. I broke up with him because I didn't think the situation was fair to him, but I just didn't want to have sex with him anymore at all.

I chalked *that* up to that relationship just not working, as well. At the time, I thought I still might be having problems because of lack of compatibility, or attraction, or something like that.

Now I have a third boyfriend. Of course, he has a higher sex drive than anyone who came before him and wants it at *least* once a day. And even if I do that, he will grope me constantly to push for two or more times a day. He's not a bad guy or a Neanderthal, he's great, he just has a really libido.

I really, really like him, love him, and think he's very good looking, and I think I was hoping that either my libido would come back or eventually I would get used to this high level of sex. We've been dating for 8 months and moved in together recently.

When he gropes me, my instinctual reaction is annoyance and anger. The last time he grabbed my chest, I instinctively slapped his hand away without thinking. I have taken to crossing my arms over my chest when I pass by him, and wrapping myself up in blankets when I sleep so I'm not jarred awake by hands. I feel like I'm under siege and it stresses me.

I have sex with him all the time because I know it's important to him. But it's a chore to me. I *never* want it of my own volition. Subconsciously I've developed all sorts of strategies to avoid him at certain times. He always wants to have sex in the morning and I hate that time the most, so I'm always trying to get out of the house without waking him up.

The other day I had a frightening thought.

I was thinking about the idea of getting married to him. I realized that for him to be happy in the marriage, we would have to have a lot of sex. Suddenly I visualized the idea of having to have that much sex, day in, and day out, for the next 50 years. It made me feel trapped, desperate, and gave me a feeling of dread and being overwhelmed.

Some of my partners have been good in bed, and some of them have been bad in bed. When I had a high libido, there were definitely things that I liked. And my boyfriend now does those things, so I know it's not just that. The problem isn't that he's doing the wrong things. The problem is that being touched sexually just does not appeal to me at all anymore.

The exception is that I still masturbate, always have, pretty frequently in fact, and still enjoyed it up until I moved in with my current boyfriend. Now we have so much sex that I don't even want to do that anymore. I feel like I would be happy never having sex again or masturbating again for the rest of my life. In fact that would be a relief to me.

I would love it if my boyfriend and I had sex NEVER and just cuddled and kissed. Obviously, I know that's not going to happen, nor would I ever ask it of him.

I'm loth to bring this up to my boyfriend because he is VERY VERY VERY sensitive about his sexual performance. Anything that could be construed as criticism, will send him into the blues for days. He knows I don't want as much sex as he does, but after I've already had sex once in a day, I try to alternate saying no to him with just avoiding him because I don't want him to take it personally and get into that mood.

Is there any hope for me? What do you think I should do? How will I ever get married or have a relationship in the future.

I don't really want to go on drugs. And I actually find the idea of somehow wringing more of a sex drive out of myself exhausting. It makes me feel used up.

Can I safely, healthily lower my libido?

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Aug 2009 06:15:36 -0800

Can I safely, healthily lower my libido? I've had a very high libido since puberty. Although I've been pretty successful in attracting women all my life, I've always wanted more sex than any woman has been willing and/or able to have with me.

When I was younger, I lost girlfriends over this. As I grew older, I stopped asking for it as much, but I still want it constantly. I hold off from asking until I can barely stand it, and when I finally do ask, I feel desperate. It's still more than my girlfriend wants. And before we started dating, she told me she had a higher libido than any boyfriend she ever had.

I've had complete physical and psychological checkups, and I'm healthy.

Here's the kick- I've never enjoyed being this horny. It makes some men feel more vital, but it never has for me. And I also don't consider it a basic, essential part of who I am, my identity. I've put a lot of thought into it, and at this point in my life (I'm 33) what I really want is not, actually, to somehow find a partner with a libido as high as mine. I would prefer having a lower libido. I'd love to have the extra time to spend pursuing my other interests, rather than being distracted by this unwelcome physical sensation all the time.

So I ask: is there a way to safely, healthily lower my libido? I would love to reach a point where I desired sex anywhere from a few times a week to never.

Post-partum libido, where are you?

otherwordlyglow — Wed, 12 Nov 2008 19:29:43 -0800

How long did it take for your libido to return to normal after giving birth? I'm 5 months post-partum and am breastfeeding. My heretofore normal and, I thought, regular sex drive disappeared while I was pregnant and is still on the lam. I miss it. I know there are biological reasons that I'm not feeling the urge like I once did but when will my long-lost and beloved sex drive come back? Do I have to quit breastfeeding? I'm 40 and am not on any birth control. I haven't really menstruated yet though I had a little bit of something last month. I am not pregnant again. My husband is extremely supportive and is not pressuring me in any way but I no longer get all that aroused and have trouble orgasming and these things were never a problem before. Currently, my little girl is sleeping 12 hours a night so we have plenty of time to do it, I just never want to. At what point should I be checking in with my doctor to see what I can do? Does the libido return at some point? Please say yes!!!!

More than once every 52 seconds

StrikeTheViol — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:44:48 -0800

I feel my libido is too high. How can I normalize it healthily and deal with it? I'm 22, and I've noticed my desire increasing very sharply over the past year or so. It's getting in the way of other activities I have and making it difficult to keep up with studying, as I'll frequently become distracted when even obliquely reminded of arousing things, even more than my high school years. I masturbate at least once daily, often more, but it doesn't satisfy, regardless of how long I take doing it, even extending beyond an hour. I've been on antidepressants, but I've found that sexual feelings remain, whether or not I get an erection.

I haven't done anything illegal or even particulary antisocial other than flirting with some women already in relationships, but I'm still a virgin and I think the way I approach women unconsciously as a result of this has actually cost me several opportunities for sex and sex play, among other things. I've been to multiple therapists, responses ranging from "just wait and it'll decrease naturally" to "It's perfectly normal" and that I probably should be happy my sexual stamina is so high. Other resources I've found include a Mormon pamphlet advising dunking the genitals in icewater, and some people with physical sex addiction problems that seem far distant from my experiences. Is that really all there is?

Is it hormones or in my head?

lxs — Sat, 10 Nov 2007 11:55:41 -0800

Am I hormonally impaired? I am a female in my mid-twenties and I haven't had the slightest desire to have sex in a little over a year. Absolutely nothing. The thought of sex isn't traumatic to me but I'd just rather not do it. And I can't figure out why, although there's no shortage of potential explanations.

I had a pretty normal sex life previously. A few things happened between now and then, and I can't figure out what is most likely making me so asexual. My suspicion is that it might have something to do with going off birth control. I took the pill for about 12 years but stopped because my health insurance expired. I'm afraid that having stopped taking something that affected my hormones from mid-puberty until adulthood has screwed up my hormones.

A little less than a year ago, I also stopped taking antipsychotics, which I had been taking for depression in lieu of antidepressants. I went off them very, very slowly, though, and didn't have any problems with withdrawal. I had serious issues with depression for much of my life and the way I feel now is totally distinct from that sort of experience. I dealt with an incident that was vaguely sexual assault when I was a teenager but have been through years of therapy since then and have generally not felt affected by it.

I also moved in with my boyfriend (of approx. five years) about two years ago and he has been incredibly understanding and supportive about me basically asexual, telling me that he's there for me/that he's not going to leave unless I tell him to/etc.

I can't figure out whether this is hormonal or in my head. It doesn't help at all that I can't go to therapy because even reduced rate appointments are more than I can afford right now (no insurance), plus I work very long hours and don't have the time for it. This will likely change in a little less than a year, and hopefully I can see someone then. In the meantime, I am desperate, at this point, to figure out what the hell is wrong with me and how this abrupt, seemingly out-of-nowhere change came about. Am I doomed to a lifetime of asexuality?

What have all these prescription drugs done to me?

Drohan — Sat, 27 Oct 2007 16:26:04 -0800

What has a decade anti-anxiety medication done to me? You name it, I've probably been on it at one time or another--Serzone, Topamax, Prozac, Wellbutrin, Zoloft, BuSpar, Gabitril, Provigil, Klonopin, Ativan, Lexapro, Seroquel...the list goes on.

I've gone from my early 20s to my early 30s constantly on some combination of medication to combat Generalized Anxiety Disorder. Some of the drugs I've been on have been to combat the major side effects (weight gain & sexual dysfunction) of the main drugs. I've also been in therapy the whole time.

At this point, I'm still experiencing anxiety, which I hope to deal with with yet another cocktail of drugs/therapy. I'm on 20mg of Cymbalta and 2mg of klonopin a day. I'm trying to go off the Cymbalta because it doesn't seem to be working. I just went off Seroquel because it was making it impossible to wake up and I had a feeling it was causing a huge explosion in weight gain.

My question: Will I ever be "normal" again? Now that I've gone off the Seroquel, will I have an easier time losing weight? Will I ever get my sex drive back? Before all these drugs, I had a really healthy sex drive. Even in the few months between being on SSRIs etc. over the past decade, my sex drive hasn't magically come back. Am I doomed to be overweight and sex-drive-less from an early adulthood of pharmacological roulette?

Here is my backwards curse: Girls I might befriend platonically always end up wanting "something more," and it ends in disaster. How can I break this pattern of causing pain?

consilium — Sat, 01 Sep 2007 13:46:15 -0800

Girls I might want to befriend are romantically/sexually attracted to me...Are platonic relationships really possible? If so, how do I get out of this pattern of disastrous endings? Most specifically, how do I relate to a new "female friend" in my life without causing pain? I'm a heterosexual, 24 year-old, solitary type of guy...Let's put the tendencies towards social isolation aside because I have absolutely no problem with that right now. Fact is, I don't make friends easily and when I do make a connection, for whatever reason it tends to be with a girl...This next part is going to sound very backwards: the problem is that I am open to (not seeking, but certainly open to) platonic relationships, but 9/10 times they don't work out...it soon gets weird as I realize the girl is attracted to me and wants more than friendship. This pattern has played itself out to tragic ends one too many times. I want to learn how to deal with this without hurting anyone...myself included....

Put aside my current resistance to romance, because it is genuine and well-founded...I have no problem with it. I've experienced and ended two serious relationships in the past 18 months and realize now that I have some issues to work out before I can cause more good than harm to another person (and myself) in that role. I don't see anything lacking to be filled by a romance right now. My sex drive is nil, at absolute zero...has been for almost 6 months (sounds weird but it's happened before too). If I had a girlfriend or a wife, that would be pathology; being single, I consider it a blessing. It gives me time and energy for other things. My attention is elsewhere, and for me, at this moment in my life, that's just fine.

So I think I have great, healthy reasons for keeping things platonic...But is it really possible? I appear to be "making friends" with a girl from work. Am I being naive yet again? I think I am, though not as completely this time. What in the world do I do?

I asked elderwisdomcircle.org and my elder accused me of sending mixed signals to the girls I meet. In the past 6 or 7 cases that might have happened once, but except for the one case where I was admittedly confused, I think I have been very clear and careful about what I say and do. In the very last case I told the girl in txt messages and emails that I was not at all interested in romance. I guess it would've been more effective in person, and I could've sunk the point and added "with anyone, including you," but I am timid and don't want to be presumptuous or rude about these things. Anyway, it ended in disaster...

How can I explain where I'm coming from without causing pain, without making an ass out of myself, and hopefully without losing a friend? How can I prevent the pattern from playing out yet again? My new "platonic friend" is almost certainly attracted to me. Do I have any options that don't involve people getting hurt? What is the best one?

Should I just make it a point not to talk to girls? Be an asshole upfront to avoid being more of an asshole later? Should I lie and tell them I'm gay? (Someone here is probably going to suggest I actually *am* gay...but I have no romantic/sexual interest in guys whatsoever...I am a heterosexual, though during periods [like now] I guess asexual would be more accurate).

I guess my most pressing question is what in the world to do about the current situation and this girl who's already in my life? Thankfully I don't have a phone right now so it has taken off some of the pressure...I see her once a week at work and we sometimes exchange emails...we had lunch and went to the beach twice. I can sense she wants to spend more time together, and I suspect that it's likely to end in some kind of disaster yet again.

Please try to leave aside and accept as givens the solitary tendencies, the asexuality, the resistance to romance. You might think that these are issues but I don't see any of it as problematic at this moment in my life. I do accept that at some point I could probably benefit from some really good professional counseling, though it doesn't seem imperative (or affordable) right now...

If I could have a platonic friend, great, if not...fine, but I want to avoid or minimize this pattern of causing pain. MeFi, please share your thoughts and any relevant experience...thanks!

Why doesn't my b/c love me back?

sunshinesky — Fri, 08 Jun 2007 11:29:45 -0800

Hormonal Birth Control woes... I'm going to try to keep this as coherent as possible:

22 years old and in a committed, loving relationship. On b/c for 5 years, NuvaRing for the last 9 months.

problem #1: No sex drive. Before birth control I was an uncontrollable 'nymphomaniac'. I rarely, if ever initiate sex anymore and it is not for lack of attraction or functionality of our relationship. I simply have no desire for sex until I'm actually doing it. Even then, I dry up easily despite plenty of desire to want sex.

problem #2: Onset of depression almost immediately after starting NuvaRing, with no other obvious trigger. Life was good, and since I became depressed I have felt basically disabled. My mood swings are awful. I scream and do things I would usually find completely unreasonable, torturing my boyfriend and roommates. Enough suicidal ideation often brought up by inconsequential difficulties and plenty of self destructive behaviour that leads to further depression.

problem #3: God-awful latex allergy, and a propensity to have an upset vaginal pH and subsequent infections.

So my question is: What are my options?!

I've skimmed through previous posts and found plenty of great advice, but none that really seemed to fit my needs.

Ideally I'd like to be off hormonal b/c as soon as possible. The implications of that move are a bit bothersome though:

- Non-latex condoms are awesome, but they are also relatively expensive. A pack of 5 runs about $18 at my local pharmacy. $15/mo for b/c is already stretching the budget, so I can't see me with increased libido buying all those condoms.
- Given my tendancy toward infection, I'm extremely wary about a copper IUD. I seriously don't want PID.
I also get enough cramps already, thanks.
- BBT charting was suggested in another thread, but while I'm in a stable relationship, we are by no means ready for an accident. I am thoroughly pro-choice, but have recently questioned my own ability to have an abortion. I'd rather not put us in that position.

So MeFites, is there any hope for me? Is there some miracle out there?

For the record, I have my annual exam with my GYN coming up, and I fully intend on bringing this up. I was just hoping I could get some anecdotal info before I go in. Thanks so much, and sorry for the length!

Help me cure lesbian bed-death!

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Oct 2005 15:53:02 -0800

Help me cure lesbian bed-death. Lesbians and non-lesbians alike are welcome to reply. It's a not-so-funny joke in the gay community that a few months into a serious relationship. lesbians stop having sex. My partner and I have been together for six years now, and, although we talk about sex (especially how much we miss it!) we don't have sex. Maybe once a month, possibly less often than that. We are young (20's) and although we have both struggled with weight and body issues we are currently getting fit and feeling awesome about our bodies. We used to think that it was that we felt fat and not at all sexy, but with the fat part disappearing, we still don't feel sexy.

Last year we had a threesome, with a man. For my partner it confirmed that she was definitely a lesbian. For me it was like having a hands-free dildo. Neither of us got our rocks off that night, but for a couple of weeks afterward we had the best sex of our lives. This, however, is not a solution to the problem. I don't want to have to bring another person into the relationship periodically just so that the two of us can have good sex later.

Other than that experience, we are each other's only sexual partner. We were each other's first. We are open and experimentative, we talk about everything, and we are open to trying just about anything - that is, if we haven't already. When we do have sex it is very enjoyable, but for the most part (and we have discussed this) we would both rather, ahem, take care of it ourselves.

So my question is: how can we get interested in sex again? How can we get interested in each other? We cuddle, we chat, we do all those love-dovey things every single day (what can I say, we are affectionate), we just don't have sex. And yes, it is a problem, because we both miss it very much.

Tired of sex

Anonymous — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 20:04:27 -0800

I'm 21 years old and I'm tired of sex... I'm a 21-year-old college coed and I'm tired of sex. Does this seem strange to anyone else? When I say I'm tired of sex, I mean that it's just not on my list of fun things to do anymore. Even when I'm having a good time, maybe out drinking with friends or at home with my boyfriend watching a movie, I'd usually rather just keep doing what I'm doing. If things move in the sex direction, I usually pull back and suggest something else.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years and we live together now. We don't have any relationship problems aside from my recent disinterest in sex and he doesn't seem to be suffering from a similar affliction. I used to really enjoy sex and we've always been pretty adventurous when it comes to trying new things in bed. I don't have any serious social or psychological disorders, I'm not on any serious medications, I'm a generally happy person...so what gives?

I do have some baggage: The circumstances under which I was having sex before I met my current boyfriend were not healthy (particularly the first time) and orgasms have always been hard for me (I've only gotten there once during sex with some hand-held help).

Has anyone had a similar experience? Is there any hope for me? Are my days of enjoying sex over?