Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with sex and woman

I want a physical thing, no more, no less

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:32:52 -0800

How do I identify and meet women interested in a one night stand? For the past few years, I've found myself in a number of relationships where my partners don't want to have sex. They'll do everything to remain technical virgins (oral, mutual masturbation, etc.), but penetrative intercourse is out. For some reason, I seem to keep meeting these sorts of women when I go out looking for a girlfriend.

At this point, I'm single and ready to have some fun. I've been thinking of going to bars and other places where I might meet women who are interested in a purely sexual relationship.

My questions are:

1. How can I tell if a woman is interested in having a one night stand?

2. Where can I meet women who are interested in only a sexual relationship? For example, does craigslist Casual Encounters actually work?

3. If I suspect a woman may be interested in a one night stand, then how can I proposition her for this?

If you need to follow up, throwaway e-mail is mansextonight at gmail.com.

Are those gosh durned kids really having as much free love as the Tv says?

reenum — Wed, 08 Jul 2009 12:24:24 -0800

How accurate are the media portrayals of young people engaging in risky sexual behaviors? Recently, I've noticed that a lot of media outlets seem to be sensationalizing the sexual practices of people in their teens and 20's. These sources would have you believe that these groups are always 'hooking up', they prefer oral sex to kissing, and that now engage in sexual activity first and date if the experience is positive. Things along those lines.

I'm 30, so I was a teen in the early 90's. I find it hard to believe that sexual mores have changed all that much in the last 15 years. Obviously, I don't get much action, so I can't speak from experience. Have things really become as open and free as the media would have us believe?

Are there any studies or news stories that give statistics of how prevalent sexual activity and risky sexual behaviors are in teens and twentysomethings? Anecdotes are also welcome.

Why doesn't the rug match the drapes?

reenum — Thu, 14 May 2009 10:36:34 -0800

Why do some people's hair on their head and pubic hair not match in color? First off, I'm excluding people who have their hair colored. I know why their hair doesn't match.

I've known women who had dirty blond hair and had black pubic hair. Others I've spoken to have shared the same thing. Given that hair should be the same all over, why is pubic hair sometimes a different color than the rest of your hair?

How can I stop thinking about knocking boots with every lady I see?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:57:13 -0800

I'm having pervasive sexual thoughts. How do I make them stop? (NSFW) I'm a 30 year old male. I've only had one sexual relationship in my life. I look at porn almost everyday, and have a large selection of porn mags.

Recently, whenever I see a woman who is even a little attractive, I start having thoughts of myself and the woman having sex. I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

I've got an appointment with my therapist next week, but what can I do in the interim to make these thoughts less pervasive?

I'd like to explode, but can't.

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:28:28 -0800

I'm a man and I can't orgasm. What can I do to remedy this? I am a late 20's male who recently began having sex, and I am having a distressing problem. Namely, I can't achieve orgasm.

The first time my partner and I did it, I orgasmed, but since then, nothing.

I masturbated a lot through the years and have the feeling that this lies at the core of my problem. A vagina doesn't grip my penis as tightly as my hand does. I also masturbated without lotion or lube. Like a good boy, I've also been using condoms. As a result, the friction needed to make achieve orgasm isn't there.

Is there anything I can do to remedy this problem? Any techniques or toys that might get my penis more accustomed to the slippery looseness of a vagina? My partner assures me that her vagina is pretty tight.

If you need more details or want to e-mail me privately, please e-mail me at chronicmast at gmail dot com.

Thanks!

We're big and getting busy. How can we get busier?

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Jul 2008 20:12:40 -0800

Sex positions for overweight people? NSFW details inside A friend and I recently began having sex, but have run into a problem. I'm a man, BTW.

I'm a bit overweight (6 feet, 225). She is obese (5'7', 200).

I tried missionary, but my penis had problems staying inside her, since I couldn't get it all the way in. After a bit of trying, I was able to climax.

I'm wondering what sorts of positions people like us can use for maximum pleasure.

Thanks!

Should I take this relationship to another level?

Anonymous — Wed, 25 Jun 2008 17:52:44 -0800

My friend is willing to become a friend with benefits. Should I do it? I'm male. A friend of mine who I've known for the last 10 years recently told me that she has the hots for me. At the time, I told her that I was flattered, but not interested in her romantically.

Since then, I've been thinking about whether or not a friends with benefit arrangement would work. She always complains about needing sex and I am a virgin. It seems like it might work. When I broached the subject the other day, she seemed receptive. She's done the FWB thing before, and has sex with her son's dad whenever he's in town.

There are a few complicating factors:
1. She has a 4 year old son.
2. I'm really not interested in being romantically involved with her.
3. I worry that this will change our relationship for the worse.

Oh MeFites, help me decide whether I should go through with this. I'm so conflicted.

How can I stop thinking about the nasty?

Anonymous — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 11:20:46 -0800

I'm obsessed with sex. I think about it constantly. How can I make it stop? I'm 29 and still a technical virgin. I want to have sex, but can't seem to find a partner. I have had two past girlfriends, both of whom wanted to wait until marriage to have sex.

I find myself obsessed about sex. I think about it all the time. I watch porn when I get home from work. I'll stare at women's breasts and cleavage while I walk around. I hate that I do it. I've often thought about flying to Vegas and hiring a hooker, but can't bring myself to do it. I already masturbate daily, and two or three times each day on the weekend. It isn't enough.

Have any of you had success in stopping such pervasive thoughts? I'd like to stop thinking about sex, because I likely won't be getting any for a while

How can I be OK with never being intimate with another?

Anonymous — Sat, 17 May 2008 16:26:42 -0800

I'm 29 and haven't had sex. How can I reconcile with the fact that it might not ever happen for me? I'm 29 and I've never had sex.

This fact has been weighing on me lately. I feel like everyone around me is having sex and is able to find people to be intimate with except for myself.

So far, I've had two girlfriends. Both were somewhat religious, and did not believe in sex before marriage. I cared about them, and so I respected their wishes. Still, I always wondered what it would be like.

I'm trying to wrap my head around the fact that perhaps I'm not meant to ever have sex with another.

So I ask you, has sex been worth it to those who have had it? If you're still a virgin, how are you able to cope with these feelings? Any help would be appreciated.

Throwaway e-mail is frustratedvirgin@gmail.com if you don't want to post an answer here or want to ask me further questions.

Excuse me sir, are you happy to see me?

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Sep 2007 12:08:32 -0800

Why is it easier for me to achieve sexual arousal now rather than 10 years ago? This is something I've noticed over the last couple of years. I'm really not sure if this is a phenomenon that has been researched or not.

I'm currently 29. About 10 years ago, I remember that I would only be sexually aroused by the sight of nude or near nude women. Women wearing provocative clothing were nice to look at, but did nothing for me.

Now, I find myself aroused if a woman is showing even a hint of cleavage or wearing a tight fitting top. I find that I have sexual fantasies much more often about my girlfriend and other women than I did as a 19 year old.

According to my intuition, isn't this the opposite of how it should be? I thought that sexual arousal was easier to achieve at a younger age, and that when you got older, it waned.

Any thoughts or explanations would be appreciated.

Book recommendations for the mature woman

b33j — Thu, 14 Jun 2007 21:52:53 -0800

I’d like to read some fiction books where the heroine is intelligent, 40+ years old, not incredibly gorgeous or incredibly wealthy or incredibly famous, but with responsibilities (like teenage kids or a career), who has explicit & hot sex. Chick lit all grown up, you might say. Story and plot is vital. Science fiction is great. I'm pretty relaxed about genre if the other criteria are met. Movies suggestions like these also welcome but it’s easier for me to get to the library than to the video shop. I have browsed the AskMe tags of women and books. I would google it, but I’m not sure how to narrow my search so that I don’t end up with Barbara Taylor Bradford- yech.

If you don’t use it, you lose it?

Anonymous — Sat, 13 Jan 2007 09:25:10 -0800

Where has my sex drive gone? I am a heterosexual woman, about 40. Soon after I first became sexually active, I could orgasm 95% of the time with penetrative intercourse, often multiple times. A hot look across a crowded room and I’d be aroused. One deep kiss and I’d be soaking wet. . I was adventurous and always ready. I think a big part of my interest in sex was the mutuality. I think maybe seeing myself desired went a long to fuelling my arousal. I never actually succeeded in masturbating to the point of orgasm, but it was (back then) a pleasurable activity when there was no one available to play with.

Now, I’ve been happily married for a long time but my husband is impotent due to illness and has been completely so for the last 3 years. We have a deep and loving relationship, so please do not suggest fixing my problem by leaving him, manipulating him or cheating on him. He is uncomfortable with sex now, including conversations about sex, suggestions that he might do other things – and honestly, I’d feel enormously uncomfortable if it were a one way street, if my orgasm/pleasure was the sole purpose for the activity.

Okay, here’s the issue. I miss orgasm. I’ve tried masturbating, but it’s become less satisfying, not more, and I have trouble even in becoming aroused. In fact, it’s become akin to rubbing any part of my body – nice enough for a bit, but irritating shortly thereafter. I’ve tried vibrators too with no better results. I’ve tried reading online pornography, but as a story progresses, it seems the only way for it to advance is with the characters performing more and more unusual sex acts, which seems faintly ridiculous to me. All the female characters seem to be 10 to 15 years younger than me and of a degree of hotness that makes me invisible by comparison. I certainly feel much less desirable than I used to be. My very large breasts now sag terribly, and while I have lost a fair amount of weight, I have a (diminishing) gut.

So, yeah, I know it’s long, here it is, summarised.
I don’t get any sex.
Masturbation isn’t working out.
I can’t even seem to get physically aroused.
I feel undesirable.
How do I get me a nice little orgasm then?

Tips for woman on top position?

Anonymous — Sun, 22 Oct 2006 21:26:01 -0800

Tips for woman on top position? Besides being shy about "being on top," I don't really know the logistics of how to do it. Any tips? How do you support yourself? Do you move up and down or do you rock back and forth? Are you sitting completely upright? Any tips would be much appreciated.

~shy girl

Why can't some straight women orgasm without fantasizing about women rather than men?

orangeshoe — Wed, 30 Aug 2006 00:28:24 -0800

Is it normal for a woman to be unable to orgasm alone or with a (male) partner unless she fantasizes about women? A girlfriend of mine in some strain of conversation confessed to me that this was the only way she could orgasm. I searched for an answer on here before asking but found nothing to satisfy my curiosity.

At any rate, I inquired whether she might be gay or bi or anything in between or outside the confines of the two, and she replied that she is definitely without a doubt neither. But with qualification - she thinks she would probably enjoy getting it on with a female but is SURE she would want only to be with a male. She also indicates that she is more attracted to males than females in ways other than sexually.

But the fact remains - she cannot orgasm without fantasizing about women and has completely given up on having an orgasm through intercourse with her husband.

I've heard other girlfriends of mine say similar things, though not completely to the extreme as the one of whom I now speak. I'm just extremely curious as to what this could mean. Indeed, I carried on this conversation with my friend for what felt like 4 hours trying to delve into her thoughts and how to rationalize them.

Thoughts?