Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with sex and vagina

I want a physical thing, no more, no less

Anonymous — Wed, 12 Aug 2009 14:32:52 -0800

How do I identify and meet women interested in a one night stand? For the past few years, I've found myself in a number of relationships where my partners don't want to have sex. They'll do everything to remain technical virgins (oral, mutual masturbation, etc.), but penetrative intercourse is out. For some reason, I seem to keep meeting these sorts of women when I go out looking for a girlfriend.

At this point, I'm single and ready to have some fun. I've been thinking of going to bars and other places where I might meet women who are interested in a purely sexual relationship.

My questions are:

1. How can I tell if a woman is interested in having a one night stand?

2. Where can I meet women who are interested in only a sexual relationship? For example, does craigslist Casual Encounters actually work?

3. If I suspect a woman may be interested in a one night stand, then how can I proposition her for this?

If you need to follow up, throwaway e-mail is mansextonight at gmail.com.

Where is my vagina owner's manual?

Anonymous — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 08:30:48 -0800

TMI Filter: Is this normal vagina behavior? (NSFW) I've been having (relatively vigorous) vaginal sex with a newish partner. We had sex maybe three times in the past two days. My vagina now feels sort of puffy and inflamed. Last night it even took some effort to achieve penetration; it was not really painful, just difficult. Once we got going it was fine. In the past I have experienced some soreness immediately after intercourse, but this seems to be persisting. I've only had a yeast infection once, several years ago, and that involved a lot of discharge. There is no discharge whatsoever in this case; in fact, my vag feels unusally dry.

Yes, I know I should see a doctor. But I can't get an appointment at my regular clinic until mid-next week. So before I drop a big chunk of change at an urgent care place this weekend, I am appealing the ladies of metafiler. Is this attributable to simply having more sex than I've been accustomed to recently? Other vagina owners, does this sound like normal "wear and tear," or something more serious? We are not using spermicide or condoms or any other substance that could be provoking an allergic reaction. Is this within the normal range of vagina behavior? Throwaway email: ohmyvag@gmail.com

Ouch. Wait, yeah, ouch.

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 07:12:48 -0800

Girlyparts/sexfilter: Why am I sore the next day? Possibly NSFW. I am a female in her late twenties who has been having sex with men for over a decade. More times than not, my area down there is sore the next day after penetrative vaginal sex, and sometimes longer. This makes sex more than a few times a week uncomfortable. While that is enough for me, sometimes I would like to be able to have morning sex after a night of, um, night-sex. Or just have it again the next night. What’s the deal?

Factors that you might think are involved that I have ruled out:

1) Disease or disorder: There is no pain during sex (so no vaginismus or the like) and I have no STI’s (I am regularly tested).
2) Frequency: In the 10 years+ since losing my virginity, I have had a regular sex life. This soreness occurs whether I have been having frequent sex or am having sex for the first time after a short dry spell.
3) Condoms: I have had sex without condoms and with all varieties of condoms (lubed or not, spermicide or not, latex or not, etc). No allergies there.
4) Lube: I have had sex without lube and with many varieties of lube.
5) Partners: I have had a fair amount of partners of varying shapes and sizes. There has been no difference in soreness between partners. Ditto with toys.
6) Grooming: I have had a full on bush, and I have been bare (not sure why this would matter, but just in case).
7) Post-sex routine: I have rinsed, I have not rinsed (with soap or without).
8) The actual sex: I have had rough sex. I have had gentle slow sex. I enjoy many different positions.
9) Orgasm: I usually orgasm. Sometimes I don’t.
10) Other chemicals: I use none. No douching, no creams, no nothing down there.
11) Medication: I have been on hormonal birth control and not.
12) Clothing: I wear boring 100% cotton underwear (not thongs) and not-tight clothing.
13) Anatomy: As far as I am aware, my goods are normal. I have never had anyone (partner or doctor) state that I am unusual in anyway.
14) Birth: Haven’t ever been pregnant.
15) Etcetera: Interestingly, my anus is rarely sore after anal sex.

So what’s going on? I have no idea. I would say that the soreness occurs about 75% of the time, and (as evidenced above) it seems to not stem from anything specific. It’s not an unbearable pain, it’s just kind of uncomfortable, and sometimes I just have sex anyway and I can ignore the dull burn and enjoy myself. Specifically, the pain is right at the entrance to my vagina, around the edges. Not inside, and not much outside. Imagine something duller than what it feels like after some rough, long, or kind of dry sex (I know what those feel like and this isn’t that bad).

Is this normal? Anyone ever had a similar problem? Anyone have any recommendations or suggestions? Are there any factors I haven’t considered?

Throw away at aliasusername@gmail.com.

Thanks for any help!

I'd like to explode, but can't.

Anonymous — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 11:28:28 -0800

I'm a man and I can't orgasm. What can I do to remedy this? I am a late 20's male who recently began having sex, and I am having a distressing problem. Namely, I can't achieve orgasm.

The first time my partner and I did it, I orgasmed, but since then, nothing.

I masturbated a lot through the years and have the feeling that this lies at the core of my problem. A vagina doesn't grip my penis as tightly as my hand does. I also masturbated without lotion or lube. Like a good boy, I've also been using condoms. As a result, the friction needed to make achieve orgasm isn't there.

Is there anything I can do to remedy this problem? Any techniques or toys that might get my penis more accustomed to the slippery looseness of a vagina? My partner assures me that her vagina is pretty tight.

If you need more details or want to e-mail me privately, please e-mail me at chronicmast at gmail dot com.

Thanks!

Too big for her?

cincinnatus c — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:58:04 -0800

Sex question: what to do about being "too big"? Could have done this anonymously, I suppose, but I'm asking on the spur of the moment and I can't take the delay.

Anyway, my girlfriend says that sometimes when we have sex I'm "too big", and this is seriously messing things up.

For what it's worth, I am not especially "big". It's the proper size, normal size, average or slightly above average. Some other girls I have slept with have said "that's big" but not one has said that it's the biggest... I mean, occasionally I've asked them about the biggest, and heard about serious freaks, but I am solidly in the average range.

But my girlfriend is quite petite, and I'm too big for her sometimes. To the extent that any position from behind is becoming out of the question - "it's like you're fucking my womb". This has happened before, with other people, it being slightly painful in certain shapes, but never to the extent that those shapes were out of the question.

But even the positions that are not out of the question become painful sometimes for my girlfriend, and it's getting in the way...

So my question is what to do about this? Are some bodies just incompatible? I thought about not going in completely, but that would be hard to maintain & besides would involve missing out on all kinds of extra, useful rubbing etc. Could lube help? I know you Americans are crazy about lube, but I've never used it, no one I know has, & always thought it had something to with circumcision in a way. Can it help with length? Can it stop the "fucking my womb" feeling?

Will having a baby physically change sex?

Go, now. Go! — Mon, 09 Jun 2008 17:41:44 -0800

Would having a baby change sex forever? (more info, not for the squeamish, inside) I really like my sex life now. But I keep reading and/or hearing that vaginal birth stretches things out down there in a way that changes sex forever. I'm not interested in vaginal rejeuvination surgery.

If you are a woman who has had a baby (vaginal delivery), or a man who has had sex with a woman both before and after she did so, is sex very different afterwards? Is it less pleasurable? And if there is a difference, how much of a difference is it? Does the vagina spring back, so to speak, or is there only so much that Kegel exercises can do?

Finally, if you are a woman who had a caesarian section, or a man who has had sex with a woman who delivered that way, did you notice any physical change during sex?

Just to be clear, I understand that having a child can have an effect on sex for other reasons, and that having kids can be worth it even if there is a lasting physical effect in this area. This question is exclusively about the physical effects of a vaginal or caesarian birth.

If you prefer to reply anonymously, I can be emailed at gonowgo@gmail.com. Thanks!

Can I learn to enjoy the taste of vagina?

Anonymous — Sat, 14 Jul 2007 09:26:08 -0800

Can I learn to enjoy the taste of vagina? I really want to. I really do want to enjoy licking pussy. I'm an attentive lover who enjoys giving pleasure to women. I love giving long backrubs, and I love using vibrators, dildos, and my fingers on girls. So psychologically you'd think I was into going down on them. As an inexperienced teenager I always heard how much women love guys who lick pussy, and I looked forward to being one of those guys.

Now that I'm out there having sex with girls, I find that I really don't like the smell and taste of most vaginas. There are a few here and there that I don't mind, but so far they've belonged to girls that don't really crave cunnilingus. The ones that I've dated that do want cunnilingus, I've been fairly turned off by the smell and taste. I do enjoy using my fingers on the girls, but the smell of my fingers afterwards is often a turnoff. These have all been pretty sanitary girls who take good care of themselves and bathe regularly.

Has anyone here grown to enjoy the taste of vagina where they previously didn't? Or do you know of anyone? Is there something I should be doing that I'm not? Presently I'm just telling everyone I date that I'm not that into cunnilingus, and they've been ok with it so far.

Is crooked vaginal piping a problem?

Anonymous — Thu, 25 Jan 2007 15:31:04 -0800

GirlFilter: I am crooked... inside. Travelers to my vagina would find themselves taking an abrupt right turn 2 or 3 inches in. Is this normal? Do I have to marry a crooked man? The angle, as far as I can tell, is about 40 degrees off from the plane that goes up the middle of my body. I don't know how far it goes in that direction, but I think it must be a good distance -- at least long enough for a tampon.

Actually, I discovered this fact of my anatomy when I was figuring out tampons. For a long time, I couldn't get them far enough in to be comfortable. I would hit opposition with an inch or more of applicator still sticking out. One day I was sliding the point of the tampon around, trying to get a better angle, when -- swoosh -- up it went, with very little resistance. I just had to point it to the left (my left, going up toward my head). At a certain point, after I've set the tampon at its new angle and before I've pushed it in, the part of the applicator that is outside is pointing not straight down, but somewhere past my right foot. Before the tampon has taken the turn, I can feel it in there; after I push it up, I can't, so that part of it is working well.

I have always read on tampon instruction packets that the angle will be toward the small of your back, or at least somewhere in the vertical plane. Health class didn't mention scenic routes to the uterus. Google doesn't reveal anything substantive. However, I'm not planning to see a gynocologist, since I'm not terribly worried. All of the machinery that I need at this point in my life is working just fine.

My question is whether any (all?) of you are built this way and, if so, are there any complications with sex or childbirth? Experimentation with the former isn't an option, since I'm planning to wait until I get married. Honestly, I can't imagine how sex would work unless the guy had a kink in just the right place. And how common is that?

I'm in the 18-25 age demographic, if that helps at all.

I've set up an email account if you would rather comment or ask for clarification there: bentoutofshapemefi at gmail dot com

I don't want my pussy to taste like rain! I want my pussy to taste like pussy!

Ambrosia Voyeur — Fri, 01 Dec 2006 19:54:25 -0800

Connoisseurs of Cunnilingus: What does it taste like to you? I know this may seem pervy, but I ask out of genuine, longtime curiosity, which has not been resolved despite performing in the Vagina Monologues - twice!

As long as I've had my culele, I've wondered what "normal" is, like many women, I'm sure. I have my own ideas, but trying to describe yourself is cognitively bizarre! (lavender and bacon??)

I'd like to hear some generalities and hopefully some refined epicurean descriptions of the good and bad, perhaps illuminated with the nature of your acquaintance with The Pink One.

Fuck off, trolls.

What's up with the blood?

Anonymous — Wed, 04 Oct 2006 04:35:56 -0800

Women-- Post-coital bleeding? Your experience please. Icky details inside. Ok, so a few nights ago, I had some very deeply penetrative sex. Immediately afterward, I experienced some unexpected heavy bleeding (from the inside-- not just a few spots). There was no pain involved. It was quite embarrasing (I was with a casual partner) and it pretty much stopped after all was said and done with. I think this happened a few years ago, but at the time I just passed it off as 'spotting' because I didn't want to deal with it. I came home and did some googling, which led me to believe that perhaps I had a 'cervical polyp' pop. I'm headed to the gyno ASAP, but I wanted to know if any women had any experience with cervical polyps, having them pop, and ideally preventing them or their popping in the future. Just to rule out some things, I know it's not an STD. Also, as an aside, how does one get a big blood stain out of a mattress?

Painful sex

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 12:33:04 -0800

Why does it hurt so much when I have sex? I lost my virginity several years ago. I have sex infrequently due to distance, but always with the same partner, and it always hurts, and lately it's been even worse. Other than being born through one, I have no experience with vaginas other than my own, but I suspect I am abnormally tight, as all that can fit in there without causing pain is a single finger. My boyfriend is of goodly girth, significantly larger than a single finger. When he tries to enter me, there is significant resistance, then a pop sound.

I generally feel plenty lubricated when I have sex and, if I don't, I use lube. I don't put things in there when I'm not having sex with my boyfriend; no masturbation, no tampons. I have been to a gynecologist who said nothing is medically wrong. A previous partner was less girthy and caused less pain.

So what's wrong with me? So am I just too tight? Is there anything I can do about that? Is there anything else it could be? How will I ever get a baby through there? I'm planning to marry this guy!

Good books about female sexual health and body issues?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 07:03:03 -0800

What are some good books or other materials for a woman to learn about female sexual health and how to love her body? She grew up in a country with no sex education and knows very little about STDs, yeast infections etc. She also has negative feelings about her genitals - that they are ugly, smelly, and dirty. All suggestions welcomed, but a direct and straightforward writing style would be especially good.