Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with sex and porn

Possible porn addict looking for options

Anonymous — Mon, 31 Aug 2009 18:25:12 -0800

Am I addicted to pornography? If I am, what can I do? Is there a Porn Addicts Anonymous? This is a question I have wanted to ask for a while but didn't think I could until right about now when, after days of not looking at porn, I had a short online viewing session and felt bad (again!). I am mainly looking to hear from other people who have been in this place and have advice based on their experience, though I am grateful for any input.

My questions are: 1) Am I addicted to pornography, as opposed to just being another horny 20-something? 2) If I am, what can I do? I have seen therapists, and have recently been considering attending a group - but I really don't know where to go, or what I might be getting into.

Number One. Am I an addict? The fact that I even need to ask is, I realise, a big give away, but I am still confused.

I started seeing pornography at an early age and it soon became a significant part of my daily routine. I had unlimited access to the net from my early teens and have regularly found myself, all through school and college, looking at it for one or two hours a day, perhaps more. Those are hours when I had intended to do something else but ended up on the net instead. Partly this is because I was a student with little to do in general. Nowadays, I don’t find myself running off to the toilets at work to wank because I am too busy and barely think about it. But the urge hits me frequently in idle moments, and the kinds of things I want to look at tend to become more and more extreme over time. This worries me enormously and I have frequently had feelings of shame. I have desperately wanted to conceal the amount I looked at porn, and the material I looked at, from everyone I knew.

I saw a therapist, while younger, to help with feelings of inadequacy and urges I was deeply ashamed of. I have struggled to come to terms with the things I have occasionally run into online - some of it illegal, always accidentally stumbled across and swiftly deleted, some of it really distasteful things that I actively pursued. It was all stuff that left me ashamed of being found out and unhappy with who I was. After regular episodes of bottoming out, sometimes alienating others because of my usage, and then swearing off porn forever before slowly getting back into it, I recently took some fairly drastic measures. I went to a family member, admitted my problem, downloaded software that regulated my activities and let them choose the passwords. I use less porn but don’t feel fully accountable because I could, at worst, tell them to fuck off if they tried to confront me and there would not be much in the way of consequences. But it has had a substantial effect on me.

Things are different now to when I used it in the past. I look at vaguely sexy stuff maybe once a fortnight as opposed to hardcore porn once a day. I have a good job that I am proud to do, lots of friends, a girlfriend I love, and basically the kind of life I thought I would be doing well to have when I was younger and less confident. But I can’t shake off the pornography. It still haunts my thoughts at all hours. I feel like a dry drunk, not using but still with the same problems I always had. The bad feelings, in this ‘dry’ period, have certainly diminished but without quite going away.

I don’t know why I have these urges – is it plain old habit, or something much more powerful? – did something traumatic happen to me, or am I simply a normal guy who wants to have sex with lots of different girls and is looking for a release? There are those hours of the day when, in the past, I may have used porn. At these times, sex acts stick in my head on a loop. It is like I am watching them without a computer being there. The extreme stuff often comes to mind and I feel awful all over again. My girlfriend recently revealed that she was into a few of the practices I used to want to hide my interest in. But it wasn’t enough. I am beginning to think that even if I could do the naughtiest things to the hottest girl in the world, it wouldn’t be enough.

If I went into treatment, would I be expected to suppress urges that I think are normal? Like the urge to have sex with my girlfriend? I know it is called Sex Addicts Anonymous for a reason, but would I still need to put my physical relationship with my girlfriend on hiatus and basically give it away to her that I am trying to deal with something? I care about her very much and don't want to diminish our relationship or the sex life that bolsters it.

Number Two: I mentioned I saw a therapist when I was younger. I went back to him when the problem flared up again, responded to his sessions, and was referred to his colleague. I did not feel too great after the one session I had with this guy. Frankly, I felt like I was being both judged and ignored. The previous therapist seemed far better but even if he had the time to see me (he doesn’t) I would have to ask my parents for the money. They are aware of my problem and have always been supportive, but I don’t feel able to deal with it if they are in the mix. I want this to be between me and people who I see when I want to. I am still considering going back to the new guy (it might be too hasty to dismiss him) but the expensive private treatment just doesn’t seem a viable option. I read about an alcoholic’s experience in AA and was struck by his enthusiasm and the level of availability of meetings. They are on at all times, every day, no excuse for not going to one – and it beats the once a week forty five minutes, “I’m sorry but I have to stop you there,” treatment that this psychoanalyst offers. Is there an equivalent anonymous for me? Are meetings as frequent?

At the same time, I don’t want to think of myself as an addict because I wonder whether I am in possession of a bad habit rather than a full blown, soul destroying addiction. I am not doing illegal things or spending every hour of the whole day in front of the computer or keeping twenty girls on the go. I wonder – do I fit in to the sex addict category? Also, and as you can probably guess from the length of this post, I feel better when I express myself at length. I don’t know if sharing in bitty chunks with others is going to help. I don’t want to waste anyone’s time.

Practicalities of seeing a group - if you think I should go to a meeting, where can I go? I am based in London. Is there a site where meets are listed?

My work is very high profile and when it comes down to it all I would love to follow my bosses and achieve a strong personal media presence. Will group treatment ruin my prospects?

I am so sorry for the length of this essay and appreciate the chance to vent to you all. Thank you for any and all thoughts.

Throw away email address: addictithink@hotmail.co.uk

fully clothed porn lost to the ages

NGnerd — Sun, 09 Aug 2009 19:30:39 -0800

Lost to the internet: A few years ago there was an artist who created porno scenes using fully clothed models. I think i saw it on Mefi, but my search-fu is not strong enough. So we're having porn pot-luck night (of course) and i remembered seeing this art project wherein fully clothed models where shot on a white background (i think) reenacting standard porn positions. The photos managed to be both SFW and WAY NOT safe for work at the same time. They were also professionally shot, so i think it was an art project and not some people with time to kill. It's now eating at my soul (ok, slight exaggeration) that i can't track this stuff down.

How can I stop thinking about knocking boots with every lady I see?

Anonymous — Thu, 12 Feb 2009 10:57:13 -0800

I'm having pervasive sexual thoughts. How do I make them stop? (NSFW) I'm a 30 year old male. I've only had one sexual relationship in my life. I look at porn almost everyday, and have a large selection of porn mags.

Recently, whenever I see a woman who is even a little attractive, I start having thoughts of myself and the woman having sex. I can't seem to stop these thoughts.

I've got an appointment with my therapist next week, but what can I do in the interim to make these thoughts less pervasive?

Sexual without sex?

zeek321 — Sat, 04 Oct 2008 18:13:56 -0800

How do I healthily express and engage my sexuality without dating or casual encounters? (nsfw) [28 straight male, if it matters]

After taking careful stock of my relationships (and the time between relationships) over the past nine years, I've concluded that I am significantly and consistently happier, emotionally healthier, and more engaged in my life... when I'm single.

So, temporarily, no more dating, relationship seeking, or casually hooking up while I take some extended time off to figure this out.

Here's the problem, though: If I go too long without being in a relationship, I get... weird.

At its most innocuous, I start to mindlessly surf porn, facebook, okcupid, etc., way too much. At worst, my behavior, my goals, my thoughts, how I spend my time all gets subtly subverted in service of subliminal drives. I get sort of grid-locked because bodymind says one thing and ostensibly conscious mind is going in another direction. In any case, when I catch myself in this pattern, I take conscious control, I stop the facebook surfing, go out and meet a nice person fairly quickly, and it's all good...

But now I can't, or I won't, go out and meet someone, for now.

So, how can I healthily express, engage, and fulfill my sexuality without dating or casual hookups? Whether voluntarily or involuntarily not dating, what the heck do people do?

Obviously, masterbation (and porn). Of course. That's a part of my sexuality, even in a relationship, but it's only a part.

I've been doing a bit of personal erotic writing. (Exactly what I needed to read? Just for me? Why thank you.) I may do a bit more of that. It's been great, but it's also been exhausting. I already have to write a lot for school and other things, and I can only write so much. Just like mental fantasies, it's good, but it doesn't quite scratch the itch and completely fulfill all the time.

A "platonic" relationship seemed like a possibility, at first, because I think it would remove some of the emotional drain, but I think it would become hypocritical, repressed, and denial-based pretty quick, not to mention a likely huge letdown in the end (i.e., incompatible chemistry when you finally get close enough to feel it).

The first thing that came to mind was signing up for a decent porn pay site, say, abbywinters.com, which I've done before, instead of poking around aimlessly on the internet or settling for youporn or something. All things being equal, that was nice for awhile (though it didn't come close to turning all the knobs and dials of kink, fetish, meh, whatever you want to call it). But, I've generally had the grounding, reality-based influence of another real-live human being around, who sometimes even shared in the internet fun. Or, if single at the time, it was very consciously temporary, because I didn't want to get stuck in weird, antisocial-land. Anyway, does anything of have thoughts about this, specifically? (This was the initial impetus of my Ask MeFi question, actually: Healthy or not healthy to sign up for a less-exploitative-and-creepy-than-the-norm paysite?)

If the advice is, just ignore sex and it'll calm down, I think that would be a really bad idea. In my experience, after months, it never calms down. It's healthy. It's a part of me. It demands to be expressed (hopefully constructively).

If the advice is, deal with this inside a relationship, yeah, I've tried for years. Time for a break.

So, in summary, for a variety of reasons, intimate-romantic-sexual-relationships are a huge drain on me, and I need to take a huge step back, and a long break to sort that out, and I need to take care of myself in the meantime. It's such a relief to have figured this out and to be able to put my foot down and take a break and bask in my life and chill for a while. But, this is emphatically a temporary situation. I adore being sexual *with other people,* obviously, holy crap, like, to die for, and I'm a soppy, hopeless romantic under my cynicism.

How can I approach this without getting all weird (it's already happening, hence this question), and undermining myself, and giving up too soon, even though it'll make me unhappy? (I'm very content right now, minus this issue.)

Can you hear me now, you horny bastard?

Anonymous — Sun, 20 Jul 2008 18:27:05 -0800

Good examples of heterosexual audio erotica or porn, please? Doesn't matter if it's real or faked, just as long as it's good and hot. Scorching hot. Tear the clothes off your significant other, RIGHT NOW GODDAMIT, hawt.

Audio books, podcasts, CDs, whatever, we're open to various mediums. Even if there's a particular movie that sounds hot, that'll work also, just as long as it doesn't have to be watched, merely listened to.

How do I make actors comfortable during sex scenes?

Anonymous — Sat, 19 Jul 2008 23:31:03 -0800

How do I make actors comfortable during sex scenes? I'm about to start directing an adult TV series that features nudity and simulated sex. I've never dealt with this as an actor or a director before.

I know the basic ideas of closing the set and having robes handy, but I really want to make sure I cover all the bases and be as obliging and high-class as possible. Most of the nude scenes involve series regulars and I don't want to scare any of the performers away.

Does anyone have any experiences from the set? Any do's or don'ts?

Lessons from pornography will of course be welcomed, but let me reiterate that this is NOT porn. I'm not filming actual sex acts.

Has the Internet changed how you have sex?

HotPatatta — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 22:20:09 -0800

How has sex changed for you since the Internet made porn so easily accessible? I grew up in the age of easy-to-obtain Internet porn, so I never got to experience what sex was like back in the pre-Internet days. For those of you who have been around longer, have you noticed a change in your or your partners' sexual behavior over the past ~10-15 years? An increased willingness or desire to do certain things, perhaps? Exaggerated moaning? Improved techniques? Unusual positions now more common? Have you not noticed a change at all?

I realize porn stars haven't invented anything new and that what is seen on screen has been practiced by many people for thousands of years, but I'm wondering if the ubiquity of porn has led to a general change in what is now considered to be standard bedroom behavior.

What are the social benefits of pornography?

vizsla — Wed, 18 Jun 2008 18:25:32 -0800

Does porn benefit society? Over the years we've read a lot about the ills of pornography but the world doesn't seem to be falling apart any faster than it was before the internet came along. What's the latest thinking on this? For example, does anyone know of any studies, stories or anecdotes where the use of pornography helped someone or solved some sort of societal problem? Does it help pacify or inspire potential rapists? Does it keep marriages together or break them apart? From personal experience, I remember when I first saw pornography it opened up a whole new world of experience and excitement for me. Nowadays most of it for me is just like pleasant oggling of the bikini-clad page three girl in newspapers in days gone by. What's going on?

Gah, boyfriend has bad habits...NSFW

Anonymous — Sun, 27 Apr 2008 08:24:05 -0800

Can I retrain my boyfriend after years of bad habits? (NSFW) Long story short, my boyfriend had one girlfriend before me. It was a short fling and since then he hasn't had sex. It has been about three years and like many men, he used porn to get by.

While he is nice and sensitive, it seems like he is conditioned to the motions of a jerk-off. Rhythmic & smooth motions just aren't his style. Frankly, for long periods, this makes me soooore. When I try my style on top, it just gets him off immediately, which at least means he'd not desensitized, but obviously means that real sex motions are not what he is used to.

He also doesn't seem to know what women need to get off (most porn certainly doesn't have much of that!). I honestly believe that porn has sort of a detrimental effect on men who don't have much real experience.

He clears his history so much (erased a recipe I needed) that I'm pretty sure he is still getting off to it when I'm not able to have sex. I'd like to discuss it with him, but I don't know how to/if to broach the subject without seeming controlling. Maybe I could tip him off to some more instructional porn?

In the past I've dated more experienced guys and they have taken the lead. Can I lead a guy into being a better lover?

How do male porn stars do what they do?

Anonymous — Fri, 24 Aug 2007 06:27:57 -0800

I understand that it's, um, hard to be a male porn star. How do they do it? You have to be able to get it up, essentially on command, keep it up for as long as it takes to shoot the scene (because everything stops if you lose your erection), and ejaculate, again essentially on command. And do all of it with a dozen lighting, makeup, sound, and camera people standing around watching. Obviously, this is a feat of considerable mental discipline, the secrets of which would be useful to the rest of us mere mortals. Has anything been written about how these guys do it?

How to get off the porn treadmill?

Anonymous — Wed, 17 Jan 2007 19:03:43 -0800

I think porn has ruined sex for me. During an extended period of time during which I was single, I'd started watching more porn that usual. By this, I mean, instead of visiting the odd picture site once in a while, I started downloading and watching full length movies. It started out with plain, vanilla straight porn but kept moving on to more explicit and 'out there' stuff.

Now, I feel that I cannot/will not be able to look at a partner without comparing their natural body with the surgically enhanced ones, seemingly perfect ones of pornstars. Also, given the fact that nothing but the most extreme kind of porn turns me on now, I'm afraid I'll never be able to have 'normal' sex again.

And yes, I've gotten my porn watching habit under control now, but that doesn't seem to help much.

How do I rewire my brain to start finding the female form in its normal, natural state attractive again?

Is a text sex story that involves kids considered child porn?

Anonymous — Mon, 25 Sep 2006 11:20:03 -0800

Are stories (text) about children engaging in adult-only activities (and I don't mean paying their taxes) considered child pornography? At risk of becoming an enabler, I stumbled onto quite a number of sites that are in plain view and unhidden, per se, that describe such events taking place, and apparently have been on the net for quite a considerable time. How can these sites be allowed to remain in existence -- foreign servers, perhaps?

I am trying to kick my internet porn habit, and need suggestions on how to resist my temptations.

ilikebike — Sat, 12 Aug 2006 02:46:00 -0800

I am trying to kick my internet porn habit, and need suggestions on how to resist my temptations. My significant other and I have decided it would be best for me to try and kick my online pornography habit. I was visiting these websites daily. It was affecting me at work, because I would be late for my shift because I was looking at porn, and I would stay up late and do things behind my girlfriend's back to hide it. For me, it's not the porn per se, but more of the rush of finding websites, getting backdoor passwords, scouring file sharing sites, etc. This has made my girlfriend very upset emotionally, and I don't think it's right for her to go through this anymore, so I'm trying to kick my habit (80gb already deleted).

I have decided to install a program on all the machines in my house that monitors and reports the internet usage, but does not do any filtering. This I believe allows me more freedom (I'm opposed to any blocking whatsoever) while still having accountabiity.

Now I'm not a religious man, and I'm not opposed to pornography in the least bit, but this is something that need to be removed from our relationship. I've had this "addiction" or habit for close to 14 years now.

It's been rough, I've lapsed 3 times in the past month, but we're sticking through it. I'm looking for any suggestions that anyone can give me to help us through this.

Thanks!

On-screen sexual intercourse - a comparitive study

twine42 — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 09:08:40 -0800

Any film that is pornographic in nature depicts sex as an interaction of two bodies that resembles two jackhammers fighting. Anything rated 18 or lower pictures sex as something that happens with virtually no movement and very little exertion. Why have these two forms not only seperated but moved quite so far apart? [it'll probably get NSFW in here] As a secondard question, I guess, which do you consider to be more realistic and are you amused/bemused/confused by the alternative perception?

Free, woman-directed porno online?

Anonymous — Mon, 02 Jan 2006 00:15:41 -0800

Free, woman-directed porno online? I have recently discovered that woman-made porn is much more satisfying than skin-slappin', fluorescent-lit man-made movies filmed with hand-held cameras: the actors are better looking and more convincing, the environments are better organized (fewer ugly flowered couches), there is a focus on all characters and actions rather than just the woman and her boobs jiggling, and the dialogue is much, much better written.

I found a couple of directors online but googling mostly led me to adult video sites selling these movies, often for upward of $60. Where can I find easy, free (or at least cheap) porno made for-women, by-women on the internet? Torrent searching is, of course, leading to nothing and it's not exactly easy searching for a niche genre of porn using keywords on google. Help!

"Non-exploitative porn": oxymoron?

PenguinBukkake — Tue, 20 Sep 2005 05:18:40 -0800

"Non-exploitative pornography": is it a contradiction in terms? I'm especially interested in MetaFilter women's opinion. Thanks.

What is an adult male interest magazine that is better then playboy?

Anonymous — Sun, 18 Sep 2005 22:27:02 -0800

What is an adult male interest magazine that is better then playboy? So after a years subscription to Playboy, I find myself enjoying the articles more then the pictorials. All the pictorials are so similar, and the type of women they photograph are so monotonous and boring. I think I'd enjoy a magazine with more pictorials that have a more amateurish photography without all the shaved twats and uber-touched up air brushed photographs. Something soft-core, and just features beautiful women from around the world with lots of variety in showing off the female figure. I'm interested in a subscription based magazine of this nature, but it is hard to search for these things on the Internet, so I thought I'd ask. Thanks for your replies!

Porn 101

Anonymous — Wed, 31 Aug 2005 15:52:04 -0800

I want to introduce my (semi-sheltered) wife to porn DVDs and erotica books without scaring her off. We're working on our sex life, trying to expand on it and try new things. She's a bit reluctant but willing to try. She hasn't seen any porn and generally considers it to be exploitive and demeaning to women. I can understand her point but I know there also exists "women friendly" porn and erotica.

I don't want cheesy softcore, I want something explicit. But I also don't want to scare her or turn her off. I've looked into books like "Sweet Life: Erotica for couples", the reviews say they're great for newbies and then go on to talk about the rape fantasy stories and "my first anal fisting." You know, those fantasies that "all" couples have. That's just not going to work. I know I can find stories on-line but I'm looking for a book we can curl up with in bed.

The "porn for newbies" DVDs over at places like Good Vibrations all seem to have anal or three way scenes and the obligatory facials. A little bit of anal (fingering or rimming) might be ok but I want to avoid the "oh god yes fuck my ass!" bullshit. I don't mind if there's a money shot as long as it's not the typical degrading scene of the woman begging for it to shoot up her nose.

Basically, I want to find porn and erotica that contains loving couples having good sex, exploring fantasies and trying different things without being too out there, some sense of story (it's porn, I know, so I'm not expecting Oscar material), an emphasis on women enjoying themselves as much as the men, regular, non-anorexic women who aren't pumped up with silicone, and scenes that aren't going to make my wife leave the room in disgust.

Does this exist or am I just going to have to film it myself? That's a whole 'nother anonymous thread.

Helpful answers only. Please don't question my motives. My wife and I both know why we're doing what we're doing.

Pro-sex feminist - how to feel less threatened by porn?

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Aug 2005 23:13:36 -0800

I'm female, sex-positive, and a feminist. Help me deal with my residual issues about porn. In abstract principle, I would consider myself pro-porn in the sense that I believe (as with sex) that anything that goes on between consenting adults is acceptible. But in actual practice, it's way more complicated for me.

I came of age (literally and politically) in the 80's when the anti-porn feminist model was still the dominant one - you know, porn is always exploitative/sexist/degrading, etc. Before that, when I was a kid, one of my 2 experiences with porn was finding it in the woods (just like that recent AskMe thread!), showing it to a friend, having the friend tattle, and getting into major (humiliating) trouble. The other experience was finding a couple of Playboys (yes, I know, very tame!) in my dad's closet around the time I found out he had a brief affair with a colleague.

I think in my mind these two incidents turned into the equation that not only did porn = bad, but also porn = cheating. So then in college all those negative feelings were just confirmed with the porn = exploitation brand of feminism I encountered.

For the most part in relationships, the question of porn never came up - I just assumed (naively) that as long as we were regularly having sex, my partners didn't look at it or only looked at it rarely. This changed when I lived for several years with someone who had a genuine problem with it - he viewed it for several hours a day, ran up huge bills for phone sex/pay-per-view/etc., apparently preferred it to intercourse (despite my high interest in actually having sex), etc. So that confirmed the sense of it being something that was detrimental to a relationship, even though on an abstract level I had rejected the "porn is morally bad and anti-woman" framework that I had been brought up with.

I'm now in a new(-ish) and wonderful relationship (including frequent, mind-blowing sex) with someone who is open about the fact the he views porn regularly (I don't know how "regular" that is -- I have resisted the impulse to go through his closet or check his browser cache, etc., because I refuse to be That Girlfriend Who Checks Up On Him). As I said, in principle I'm fine with its existence - frankly, i'm even curious about it myself. I just have a hard time shaking this gut feeling that if he's looking at porn, it means he wants something other than me. Logically, I totally understand that's not the case -- but emotionally? I still feel scared/insecure/threatened by it.

Men (and pro-porn women!), help me out here. Please note that I am NOT asking for ways to make him "give up" porn. I'm looking to understand its role in men's lives that cuts against this "me vs. them" feeling that I guess I'm locked into. And yes, I'd like (and expect eventually) to talk about this with my partner - I just know that this is my own baggage, and I'd like to hear from others first to help me approach it positively. Suggestions for feminist pro-porn resources (books, discussion boards, etc.) welcome too. Thanks - and sorry for the huge! hot! throbbing! post.

suggestions for sexy talk?

Anonymous — Wed, 20 Apr 2005 10:31:28 -0800

I have a sexual relationship with a woman who really enjoys dirty talk. I also enjoy it. No issue there. There's nothing much outlandish about it, no role playing or degredation or any specific fetishes at work. Just a running narrative that goes along with the physical act of sex. Things you'd usually never say out loud. My issue is that fresh material is the name of the game, and I find myself using the same vocab and lines too often. I need some inspiration. Can anyone suggest any sexy writings I should read? Movies I should watch? Anything that will widen the reperetoire? I'm an old Anais Nin fan, and I've read Joyce's letters to Nora. These are things that come to mind, though quality porn would work just as well. This is a longshot, but if you have any specific *lines* to share they are also welcome. I have no compunctions about stealing lines wholesale. This is for pleasure, not profit.

Porn question.

Shane — Fri, 04 Feb 2005 05:55:29 -0800

I have some honest questions about porn, inspired by the recent Suicide Girls brouhaha.

PLEASE: CIVIL DISCUSSION AND NO FLAMES! CAN WE DO THAT? WE CAN, RIGHT? Anyone can state their own opinion or knowledge without attacking someone else's contradictory opinion, eh? Thanks! *More inside.* First off, I understand why women objected to semi-nudes on the front page of MeFi. It had an unexpected initial shock value on a site that has many intelligent female members who obviously see tits on the front page as objectification and devaluation of women. I also understand that, to Matt, Suicide Girls is soft-core alternative-porn and much less offensive than mainstream porn close-ups of genitalia in action.

But let's stay COMPLETELY AWAY from the issue of whether SG is appropriate for MeFi or not. DON'T GO THERE.

My questions:

I noticed that some people admitted to liking porn, yet still said that Suicide Girls objectified women, presumably objectifying them for heterosexual men.

But doesn't 95% of porn objectify women for men? In most heterosexual porn the woman is an object to be used by the man for his penetrational pleasure. While the man nearly always receives a bit of fellatio before he goes on to vaginal and anal penetration (in close-up shots), the woman is rarely afforded even a small bit of oral pleasure or any apparent attendency to her needs and desires. She may as well be a rubber doll.

Even porn involving lesbians is almost always aimed at men and involves penetration with a dildo, allowing men to fantasize about penetrational sex without having to look at an actual man's penis. The tiny minority of porn involving lesbians is aimed at a lesbian audience.

So what do lesbians or bisexual females think of Suicide Girls? What kind of porn subject-matter do lesbians (who like porn) like?

Is it contradictory that some people admitted to liking (presumably mainstream, genital-oriented) porn, yet felt that Suicide Girls, which is soft-core photos of nude women, is objectification?

When is a sexually-tantalizing photo of a nude woman (or man) porn and objectification, and when is it soft-core tantalization or erotica?

Suicide Girls, in my opinion, features women with a certain amount of personality and individuality. I'm not a member, nor do I frequent the site, but in perusing it lately I find that when I look at a Suicide Girl I fantasize that she is intelligent, maybe artsy or creative, probably very self-assertive or aggressive ... to me these are the images they project. Is Suicide Girls less objectifying than the normal pictures of bleached blonde, silicon-bloated women in Playboy or on mechanics' calendars, in which the women have all the personality of a Barbie Doll and the only things to fantasize about are, frankly, tits and ass?

When is porn objectification and when is it erotica?

What do gay and bi women think of these subjects?

Do heterosexual women agree that the bulk of heterosexual porn is aimed at a male audience? What type of porn do heterosexual women (who like porn) like?

**Mathowie, if this gets out of hand or you feel it is inappropriate, please delete away. I won't be offended.**

My husband's co-worker is emailing him sexual photos of herself

Anonymous — Thu, 27 Jan 2005 10:26:30 -0800

I snooped in my husband's e-mail account. I know that was wrong to do, so you don't have to point that out. What I found was a bit surprising. A co-worker of his sent him pictures of herself. All were dirty, and included "showing pink," sex with her boyfriend, and giving a bj to her boyfriend. I don't have a problem with him looking at porn; I regularly look at porn myself. But this seems odd to me since he didn't tell me or show me the pictures (for reference, some are from a few days ago, and some are from a few weeks ago). He had a different girl show dirty pictures of herself before, but he told me about that. I don't think he's cheating on me with this current girl because he is kept pretty busy, and I haven't noticed anything weird between them. So my question is: is this bad? should I "confront" him?