Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with sex and pain

Oral sex and jaw pain.

Anonymous — Sat, 28 Nov 2009 19:46:11 -0800

How on earth can I give a blowjob to completion without my jaw recoiling in pain? Over the years I've come in contact with a variety of penises of all shapes and sizes that I love to suck. I really really like giving head, and I've been told that I'm pretty good at it. But I cannot, for the life of me, go longer than five minutes or so, so I never get the chance to finish my men off that way, and I would like to be able to every once in a while.

Yes, I take breaks where I continue to use my hand(s) and I'll do some licking or other non-jaw-oriented moves. But if my jaw was hurting before I took a break, as soon as I continue with the mouth in-and-out the pain immediately returns, so breaks don't really help much.

I know the first thing you want to scream is "TMJ!", but I have never had any other symptoms and I really don't think that's the problem.

I also have given head from pretty much every imaginable angle, and none are better than any other.

Lastly, please don't say "oh he's just happy that he's got someone down there to begin with, don't worry about it" or "finish him off with your hand, he'll just be happy to orgasm", etc, etc. I just really want to do this for my own satisfaction.

So, I'm looking for possible exercises, stretches, or techniques that you have used to overcome this problem, or any other suggestions you may have.

Thanks!

hurts so good...wait, not good

teragram — Wed, 11 Nov 2009 06:20:24 -0800

Sex, ouch. Endometriosis? What kind of pain? I know, I know, I should ask my doctor. I have asked my doctor, and I will ask again. Maybe I should have asked anonymously (do any real life people know teragram? show yourselves!)...but, here goes.

24 year old female here. Been on the pill/the ring for about 5 years, with two or three short breaks. I have been having minor but interfering pain during sex, probably for a month or so. Inside my vagina, but closer to the outside than deep inside, if that makes sense. We tried more lube and more wine, we tried no sex for 10 days, but it still hurts. Not terrible pain, but enough that we have to stop. I am having my period now, and it is uncomfortable to remove a tampon, never had that trouble before. It's sort of an "ooo this hurts, better remove quickly like a bandaid" kind of thing. It also hurts when I remove or insert the NuvaRing, which is new pain.

Unfortunately, the timing is such that it seems to be coinciding with a general need for slower sex anyway: been with my (wonderful) boyfriend for about 8 months, which is around the time when arousal requires more than a kiss or a look. So, we have to slightly change the way we are having sex anyway, complicating the issue. Could be that's all it is.

The problem with pain during sex, other than the fact that SEX HURTS, is that it is a very stressful pain. And you wonder if it's in your head, and you think that maybe the boyfriend or doctor thinks it's in your head. But, the tampon/NuvaRing pain has convinced me that I'm not making this up.

I knew that I was conceived on fertility drugs, but I just found out today that the cause for my mother's infertility was caused by endometriosis and polycystic ovarian syndrome. I did go to the doctor, she had a look and said she didn't see anything that looked strange. I didn't mention my family history of endometriosis, because I didn't know about it at the time. She said if the pain persisted, she would have me see a GYN.

My plan is to monitor this for a few more weeks, and then ask for are referral to a GYN. I know there are a lot of questions about pain during sex and about endometriosis in particular. I have perused them, but as always I feel my question is a special special snowflake. Please point me to other questions if you feel I missed something that would be helpful.

My question is, for those of you who have endometriosis or perhaps have a partner with it, what sort of pain during sex do you have? How does it hurt? I definitely welcome any suggestions, either on the pain front, or the endometriosis/pain front? I guess I am just stressed out and want some information sooner than I can get a doctor appointment. Thanks!

Uh oh. Did I break my 'giner?

Anonymous — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 07:38:20 -0800

Post-coital ouch! Did an orgasm cause me to strain my ladyparts? Late 20s hetero female here, have been sexually active since 18, last tested for stds a few weeks ago and came back clean but I have tested positive for HSV1 - have always been asymptomatic though. That's the background.

Last weekend, while having "relations" with the man friend, immediately after I came and he reinserted, there was a sharp pain that has not gone away, only become a dull ache. It feels almost like cramps, but sticks around. Location wise, it feels fairly deep inside me, maybe an inch or two above my pubic mound. I feel the pain whenever I do anything flexing those muscles, including going to the bathroom, anything "kegel-y." Its not a sharp pain, and it isnt keeping me awake at night or anything, but its not necessarily getting better.

I dont have immediate access to a doctor right now, and if this is just a "sprain" I'd feel silly going. Can you "sprain" these sort of muscles, and perhaps he reinserted too soon after I was still tensed up from climaxing?

How can I make sex less painful and more desirable?

Anonymous — Thu, 26 Mar 2009 15:23:21 -0800

Sex is nearly always painful, which is probably why I rarely want it. How can I fix this? I've been married for 6 years, and my wedding night was the first time I had sex (though it wasn't for my husband). It was fairly painful and there was quite a bit of blood (which was probably normal), although there was definitely pleasure as well. Since then, I have not been able to have sex without bleeding a little, and it is usually painful. I can't tell where the blood comes from. The pain is at the vaginal opening and almost feels like I'm tearing, although I don't think I am. It doesn't feel like a spasm and it does subside after a little bit, but I am usually sore afterwards.

I've talked to my doctor about this and she's examined me a couple of times, and found nothing wrong. I do get the occasional yeast infection but it clears up with treatment. My husband is not exactly small, which may have something to do with it. Lube helps. :-) Foreplay doesn't seem to make much difference unless there's almost none, but that's usually not an issue.

I really do enjoy sex once we get going. However, it's getting going at all that's a problem. I think subconsciously I expect it to hurt and so I avoid it. It doesn't help that I'm on antidepressants and hormonal birth control, both of which help kill any sex drive I do have; the depression itself probably contributes too. As far as oral sex goes...further confirming that I (well, we) are just plain weird - we both really enjoy giving oral sex but feel uncomfortable receiving it.

I guess I need help with two things. One: how can I make sex stop hurting? Two: what can I do to make myself *want* to have sex? Like I said, we both love it once we get going, but initiating it is hard - I just can't work up the desire. My husband and I have a loving, normal relationship otherwise, and we communicate more openly than most couples I know. We've talked about this multiple times and he insists that he feels fulfilled/satisfied, etc. But I still feel like I'm depriving him of a healthy, active sex life. We have sex probably 10-15 times a year. That doesn't really bother either of us, but I feel like it *should*. Hence this question.

Any advice is welcome. Throwaway email is audiobookgrl@gmail.com

Girlfriend's mysterious, not-going-away pain during sex

The Dutchman — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:06:05 -0800

My girlfriend has had internal pain during sex since a couple weeks after we got together 5 months ago. She's been to two doctors, with multiple visits and we still don't have a solid diagnosis. History and details follow... At first, she thought it was just a yeast infection and went to see her doctor. They agreed and gave her Diflucan and a course of Monistat. That didn't seem to clear things up, so they had her repeat the same treatment which cleared up the yeast infection, but she was still having pain during intercourse and returned to her doctor. They did tests for chlamydia, gonorrhea and trichomoniasis, although they were pretty skeptical that she had any of them. As expected, none were found and they went on to treat her for bacterial vaginosis (and they said it would treat trich too, just in case) with metroconizole. This still did not alleviate the pain during intercourse.

Again, she returned to the doctor who at this point was pretty stumped and called in another doctor, who was also stumped. They gave her azithromycin for chlamydia (in case it had been a false negative, and because it was a wide-spectrum antibiotic that would possibly kill whatever it was that was bothering her). At that point, she was clear for yeast, but they had her take super-doses of acidophilus and inserting yogurt "just in case." At this point, we hadn't had sex in a month because I was traveling, so we know there was no cross-contamination. I got tested for chlamydia and gonorrhea and treated for trich, just in case. We also both got tested for HIV and we're negative.

Next, she decided to try another doctor and went to the gyn listed in New York Magazine's "Best Doctors" issue. At this point, my girlfriend also thought the yeast had come back a bit. The doctor agreed and took a yeast culture in addition to a urinary tract infection culture, pap smear and "generic" culture to see what was there. All results normal and did not show yeast. This doctor's diagnosis of the pain was that the nerves had been stimulated by an infection and even though the infection is now gone, the nerves don't realize it. She gave her a cream: Nystatin and Triamcinolone Acetonide, which is an anti-inflammatory and antifungal. That hasn't helped either.

My girlfriend and I had had (a lot) of pain-free sex for the first 2 weeks we were together, so we don't think it's an allergy to condoms, lube, etc or a just a factor of being with a new partner, and we're monogamous. The pain starts when I'm about halfway in. It seems to decrease once I'm fully inside, but doesn't go away.

She has another appointment with the New York Magazine doctor in a few days for additional cultures. In the meantime, it's been 5 months of this and we're both worried and frustrated and feel like the doctors are just throwing darts blindfolded at this point.

Does anyone have any thoughts to share? Anything you would suggest she gets tested/cultured for? Anything I should get tested for to help diagnose her? Thanks so much!

Ouch. Wait, yeah, ouch.

Anonymous — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 07:12:48 -0800

Girlyparts/sexfilter: Why am I sore the next day? Possibly NSFW. I am a female in her late twenties who has been having sex with men for over a decade. More times than not, my area down there is sore the next day after penetrative vaginal sex, and sometimes longer. This makes sex more than a few times a week uncomfortable. While that is enough for me, sometimes I would like to be able to have morning sex after a night of, um, night-sex. Or just have it again the next night. What’s the deal?

Factors that you might think are involved that I have ruled out:

1) Disease or disorder: There is no pain during sex (so no vaginismus or the like) and I have no STI’s (I am regularly tested).
2) Frequency: In the 10 years+ since losing my virginity, I have had a regular sex life. This soreness occurs whether I have been having frequent sex or am having sex for the first time after a short dry spell.
3) Condoms: I have had sex without condoms and with all varieties of condoms (lubed or not, spermicide or not, latex or not, etc). No allergies there.
4) Lube: I have had sex without lube and with many varieties of lube.
5) Partners: I have had a fair amount of partners of varying shapes and sizes. There has been no difference in soreness between partners. Ditto with toys.
6) Grooming: I have had a full on bush, and I have been bare (not sure why this would matter, but just in case).
7) Post-sex routine: I have rinsed, I have not rinsed (with soap or without).
8) The actual sex: I have had rough sex. I have had gentle slow sex. I enjoy many different positions.
9) Orgasm: I usually orgasm. Sometimes I don’t.
10) Other chemicals: I use none. No douching, no creams, no nothing down there.
11) Medication: I have been on hormonal birth control and not.
12) Clothing: I wear boring 100% cotton underwear (not thongs) and not-tight clothing.
13) Anatomy: As far as I am aware, my goods are normal. I have never had anyone (partner or doctor) state that I am unusual in anyway.
14) Birth: Haven’t ever been pregnant.
15) Etcetera: Interestingly, my anus is rarely sore after anal sex.

So what’s going on? I have no idea. I would say that the soreness occurs about 75% of the time, and (as evidenced above) it seems to not stem from anything specific. It’s not an unbearable pain, it’s just kind of uncomfortable, and sometimes I just have sex anyway and I can ignore the dull burn and enjoy myself. Specifically, the pain is right at the entrance to my vagina, around the edges. Not inside, and not much outside. Imagine something duller than what it feels like after some rough, long, or kind of dry sex (I know what those feel like and this isn’t that bad).

Is this normal? Anyone ever had a similar problem? Anyone have any recommendations or suggestions? Are there any factors I haven’t considered?

Throw away at aliasusername@gmail.com.

Thanks for any help!

Where's the pain coming from?

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Jul 2008 20:36:15 -0800

What does being poked in the cervix during intercourse feel like? My experience with sex is limited to just the past few weeks. I'm still feeling some pain, either from a still-not-quite-gone hymen, or some tightness in my vagina, but now and then, I feel some pain that feels different and I think it might be coming from my cervix. Sometimes it feels like a lot of different sensations get all mixed up down there, and I have a hard time figuring out where the pain or pleasure are coming from.

To give an example, a couple of weeks ago, during intercourse (not so painful), my husband was going a little deep, and then he came, at which point I felt like I had been pierced by a hard and pointy object and later, some big drops of blood came out. We were both left wondering if it was some sort of new tear on my hymen of if something had happened in the back of my vagina.

Help me make sense of some of this please.

This came out like a long explanation but I could do with people answering just the initial question.

And to answer some common questions: yes we are having lots of foreplay and using lots of lube.

Thanks!

Too big for her?

cincinnatus c — Mon, 16 Jun 2008 13:58:04 -0800

Sex question: what to do about being "too big"? Could have done this anonymously, I suppose, but I'm asking on the spur of the moment and I can't take the delay.

Anyway, my girlfriend says that sometimes when we have sex I'm "too big", and this is seriously messing things up.

For what it's worth, I am not especially "big". It's the proper size, normal size, average or slightly above average. Some other girls I have slept with have said "that's big" but not one has said that it's the biggest... I mean, occasionally I've asked them about the biggest, and heard about serious freaks, but I am solidly in the average range.

But my girlfriend is quite petite, and I'm too big for her sometimes. To the extent that any position from behind is becoming out of the question - "it's like you're fucking my womb". This has happened before, with other people, it being slightly painful in certain shapes, but never to the extent that those shapes were out of the question.

But even the positions that are not out of the question become painful sometimes for my girlfriend, and it's getting in the way...

So my question is what to do about this? Are some bodies just incompatible? I thought about not going in completely, but that would be hard to maintain & besides would involve missing out on all kinds of extra, useful rubbing etc. Could lube help? I know you Americans are crazy about lube, but I've never used it, no one I know has, & always thought it had something to with circumcision in a way. Can it help with length? Can it stop the "fucking my womb" feeling?

Save my sex life.

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Dec 2007 08:32:49 -0800

Sex is painful. I've been to the doctor, I've done what they told me to do. Sex is still painful. I know you are not a/my doctor, but please try to help me save my sex life. It's a long-ish one inside. Background: I have been sexually active for about ten years. I am STI free. I have never been raped or abused. I have been in a healthy monogamous relationship for about a year and a half and we have been having sex for about a year. He is of average size and his size has never been an issue. We use Astroglide every time we have sex. I am on Nuvaring (have been for about two years) and we do not use condoms.

About two months ago, sex started getting painful. It would hurt upon insertion and then continue to be painful for most of the actual intercourse and then I would be sore for a little while afterward. It wasn't cervix-hitting pain, but rather a pain at the entrance to the vagina that feels similar to tearing or burning, although no tearing actually takes place. It was by no means an intense pain, but definitely enough to affect my enjoyment and to remove my ability to orgasm (which I generally don’t have a problem with).

I went to the doctor and was diagnosed with a yeast infection and bacterial vaginosis, both of which could have been causing the pain. I was treated for both and told to not have sex for the next two weeks and come back for a check-up. (I was also tested for STIs here, so I’m really sure that that’s not the problem.) When I went back in for the check-up, I was told that the medication had done its job, but that I had a second, different kind of bacterial vaginosis that was sometimes seen in women who have been treated for yeast infections. I was given a different medication and told to wait two more weeks before having sex again. My doctor also asked me if I had ever been able to have sex without it hurting, to which I replied with a relatively puzzled ‘yes,’ letting her know that I had been sexually active for years without this problem. She said okay, and gave me some liquid lidocaine to use topically just in case I kept having the problem.

About when we were able to have sex again, my partner got called out of town for business. He got back over the weekend, and we excitedly hopped into bed to have non-painful haven’t-had-sex-in-ages sex. But…it still hurt. The pain is absolutely enough to affect my sex life, and I’m not willing to numb-up my vagina with lidocaine every time I want to be intimate with my partner.

I am going to go back to the doctor, but I’m a bit frustrated with the medical world at the moment and am in search of information or other experiences.

Has anyone else ever experienced anything like this? Any ideas what it could be? Any ideas on what could relieve it other than numbing agents, which are, in my opinion, really not a solution? Really…any thoughts at all?

throw away email: savemysexlife@gmail.com

Pain-free sex after giving birth?

Anonymous — Sun, 21 Oct 2007 21:11:35 -0800

How long after giving birth before sex becomes enjoyable again? I gave birth several months ago, delivering vaginally with minor tearing that required a few stitches. Since then, sex has been painful. At my 6-week check-up, my doc indicated that things had healed up nicely, so I don't think there's an anatomical problem (though I haven't ruled out going to see a different ob/gyn just to double-check). My husband and I have attempted penetrative sex several times since then, but it just plain hurts. We use plenty of lube, so that's not the problem. In fact, it feels more like my vaginal opening is smaller than it used to be and needs to be stretched out more, which makes NO SENSE given that I just got a baby out! So, I am wondering, is it common for sex to be painful well after giving birth? And how long after giving birth did it take for it to feel painless and enjoyable again?

Painful sex

Anonymous — Tue, 12 Sep 2006 12:33:04 -0800

Why does it hurt so much when I have sex? I lost my virginity several years ago. I have sex infrequently due to distance, but always with the same partner, and it always hurts, and lately it's been even worse. Other than being born through one, I have no experience with vaginas other than my own, but I suspect I am abnormally tight, as all that can fit in there without causing pain is a single finger. My boyfriend is of goodly girth, significantly larger than a single finger. When he tries to enter me, there is significant resistance, then a pop sound.

I generally feel plenty lubricated when I have sex and, if I don't, I use lube. I don't put things in there when I'm not having sex with my boyfriend; no masturbation, no tampons. I have been to a gynecologist who said nothing is medically wrong. A previous partner was less girthy and caused less pain.

So what's wrong with me? So am I just too tight? Is there anything I can do about that? Is there anything else it could be? How will I ever get a baby through there? I'm planning to marry this guy!

Is sex really not supposed to hurt at all?

Anonymous — Thu, 29 Jun 2006 13:35:58 -0800

Is sex really not supposed to hurt at all? Seems like any activity where you're banging sensitive skin into someone else's sensitive skin should have some potential for pain with all of the pleasure.

Yet I have read "Sex is not supposed to hurt. No really."
Should I not believe everything I read?

I'm male and I'm talking about "normal", penetrative intercourse with a woman, though welcome input from all genders regarding any sort of intercourse.

Specific talking points would be
-Yanked/irritated pubic hairs/hair roots
-Irritation/sensitivity at the opening to the penis
-General rawness at the base of the penis

I've been checked for anything urine tests and STD blood tests will allow, if that's relevant, but am interested to know of any diseases that appear as pain during or after sex.

Lube (Astroglide) allergy?

Anonymous — Wed, 14 Jun 2006 12:21:07 -0800

Lube (Astroglide) allergy? Problem: Masturbating with lube (astroglide) = terrible burning when urinating for 30 minutes afterwards.

Question: Is this a 'stop using Astroglide' sort of thing or a 'go see a doctor' sort of thing? I've already been tested for STDs and UTIs. Anyone else experienced this?

I want to screw without pain.

Anonymous — Wed, 14 Dec 2005 20:43:21 -0800

I'm a guy who has really bad, stitch-like cramps during sex. I'm a heterosexual 26-year-old who's been with his girlfriend for over four years now. In the past year, I started getting awful, painful cramps in my abdomen during sex. I get regular, vigorous exercise (though I am a smoker), eat well and enjoy a nice mix of hard and gentle sex.

I thought it might be due to eating or drinking alcohol beforehand, but as I've payed attention, this is not the only time it happens. We don't have much time together lately and it's really impacting my enjoyment of it, even if it's not every time. Therefore it affects her enjoyment of it because she knows it's going on and worries about me being in pain. I often worry it will start, which is distracting.

After about ten minutes it starts in and while there are positions which alleviate it, they don't do much for her and switching often hasn't been satisfying for both of us. The positions lessening the pain and switching to and from them don't seem to do much for us. We want more variety!

Why does this happen and how can I make it stop so I can fuck my girlfriend like we both enjoy?

Pelvic pain during intercourse?

Anonymous — Wed, 02 Nov 2005 13:19:50 -0800

GirlPartsFilter: pelvic pain during intercourse. I've been having pelvic pain off and on during intercourse for the past couple of months. I saw a doctor last week and was tested for what seemed to be everything under the sun: urinary tract infection, yeast infection, bacterial infection, and every STD they could think of. The nurse called me today and says that every single test came back negative. What now?

Some facts:

1) Pain started mildly and only occasionally, immediately following a yeast infection a few months ago. In the past couple of weeks its gotten to the point where it's so bad/frequent that we'll stop intercourse and move on to something else.
2) Pain is sharp, located vaginally, and happens more at certain angles than at others, and with moderate or deep thrusting. Its sometimes but not always helped by using extra lubricant.
3) I have no other symptoms, except for a white, very thick, odorless discharge that we noticed for the first time last night during intercourse.
4) I'm on the Pill (went on it around the same time as the pain started) and in my 30s. I've been on the Pill before with no ill effects.
5) The relationship is very positive both sexually and emotionally. (He's got a clean bill of health too, btw, no STD's, etc.) We're monogamous and I'm really comfortable with him (physically and emotionally).
6) I have no history of pain during sex with any other partners.

I'm going to try to get into the doctor's again as soon as possible, but in the meantime I'm starting to freak out a little. Is there a test they might have overlooked?