Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with sex and condoms

Does he have ED? Or am I making a big deal out of nothing?

Anonymous — Thu, 05 Mar 2009 23:09:12 -0800

[explicit sexual content filter] I'm trying to figure out if this guy I'm seeing is suffering from impotence or if I'm just expecting too much... I've seen this question posed a few different ways on MetaFilter, but not from the perspective of a woman. I don't feel comfortable talking about the possibility of ED with him, but at the same time this could be a deal breaker for me... help? So, we've only been seeing each other casually for about six months. He's 38, I'm 27. He was married for 10+ years until 2007, so he is having a lot of trouble with condoms... which is understandable, I suppose, since he didn't have to use them for so long. I also understand that he could be dealing with some emotional upset regarding his divorce, especially since she left him and not the other way around.

This is what usually happens when we get physical: we have *great* chemistry and kissing is fantastic. He's very much into oral sex, and that's working great for me, too. The problem lies in us eventually getting ready for penetration... the condom comes out, he fumbles, and by the time he gets the condom on, he's soft. I mean really soft.

It's not just the condom that makes him soft, though... generally, he is hard when we are first making out, but he becomes soft quickly once we get more into things. Sometimes he'll even be soft when I'm going down on him.

It's definitely frustrating because I want to have SEX with him, and I almost always end up feeling dissatisfied. He *is* able to ejaculate (once he was able to climax while I went down on him, and twice he has gotten himself off in front of me).

The other thing is... I think his penis is much smaller than average. I would estimate that it's maybe... 4 inches when hard? But honestly, I don't care, and I tell him that I like it and want it, etc. etc... but maybe that is part of his (mental) problem with staying erect?

What do you guys think? He blames the condoms left and right when things go wrong, but I'm not so sure that's really the issue here.

As an aside, I have only been with three other guys in my life, so I feel a little bit inexperienced with this sort of thing. I've never been with a guy who had trouble getting and staying hard, though, so I don't know how common this might be. Thanks for your help.

Oh, the joys of new relationships.

dentata — Wed, 11 Feb 2009 17:42:25 -0800

Can you recommend a very sensitive condom? I've never had a problem with premature ejaculation -- more of the "keep going for half an hour until my abs give out or just pretend to climax". More often than not, I've had a difficult time climaxing with a condom on. (Not so much staying hard, just finishing). For me, I think it's a sensation issue (maybe I shouldn't have started masturbating so early).

My solution for this in previously has been to "save up" for a few days, but I've just met an amazing woman and we're having an extended Valentine's Day tryst -- so "saving up" isn't an option after the first session. Obviously, since this is new, condoms are part of the equation.

Can you recommend a thin condom that I might have a better time with?

Overwhelmed Virgins!

Anonymous — Tue, 03 Feb 2009 14:57:14 -0800

Help two virgins make an educated decision about safe sex! (Condoms? Lubes? Spermicide?!) My girlfriend and I are ready to have have sex. However, we both are still virgins. She does not want to go on the Pill right now(or other hormonal methods) so I suppose we are limited to using only condoms. It seems that the amount of choice out there is just so overwhelming, can anyone offer some advice or recommendations for our situation?
Specifically we are looking to know which kind of condom we should use(Trojan ENZ or something from Durex seem to be our top choices)? Should we get a condom that has spermicide? And if you think we should use lube in addition to the lube that is on the condom, what type should we be looking at? (we know to get a water based lube, of course)

The more we know, the better. We both want to be as responsible as we can be and we definitely don't want any pregnancy accidents.

How can we either get around the side effects of my birth control OR get past the trials and tribulations of condoms?

Anonymous — Sun, 03 Aug 2008 17:43:52 -0800

Two-parter question about birth control. We need to either figure out how to make my hormonal BC more comfortable OR improve our condom experience. More details within. I'm about to give up on hormonal birth control entirely. I can deal with most of the side effects, but the dryness is becoming increasingly unbearable. Sex is starting to hurt more than it's fun. But! I'm giving myself the rest of this month's prescription (I'm on the NuvaRing at present but have tried other methods before) to figure out how to make this more bearable because we'd rather not go back to condoms. No amount or variety of lube seems to be helping with the hormonal BC. So, question part 1: Are there any other ways of decreasing the dryness? Anything you've tried besides lube that helped you personally?

If we can't make this work, we're going back to condoms, which brings me to part two of my question. I know there are quite a few posts on here about condoms, but I'd specifically like a suggestion for effective condoms that are *easy to put on* for larger-than-average guys. I've read that Hot Rod condoms, for instance, have applicator strips, but I don't know anything else about Hot Rod condoms, frankly. They seem like a bit of a novelty act. It's just that when we used condoms regularly, we'd sometimes go through two or three of them before he'd get one to stay on comfortably, and the whole process frustrates him. Any suggestions?

Can anyone recommend a durable condom?

Anonymous — Thu, 11 Oct 2007 07:19:32 -0800

Can anyone recommend a good, resilient condom? So, the thing is, I keep breaking through most condoms I find. At first I thought it was a size issue, and I've tried the next size up a few times, but it works out to be too big. So I'm looking for recommendations on a good, durable condom.

How far from bed to keep condoms?

gelcap — Sat, 07 Oct 2006 12:16:01 -0800

How far from my bed should I keep my condoms in order not to seem like a man-whore? The problem is I have no nightstand, or bedframe. Condoms are currently in the crevice between mattress and wall, and on more than one occasion women have given me a look to suggest they found the positioning a little too convenient. In other words, how much hassle does a man have to go through to find a condom for an imminent conquest not to feel like she's merely the latest in a long, regular stream?

Safe way to use second condom?

Anonymous — Thu, 14 Sep 2006 12:57:22 -0800

Do I really need to take a freaking shower before I put a second condom on? Sex ed websites seem to agree that the penis should be washed "with soap and water" after the first condom is removed (after ejaculation) before another one is put on to go again. Is this really necessary? How carefully do I need to wash? Any tips on how to make this process less annoying?

I'm concerned about pregnancy, not STDs.

How can I convince my girlfriend to stop relying on condoms for birth control?

Anonymous — Mon, 14 Nov 2005 10:46:43 -0800

How can I convince my girlfriend to stop relying on condoms for birth control? We're in a very committed (3+ year) relationship, and we live together. Condoms (I use Durex Avanti's, which are WAY better than latex, but still...) just don't compare to natural intercourse. Her objections to various alternatives are as follows:
- Implants are off the table. I'm inclined to agree on this point.
- Diaphragms are uncomfortable for her. She also claims that her fingers are too short to get it out easily. Side question- this seems a bit odd to me, but I'm a man and I'm utterly ignorant of these things, so I'm not about to call her on it. Is this a real problem for some people, or something she's convinced herself of? She won't use a menstrual cup for the same reason.
- Her objection to The Pill is more complex, having to do with general issues of not wanting to "be medicated", to not wanting something muck with her natural cycle. Personally, the lessened mood swings and bleeding (both of which she gets in spades, but are part of "what make her who she is") would seem like a boon to me, but then, see "I'm a man" above.

Conversations usually stall at, "I appreciate your desire, but I'm not messing with my body." Given my druthers, I'd push for The Pill, but I'm open to suggestions. She's not on any other medication.

Condom time!

afroblanca — Sat, 28 May 2005 09:04:11 -0800

It is a widely quoted statistic that, with "perfect use", condoms have a 3% failure rate. My question - these 3% of uses that result in pregnancy, is it because the condom breaks, or because of some invisible factory defect? Put another way - if you follow all of the "best practices," and, when you're done, the condom hasn't broken, is it safe to assume that it worked?

How do uncircumcised guys deal with condoms?

trevyn — Thu, 14 Apr 2005 20:57:09 -0800

How do uncircumcised guys deal with condoms? Even with a full erection, I have a lot of "play" in my foreskin, and can pull it up to cover the head. In fact, during sex, the foreskin tends to naturally partially cover the head anyway, regardless of insertion method.

When discussing uncircumcised guys and condoms, the instructions always say "pull the foreskin back when putting on the condom", and indeed, this feels like the most natural way to do it. But then during sex, the condom and outer skin move up, leaving much of the bottom portion of the penis exposed, and, lacking a solid "anchor", the condom may even be pulled off.

I have heard mention of, and tried, pulling the foreskin up to cover the head, and then applying the condom over that. This anchors the condom securely, but introduces new problems: It's in direct conflict with the instructions, sensation is substantially reduced, and there is now a possibility of "poking through" the condom--I heard anecdotal evidence of this actually happening somewhere on the web.

A third option I discovered is to acquire a very long condom, several inches longer than the measured penis length, and then apply with the foreskin pulled back, roll halfway down, push the foreskin up, then continue to unroll, effectively covering all skin with a layer of rubber. The problem here is that after there is sufficient lubrication inside the condom to separate the skin and the rubber at the head, you end up with several inches of condom dangling off the end, which doesn't seem terribly safe, even though the bottom is securely anchored. Also, since the latex is less pliable than the skin, there can be some degree of "bunching up" of the rubber.

None of these options seems to make a whole lot of sense in the end; I get the feeling that most guys are having far less trouble with their condoms than I.

Any of this sounds familiar? What are your experiences?

Condom recommendations?

swift — Tue, 07 Sep 2004 19:42:47 -0800

Condom recommendations?