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Sensual, not sexual

In a new friendship/relationship. Help us explore our sensual sides without sex! Possibly mild NSFW details inside. [more inside]
posted by Beaker's stripey socks on Jul 10, 2014 - 24 answers

Gardasil Pros vs. Cons

How dangerous is Gardasil? What is your personal experience with taking it? I just heard all the horrible stories and in so scared because I just received it today. I see nothing good reviewed about it. [more inside]
posted by Asian_Hunnie on Jun 27, 2014 - 33 answers

True Love & Sexuality - Middle School version

Asking for a friend - her 12 year old son is "in love" with a 12 year old girl. Hormones are active and kids are definitely interested in doing more than just holding hands. My friend is struggling to figure out reasonable rules on dating behavior, especially since in her culture, children this young simple don't date and yet here in sunny California the rules seem to be different. Complications inside. [more inside]
posted by metahawk on Jun 22, 2014 - 36 answers

What's most the most intense thing inside a French letter?

What's the best lubricant to go inside a condom to increase sensation for a man? Difficulty level: SSRI side-effects. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 18, 2014 - 2 answers

Spontaneous Female Arousal

I'm curious to know what's going on with my body. I'm enjoying very high sex drive the last 6 months, ever since my 7th month of pregnancy. I thought it was a third trimester thing, but I wanted my husband 5 days postpartum. So what's going on? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 13, 2014 - 6 answers

Where do the butterflies go?

Core attraction: does it go away? Looking to hear from people who have been in a relationship for 15+ years. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 6, 2014 - 16 answers

I Love My Dog, But Oh! You Wife!

How can I return the spontaneity to my sex life now that I have to share the bed with a blanket-hogging dog? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 6, 2014 - 28 answers

International dating- help me stay safe in worst case scenario

I am currently involved in a sexual/dating/subculture where international meetings are normal. Most recently, men have met me in my city and then we have planned a trip later.... And I have had a fab time with these men- they have been great fun! I am okay with meeting men for dinner in Oslo, London or Stockholm..... I have no problem hopping on a plane and meeting a man, spending a few days with him and nipping back home... but I cannot figure out how to make sure that my flight home is paid for- if something doesn't work out. Is there any way to have your flights and hotel paid for, in a way that the host can not just cancel on you if you refuse to have sex with them?
posted by misspony on Jun 4, 2014 - 27 answers

How to deal with sexual jealousy in a relationship?

My boyfriend sometimes expresses sexual attraction to other girls when he's with me and I'm wondering if a) his actions are reasonable, b) my reaction to this is reasonable or c) if there are underlying issues behind this that need to be addressed. [more inside]
posted by sweetshine on Jun 2, 2014 - 72 answers

Don't try so hard, but don't NOT try either!

I have trouble achieving orgasm, but it doesn't really bother me. However, apparently it bothers other people a whole lot. How can I explain all this in a way that will make sense to others? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 28, 2014 - 11 answers

How to start an (awkward) conversation about my IUD

I had an IUD (Mirena) inserted about a month ago. I recently met someone new (yay!), he's great (yay!), and it seems that sexytimes are soon to be had (yay!). I think I need to talk with him about my IUD, though, and I don't know how. [more inside]
posted by singlesock on May 20, 2014 - 18 answers

Love him, leave him?

Please help me sort out my long-term thinking about my very good but maybe not perfect relationship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 15, 2014 - 23 answers

How do I have an honest, ethical fling with a friend-of-a-friend?

I have never had a legitimate fling before. Lately I've been showing a lot more potential for it. I was kind of a late bloomer- I skipped the crazy college years because I was engaged to one guy during all of that (and was also a very different, more prudish and sheltered person at the time)- and then I moved around a lot and worked a lot and only dated a few other people. I don’t know what I’m doing. This is all new to me. I’ve made out with random guys in bars a couple of times and flirted with the idea, but that’s as far as it’s gone. Stranger sex has never really appealed to me- I always thought that a friend-of-a-friend would be perfect for a fling. But maybe not if it’s too close to home. So, how do I do this? Is there a way to have an ethical and honest fling and not hurt anyone’s feelings and still be friends with my friends? [more inside]
posted by quincunx on May 13, 2014 - 56 answers

Can't stay hard with a condom, help?

I'm a straight male without much sexual experience. I've been seeing a new girl recently and things have gotten sexual. We have good chemistry in and out of bed, are comfortable around each other and attracted to each other's bodies. But I've encountered a problem: when I try to penetrate her with a condom, I can't maintain an erection. Without a condom I don't have this problem, but condomless sex is not a good option. What to do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 13, 2014 - 38 answers

awkward sex question

I am interested in having sex with an older woman (late 60's). I am a younger male (50's) and my partner is obviously older, and hasn't had intercourse in a long time (many years). What should I expect in terms of the biology of things? I guess these are my questions: -will sex be the same as I remember it being with women my own age? -Will nature take care of the lubrication or should I be prepared with something else? -is an orgasm a realistic possibility? -Obviously we'll figure a lot of this out as we go, but I want to be sensitive to the possibility of things not working. -Any other thoughts, tips or experience? I want it to be enjoyable for her (me too of course) Thanks all!
posted by Blackcow167 on May 12, 2014 - 12 answers

How to temper arousal?

Gentlemen of Metafilter: When you're hooking up, how do you temper the physical manifestation of your sexual arousal? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2014 - 26 answers

Is it the start or the end of the period?

My wife and I have a question about Skyla IUD inserstions and sex. [more inside]
posted by Uncle on May 10, 2014 - 3 answers

When no sex feels like I am not desirable

I need help. I am seeking therapy for this issue, but it will take about six weeks before I can get in. My partner (m 36) and I (f 34) are not having sex. It has been about four months. He is dealing with depression and anxiety issues and is on medication for this. This has been pretty hard for me since we greatly enjoyed such an active sex life prior to this. He attributes our sexual issues to his diagnosis and medication. In my head I believe what he tells me, but this is triggering past issues for me that are getting in the way of me believing what he says. The fact that he masturbates at least once a day is hard for me to handle. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2014 - 30 answers

Not the front porch kind...

A friend is considering dipping her toes into her local swinger scene. Help me offer non-judgmental help. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 6, 2014 - 12 answers

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner?

How do I know if I am in love "enough" with my partner? Snowflakery to follow [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 30, 2014 - 26 answers

afraid to confront husband about sex life

My husband (I'm female) and I have been going through a really tough time (infertility at a young age), and we've been working together to reframe our lives together and as a couple. We've been discussing what's working and what's not. He seems very dedicated to building a future together, despite his lack of follow through on issues we talked about, including sex life. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 28, 2014 - 23 answers

Good Nevada brothel for couples?

I'm a straight man, wife is bi. Married over a decade, but have had some fun group sex experiences together in the past. However sexy single females ("unicorns") are hard to come by so we're looking at a Vegas trip for some naughty fun. Need information. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 18, 2014 - 1 answer

Am I uptight, or is he being a perv?

I'm a woman in my mid 40's, and my husband is in his early 50's. We've been married over 20 years, have 3 great kids and a relatively good life. But our sex life has taken a weird turn here lately (at least for me). [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 16, 2014 - 39 answers

My sex drive plummeted after my BF moved in. WTF?

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 1.5 years, and he recently moved into my duplex with me. Now that we're living together, I just don't feel sexy or like I'm wanting sexytimes. :( It's very distressing, and I'm not sure what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2014 - 8 answers

Please give me birth control advice - AFTER condoms.

My partner and I have decided to use two layers of birth control. Her doctor said it was a good idea, because condoms have a small failure rate even when used perfectly. However, she doesn't want her parents to know (she's 20) and is on their health insurance, and she has a family friend that works at planned parenthood. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 3, 2014 - 35 answers

Feels like I'm 15 again

I'm in my early thirties, bisexual/queer and just ended a decade-long relationship with a cisgendered man. I'm starting to date women but haven't had sex with a woman in a decade and didn't have a lot of experience even then. I have always been a visible part of the LGBT community and most people assume I'm a lesbian, which makes people think I have more sexual experience with women than I do. I'm basically nervous about not knowing what to do anymore and being bad in bed. Questions are as follows: Should I disclose this lack of recent experience to the women I'm starting to casually date and have sex with? How can I stop being so nervous, which I know won't help? And: what does real-life lesbian safer sex look like when you're an adult and not a 23 year old with no sense of risk?
posted by anonymous on Apr 2, 2014 - 8 answers

The Thin Line Between Preference and Prejudice

I think I don't like performing oral sex on my girlfriend anymore because she's gained a bit of weight. What do I do here? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2014 - 45 answers

How to avoid embarrassment in bed?

I have a history of sexual performance issues. Part of these stem from the inability to become as erect as I would need to be to perform the function unless I am extremely attracted to the other person. This has led to limited intercourse experience. [more inside]
posted by JJ987E on Mar 26, 2014 - 29 answers

Multiple orgasms for men, experience?

I've read The Multi-Orgasmic Man. I find Eastern, energy-based philosophy hard to grasp, because moving energy throughout the body is very much experiential and intangible. It's not not like learning physical movements (sports, martial arts, etc.) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 25, 2014 - 8 answers

ain't 2 proud 2 beg

I have a wonderful relationship with my boyfriend. We are both mid-thirties; have discussed marriage and kids and are on the same page;we live together; and things are great. Except for one thing - I initiate sex most of the time and want it more. I know the next part is not right, but, me initiating things all of the time makes me feel bad. I know it is a stereotype to expect men to be wanting to have sex more. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 23, 2014 - 9 answers

Sex Visions (not an R&B album)

I'm looking for information about visions or visuals experienced during sex. Not anecdotes, but 1. rigorous scientific work that contextualizes who gets them and why, and 2. artists, writers, or poets who have used them as inspiration in any way. [more inside]
posted by Ambrosia Voyeur on Mar 21, 2014 - 6 answers

I need the dirty bits from popular books

I'm starting a book club among my friends where we just read the dirty bits from popular books to each other. They don't even have to be popular books - just books that I can actually find easily. And it's not exactly a book club. More like a reading-to-each-other club. Anyway, can you remember and recommend any notably hot sex scenes from books you might have read? [more inside]
posted by Sully on Mar 19, 2014 - 61 answers

Libido Rollercoasters Going In Different Directions...

After years of his turning me down sexually and not wanting to touch me as I enjoy, now he's interested... and I’m not. Is there anything we can do? [NSFW] [more inside]
posted by Someone Else's Story on Mar 14, 2014 - 18 answers

Books like The Game, except completely different in every way

A male friend of mine has recently learned that he's not as good at dating women as he thought he was, and wants to get better. Where can I point him for sex and relationship advice, addressed to men, but written from a feminist perspective? [more inside]
posted by psycheslamp on Mar 11, 2014 - 7 answers

What was that novel that mentions grissini as a sexual metaphor?

I read a novel that has lots of sexual scenarios, one of which involves a "frigid" woman who is repeatedly offered grissini (breadsticks) by a waiter as a subliminally sexual seduction. There was another ongoing scene in which a woman was a research subject for testing orgasm response. Why? Because I can't remember and like the pirate with the steering wheel belt buckle, it's driving me nuts. Thanks!
posted by haineux on Mar 3, 2014 - 3 answers

My girlfriend and I both have HSV1. What risks are we looking at?

My girlfriend has HSV1 genitally, with outbreaks 1-2 times a year. I just found out from my doctor that I tested positive for HSV1 back when I first became sexually active in 2005 (not sure why I wasn't informed back then, but I suppose that's a different story...). I've never had symptoms, I imagine it's an oral infection from childhood and I'm getting a full STI screening to reconfirm. What does this mean in terms of risks or lack thereof with my girlfriend? Can HSV1 reinfect different locations? Are there different strains of HSV1? Up to now, we've been using protection for penetrative intercourse, changing condoms when switching from vaginal to anal intercourse, and basically avoiding oral-vaginal contact. My doctor was relatively vague when it came to these questions ("I think you would be at lower risk.") and I'd like a bit more information upon which to base my future decisions given this new information.
posted by anonymous on Feb 27, 2014 - 3 answers

Mismatched sex drives, complicated by obligations, guilt and energy

My wife and I have been together for more than 7 years, and we've always had a caring, affectionate, low-sex relationship. We have sex once every month or two, and we enjoy ourselves, but it's generally pretty quick, then doesn't happen again for another month or longer. My sex drive is decently high, but hers seems very low. We've talked fairly openly about this mis-match, but there seem to be a long list of issues. This is where I'd like input, insight, or ideas. [more inside]
posted by plato beans on Feb 26, 2014 - 21 answers

Great Sexpectations

I have a super high sex drive (female, 30) that I've been blessed/cursed with since puberty. My boyfriend is a fairly sexual person, but has a lower libido than I do (male, 41), and don't want to have sex as often as I do. I am having trouble not taking this personally. [more inside]
posted by ElectricGoat on Feb 26, 2014 - 23 answers

Sex: you're doing it wrong.

I really could use advice on how to improve our sex life (NSFW and snowflakes) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 20, 2014 - 27 answers

What can I do about severe sexual incompatibility?

I have a high sex drive, my partner has a low sex drive. This incompatibility is making me depressed to the point that I feel like I can't stay in the relationship, despite everything else between us being really, really great. I don't know what my options are or what I can do to try and work with this. [more inside]
posted by Vrai on Feb 15, 2014 - 33 answers

I love it when you...don't do that.

What is an effective way to speak to a new partner about bettering their ability to perform cunnilingus? [more inside]
posted by anonymoosemoosemoose on Feb 14, 2014 - 19 answers

Probably not contagious

Any ideas where to find the HBO documentary "Celibacy" from about a decade ago? Required macabre Valentine's viewing for some of us...!
posted by TigerMoth on Feb 7, 2014 - 2 answers

Relationship Meetings: good idea or bad idea or terrible awful idea?

I have scheduled a relationship check-in with my long-term partner (a State of the Union, as per Pervocracy) only now I'm worried that it's just going to make things worse. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 5, 2014 - 30 answers

I want to know about sex & spirituality but New Agey stuff's too woo woo

Do down-to-earth, no-nonsense and accessible-to-the-everyman books/resources on sex and spirituality exist? [more inside]
posted by Zaire on Feb 4, 2014 - 9 answers

Promiscuity should not be the answer.

I grew up in an implicitly sex-negative environment. More recently, I was raped. I had next to no sexual experience at the time and barely understood what was going on while it was happening. I had very little interest in sex in the months after that, but suddenly, I am now extremely preoccupied with the idea of sleeping with other 50 to 60-year old, educated white males. [more inside]
posted by gemutlichkeit on Jan 28, 2014 - 26 answers

Timely queer and kink content for my facebook and twitter feed

I've just had an article published nationally, and oh boy is that addictive and fun! I want to do more, so I need ideas to pitch! I'm looking for some tweeters and some Facebook groups and posters to follow who will have awesome kink/womens'/sex-positive/sex-work/trans/lgbt/poly/etc news, criticism and analysis. Feminist and socialist feeds also a plus. Many thanks, hive mind!
posted by Mistress on Jan 21, 2014 - 8 answers

Which antidepressants gave you the least sexual side effects?

I've had issues with an SSRI and SNRI having orgasms - would like your advice about potential other drugs. Wellbutrin not possible (gave me high blood pressure) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 15, 2014 - 23 answers

It's been a long, long time coming...

My relationship is great, with one small problem - no matter what my girlfriend and I try, I'm not having an orgasm. Oversharing details inside... [more inside]
posted by Ed The Sock on Jan 12, 2014 - 30 answers

You're not my doctor or a magician but... should I take plan B?

I had drunk but protected sex last night. (yay!) I haven't had sex since I had an abortion 2 years ago. (not so yay!) I am also dealing with secondary amenorrhea due to diet. I know I'm being insanely nervous for no reason but now just to be safe I want to take Plan B. Is this ok? Will it make the Amenorrhea "worse"? Is that even possible? So. many. things. calm me down? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 12, 2014 - 10 answers

Sex blogs/columns written by straight men, for straight men?

I'm having trouble finding any decent quality writing on sex advice or on sex in general where the author and target audience are both straight men. Part of this is about being interested in reading such content, part is about wondering if there really is a void here and if I should start writing myself to fill it. [more inside]
posted by MeanwhileBackAtTheRanch on Jan 11, 2014 - 6 answers

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