I will have some college students in a talk that discusses consent , along with some older folks, and I'm out of touch with recent popular music that has even a whiff of healthy consent and is sex-positive/relationship-positive (MJ's Let's Wait a While also fits the criteria, but has been around for a decade) Oh, and for a bonus the brainstormer said - how about a fitness class with these themed songs that I'm drawing a blank on...flailing thoughts below the fold.... [more inside]
I have a date coming up with a man who uses a wheelchair. He is super funny and smart and super hot. I have never dated someone who uses a wheelchair. In fact, I've never even known someone who uses a wheelchair. Help me not screw it up! [more inside]
I'm in my 30's, and I don't orgasm during sex. I still like sex - a lot! - but I find myself compulsively "faking it" in every single relationship, and I'm not sure how to stop or if I should. [more inside]
So, I am married to a very pretty guy. We are both mid 30s. His entire relationship history includes women just throwing themselves at him, so he hasn't had to ever make any effort to learn how to be romantic or initiate foreplay. His current method is to just tell me he wants to have sex. When I complained that his method wasn't enough for me, he asked me what I want him to do. It is like I'm dealing with an adolescent boy. What resources could I steer him towards that don't include a sex therapist?
I'm wrestling between not trying to date this person - who's one of my best friends - and trying to make it work. The problem is the sexuality - either the chemistry is off, or it needs to be adjusted. I just don't know *how* to do that, without hurting his feelings, or if I should at all. [more inside]
"When a Mummy and a Daddy love each other very much..." is the default amusing quote for pretending to explain the facts of life to children. It is enough of a meme it must come from somewhere. But where? [more inside]
A close friend and confidante of mine has started a new relationship, but she's questioning what's "normal" for sexual appetites. [more inside]
I have been seeing someone for 4 months. Quite a few times he was very pushy with having sex while I am sick or during period when I made it clear that I don't want to. He never actually crosses the line in forcing me to do it but I still feel weirded out. [more inside]
Dear Mefites, this is my first question! I'm excited to hear from the community i've been reading since forever. Here's an issue I'm facing that's bothering me: someone i'm seeing has a some-what change of heart/mind towards me in terms of how he envisions our future/potential. I've been confused from the beginning as it started sexually quickly, then to possibly serious, to suddenly somewhat possibly just casual now. Grateful if any of you could advise me on what you observe his character/behavior/mindset to be, from the descriptions that I will best try to relate. Please excuse the extremely long post. [more inside]
Looking at the end of a significant LTR that's probably going to be crushing once I get over the shock. They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I have no experience with this. Is it really often true? (they also say that low-fat deserts and education debt are good for you). [more inside]
I'm no prude. But I don't like writing sex scenes. I've been told on multiple occasions that my writing suffers from a lack of detail when it comes to getting it on. Are you a writer? Did you face a similar issue? How did you resolve it? [more inside]
My partner of twelve years is kind of selfish in bed, but also pretty sensitive about talking about it and hasn't taken any initiative after previous discussions. How should I approach this? Am I asking for too much? [more inside]
I am in my early 30s and have been in a loving relationship for over 8 years. We live together and our lives are very intermingled. But the passion is gone, and I am beginning to wonder whether we'd be better apart. [more inside]
Today is the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. The ex, our child, and I just spent the weekend with his extended family, visiting them in another state. We laughed, played darts, had a great time. We have been doing many things together (volunteering, gardening, walking, watching shows, going out) over the last month or so. Today he broke up with his girlfriend, because, among other reasons, he and I spend so much time together. But there is a problem. [more inside]
When faced with sexual confusion, mental health struggles, and a possible engagement, what is a guy to do? [more inside]
There are numerous shorthand descriptions of various phenomena, like Rule 34 and Godwin's law and Sturgeon's law. Is there a shorthand term for the tendency of science fiction writers to ramp up sexual content over time? I know Heinlein did it over time. Niven did it in the Ringworld series. Simmons apparently did it. Now I find out that Herbert did it in the later Dune books. It seems to be a common phenomenon, but is there a specific name for it?
I've been actively dating and having intimate encounters, but it's hard for me to address my sexual limitations and lack of experience with new partners. How to deal? [more inside]
I am ftm trans and while I am not on hormones & have not had surgery, I still pass a decent amount of the time. Sometimes I get long, cruising looks from guys who I am sure are gay (on the street, in a mall). I have no idea how to move forward in these situations; porn is my entire frame of reference and I'm sure it's not that simple. How do guys meet guys in public? [more inside]
We've been in a relationship for some time - I am 24 and she is 28 - but we only recently started having sex regularly because we used to live a distance from each other until we (finally!) moved in together. Both of us have physical challenges that seem to be making sex less enjoyable. [more inside]
special snowflake details and lots of confusion within... [more inside]
My partner just broke up with me, and I’m pretty sure it’s because I have no desire to have sex. Can I be fixed? What do I do about us? [more inside]
Short version: I had sex for the first time with someone I thought I really liked, but it didn't quite go the way I expected it to and now I'm completely panicking about it. Long version inside. [more inside]
Asking for a friend: looking for recommendations for a book on relationships, sex, and consent that a 27-year-old brother can give to his 18-year-old sister before she leaves for university in September. [more inside]
I'm afraid of boring my boyfriend in bed. He's a decade older and has had quite a few relationships in his past. I can't imagine he's as vanilla as he professes to be--I'm willing to do ANYTHING, and he wants missionary every time. Does he view me as too innocent for anything else? [more inside]
I am looking for a good sex therapist in the SF Bay Area, preferably the east bay, as that's where I live. I need someone who identifies as female and is queer friendly. Bonus points for can talk from experience about lesbian sex. Also prefer someone who is very, very smart and who can handle the idiosyncrasies of PTSD-ish reactions. Thanks for your help!
My doctor didn't know the answer to this, looked at me deadpan, and said "you can wait". Obviously. I'm just curious though, having immediately replaced one mirena with another, is there still the prerequisite seven day alternative contraceptive wait time?
My partner and I have discovered that he likes to choke me sometimes during sex and I like to be choked. How do we learn to do this safely? [more inside]
A few years ago I watched a David Attenborough nature doc in which he narrated a scene that took place in an ancient, overgrown jungle temple. An alpha male monkey was surrounded by females, and a smaller, cheeky, male monkey waited nearby. A scene unfolds where a particular female waits for the right moment, calls the cheeky monkey over when the alpha isn't looking, and quickly mates with him, before he runs off into the jungle. What is this scene from? I would LOVE to find it again. Thanks.
I am in love with my wonderful boyfriend of 3 months. The only problem is that he doesn't seem to care that I am not having ANY orgasms with him, he's not into oral sex (the only thing that has worked for me in the past), he's not into foreplay, he barely kisses me, and he doesn't even realize that I'm unhappy because I am too wimpy and unassertive to voice a word of complaint. He's a very macho "alpha male" old-fashioned chivalrous type and I am afraid to emasculate him by giving him directions in the bedroom or telling him that I'm not satisfied. [more inside]
I'm a straight, overweight but otherwise generally considered attractive, woman in her early 40's. I got out of a LTR a year and a half ago. I am more than ready to date, but having major problems finding anyone interested :( [more inside]
How does one navigate sex work or sexological bodywork as a female client in the United States? [more inside]
I am in an abusive relationship. Not physical, but mental, emotional and verbal. I want to stress that there is no physical abuse. I am getting my ducks in a row & working on an exit strategy. It will be ugly when I leave, so I really need to have things in order when I do. Problem is - I haven't had sexual relations with my husband due to the fact that his treatment of me over the past year has repulsed me to the point that even the thought of it makes my skin crawl. [more inside]
I'm making up my spring and summer reading list for a new project and I need books that look at the concepts of masculinity, dating and sex (for boys/men) written from a feminist perspective. Specifically, books that tackles the following subjects: Gender and sexuality spectrums, dating and relationships (anti Game stuff), teenage boy/young men psychology, parenting feminist boys, sex education, whatever, the whole deal. Ideally, I'd like more academic texts- but give me anything you like. Even things that you think are tangentially related or reading list links that you think might fall in line. Thanks!
After getting burned on our first try, we're trying to look at finding someplace to let our kink flag fly a bit more outside the bedroom. We could use some help/suggestions, though! [more inside]
I'm female, mid-twenties, and over the past 3-4 months have lost almost all interest in sex. What might be going wrong? [more inside]
I have trouble wanting to have sex. Considering that we just got married 1 year ago this is really a problem for my relationship. Did this happen to you and how did you fix it? I am overweight with like 30 pounds extra so obviously loosing the 30 pounds would help I think I also take birth control- sprintec now- but was put on loestrin maybe that will help better. I don't know what else to do. What helped you? Thanks
Exactly as it says on the tin. How do, without faking it, I be more upfront about my dating/sexual inexperience with my potential partners, and when? [more inside]
My wife told me last night that she has lost interest in sex. We'd like to go see a couples sex therapist, but that's not something we can afford at the moment. Until that changes, can you recommend books or online resources that might be able to help us?
So I am a 34 male and I knowingly asked a 19-20-21-ish-year-old on a coffee date. I mentioned the age difference to her when I did so. She said, "Sure." If we go on more dates after this date and/or become physically intimate, how can I minimize the chance that she will retrospectively feel preyed upon or taken advantage of in X years? [more inside]
I've been unemployed for some time, receiving unemployment, savings dwindling. I got a seemingly lucrative offer to model for nude, specificly fetish-art modeling pics, and need help deciding whether to take it. [more inside]
Tell me about some songs that are sensual in the way that "Take Me to Church" is, but aren't overtly, explicitly sexual the way that "Do Me!" or "Let's Get It On" are. [more inside]
Mid 30s heterosexual man wanting to learn how to desire and enjoy sex with a partner (not masturbation). While I have a healthy libido/masturbate regularly/etc, I have little emotional interest in having actual sex. Let me first say that I understand therapy is likely needed, but I would very much appreciate feedback beyond go see a therapist. Throwaway email: firstname.lastname@example.org [more inside]
I'm a mid-40s male and my entire life I've been a hair-trigger. Not a premature orgasm, but over very fast. Google-fu came up with scams and creams, but is there any way to fix this? [more inside]
I have been married for 8 years. We have one son, he is 6. I would love to give him a sibling, but it is very hard to get my husband interested in sex. Apart from the procreative goal, it is very lonely and hurtful living with someone who to all intents and purposes does not find me attractive. I am slim, reasonably fit and look good for my age (late thirties-he is a few years older). He is otherwise loving and affectionate. What do you men say? Why would you go off your own wife sexually? [more inside]
I have a healthy sexual appetite, but can't have sex right now. What do I do with all of this energy in the meantime? [more inside]
NSFW. My SO recently confessed a sexual fantasy of his which requires some advance brainstorming on my part, as it centers around a sexy game. Any suggestions are much appreciated! [more inside]
I asked a friend on a date recently. The date went really, really well, until we tried to have sex. Now I'm not sure if I should try again, or see if I can get out and save the friendship. [more inside]
The other night I asked my husband if he is happy and, after about 30 minutes of thoughtful consideration, he said he feels the concept of a long happy marriage is overrated and that he "isn't not happy." He is satisfied. [more inside]
I’ve been seeing a therapist for a while for various reasons, including coming to terms with rape and a generally traumatic sexual history. My issues with sex have basically made any relationships impossible and at this point I’ve been single and celibate for five years. I would like to change this - or at least to feel like I have the ability to have a fulfilling sexual life if I want to. My therapist has suggested that I look into tantra and has recommended a practitioner for one-on-one work and also an organization that runs weekend courses for groups. Is this legit and/or a good idea? [more inside]
How do I - healthy 20-something male - have a normal dating life when my libido seems to wax and wane? [more inside]