156 posts tagged with separation.
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Separated after many years. Help me feel like I haven't wasted my life.

I separated from my ex-husband about a year ago. I am now 40 years old and I feel like I threw my life away on a marriage that never should have happened. Please help me to move on and be optimistic for the future. (Wall of text inside) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 7, 2015 - 26 answers

Divorce Process Question

Hopefully a quickie: Divorcing, and my car loan is in wife's name (as is registration), and her car loan and registration is in my name. Need your help/advice [more inside]
posted by Draccy on May 6, 2015 - 8 answers

When does this go away?

I've been separated from my husband for about 18 months. I'm with the person I left him for (that's the short version) and we're very happy. Except. I still miss my ex every day. I dream about him at least a few times a week. When does this stop? I would like to hear from those who have grieved a relationship and moved on. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Apr 25, 2015 - 22 answers

How can I help my new love interest not feel like 'the other woman'?

Recently separated after long but loveless marriage. Re-conected with an old colleague. Like her a lot. (I'm wise enough to differentiate btw a rebound and the real thing). Don't want to hide this relationship to friends and acquaintances. But she's worried about my kids running into us together and she doesn't want to be 'the (perceived) other woman' in their eyes. How do I help quell her fears or is she right? [more inside]
posted by pman78 on Apr 6, 2015 - 31 answers

Best practices for talking to a child about separation

I need help figuring out the best ways to explain separation/divorce to my extremely precocious 6 year old. I'm hoping that this process can be as compassionate as possible all around, but the idea that I'm "ruining her life" by considering ending our marriage is plaguing me. Books, anecdotes, what you told your kids, etc - anything would be helpful. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 16, 2015 - 19 answers

Is my marriage so unusual?

The other night I asked my husband if he is happy and, after about 30 minutes of thoughtful consideration, he said he feels the concept of a long happy marriage is overrated and that he "isn't not happy." He is satisfied. [more inside]
posted by AnOrigamiLife on Mar 8, 2015 - 33 answers

How best to tell (not my) kids about separation?

My sister thinks it's time her children knew about the fact that my husband and I are separated. I agree, but we disagree about how to approach it. I would appreciate some objective hivemind advice please, as I have no idea if I'm being unreasonable or not. Lots of text, advance apologies. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Feb 13, 2015 - 28 answers

I think I've fallen out of love with my husband. What now?

More detail below the cut, but mostly I'm seeking some experience and wisdom from the hivemind on the more existential aspects of this realization, and maybe a reality check if needed. Thanks. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2015 - 24 answers

No time for a post-nup

My spouse and I are entering a phase where we realize we may have to split up. It would be an amicable split though very, very sad. The issue is finances: my spouse is salaried, I am freelance, but we've always pulled in the same annual amount and thus split absolutely everything 50/50 -- no shared bank accounts or credit cards. We're not ready to start separation proceedings while we still try to work on saving our marriage, but I am about to book a new gig that will quadruple my annual earnings in one lump sum for a 6 month job. I would like to protect that sum from becoming "joint property" as I would like to still be married when I sign the job contract -- we're not ready to throw in the towel yet. My husband is okay with signing off on this, as our finances have always been separate and this is just a continuation of that. What kind of simple paperwork do we need that we can sign and notarize to keep my upcoming windfall out of the equation while we figure out our marriage? [more inside]
posted by egeanin on Feb 7, 2015 - 16 answers

How to survive a separation and divorce

I am in the beginning stages of separation and divorce. I am the initiator and it is completely one-sided. How do I survive the various feelings I'm going through? Bonus: with tween children. [more inside]
posted by puppet du sock on Jan 21, 2015 - 15 answers

Should I stay or should I go?

Tonight, my husband again stated that he is unwilling to change things that are negatively impacting our marriage. I'm looking for resources that will help me determine if I should try to fix this or walk away. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 20, 2015 - 28 answers

How to handle people opposed to your relationship?

After a long and difficult period (we met while married to other people) I'm now in a very loving relationship. However there is inevitable fallout. I feel a bit lost for guidance as to how to navigate the new territory I find myself in. I'd like recommendations for resources, blogs, books, forums, whatever, but also personal experiences of how you handled this kind of situation, namely with people who are very much not happy with the situation. Or maybe you are/were the not happy person - were you able to move past it? [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Dec 31, 2014 - 33 answers

How long do you keep trying, with kids in the mix?

At what point in the long, slow, steady decline of a marriage with young children does "we should keep trying to work things out, if only for the kids" become "for the kids' sake, we shouldn't be together"? [more inside]
posted by El Curioso on Dec 19, 2014 - 57 answers

Coping with uncertainty after asking alcoholic husband to move out

Last night after the final trampling of my boundaries, I asked my husband to please move out. I'm sort of adrift now. Hope me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 9, 2014 - 28 answers

How to move past in - laws taking sides?

Husband and I have been married for many years and working through some relationship difficulties. This summer I felt things were not repairable and asked for a separation in prep for a divorce [more inside]
posted by TestamentToGrace on Nov 8, 2014 - 51 answers

Cohabitation Agreement - Lawyers Disagree. I am confused by it all.

I know you are not my lawyer and this is not legal advice. I have a lawyer and my partner has a lawyer, but I am still rather confused. We are working on a cohabitation agreement and there is one outstanding issue that is seems to be holding us up -- the lawyers don't agree. I need a) help understanding the issue b) phrasing the question to my lawyer. [more inside]
posted by Lescha on Nov 5, 2014 - 18 answers

How to help her get back on her feet.

She would dump the two-timing jerk, but then she'd be out on the street. Help. [more inside]
posted by chocolatepeanutbuttercup on Oct 30, 2014 - 17 answers

How do I help an ex - or not - through impending bereavement?

My husband and I are separated, and he just called to say his father is seriously ill in hospital with multiple organ failure and the prognosis is pretty hopeless. I don't know what my role is supposed to be in this, if any. I'm looking for advice from people who have been in a similar situation please. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Sep 20, 2014 - 21 answers

How does one document emotional and verbal abuse?

I am trying to get an idea of how to document emotional abuse. My sister is in an abusive relationship and I am of the opinion that separation is not the worst idea. I am at my wit's end trying to figure out what to do to help my sister. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2014 - 8 answers

Divorce: who keeps the Engagement and Wedding rings?

I am in the very early stages of separating from my husband. He wants me to give my engagement ring back to him when we divorce. I don't agree. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 8, 2014 - 41 answers

Amicable breakup - how not to make it suck any more than it does

I haven't navigated a breakup in a while now. Please share your breakup wisdom and help me to try and keep everything the best it can be in the circumstances. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2014 - 24 answers

Your parents divorced? Tell me about it.

I want to leave my husband and need to understand the potential impact to my daughters, aged 10 and 11. Please tell me what your parents' divorce was like, and the different ways in which it affected you. [more inside]
posted by puppet du sock on Jul 31, 2014 - 47 answers

Should I get back together with my ex-wife?

I could really use some input to help me sort through all of this. At 40 years old, she was having a lesbian affair and asked me to move out. I was devastated. But in hindsight, our marriage wasn't a good one. And I suppose it was just a matter of time before something came along to unravel the whole thing. Now she wants me back. I have no clue how I even feel, much less if I even want to try again. Wall of text inside. [more inside]
posted by normal_guy on Jul 17, 2014 - 37 answers

Breaking up/co-parenting with a difficult person

I've decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend/fiance of nearly 6 years. We have a 3 year old. I've realized I would rather be single/co-parenting than have my child see such an unhappy relationship. My boyfriend is regularly verbally/emotionally abusive to me in front of our child, and has a history of being emotionally withdrawn. For the purpose of this question please assume that we are definitely breaking up and that there is no other option for me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2014 - 33 answers

Should I stay or should I go now?

I’m no longer in love with my fiance and I’m not sure how I should proceed. The complicating factor is our children. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 19, 2014 - 28 answers

Always needing a rescuer?

My significant other (female, early 20s) is amazing in all respects, but whenever faced with a problem whether large or small it seems like her instinct is to depend on other people to come and rescue her. What is this called? How do I help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2014 - 31 answers

How do people find money to move out when separating or divorcing?

A asks B for a divorce. B is not surprised. B agrees, even though B would prefer to stay in an unhappy marriage rather than be branded with a scarlet D*. A wants to move out ASAP. Generally speaking, how do the financial logistics of this work? No special snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2014 - 17 answers

SSRIs and the end of romantic love

Four months after my husband went on Lexapro, I could see it in his face that he didn't love me anymore. At seven months, he asked to separate after four years of marriage. After finding this article online, I'm curious as to whether others have had similar experiences. Have you or your spouse experienced a decline in attachment/romantic love after starting an SSRI? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 18, 2013 - 71 answers

Support Groups for adult children with estranged families?

Is there such a thing? I tried searching some, but I dunno, maybe I'm not searching right because I didn't find anything. [more inside]
posted by manderin on Nov 5, 2013 - 6 answers

My future just doesn't fit anymore

When leaving is terrifying, but staying's unbearable: please help me figure out what to do. [more inside]
posted by morninganyway on Nov 1, 2013 - 42 answers

Separation, Australian Version

Asking for a friend..... Trying to keep to the relevant details. For a while now my friend and his wife have been struggling (married 19 years, three kids, oldest 17, youngest 10). It all came to ahead two weeks ago and my friend left (was forced out?) the family home and went to stay with his parents. They are trying counseling and its early days I know but it isn't looking very positive and he would like some advice if the worst does happen..... [more inside]
posted by Lesium on Oct 7, 2013 - 9 answers

What the hell did I just do?

I have asked a previous question about my situation and was really grateful for the advice. So last week I took it, and I told my SO that I thought we weren’t working and it would be better for both of us if we separated. So we did at the weekend. And now I don’t know if I’ve made the biggest mistake of my life. Where do I go from here? Oh so many, many details below. [more inside]
posted by outoftime on Sep 30, 2013 - 25 answers

How much help should I accept from my husband who left me?

After being partners for 18 years, including 10 years of marriage, this week my husband left me because he "loves me but isn't in love with me". He is being very kind about it, which I deeply appreciate, but I don't know how much of his help it is healthy for me to accept? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 15, 2013 - 52 answers

Dating someone separated.

I found out that my boyfriend is technically not divorced. This (as you might imagine) has been a major source of stress for me - what it comes down to is that he and his ex are staying married for insurance reasons, but will file by the new year. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 7, 2013 - 70 answers

the (housing) logistics of separation

My husband and I have decided to separate. We have 2 daughters (12 and 2) and a house and live in a major city where rent is astronomical. How on earth does this work? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 4, 2013 - 13 answers

Breaking up; who should get the dog?

My relationship has ended quite dramatically and permanently. We need a completely clean break, which is mostly doable. One problem: we have a dog. What should I do? [more inside]
posted by Errant on Aug 2, 2013 - 102 answers

How hard should reconciliation be?

My wife and I separated at the end of last year for a three-month period. We've now ended our separation and have moved back in together. Whilst things are often wonderful, they're equally as often stressful and hard work. My question is: how hard should it be? Snowflakes, wall-of-text inside. [more inside]
posted by yasp on Jul 24, 2013 - 28 answers

How do I help my sister whose marriage is on the rocks?

Ten year marriage that includes a 4 yr old kid is about to fall apart. How can I help directly or help them help themselves through this rocky period? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 7, 2013 - 8 answers

Friend just gave birth. Leaving her husband. What does she need to know?

Not the happiest circumstances to bring a new child into this world. After years of supporting her husband, financially and emotionally, she's reached her limit. He's dealing with some addiction issues, and has become increasingly hostile with the birth of this baby. Maybe they'll work this out one day, but right now she doesn't feel safe, has filled her car with personal belongings and is staying with family. She left him a lengthy note, but does not want to talk to him in the next few days. This has been a long time coming, and while I don't imagine it will be a surprise—his family has actually encouraged her to do this—he won't react well. What sort of legal precautions should she begin taking? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2013 - 19 answers

Separation of Powers

The subsection of the Colorado Constitution, “General Consideration” under Article III, Distribution of Powers, gives more than thirty-five examples of why and how separation of powers between the executive, legislative and judicial branches of government must be. They all seem to say the same thing, but they all are justified by different dictums, references and notations. Why, at least in Colorado and I suspect, in other states, is there the need for so much specificity as it relates to the republican tripartite system?
posted by CollectiveMind on Jun 10, 2013 - 4 answers

Who's the (Grand)Daddy?

Asking for a non MeFi friend. His daughter is a single parent to a 3 year old girl, his only grandchild. There is no contact with the father for Reasons. Friend is separated himself. His granddaughter adores him and he loves to babysit her when he can (they live in another city about an hour away), about once a week for a day. He also Skypes her during the week. For the last while she has been referring to him as “Daddy”. Apparently she was being teased at nursery for not having a Dad (at 3!) and she told them that she did have a Daddy, and he was called Granddad. Her Mum thought this was hilarious. Today I was visiting with both of them and she wrote his name (just scribbles) and said “That’s your name.” He said “Granddad?” and she said, “No. Daddy”. Does this matter in any way? [more inside]
posted by billiebee on Jun 3, 2013 - 22 answers

Here we go again...?

My long-term partner and I had relationship problems, spent some time apart, and are in the process of getting our lives back into one home. Now that I've moved my stuff back in, problems that I thought we'd dealt with are happening again. Is it time to go back to therapy or is there something else I can be doing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 2, 2013 - 44 answers

Have you had to divorce your best friend?

My husband of 8 years and I have come to an impasse: he wants a free-love, open relationship because he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married, and I want...well, not that. How do I move forward when it means breaking the most important bond I have? [more inside]
posted by SarahBellum on May 7, 2013 - 28 answers

Why is my heart so bent out of shape?

I went on two dates with a guy and we clicked so hard. I ended it because he's recently separated from his wife and I'm moving out of state. WHY do I feel so torn up? It's only been two dates! [more inside]
posted by pintapicasso on May 3, 2013 - 15 answers

Putting a Humpty-Dumpty marriage together again.

My wife and I separated six months ago. Now, after marriage and individual counselling, it looks like we might be ready to give things another shot. How do we go about re-integrating our lives whilst there are still small alarm bells ringing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 1, 2013 - 32 answers

Is good really the enemy of great in relationships?

My boyfriend has talked about us separating, but it seems like he still wants to be with me. I think he's overanalyzing our relationship to death, and I want to talk to him about how relationships take work and we should refocus on what's important to us, but is that true? How would that look, what would we do? [more inside]
posted by brisquette on Mar 29, 2013 - 20 answers

Prepping for amicable split... Cliff Notes me

Spouse and I calmly decided it's over. Help me prepare. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 1, 2013 - 15 answers

To stay [gone] or go [back]?

My wife and I separated a few months ago (which was my choice, not hers) and it seems that many of the things that I left over may have been addressed, but I still feel cagey about it all. How do I square this circle in my head and in my heart? Blizzard inside. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 26, 2013 - 40 answers

What is your perspective on the "ideal" child custody arrangements?

While recognizing that I'd like your advice on the principles and best practices of a shared child custody agreement. I currently share both joint and physical custody with my daughter's mother, and things are going just fine, but wondering if you know of any resources (online, written, or your own experiences) to help me consider what is best for my daughter now and in the future, and maybe it can serve as a general resource for other parents' looking to establish positive custody agreements. [more inside]
posted by RajahKing on Feb 7, 2013 - 21 answers

Is it still your business even though I left?

I split up with my wife a couple of months ago, and have been doing really well since then. Recently I've been feeling a little bit like she's been stalking me on social media, and today I've woken up to messages asking me why I'm in contact with someone from my past. How do I handle this? (I've tried to anonymise this as best I can) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 24, 2013 - 45 answers

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