Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with seniors

Politically correct ways of referring to older people?

humblepigeon — Mon, 06 Jul 2009 02:42:54 -0800

Politically correct ways of referring to older people? Those over 50-60? Any suggestions should work in all western countries (i.e. not just the US and/or UK). Thanks!

Help & online support while caring for an elderly relative with vascular dementia?

mygothlaundry — Tue, 02 Dec 2008 09:09:16 -0800

Two questions, really: specifically, how can I get my aunt with vascular dementia to recognize that she needs help and can no longer live alone? And generally, I'm looking for blogs and support forums on dealing with people with dementia. My 79 year old aunt, who has spent her life being a wonderful, bohemian artist, traveling and living alone all over the world (most recently in NYC) had a debilitating stroke at the end of May that left her with vascular dementia. Vascular dementia is different than Alzheimers on some levels - the progression is not so inevitable; there's more spatial weirdness, etc., but in other ways it's very similar. At any rate, we (meaning my brothers, my mother, who was her sister, and I) moved her down to NC and she lived with my mother for a couple months until my mother died suddenly at the end of August. Since then, we've gone through a lot of changes and things have been wildly unstable, to say the least.

Currently, she is living with me. Physically, she's in pretty good shape for 79 but mentally - well. She comes and goes. Her memory isn't very good; she has absolutely no grasp on numbers of any kind, she is incapable of planning ahead - even for something so simple as a sandwich - she is extremely spatially disoriented and, while there are times you would think she is completely cogent and fine, there are other times when she makes very little sense. Unfortunately, she doesn't recognize this. She insists that there is nothing wrong with her and that there is no reason why she can't live alone in her house.

Using her money and with her consent, we bought her a small house in my neighborhood with the plan to move her into it with a caregiver. We did this knowing that she would hate being in an assisted living facility and because this option seemed cheaper over the long run. We don't have guardianship of her or anything like that - just financial power of attorney which has already proven to be a total hassle since she's incapable of distinguishing between 5 cents, 5 dollars, 500 dollars and so on but not of arguing about it.

She is now refusing a caregiver, refusing any help, demanding to be moved into the house by herself, refusing to consider building onto the house to make it more accessible for a caregiver and on and on. She will look me right in the face and swear up and down that she can cook for herself, bathe herself and so on when I know for a fact (because I've been doing it) that this is simply and absolutely not true. I have to handle her medications, make her meals, get her to change her clothes and, well, the list goes on. She is not capable of using a phone - most of the time, but then she has clear moments - and it's unlikely that she would respond to a smoke alarm. There was a scary episode this summer when a smoke alarm went off and she simply failed to notice it. It's like there's a stimulus/response thing missing in her brain. Along with all the other stuff that goes missing sometimes, like my name and how to find the front door. Sigh.

I've bought a book and I'm reading it, although it hasn't, so far, been very helpful. We tried taking her to a neuropsychologist who was supposed to explain to her that she needed, basically, assisted living and that went over like a lead balloon, which is to say that she agreed with him fine while we were all in there but within two days she decided he was an idiot and there was nothing wrong with her. Coincidentally, I just got off the phone with an occupational therapist who basically reiterated everything I've just written: she shouldn't live alone and she refuses to recognize that.

At this point I'm really tempted to just take her over to her house and say good luck but I'm terrified to do that - she really wouldn't be safe. Has anyone else gone through this? How did you get your relative to accept the help they need? Should I take her to her house, put minimum help in place - the part time caregiver we've had for some months (who she's currently refusing to pay and claiming is no good,) the physical and occupational therapists who come by intermittently and my brother and I twice a day with meds and food - and hope for the best? You would think that a couple of days of that would show her she needed help but that would mean she was thinking rationally - and she's not, most of the time.

And, for the second part of my question, are there blogs & forums out there where other people are going through this? I've seen the NYT eldercare blogs but I'm looking more for just basic, day to day blogs - an eldercare version of the mommyblog community, if such a thing exists. All my googling seems just to lead me to sites where people have things to sell but that's not what I'm looking for. I want to talk to other people in the same boat I'm in - there must be some.

I did read this question and yes, I recognize the similarities, but I'm hoping for more specific answers.

Philosophers still teaching after 80

amusem — Wed, 05 Nov 2008 12:32:09 -0800

Famous philosophers who taught philosophy well into their eigthies or nineties? Or what was considered very old age at the time.

How to have a calm and interesting trip with Mom

ClaudiaCenter — Mon, 29 Sep 2008 08:58:02 -0800

ISO ideas and hints for planning successful vacation with brainy, very (very) anxious widowed mother (mine) who is active, nervous, and 76. I'd like to plan a trip for 2009 with my mother, and perhaps one or more of my sisters. Here are the two qualities I'm trying to find: something to appeal to my mother's braininess (history, lectures, museums, gardens, etc.), and a structure that provides limited decision-making but is not-too-cheesy. Something like an Elderhostel would be perfect, but my sibs and I are all too young, so it can't actually be an Elderhostel (at least as I understand the US rules).

My ideas so far: a history cruise? maybe a history tour of England? a Jane Austen tour of England? Or a university-sponsored tour for alumni, maybe, though we all went to different colleges. I'm not the best at planning, so I may be the "idea" person and my sister Gail may be the logistics person. Another sister is bilingual Spanish, so there's another resource.

Did I mention anxious?

Stuff for grandpa to use.

Salmonberry — Thu, 06 Mar 2008 20:48:36 -0800

Can anyone recommend any adaptive devices for someone who enjoys computers, but suffers from severe arthritis in his hands? We're looking for gift ideas. He is a senior and his fingers are thick thanks to the arthritis. It would be great to find things that would help him when he's on the computer.

I tried to do some research but most sites focus on sight problems when it comes to computer device adaptation, so the few options that are available I can't find any reviews on. I'd hate to get something that didn't work. If you have experience with anything that has worked with arthritic computer nerds, I'd love to hear about it!

We'll have fun, fun, fun til grandma takes the Aerio away. But why?

unSane — Wed, 05 Sep 2007 19:33:21 -0800

Why is the Suzuki Aerio, and in particular the hatchback, overwhelming driven by senior citizens?

What Do Seniors Need To Consider When Buying a Vehicle?

Amy NM — Sat, 12 May 2007 08:34:16 -0800

My parents are seniors who, assuming their good health continues, will be able to drive for another 10 years or so. They're about to buy what will presumably be their last vehicle. In addition to the standard points to consider when choosing it, are there any factors associated with aging for them to keep in mind as they’re shopping? For example, my father finds it difficult to get in and out of low-slung cars, so they’re thinking a truck would be best. However, there might be other issues that will come about with aging that would make a truck not such a good bet.

Suggestions for vehicles are very welcome too. They’re looking at spending between $10,000 and $15,000 Canadian and would like something that’s approximately 5 years old. They’d like it to be an automatic.

They pretty much only drive themselves and occasionally one or two other adults, never children. It would be used to drive around their small town (population approximately 900) and to drive in to the city on average about once every two weeks (it’s an hour’s drive each way).

Thanks in advance for any help you can give me.

I have $50K from insurance proceeds but I'm on SSI/Medicaid, what should I do??

pikaboy202 — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 08:23:13 -0800

What can I do to continue recieivng SSI and Medicaid benefits if I received a lump sum insurance proceeds? I know someone who's elderly and disabled. She is receiving SSI benefits and is on Medicaid. Recently, her husband was involved in an auto accident and he died. The other person involved was wrong and their insurance company paid out a wrongful death benefit to the wife in the amount of $50K.

She has the check but hasn't cashed it yet because she's afraid that it'll make her lose her SSI and/or Medicaid benefits.

I know of 2 options: spend down the money or put it into a "pooled trust." I know the drawbacks of a pooled trust is that you have no control over the dispursement of funds and also, after the death of the wife, the funds are used to payback medicaid.

My questions to the hive are:
1. If she spends down, what would be the best ways to spend down the funds? What should she do with the money to maximize usage (either for her or her beneficiaries when she dies) and also not jeopardize her SSI or medicaid benefits?

2. Would the pooled trust be a better option?

3. Are there any other ingenious ways to shield the $50K?

I've Fallen And I Can't Get Up: Medical Alert Services

NYCinephile — Sun, 18 Feb 2007 04:17:37 -0800

Which medical alert service for independent seniors do you recommend, and why? I am now assuming more responsibility for the care of my mother, who lives independently in her own home.

I want her to install a medical alert service, so that she can easily and automatically inform emergency services, our family's members and her friends if an accident occurs.

Several services are available, including ADT's Companion Services, Philips's Lifeline, and Lifefone. I believe they have comparable features, but different pricing structures.

Do you or a member of your family use such a service? If so, what has been your experience? Which would you recommend and why?

Chicago granny, Boston girl...common ground?

fuzzbean — Tue, 08 Aug 2006 10:45:41 -0800

Help me stay sane and maybe have some fun while living in Chicago with my 81-year-old grandmother and a 10pm curfew. So the globe-hopping is put on hold for a while. Instead, I'm in Chicago taking care of my frail old granny. I'll be here until December. I need stuff to do.

I'm looking for things that a frail, easily distressed grandmother who can't walk very far or very fast, and a young, hip, single, smart girl can do together that are interesting and maybe even fun.

I'm also looking for things a young, hip, single, smart girl can do on her own that will get her home before 10pm.

Her interests: travel (she did a lot when she was younger), religion (Catholic), crochet, flower-arranging, and "things that are nice". She has depression and anxiety issues, and basically can't handle things that are distressing, be it current events, war, global warming, death, etc. She also can't handle being around people who are drinking at all.

My interests: yoga, dance (ballet, Irish step, English/Scottish country/ceili), whole foods, cooking, writing, technology, athiesm/brights, intellectual-type things (lectures, discussion groups, etc.), farmers' markets, political science, futurism, indie coffeeshops, used bookstores, thrift stores, knitting. I don't drink much, so groups that meet in bars are fine but groups dedicated solely to getting sloshed are not my (ahem) cuppa tea.

So what are some places/exhibits/events/groups that we can go to that might interest us both? And what are some things that I can do (alone) during the day that will have me home by 10? (If I'm out past 10 she starts to get very anxious.)

I've already checked the Chicago meetups and joined several that look interesting, and I'm also checking Craigslist periodically. Are there any other resources I should look into?

I have a car and I'm okay taking the L, although public transit is hard on her because she can't stand or walk for very long. Running to catch a train is out of the question. We're in the 60630 zip code (Jefferson Park).

Are there any senior citizen yoga or tai chi groups that she could join in the area (driving is fine)? I don't even know where to start looking for this.

More generally, I'd also appreciate any tips from Mefites who have taken care of their senior relatives.

I desperately need to get her out of the house (and out of her head). And I need to get out of the house before I go out of mine! I know nothing about Chicago...hope me!

Gift for Grandfather

yeahyeahyeahwhoo — Fri, 18 Jun 2004 10:53:21 -0800

DentureFilter: I need gift ideas for my elderly grandad. For father's day i am going to visit him. He's 90 years old and starting to feel like it, i try to give him stuff to make his life easier when i visit (things like a portable phone, new space heater). I'm on a tight budget now, but I won't be next time, any ideas would be appreciated. He can't get around the house like he used to, and since I can't live in his town, I really want to do what I can to help him out when I'm able to visit.