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Is it possible to fix self-esteem issues from within a relationship?

A common theme on AskMeFi is that a person should be able to take care of themselves first before they can be ready to establish and maintain a healthy relationship. What if the relationship itself is the driver of positive personal growth? And what if that process has been kind of painful so far? [more inside]
posted by sockitysock on Jul 14, 2014 - 17 answers

Advice about a poor body image and low self-esteem

As I am now in a relationship and have some money, I have been looking at taking mixed martial arts classes and/or kickboxing classes, but I feel compelled to take these classes regardless of whether nor not I like them. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Jun 22, 2014 - 48 answers

Say what you mean and mean what you say

The things that come out of my mouth sometimes baffle me. Why do I do this? [more inside]
posted by chainsofreedom on Jan 5, 2014 - 14 answers

SELF-ESTEEM - I need that. In Megadoses.

Time to rebuild my psyche. I've been somewhat of a target for the narcissism, drama and toxicity of an entire family for too long. Extreme emotional abuse. Now, it's time for a COMPLETE make-over. This stuff has effected me to the point where I was depressed with an eating disorder and in general just extremely low-achieving in life. So low, it's pathetic - but given the circumstances, understandable. So - my question is this: I am looking for FREE resources, books, seminars, hidden gems out there ( you can memail if that's preferable) on the exact steps, thoughts and actions required to begin to build self-esteem. [more inside]
posted by watercarrier on Dec 19, 2013 - 16 answers

Awkward shy dude would like to sing.

I sang once with a group in college because I was walking down the hall and piped up when I heard a bad note, so they brought me on. Back then, the lead told me I should never stop singing and that I had a gift, but I did - because I was embarrassed by the attention. [more inside]
posted by matty on Oct 22, 2013 - 16 answers

How to overcome insecurity about my body?

Lately I have been feeling insecure with my body and how I look. I've always hated how I look and my body, but now that I am in a committed relationship with a woman, I feel like there is this added stress of what she thinks of me too. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Sep 6, 2013 - 18 answers

I feel pretty... hideous

How do you feel pretty on bad days? [more inside]
posted by dinosaurprincess on Aug 19, 2013 - 35 answers

Still having problems -- "greatness", self-comparison, etc.

I initially felt better after last week’s question, but everything came back... I think the answers last week (which were very helpful, by the way) helped me resolve specific career questions, but not the underlying emotional issues. I’ll try to explain it better this time. [more inside]
posted by myitkyina on Aug 17, 2013 - 22 answers

What use am I if I am always to be average or mediocre?

Perfectionism has been something I have dealt with since I was a child. I am 22 years old and what I think about a lot is what use am I if I have no extraordinary abilities, talents, or accomplishments. [more inside]
posted by 8LeggedFriend on Aug 11, 2013 - 60 answers

How to handle a negative review on Yelp?

I'm a hostess at an upscale restaurant on the weekends, I have a higher-paying full time job during the week. I have many ADD symptoms I've struggled with, so it's much more challenging for me than the average person. I'm proud of myself for taking the job and building upon my weaknesses (i.e., low spatial intelligence). I was taking a look at the Yelp reviews while working there tonight and my heart SANK - a customer wrote a very nasty review about me, and specified the date, so it can be traced back to me. It was a busy night and I'd had an extremely stressful day before I got there, I know that's no excuse, but I was doing the best I could. Is there anything I can do? Should I message the person explaining/apologizing? If I do, should I ask them to take it down? Should I just quit so they can find someone better? I hate feeling this way. I was laughing, having a good time with the servers tonight, then after reading this felt like crying, everyone could tell something was wrong. I thought I was doing something good for myself by taking this job.
posted by bluelights on Jul 16, 2013 - 50 answers

Clinginess mode: Activated

The age-old "crush on teacher" dilemma: I'm getting too attached to my TA and it needs to stop. How can I dial it back while maintaining a friendly, professional relationship? [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on Feb 27, 2013 - 19 answers

It's Not Me, It's You

I'm asking this question because I can't really verbalize it as well as I'd like to since I'm trying to look at it from all perspectives. I've been under the management or oversight for a couple of total assholes this past year and a half. The first was the director of the graduate program I am on leave from, and the second is my current boss, a cafe owner. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 16, 2013 - 32 answers

Path to better self-esteem

Has anyone here genuinely moved from a sense of low self-esteem to a sense of high-self esteem? How did you do it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 20, 2012 - 29 answers

How do I learn to stand up for myself?

How do I become more assertive without being rude and stick up for myself? [more inside]
posted by morning_television on Dec 15, 2012 - 13 answers

I suck. I suck so much I can't even stop sucking long enough to figure out how to not suck.

I suck. I am not good enough, I don't work hard enough, I'm lazy, and there are a million things I should be doing better. CBT doesn't work because I can refute just about every positive attribute you throw at me. What is wrong with my thought process, why am I so stubbornly stuck in "Never Good Enough Land", and why can't I make this go away? A free association of what's going through my head after the jump. [more inside]
posted by MultiFaceted on Nov 12, 2012 - 42 answers

Learning to know myself, and grow myself.

How do I learn to trust (and know) myself? [more inside]
posted by freeform on Nov 4, 2012 - 11 answers

How to convey enthusiasm on the job hunt?

I just moved to a big city after graduating college in August. I'm not sure exactly what I want to do, and I'm not the most ambitious or confident person, to say the least. I have a somewhat untreated case of ADD, but I don't take my meds anymore; I'm finding coffee and exercise are much better. Anyways, I have gotten two different pieces of negative feedback on my phone behavior with people who had the potential to give me a job; they both basically said I sounded unenthusiastic. What is a good way to remedy this? [more inside]
posted by bluelights on Oct 19, 2012 - 28 answers

Mirena and acne... is it forever?

IUDs and acne. How long should I wait before seeking serious acne treatment? Will the hormone acne subside? [more inside]
posted by two lights above the sea on Oct 17, 2012 - 16 answers

addicted to praise

I am utterly enthralled with validation and praise, to an unhealthy extent. I want to change this. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2012 - 25 answers

How do I end the cycle of self-sabotage?

How do I end the cycle of self-sabotage? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2012 - 19 answers

Why am I always uncomfortable around people?

Why am I always uncomfortable around people? What the hell is wrong with me, mentally? *Warning* LONG LONG LONG READ, but probably interesting?* [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 15, 2012 - 25 answers

Requesting strategies to help improve self-esteem.

Low self-esteem has eroded my quality of life. Most personal issues I have seem to stem from this core deficiency. What are some strategies to combat low self-esteem? [more inside]
posted by ChipT on Jul 8, 2012 - 13 answers

The life I have not lived

Will I ever be in a ‘normal’ relationship? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 4, 2012 - 40 answers

How to be more arrogant

How to be more arrogant [more inside]
posted by curious-mind on Apr 2, 2012 - 37 answers

"why, what a remarkably self possessed young woman"

What are specific things have you done that have improved your self-esteem and confidence? [more inside]
posted by geegollygosh on Mar 16, 2012 - 40 answers

How to feel comfortable with myself?

Uncomfortable in my own skin. Anxious. Hate my voice. Inarticulate. How do I fix myself? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 12, 2012 - 21 answers

Keeping Calm and Carryin' On in a bout of Long Unemployment ?

How do I stay confident and not feel overwhelmed in my unemployment, 2.5 years after graduating ? [more inside]
posted by fizzix on Dec 13, 2011 - 14 answers

Immediate depression coping strategies

I'm feeling really lonely and depressed. My normal coping strategies either aren't cutting it this time or aren't immediate enough. What are some different ideas? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 15, 2011 - 28 answers

Setting boundaries with people (men, in particular!)

How do I set boundaries with people while staying true to my accepting, easy going nature? [more inside]
posted by sunnychef88 on Sep 3, 2011 - 9 answers

I need love.

How do I adjust to not needing affection and validation all the time? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2011 - 16 answers

Self-destructive shame issues.

Ashamed of myself in so many ways--it's resulted in overeating, anxiety, low-self-esteem, body-image issues, and a lack of drive. How do I dig myself out of this rut? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 11, 2011 - 20 answers

Help me acquire a protective machete to conquer the dark forests of career despair.

How do I stay motivated in applying for jobs when, after a year, even looking at a job description or approaching a cover letter gives me an overwhelming sense of doom and failure? [more inside]
posted by aintthattheway on Jun 28, 2011 - 12 answers

Unhappy in our own way.

Being around most of my mother's family makes me uncomfortable and angry. How to let go of my past with them and come out of family gatherings feeling more positive? [more inside]
posted by houndsoflove on Apr 24, 2011 - 12 answers

Reluctant Barbie Girl

How can I explain to my boyfriend that some of the fantasies he has about me are hurting my self esteem (and our relationship)? [more inside]
posted by patronuscharms on Apr 22, 2011 - 62 answers

Flunking a course, now going crazy.

I failed a class for the first time in my life, and I have no idea what to do. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 5, 2011 - 31 answers

help

I found out I was pregnant last week. My ex just told me he won't be coming with me to the clinic. I feel alone, weak and sad. Please give me some guidance. [more inside]
posted by taiscape on Mar 11, 2011 - 152 answers

Help with eating and guilt!

Dealing with cycles of binge eating....more inside [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 7, 2011 - 12 answers

Just got a job after 7 months of unemployment. So why do I still feel like a giant loser in life?

Just got a job after 7 months of unemployment. Yay! Why do I still feel like a giant loser in life? [more inside]
posted by Sal and Richard on Feb 6, 2011 - 13 answers

Can you actually be too short to be a high school teacher?

I want to be a high school French teacher, but at twenty years old I still have the height, weight, and voice of a twelve-year-old. I'm afraid these physical attributes will make it nearly impossible for me to be hired and taken seriously as a high school teacher. Is this a legitimate concern that should cause me to rethink my goals? [more inside]
posted by datarose on Jan 30, 2011 - 40 answers

Help improving my wardrobe

Recommend me someone who can tell me What Not To Wear in NYC. [more inside]
posted by mccn on Dec 16, 2010 - 23 answers

I don't want to be a crazy ex-girlfriend.

How do I stop my obsession of stalking/thinking of my ex so that I can start liking myself again? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 28, 2010 - 25 answers

How to get counseling while unemployed?

How can I seek treatment for possible depression while I'm unemployed? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 20, 2010 - 11 answers

Weight and Dating.

30 y/o female - Lost a lot of weight then gained it back but am still in healthy range and in decent shape. Fine. Whatever. So how do I feel better about myself and how do I feel more confident when dating? [more inside]
posted by floweredfish on Sep 3, 2010 - 45 answers

A good book explaining parental abuse and a child's view of one self?

I need help UNDERSTANDING something. How does one emotional and physical abuse as a child contribute to one's basic feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem? Any specific book recommendations on the subject? [more inside]
posted by learninguntilidie on Aug 31, 2010 - 18 answers

When I take stock, I realize I'm nothing

I feel out of place when I'm where I have to be. Help me feel less worse and get a grip on reality. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 19, 2010 - 11 answers

Overcoming shyness in dating

Can't make a move... should I just talk to her about it? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 19, 2010 - 46 answers

I want to get out of the self-pity loop

Snap me out of becoming obsessively shallow and insecure. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 11, 2010 - 24 answers

Poor Me

I think I may have a victim mentality and I'm not sure how to fix it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 19, 2009 - 10 answers

Girls who wear glasses...

Looking for examples of movies in which the heroine takes off her glasses and becomes cool/pretty/better... And ideas for encouraging the practice to stop. [more inside]
posted by meindee on Nov 25, 2009 - 52 answers

Best English-language books on improving one's social and conversational skills

What are the best English-language books in existence on improving one's social and conversational skills? [more inside]
posted by cotesdurhone on Oct 24, 2009 - 8 answers

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