Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with self-confidence

How to "Find Yourself" or get comfortable in your own skin?

gb77 — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 08:49:43 -0800

How to "Find Yourself" or get comfortable in your own skin? From an earlier question I asked (How can I stop caring what other people think or might think about me?), I've come to the conclusion one of the answers is to "Find Yourself" or find a way to be comfortable in my own skin or be okay with who I am.

I'm looking for experiences that might teach that -- boot camp style adventures, outward bound type programs, adversity experiments (such as getting yourself "lost" in the woods and finding you're more capable than you think) etc. (Also books, cds, dvds)

Anyone have any recommendations? Any and all welcome!

Thanks in advance, all.

How can I stop caring what other people think or might think about me?

gb77 — Fri, 04 Jul 2008 13:57:49 -0800

How can I stop caring what other people think, or might think, about me? I'm sick of worrying about what other people (strangers and acquaintances alike) might think about me. It's exhausting.

Invariably, I end up asking myself, "Okay, if you're so sick of it, what don't you just quit doing it?" If only it were that easy.

I'm a good guy, make good decisions, am pretty successful in my chosen field, and I rarely mess up to the point where anyone would have any real reason to think less of me.

How do I start living in such a way that my own self-validation is all I need?

Thanks.

Help me believe in myself

Anonymous — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 20:09:40 -0800

I lack faith in myself and am convinced that if I undertake anything but the most menial tasks I will screw things up. As a result, I screw things up and give myself even more proof that I will always screw things up. How do I stop the cycle? Due to a variety of issues, from depression and ADHD to procrastination and low willpower, I have generally failed at most complex projects I've tried up until now, especially if they require a long period of commitment and/or changing my habits. This includes homework, learning musical instruments, eating more healthfully, keeping in touch with friends, and on and on. This has led me to believe that no matter what I will always fail at everything.

Now, I've gotten over most of the insecurity issues that had me convinced I was simply too ugly and stupid and socially incapable to succeed at anything. I now know that's not true, and I do have the talents and skills to succeed at many things if I put my mind to it. But whenever I try something, there's a voice inside my head that yells "You're going to fuck it up!" I'll procrastinate, trip and drop something, slip into bad habits, some way, somehow, I become convinced I'm going to mess my latest undertaking up. And so, not surprisingly, 99% of the time I mess things up. For instance, in a class, if I find myself procrastinating instead of studying, instead of saying "Whoops, I better not mess this up!" and getting back on track, I say "Oh look, here I am, messing it up again" and resign myself to failure.

And the more I fail, the more I become convinced I'll always fail. I have no confidence in myself, and have no reason to have confidence in myself. There's nothing I can look back on as proof of my ability to succeed. There's only a long stretch of failures in the past. Adding to this is that in a couple of weeks I will be in a position where I have to take a huge amount of responsibility on myself as part of a class. And I'm terrified I'm going to fuck it up--and as this situation is literally life-or-death, I really can't afford to fuck it up. I'm on the verge of dropping the class just so I don't risk messing it up.

So what do I do? How do I start believing myself again? My constant failures have left me in a low-paying job with no benefits, so therapy is not an option (and it's never helped in the past, anyway).

Self-help to deal with my social problems?

saraswati — Sun, 16 Apr 2006 19:02:51 -0800

Is there a self-help book to help me cope better in social situations? Are there any self-help books that can help me hold conversation better? I feel uncomfortable with people I'm not close to and have problems maintaining eye contact. I think it's becoming a real problem for me and I'd like to deal with it ideally without therapy. Can anyone suggest any methods to help me, preferably ones that aren't scams? Thanks

How do I increase my self-confidence?

Anonymous — Sun, 19 Mar 2006 20:10:47 -0800

How do I increase my self-confidence? Here's a long story.

I've got horrible self-confidence issues. I mostly think that everything I do sucks. I don't understand why anyone would like me, and I'm shocked when anyone says my work is good (even though they often do, and I have a very decent social life). In fact, even posting here on MeFi is a challenge, because I'm afraid people will think I'm just an idiot. I do it anyway, but then it stresses me out for hours and I can't even look at the thread I added to. I've been struggling with this my whole life.

I'm in art school. I had a work-in-progress critiqued today, and although I thought I was just being open about the faults in the project, everyone seemed to pick up on some deep feelings of complete inadequacy I have about myself and my work. Yes, that was mentioned, in the crit, by people I barely know. I've gotten better about showing things I think are sub-par in class, because I just have to. But I still sometimes slip and say something, while introducing the piece even, about how unhappy I am with my work. I know my standards for myself are too high, and I've been dealing with serious depression for years. But having recently talked to my mom about this and having seen the way she and her mother approach similar situations, I'm afraid I just have this doomed future of never living up to my own standards, and, more importantly, never having any decent career because I can't convince others that I'm not a failure.

I've recently gone off of my depression meds, and am experimenting in the whole "fake it 'til you make it" philosophy. I can deal with everyday life (mostly), but when I'm talking about something I'm really passionate about, I can't seem to at least project the impression that I think my work, or myself in general, is at all important to anyone besides myself.

How do you deal with it? How do you manage to at least pretend to believe in yourself, when inside you think you're a steaming pile of shit? And how do you do it without seeming like a self-absorbed ass? What can I do to train myself to be more self-confident?

Disclaimer: I have a therapist, but am taking a break (plus, I can't really afford her right now). Going off the meds was a completely personal decision, based on the side effect vs. benefit ratio, which has reversed and I just wasn't getting the benefits anymore. It's been long enough that I'm not just going through withdrawl, and this was a problem even while on Zoloft. I'm planning to see the therapist in a month or two to see if I can try another pill. I eat well, and get as much exercise as I can, busy schedule and depression permitting.

Help me find a self-help book for my unconfident friend!

BuddhaInABucket — Sun, 12 Mar 2006 10:34:09 -0800

I have a chronically un-confident friend. I would like to find him a self-help book to teach him how to have more self-esteem. The issues stem from anxiety about his looks (he's very attractive but thinks that everyone is just patronizing him when they tell him so), his sexuality (he's never come to terms with being gay), and probably whatever issues are associated with having an identical twin (one that he thinks is better looking and cooler than him, although that's not the case). He's 21 years old and he's agreed to read whatever I send him.