Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with secret

security clearance + previous drug use?

Anonymous — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 12:44:40 -0800

If a person smoked pot in early July 2009, what is the likelihood of that person getting a secret security clearance for summer 2010 federal government internships? Is there anything that person can do now to maximize chance of getting a clearance? Other relevant details: various drugs used from 2004-2006 (though in relative moderation except for high frequency of smoking weed), then 1x or 2x a month marijuana usage from then on. Came to a full stop after July 4, 2009 before starting graduate school and have no plans to resume drug use ever.

Various websites say that the general rule is "12 months of no drugs," but it is ambiguous as to whether that is for top secret or secret.

Again, this person is looking for secret clearance rather than top secret, and this is for non-intel positions with the US government. And most internships start in May.

Basically, is it worth it to even apply for positions that require applicant to eventually get a secret clearance for the summer? Is there anything that can be done to help get this thing? (and, uh, if the answer is "there's no way in hell that you'll get the clearance," does anyone know of any federal agencies that don't require clearance?)

Throwaway gmail account that I'll check: governmentandsmoking@gmail.com

What is the name of this game?

zinfandel — Sat, 24 Oct 2009 21:28:14 -0800

A quickie - what's the name of the game where a bunch of people sit in a circle and the first person whispers a secret into the ear of the person on one side, they whisper it to the next, and it goes around the circle, only to end up being an entirely different secret? For example, someone starts with "I gave my brother a ride to work" and it ends with "I saw my mother ride a stork." I remember playing this as a kid, and I've also been in a volunteer orientation class where this was used as an bad way to communicate.(Google is not my friend this evening.)

Does anyone have any great real-world examples?

72 hours for Venice's secrets, aiutiamo noi per favore

avocade — Sun, 11 Oct 2009 14:04:05 -0800

I'm going with my family down to Italy from around Oct 18-30th, including a week at a farm house in Ancona (looking forward to that, for sure!). We'll also be in Venice for around three whole days in the beginning and end of the trip (we fly in/out from Venice). So, considering our short stay, what are some hidden, secret, word-of-askmetafilter stuff that we should seek out, apart from the touristy gondolas and San Marco, etc, etc?

I for one often find that I discover a new city best by just spending hours walking around (flaneur, n'est-ce pas?), and that's what I plan to do. Just give me a first goalpost and I'll do the rest.

No links to any fancy NYT Travel articles, please... :)

Teacher Discounts @ Clothing Stores? What Other Perks Am I Missing? Astronaughts get half off at Banana?

WhereAmI — Wed, 09 Sep 2009 22:33:18 -0800

What "secret" discounts/benefits exist at major retail businesses (J. Crew, Banana Republic, Express, etc.) and what could qualify me for these discounts. I'm talking more long term (i.e., Teacher, Employee, etc.) as opposed to coupons or specials. I'm a teacher. I recently ran into J. Crew at lunch to grab a new shirt after a mishap with a cup of coffee and a student turning the corner without looking (I looked around for a movie film crew, but all I saw was my 6th period laughing at my stained clothes).

Luckily I had about 45 minutes before my next class so I ran to the J. Crew a few blocks away. For some reason (embarrassment?) I offered my story to the kind employee at the store who assisted me in a quick wardrobe change, and in stead of charging me full price, they scanned a bar code (one of many on a big key ring) and took 15% off of the new shirt's price.

I was stunned when he told me that J. Crew offers a 15% discount to all teachers (and he didn't even ask for my school ID or any other proof). I pointed to the multiple bar codes hanging from the key ring and asked what else I didn't know I was entitled to and he started running through a list of discounts for various qualification that J. Crew honored (teachers, students, armed forces, etc.).

I guess my question is 2 fold:

1. What other discounts are there on a semi-permanent basis (i.e., Teacher, not including coupons which don't seem like they would make it to the laminated bar-code key ring)

2. Where can I find a list of these discounts and applicable stores? I'm mainly a J. Crew, Bannana Republix (yes I have a Lux card, no I've never mentioned I'm a teach at their checkout line, but I will now!), Express.

I'm thinking there may be an equivalent retail store discount site like FlyerTalk's "stickies" (the site has a lot of time sensitive "deals" but it also has tons of old information that is permanently posted (aka "sticky") that describes how to get upgraded for free on certain airlines if you know you'll be traveling a lot in the future (for professional travelers)) that offers inside knowledge about ways to stay dressed in a classy way without breaking the bank. I'm not necessarily talking about coupon or deal sites like SlickDeals.net or DealNews.com (these seem more "rushed" or "quick coupons").

What I'm looking for is a repository of data, and maybe even some inside tips (i.e., If you tell the guy at J. Crew you are a Teacher you save 15%. What if I tell the guy at Express I am an astronaut or bring my 65 year old grandmother, will I save 40%?).

I don't want to be dishonest, I just want to be informed. Heck, I'd even bring my granda out with me and take her shopping if it saved me 40%!

TIA!

How should I decorate my secret hidey hole?

Anonymous — Thu, 03 Sep 2009 11:20:18 -0800

We're renovating an old building, what supercool thing can I do (what would you do) with a 6 foot deep space we've just discovered under my office? I have recently bought an old building and am in the process of renovating it. Underneath the floor of the room that is going to be my office we have found that there is a space about 6 feet deep, as wide as the office (approx. 4 metres) and about 4 metres long.

I think this is very cool but haven't actually been able to think of anything especially fantastic to do with it. I could just use it to keep my safe and archive files etc but that seems like a waste.

I could make a trapdoor so that I can push a button and people will fall... 5 feet onto a mattress or something, but that is, well, frankly, silly and likely to lead to litigation.

What would you do?

(For the record: this space serves no purpose at the moment, it's only there because the building is on slope. Please do not worry about building regulations or any of that nonsense either.)

How do I ask my boyfriend if his mother knows about our relationship?

Anonymous — Sat, 18 Jul 2009 17:50:21 -0800

How do I ask my boyfriend if his mother knows about our relationship? My boyfriend and I have been dating for the better part of a year. Our relationship began as long distance, with us on opposite ends of the country, proceeding blindly without knowing if either of us would ever relocate. I wound up relocating due to to a dire post-grad school job market, and while we still live in different cities, we're now 2 hours apart and see each other as often as our schedules permit (usually every other weekend, if not more often). Our relationship definitely blossomed as the result of living closer together.

I do not doubt my boyfriend's feelings for me, as he was the first to refer to me as a significant other and say "I love you." I've met his closest friends as well as his colleagues. He's met my sister. We share many mutual friends. We talk about doing things in the future. He's very affectionate with me in public and in private, without regard of our friends' presence. He says he needs me and doesn't know what he would do without me. Similarly, I love him very much and am committed to making our relationship work.

He's taken his time in revealing his family's dynamics in the time we've been together. He's always been open about how his mother drives him crazy, though, which I believe is a more or less common issue among our peer group (we're in our mid-20s). However, I did not know for some time that his parents are divorced, and he hides personal information such as the fact that he drinks from his mother. I realize family dynamics are delicate; while I've been open with him about my family, I understand that he may feel more comfortable disclosing information about his over time.

None of this really bothered me until recently, when he mentioned his mother was sending something to my apartment for an upcoming trip. He made a point to mention that the envelope would be addressed to my roommate (whom his mother has met). Though this seems like a small issue, I feel strange about it because I wonder why his mom wouldn't just write my name on the envelope. I realize I may be jumping to conclusions, but this led me to think that his mom doesn't know about me or our relationship. I'm upset because I think of my boyfriend as someone with whom I'd like to spend time with indefinitely, and feeling like I may be a "secret" makes me feel foolish for thinking that way.

I do not want to overreact or attack my boyfriend in any way, but I would like to ask him in a non-threatening way if his family knows about us. I care about whether his family knows because, for me, it's impossible to have a serious, long-term relationship without everyone important to me knowing about it, family included. While this may be different for him, I do not want to remain in any relationship where I feel I'm being kept a "secret" from someone's family, though he hasn't kept me a secret from non-family members. Everyone who is important to me knows about him, so why wouldn't he tell his mother about us? How do I discuss this with him, if at all?

Thank you in advance for your input!

Help a secret smoker quit for good, and stop lying

Anonymous — Tue, 14 Jul 2009 09:16:52 -0800

Stopping an intermittent secret cigarette habit that I lie about to my wife. How do I control my intermittent smoking problem, and how do I placate my wife who won't let me talk to her about it? Longer explanation below. I picked up a tobacco habit from smoking too much pot mixed with tobacco in my early 20s. Since then over the last 15 years, I've struggled to give it up the tobacco (I never ever smoke pot with tobacco these days, and only do that occasionally).

I'll quit cigarettes for weeks or months, or occasionally a year or two. And then I'll start again. For maybe a month or two, sometimes up to 6 months, and then stop. I don't get nicotine withdrawal symptoms as such, because I'm so used to not smoking, but under certain circumstances, I get a really powerful urge to smoke.

I'll describe what happens. I only smoke alone, never in company. Mostly I work alone. Some aspects of my job are simultaneously stressful and boring. At this time I get a very powerful urge to smoke, and I find it difficult not to be totally preoccupied with going and buying a packet of cigarettes, and smoking a couple. This is when I relapse. Often I'll then go and throw the packet away, maybe 50% of the time I'll retrieve it later on and smoke a couple more. Mostly the next day I'll buy another pack and maybe throw that away. Most smoking episodes like this last a couple of months, and I'm an expert at hiding the smell. I would never smoke more than a pack of 20 in a week at my peak smoking habit.

Periodically, once every couple of years, my wife of 10 years (plus three cohabiting, plus 1 going out) finds out I've lapsed, and it gets her upset and angry. Today she found an empty packet of smokes that I'd not got around to thowing out for a couple of months in my bag, along with a pack of nicotine chewing gum that I'd got to try to control the powerful preoccupation I described above. So she's very angry with me, I'm banished to the sofa to sleep and she tells me I'll have to work out some longer term sleeping arrangement. She's also making financial demands that she knows I can't cope with (we're both earners of a small but decent part time income at the moment). Previous discovery of relapse on my part has resulted in her delivering ultimatums, which is understandable if unhelpful to me. She paints a picture where I care about cigarettes more than I care about her - a false dichotomy in my opinion. She also doesn't want me to discuss the problem with her, and tells me that it's lack of discipline on my part causing the problems.

So I guess my question is in two parts. How do I control the intermittent smoking problem without changing jobs (not an option right now). And how do I deal with my wife's anger and resentment, and try to persuade her to pull back a bit on the ultimatums. The latter is going to be hard seeing as I'm such a serial offender.

How can I make my house into a home fit for a spy?

kurmbox — Sun, 12 Jul 2009 20:55:57 -0800

I've always been interested in spies, secret passages, and gadgets. How can I transform my home to incorporate these things? I'm interested in the practicalities of building my own passageways, but I'd like to hear more from those of you who may have already undertaken the task, along with ideas about unique ways of implementing them.

What are some interesting gadgets I could add to my home to achieve this effect (gadgets similar to those discussed here, but less portable).

Intricate puzzle designs and custom-designed passageways would be great, but I'd like to do as much of this on my own as possible, for as cheap as possible (but don't hesitate to share really cool ideas even if they are prohibitively expensive). Therefore, are there any unique carpentry projects you've undertaken to embed hidden drawers or compartments in furniture (or something similar)? Are there any unique transformations you've seen applied to everyday household items to turn them into more than meets the eye?

Recommend anonymous, frank, journal-like blogs.

Anonymous — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 14:23:36 -0800

Can anyone recommend any brutally honest, diary/journal blogs? Ones where people talk about most aspects of their lives: emotions, friendships, relationships, sex, hobbies, politics. Ones where the posts are so private that they can only be kept secret, or shared with strangers.

MANF ANGWA RDASM ORT = ?

0xFCAF — Sat, 16 May 2009 00:14:55 -0800

MANF ANGWA RDASM ORT. What does it mean? Mike Doughty's guitar has letters (like the stickers you'd put on your mailbox) that spell out the above words, one per line. It's not rot13 or any other Caesar shift. Google turns up nothing. Nothing obvious looking at anagrams. Any ideas?

Mythical and mysterious places of the Northwest?

anonymisc — Thu, 14 May 2009 18:58:26 -0800

Have car, seek roadtrip and adventure! What are some secret/mythical/mysterious/epic places in WA state (or nearby states), that would be a destination fit for pilgrimage? Centralia / Silent Hill is in PA. The Abyss is in SC, Area51 is in NV, Mesa Verde is in CO, Barringer Crater is in AZ, etc etc. What mysterious secret places can be pried from the Northwest? I'm fit and able, so the destination doesn't need a road right up to the front porch (and is perhaps better if some element of challenge is involved), but the vehicle is a (very) low street-car, so the first challenge is not being able to use offroad/rough/4x4 routes. (Of course, if 4x4 is required but the destination is mysterious enough, then it will be appreciatively filed away for future adventure)

Do I have a new Daddy?

thebazilist — Sat, 09 May 2009 13:02:59 -0800

My sister and I suspect that our mother may have recently gotten married. Her boyfriend is Indian and they live in California, but the marriage also could have happened in Canada, or in India. How can I find out? My mother has always been very secretive (issues, etc.). My sister and I are the only relatives in the picture. We are all very close, talking on the phone every few days. She lives in Los Angeles and has a boyfriend who is Indian, whom we've never met but have spoken to, and neither of us has seen any red flags. This is not about there being any danger in the situation; she's old/young enough to take care of herself and has no money to steal or anything like that. I simply want to know whether she's married in case, for example, God forbid something should happen -- I'd like to be aware of something as simple as her marital status. Before you jump to the "just ask her" conclusion, I certainly plan to do that if I can't easily and inexpensively find out on my own, but my mother does not respond well to "prying" or accusations that she's been lying or unduly secretive.

Several months ago, my mother started talking about how the boyfriend is trapped at a company he hates because they're responsible for his visa status (my vague understanding), and wishes he could start his own business but he can't without a green card, and isn't that unfair? The next time I saw her, I noticed her wearing what looked like an engagement ring but I didn't say anything about it. Shortly thereafter, on the phone, she told me that he'd proposed, and she was thinking about it. Later she told me that she'd accepted, so that he could get his green card. This could be true, or she for whatever reason doesn't want to tell us that she wants to marry him because she loves him. I asked if that was the only reason she was marrying him; she avoided giving a straight answer. My sister and I should be happy for her to marry someone that she cares about and who'll make her happy, but maybe my mother doesn't believe this; I don't know.

After this, the marriage/engagement was never mentioned again. My mother then started planning a trip to India to visit her fiance's parents for January. Story from my mother: In December, coming back to LA via Vancouver from overseas, the fiance was stopped by immigration. Usually the type of visa he has doesn't give problems, but they'll flag every however-many people for a more thorough check. He was stuck in Vancouver and couldn't return to the US. He told them that he was planning to return to India in a few weeks and would be able to renew or accomplish whatever necessary paperworks at that time; he had his ticket for proof, etc. They allowed him to return to LA to get his stuff together, then he and my mother went to India. I only got a very superficial account of the trip -- they went here, here, and there and the food gave her heartburn -- and haven't seen any pictures.

My sister and I now think that maybe they got married to expedite his return to the US after his visa difficulties in Vancouver. Or they got married before the Vancouver difficulties, and maybe his recently married status is what caused the problems in Vancouver. In any case, they probably went to India to have a traditional ceremony there for his traditional (I think Muslim) family.

What makes sense, given immigration/visa/green-card laws? Does that make sense about the routine check in Vancouver? Would they have been able to get married with his status in limbo? Would a wedding in Canada have worked for what they want to accomplish?

What's the easiest way to look up marriage-license records in California and/or British Columbia? Or, if the only ceremony was in India, would whatever Indian license they received be enough for US recognition, or would they have needed to then follow-up with something here? I'd probably go for asking her before trying to get marriage info from India (unless you tell me it's easy).

How do I politely refuse to keep the government's secrets?

Anonymous — Tue, 07 Apr 2009 19:28:52 -0800

How do I excuse myself from applying for secret clearance without having my boss think less of me? My boss would like me to apply for a security clearance to help improve the chances of our company winning additional Department of Defense contracts. Most of my other co-workers claim that the process is easy and I have nothing to worry about. Currently, my work does not require a security clearance and I would prefer to keep it that way. After looking at the rationale of various adjudicators for denying clearance I am fairly confident that I would be denied a secret clearance. Also I do not wish to involve my partner or my friends in the application process, as I feel it would be both a hassle and a very large invasion of their personal privacy. I have made my reservations about applying for clearance very clear, but my boss continues to push me to do it.

How do I tell my boss to politely stop bothering me without giving away the reason I believe I would be denied secret clearance?

How do I handle the situation such that it doesn’t look like I have some nasty skeleton in my closet?

What are the ramifications for not applying for clearance? Can I be fired? Can I be fired for being denied a secret clearance even if my current work does not require one?

Password safe exchange?

y6y6y6 — Mon, 06 Apr 2009 14:51:20 -0800

I want to build a flashdrive based password safe that my whole family can use. I have a good start I think, but I'd like some ideas for making it actually work. The overview -

I'm growing concerned that I'm wandering around with too mauch information that would be extremely hard to recover if anything happened to me - Passwords for everything from my on-line banking to my domain hosting, contact lists, various email accounts, billing information, etc. And I know my family is running around with their own ocean of sensitive information. I know there are third party services that can manage all of this, but I'd prefer to not host it somewhere that a) may go belly up at any time, and b) is a stranger that now has all my family's most secure data.

My plan is to hand out USB flashdrives to everyone. These drives will have KeePass for storing passwords, TrueCrypt to provide an encrypted space, and AxCrypt to encrypt files if things need to be emailed. KeePass would be the main application here.

KeePass allows seperate password databases to be password protected and passed around with each file being self-contained (though you still need KeePass to open them). So each family member could create there own password safe, put their own password on it, then mail the file to everyone else who would store it on their flashdrive. Updates would be just as easy. Everyone's password file would still be secure, since you'd still need their personal password to open their database.

So, in a nutshell, I would have a flashdrive that had several password safes. But I'd only be able to get into mine. Some mechanism would need to be established so I or other family members could get access to the other files.

Here is the tricky part, and my question - How do we secure everyone's personal password? We'd need to recover it in the case of a tragedy, but it should still be secure until then. I'd like to find a solution that was somewhat portable, like the flashdrive. And I'd rather not pay some third party such as an attorney.

Where can I find Biggie Smalls' secret tape?

herrdoktor — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 15:31:06 -0800

Biggie Smalls' demo tape info request: link to blog with mp3s from a secret, early demo tape where he's rapping over other artists' early tracks for the purposes of demonstrating flow, and whereby said artists would emulate his delivery? A while ago I came across a blog where someone came into possession of a suepr secret tape. On this tape were early demos of rappers, only Biggie was rapping in place of them. The tapes basically show that he either a) wrote all the music and words for people who would become stars in their own right, or b) that he rapped their parts for them, to show them how they should rap-- what their style should be, etc.

In one case, he was rapping over a demo track for a female rapper, rapping about... female things, and when this is compared to to actual release sans Smalls, said female rapper copied his delivery down to the phrasing.

Anyone? Help! 8D

Never thought I'd need relationshipfilter...

Anonymous — Thu, 22 Jan 2009 07:33:48 -0800

My GF and I have been dating for almost a year. Everything is great, we're making plans, etc., but there is something that nags at me. Help me get over it. When we first started dating a sort of game developed: one of us would say, "tell me a secret," and the other would respond with something... big or small, didn't matter, just learning about each other, bonding, you know. Or "tell me a secret about..." which could be more directed. Anyway, a few times I came up against boundaries she wasn't comfortable with -- previous relationships, college stories, things like that. I backed down of course, but it bothered me a little. Then at a party a few months ago, a similar issue came up -- an old friend of hers started to tell a story and she interrupted, saying "oh we don't want to hear that" (clearly because I was there).

I try not to let it bother me, but it really does -- it alternately makes me mad for her not trusting me, and frustrated and sad because I feel less close to her because of it. I've tried just letting it drop but it always seems to find a way back into my head; my imagination runs wild trying to figure out the horrible, terrible awful things that she just can't share with me (I know they're not true, but my imagination doesn't). Moreover (and more reasonably) she knows literally every sad/funny/embarrassing story in my past, and it feels unfair of her not to reciprocate. Of course, that's her decision to make.

Full disclosure: I am capable of being judgmental, and she knows that. But I don't want to judge her past, I just want to know her. You know? This is the only rough patch in (by far) the best relationship of my life. Help me figure out how to make it go away! Is there a way I can help her understand how I feel? Or is there a mantra I can repeat to forget about it and move on? All suggestions welcome.

Thanks everyone...

Hey, the grafitti on the rooftop of 111 S. Anderson, is the most creative in town!

sixcolors — Mon, 15 Dec 2008 12:10:14 -0800

What are some places "off the beaten path", I can explore in urban environments? For photography, and my own amusement. I know the term "off the beaten path" is usually associated rural or more remote places. That's not really my interest right now, especially that it is 20 degrees outside.

I am interested in finding places in a city that are hard to access and/or places that few people know about. If it helps, I am in southern Illinois, so the two largest cities I am near are St. Louis and Chicago. But, suggestions from any city would be fine, because I can probably find something similar here or I can keep those suggestions in mind when I travel to other parts of the country.

It can be buildings, special rooms/areas in buildings, alleys, tunnels, whatever. Occupied or vacant. A general place (I heard that NYC has several secret bars) or something specific (the St. Louis City Library has an area where the floor is made of glass).

Urban exploration, in the form of exploring tunnels and abandoned warehouses are out. I did those things in college, and now I'm looking for something new.

My boyfriend, the secret photographer

Anonymous — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 06:03:26 -0800

Discovered my boyfriend has been secretly (occasionally) photographing naked models going back for years. I confronted, he came clean. Why am I still upset? (poss NSFW) (Apologies for the length, it turns out I'm another of those self-obsessed people who posts reams in relationship questions.)

Well, I guess I deserved the shock I got when I was poking around on his computer. (I know, shame on me, I have told him and apologised for this.) I found several folders of photos documenting photo sessions lasting 1 or 2 hours with scantily clad, topless or naked women. I did not find very many sessions (about half a dozen) but the dates went back to four years ago, a year after we started dating.

It was obviously his photography: these sessions seemed to mostly take place at his parents' house, which he visits as a base for 1-day business trips in his home town every fortnight. Two recent sessions were in our new house which we moved into in August. The photos were at first taken with his camera, then with my (better) camera which he borrowed. Most of the photos were just poses of the women in various states of undress (occasionally fully clothed), in different rooms etc. Some were very explicit, eg. shots of one naked woman eating half a strawberry then dribbling the juice over her (close-up) vagina. There is no suggestion of any kind of sexual contact with the women, nor do I believe this to be true.

We have been together for five years, since I was 18, and have lived together for three. We are a close couple and spend most of our time together. This is compounded by the fact that neither of us are very outgoing and we don't have much of a social network. We spend a lot of weekends at home together. He probably has more close friends than I do, but pretty much 100% of them are online-only friends. He works from home as well, so doesn't have any workmates either. I know this is sometimes frustrating for him and he'd like to have more contact with people.

I was quite shocked when I first found the photos - partly because of the subject matter, but the real punch to the gut was that he had kept this completely from me, for years, and I never suspected anything. I don't want to be the nagging girlfriend who lays down the law and stops him from doing the few things he wants to do. I also feel guilty for his lack of social network because he hasn't been very happy since moving away from his home town, and somewhat blames me for dragging him away from there (first for university, then for my work). He has his own internet business which is fairly easy to run from whatever location, but 90% of his clients are still in his home town (2.5 hours away) and he hasn't found any local ones.

I tried to sort out how I felt and concluded that it wasn't the subject matter but the secrecy that bothered me. (Btw, I also found some porn on his computer that I didn't know about. Don't care.) When he came home I gently confronted him. He seemed quite unruffled (not the reaction I was expecting) and explained that he's always had an interest in that kind of thing, but has always kept it quite discreet because of not wanting it to intrude at all on his professional life. He said that it was a weird thing to bring up when we first started dating (and it would have been, with me having been quite a naive 18 year old) and then the longer he left it the weirder it would have seemed to bring it up. I get that. He also said that he's used to compartmentalising his life, and that with us living "on top of each other" a lot of the time he kind of liked having some part of his life that he didn't have to share, that he had control over, and that everybody didn't know about.

He also said he assumed I wouldn't be bothered by the subject matter because we both have fairly liberal attitudes when it comes to sex, and that I probably recognised that there's a professional boundary in photography, ie. thinking of the subject as an artistic object rather than a naked woman in front of you. He explained that he knows these models from an online photography network he frequents. Some of them are paid, some of them do it for fun.

He agreed, after I asked, that in future he would tell me about it whenever he does this, and that if it did bother me that it would be no great loss to stop doing it. I told him it was okay as long as I know about it, but now I'm not sure if it is.

Right now I feel deeply weirded out, but that it's my problem and I'll get over it. The thing is that the more I reflect on it the more uncomfortable and prudish I feel. I dislike the fact that my boyfriend has been interacting at all with (half-)naked women while he or I am away, even though intellectually I think he's separated it in his mind from thoughts of me, and it's not a sexual situation for him. I am getting all insecure over whether he would prefer it if I looked like they do. I feel that this isn't a big deal for him, and therefore it shouldn't be for me either.

So how much am I obsessing? (Quite a lot, given the length of this post.) Does this have any larger implications for our relationship, or how he thinks of me? Am I being irrational? How much upset is justified, and how much due to the sheltered world I live in (which I therefore should get over)?

Throwaway email: boyfriend.secret.photographer@googlemail.com

Does my female partner need to know about past relationship abortions?

anonymous account — Fri, 26 Sep 2008 12:42:21 -0800

Should I tell my girlfriend about the abortion in my past relationship? I have been in a relationship for about 8 years now.

Should I tell my partner about the abortion that one of my previous girlfriends had after I impregnated her? This was about 10 or 11 years ago at this point. I do not have any contact with the previous girl, and have not since we broke up (well before I began dating current girl).

Would she want to know about this? Would she care about something that happened that long ago? It's not something that I think about that much or have any regrets about at all, but it seems strange sometimes to have that one big secret.

Balcony Door Secret

Tube — Sun, 24 Aug 2008 22:02:16 -0800

Do theater balcony doors have secret unlocking mechanisms? Back in the 1980's, I went to a theater in Missoula Montana with my friend Mark. We walked up the stairs to the balcony area but we saw the doors were closed and locked. At this point something very strange occurred, so strange in fact that I begin to wonder if it's a false memory.

Mark told me that theater balcony doors often have secret bypass mechanisms, which allow those in the know to open the door without a key. Mark reached up to the top of the door and located what I remember to be a hidden wire, which he pulled and sure enough the door opened. We went inside and started watching the movie. I think the manager later saw us and told us to leave...

Mark was not a Montana native, and would have acquired this information somewhere else.

Is this a common practice, or is my memory on par with alien abduction accounts...?

Ooh, what's inside there?

sixcolors — Thu, 17 Jul 2008 15:43:46 -0800

So what's inside areas that are closed off to the public, in buildings? I know places like hospitals have certain areas that are closed off to the public because they are morgues, have hazardous materials inside, or whatever...but there's other places I have trouble guessing why they restrict access.

Some examples:

On my campus, the library, business, and education buildings have areas where students and sometimes faculty aren't allowed. Same thing with the dorms, but it is even weirder. Some of the stairwells are locked. Isn't that a fire hazard? One of the dorms obviously have a fourth floor, yet no one lives up there, and you can't get there from the stairs or elevator.

Not too long ago, I looked at the floor plan of my favorite casino, and noticed that there was at least five rooms that didn't have a number or name.

As for elevators...I sometimes see keyholes instead of buttons on certain floors. It's usually the very top or very bottom floor(s).

I don't know if this is urban legend or not...I heard that the 13th floor in some buildings aren't open to the public. Superstitious much?If that's true, what's there?

Get me to Chapel Hill from NYC!

greta simone — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 14:33:52 -0800

How to get to Chapel Hill from NYC? Hey y'all. So I'm riding up to NYC from Chapel Hill, NC around the first of August, with a friend who is moving there. I was hoping to hang around for a few days and see friends, but I'm struggling with the best way to get back. I have always flown round-trip when visiting NY, when airline prices were more reasonable. Presently, I have very little money, so I'm trying to come up with the most economical way to take a one-way trip back to CH from NYC. I have looked at one way flights and Amtrak. While those options aren't super-expensive, I am looking for alternative ideas that I might not have considered.
A few things:
Please do not suggest taking a bus. I have my reasons for not wanting to take a bus.
As long as I can get to the general Chapel Hill area (Greensboro to Raleigh), I could have someone pick me up at the end.

Mostly, I'm just looking for secrets that others may have discovered when making this trek. Is there a website to find a good rideshare? I have looked at craigslist already, but haven't found much, and I'm not sure I would trust anyone from craigslist. Is there a place to find discounted Amtrak deals? Do you or any of your friends want to drive me?

I'm just trying to save a couple of bucks.
Thanks!

Need access to secret NYC bars/speakeasy. Please hope me.

filmgeek — Sun, 29 Jun 2008 10:54:46 -0800

There are hidden and secret bars in NYC (Manhattan) and there are really secret. Some need phone numbers. I need your help. There are a couple of bars in NYC that require you to be hip enough to know someone who knows someone who knows their phone number. I won't even mention some of their names....so it doesn't come up on a search.

Essentially, a modern speakeasy.

I'm an occasional NYC visitor; when I'm there, I'd like to take my friends somewhere special (they're all well behaved 30 somethings). I love the idea that there's a secret door, etc.

Except I'm not in the social NYC scene enough (nor are the friends I have there) to get these phone numbers. Can you please hope me?

yes, emailing me via mefi directly is fine if you're uncomfortable posting the number where it can be searched.

Yup I also already know about this prior post.

The Secret of Happiness?

zenja72 — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:34:44 -0800

How can I find more about this secret to happiness (and is it really true)? I just heard an excerpt from 60 Minutes, where "Morley Safer finds out why the Danes are considered the happiest people on earth". The secret? That they have realistic expectations, and are contented with the present situtation, etc.

Where can I read more about this, and these sorts of ideas? Is there any criticism of these studies? Your two cents?

Should I become a Secret Shopper?

djuna — Mon, 14 Apr 2008 14:25:55 -0800

Can I really make extra money as a Secret Shopper? I'm looking for some part-time work and am considering becoming a Secret Consumer after seeing a job listing for this on a popular job search website. Can anyone vouch for the legitimacy and profitability of first, this type of work, and more specifically the website/organization SecretConsumer.com? If so, what's the catch?