Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with rudeness

Must stop interrupting everyone.

Muffpub — Wed, 10 Jun 2009 13:23:26 -0800

Help me stop interrupting everyone when they're speaking! I've always talked over people without realizing it, but after a few people (including my ex) pointed it out to me over the past few months I've become more and more aware that I interrupt people when they're in the middle of talking simply because I thought of something exciting or interesting to say - or at least that's how I perceive it.

I never seem to speak over people out of anger or aggression; often, I find myself interrupting people to ask questions or to offer support or to reinforce what they're saying. Crucially, I'm usually completely unaware of what I'm doing until someone seethes "let me finish!"

After I caught myself interrupting someone at a job interview - yeah, a job interview - I realized that I need some actual help figuring this out. This would also help my relationship with my mother, since we both talk over each other all the time and it drives us both insane.

General tips for being a better listener and not dominating conversations would also be appreciated. Thanks.

Clever Comebacks to Rude Baby Weight Observations?

roundrock — Fri, 09 Nov 2007 07:32:52 -0800

My sister is seven months pregnant and has gained a healthy amount of baby weight (maybe slightly more than average - 30 to 40 pounds) ... problem is, a number of people - particularly coworkers - have come up to her and either asked if she's having twins or commented that she "looks a lot further along" than she is. I'm amazed by this rudeness, and it's really making my sister feel negative and self-conscious about her weight gain. I'd like to arm her with a good response or two to deflect the nosy/impolite questions and observations. Your very best comebacks (both snarky and polite but effective) are much appreciated!

How do I strap it on?

Kloryne — Sun, 01 Apr 2007 21:45:42 -0800

I’ve recently nailed a great job in an industry I’ve been trying to break into for years (finally, nothing to do with TV/film). But I want to learn how to “toughen up.” I have no problem taking criticism when I make mistakes or even receiving suggestions about how to do a job more efficiently. I’m always ready to cop to an error and do whatever I can to improve. But I just can’t cotton to rudeness. My new boss recently lost his patience with me as I was trying to look something up in a database I (and the woman who was training me) was unfamiliar with. I was on the phone to him while he was abroad, trying to find the information he needed when he said bruskly, “Come on… this can’t be that hard. It’s just one piece of information I need. Come on!” The day before he replied to a question of mine with, “That’s the most ridiculous question you could ask me.” (BTW: No one else in the office seems shaken when he says these things to them.)

I realize this is not the equivalent of a supermodel throwing a crystal-encrusted cell phone at my head, but when I’m spoken to that way, I just shut down. Something in me starts to childishly pout, and I loose focus for the rest of the day.

In past jobs when I’m spoken to rudely I’ve either a) continued with the task at hand and then slunk off to the bathroom to cry or b) decided then and there that I would start looking for a new job.

But, this job is an important inroad for me and it seems Mr. new boss is going to be saying things like this to me on a regular basis. Does anyone out there have any techniques I can use to help unwussify myself? Toughen up a bit? I’m thinking of the equivalent of “Imagine they’re all in their underwear” to a person afraid of public speaking. I don’t expect I can just immediately change my personality.

The last thing I want to do is start resenting my boss to the point that I give up altogether. I need to stay here long enough to move on with my (hopefully) new career.

Tipping and Bad Service

jaysus chris — Wed, 02 Feb 2005 15:54:35 -0800

TipFilter: Some friends and I were on the receiving end of some bad service last night, so we didn't tip. The waitress followed us out and made a scene. I'm looking for advice on how to handle tipping in these rare situations and what to do now. [More Inside] I know questions on tipping are pretty common, but can't recall a similar situation coming up.

The food was fine and on time, but getting our drinks took ages. Literally 20+ minutes. The pub has dozens of excellent beers on tap. I know it can take a few minutes to pour a nice pint, but it wasn't busy (Two tables with food, two tables just drinks). Also, the people who ordered at the bar were served immediately, so it's not like there was a mechanical problem gumming the works. The first round I chalked up to her just forgetting, and wasn't going to hold it against her, even though she acted as if it were the most natural thing in the world for it to take 25 minutes to get three beers from a bar. Second round, same deal, 20+ minutes. As we stood to talk to the bartender about canceling the order and settling the bill she appears with our drinks oblivious to the time that had passed and our intentions to leave. We settle in, drink them, pay and leave without tipping.

She followed us out to the parking lot, and asked if there was something wrong with the service. I explained what happened. She said, "You've got to be kidding me. Never come back here again." and stormed back in to the pub.

How do you handle tipping when the service is bad? If she had made even the slightest effort to explain or apologize, I wouldn't have hesitated to leave a full tip. Should I do anything further to try to address the situation? Does the dramatic finale mitigate the circumstances any?

Saying No

MiguelCardoso — Thu, 21 Oct 2004 11:35:50 -0800

What do you say or do when someone out of the Blue - generally a fellow user who rarely comments and so is quite new to you - suddenly e-mails for the first time saying he or she will be in town, is interested in something you could help with and would like to have a drink with you?

It's clearly a friendly invitation but how do you politely decline, without having to lie and/or appearing to be a stuffed shirt?