Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with rude

Judgemental kids in restaurant; Confront?

Jbgohlke — Sat, 10 Oct 2009 13:49:51 -0800

How to deal with a rude table next to you at a restaurant? I was at a hookah bar/Mediterranean food restaurant with some friends. When we get seated I instantly start hearing commentary and criticism about what we are currently doing coming from the table to my right.

This trash talking was off and on, but mostly escalated into "...they must be bipolar...", thinly-veiled laughing at a trip on the stairs, and overall trash talking. They must have thought they were in a little bubble of their own or just being outright rude. What's amazing is the fact that more than half of their conversations were criticizing me or my friends usually followed by how great they were. I already have self esteem issues/social anxiety and don't need this garbage.

Also, I know I'm prone to making connections where there are none. The way I was seated made it easy to hear and clearly coincided with, for example, smoking the correct way (which was obviously new to these idiots) or shaking a bit from the cold (we were outside). Perfectly human actions were being twisted into near insults! Do people really just sit around and talk trash like this about others? Incredible.

How could I gracefully handle judgmental as*holes like this? My first instinct was to go up to their table and call them out, but I decided against causing a scene (and regret it, actually).

Not pregnant, but thanks for pointing out the belly fat.

heatherann — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 11:52:14 -0800

How do I get people to stop asking if I'm pregnant, or respond in a way that deters further inquiries? I've been married for a little over a year, I'm nearing 30, I carry my weight in my belly instead of my hips. I get it that people are curious, but it's none of their business. I'm getting it a lot at work. Straight questions (e.g. whispered "Are you expecting?" in the lunch room) and "jokes" about the "dangers" of hiring women my age*. When it comes round to family reunion time, my partner's aunts all zero in on me. Hell, they add me on Facebook just so they can ask about the rumour they heard (or invented) that I'm pregnant.

*Because we'll get pregnant, not because we'll go back to school or leave for a job that will pay us more money or any of those reasons.

I sort of knew to expect this when I got married, but it's so rude! What if I was trying, and failing? What if I was pregnant and not telling anyone yet? What if I had miscarried? What if I was struggling with an eating disorder and the question triggered fears I was fat? What I didn't share the surprisingly-common view that my sex life is a topic of polite conversation?

How can I respond to this in an effective way? Give them hell? Give them the silent treatment? Go the Miss Manners route and say "Why do you want to know?" What works?

Or, how do I become less offended by this invasion of my privacy? It smacks of sexism, particularly because no one asks my husband and they never asked when we were cohabitating but not married, and the jokes at work are really straying into "we're going to be pissed if you ask for maternity leave" territory. I feel like if I complain I'm going to be cast as over-sensitive, but I'm getting sick of fielding this question.

Is it rude to stare at someone's tattoo?

easy_being_green — Fri, 21 Mar 2008 16:28:21 -0800

Is it rude to stare at a stranger's tattoo? I often find myself staring at people's tattoos out of admiration and/or curiosity, and I worry that I instead look judgmental or just plain rude (I live in the US where staring is generally considered impolite). Am I being paranoid? Is there an ink etiquette?

Why do people find simple questions offensive?

wigglin — Sat, 28 Jul 2007 18:30:27 -0800

Why do people consider it rude to ask how much money a person makes? Or to ask a woman how old she is?

Mind your own damn business!

engling — Tue, 26 Jun 2007 08:58:32 -0800

MeFites:Help me figure out the best way to deal with my ridiculously rude, yelling neighbor. Setting the scene, details listed are important, I think:
Me: 30 yr slender athletic female, currently training for a marathon...I don't wear spandex/short shorts when I run. Standard tank top and shorts.

Neighborhood: I live in the South End of Boston. Very quaint, NE type street. Anyone who lives or visits in this area will know....it's a mix of young professionals, gay/lesbian community, mixed in with subsidized housing projects. Expensive are to live in, but open-minded overall, very artsy-fartsy.

What happened:
After finishing my evening run at about 9pm, I decided to cool off outside before going in, it was pretty hot out and I have no AC. As most runners do, I began stretching my quads, arms, neck, etc as a cooldown. I hear this from one house down, across the street:

"You should go inside! You can do that inside!"
Confused, I yell back: "Excuse me?"
She: "Look at the NEIGHBORHOOD!!!" GO INSIDE TO DO THAT!!!!"
Me: "Uh, I live here."
She:"Look at the NEIGHBORHOOD your in!!!"
Me: "What are you talking about. Explain yourself"
She: "You shouldn't be doing that out here....GO INSIDE!"
Me: "NO"
She: "It's your choice!"
Me: "Why, yes it is."

So, of course my plan is to stretch my legs/neck/arms/fingers and any other body part out on my front porch from now until christmas. However, I have a feeling this will not be the last encounter with her. Thought this would be an interesting situation to pose this to the MeFi community; as I might need a few good quips/retaliaiton methods in my bag of tricks if ignoring her doesn't seem to work.

Smile? I just don't feel like it.

sephira — Tue, 07 Nov 2006 19:38:42 -0800

Help me get people to leave me and my pearly whites alone! At my workplace, people are constantly coming up to me and telling me to smile. I don't want to smile. I'm just not that person. It's usually the same ten or so people every day, and it's beginning to grate on my nerves. These guys don't realize that I will smile when I have reason to, not when they want me to. I do not work closely with them or know them well at all, aside from first name/department.

Perhaps they're just being nice; I don't know. I do know that I'm tired of it, and sometimes there are just times when you don't want to smile and no response is going to be a good one. "Smile! It's not like anyone died!" "Uh, actually..."

Anyone have any good comebacks to the "Smile!" command? Extra points if it conveys that they should not say the same thing tomorrow or the day after that. Simply saying "I don't feel like it" opens up a can of worms I just don't want to go into with them, and these people know fake smiles (or I'm bad at them) so that's out. Bonuses for witty verbal bitchslaps of sorts as it will probably make me geniunely smile when I say it.

Good answer for the question "When are you going to have children?"

chippie — Mon, 11 Sep 2006 19:41:54 -0800

Snappy comebacks, please, for the question: so, when are you going to have children? Honest answer: I have no idea—maybe never. Believe me, no one likes this answer and it rarely goes unchallenged. I have no desire to discuss it with anyone, but it's not a question of infertility or anything like that.

My best answer so far is: well, we're waiting to see how yours turn out before we decide.

Possibly relevant details: I'm married, female, and starting to get toward the age where people are wondering if I'm EVER going to do it.

I don't want to be rude to people, though it's hard to imagine a ruder question, really. I'd love to get away with a funny answer that makes them laugh but still realize how incredibly intrusive and none-of-their-business that question is.

Appropriate clothing

Tokil — Fri, 04 Aug 2006 07:00:41 -0800

I'm due to meet my new girlfriend's father for the first time next month. He has a great sense of humor apparently, but bad eyesight (and is too vain to wear glasses). Would wearing one of these T-shirts be a good idea or not? (Any other suggestions welcome!)

Childrens Songs

Raybun — Sat, 11 Feb 2006 18:50:03 -0800

Many years ago, WGBH (NPR) in Boston had a Saturday afternoon folk music program. One day they played exerpts from an album by a singer/guitarist who had recorded rude songs that children sing when they think that there are no adults around. Who could this be and what is name of the album?

Songs with swearing

wackybrit — Sat, 09 Apr 2005 14:57:48 -0800

Which songs/albums (preferably otherwise good) feature extreme amounts of cussing and swearing? It's often said that rap, in particular, features a lot of swearing, but I find little of it in my collection, with Dr. Dre's "Bitches Ain't Shit" being the only song that I'd say has a 'lot' of cussing. What other songs feature a lot of cussing? I'm having no luck finding any. I only ever found one song with the c-word too.. the Libertine's "What a Waster". Others?

How to stop chewing with your mouth open?

Anonymous — Sat, 12 Feb 2005 20:44:04 -0800

My girlfriend chews food with her mouth open. In the past four years, I've tried everything from polite admonition to blunt, borderline rudeness. She's not stupid, and she's generally well-mannered -- but she can't drop this habit. She's 23. Any suggestions?