Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with roommate and moving

No lease, moving howto?

Anonymous — Mon, 26 Oct 2009 17:48:23 -0800

I live in an apartment with no lease and pay rent to my (dishonest) roommate. How do I minimize my financial losses when I move out? I moved in June 15 and paid a full month's rent ($600). The next month and each subsequent month my roommate told me to pay $550 after I questioned how high the rent was. I paid that rent on the first of each month (or thereabouts).

In months that passed, I've found out that roommate has lied about how much the whole apartment rents for, and that he pays $50 less rent than he told me he paid. I've also observed that he generally lies and cheats people out of things whenever he has the opportunity to do so. We do not have good roommate relations due to related and unrelated conflicts, and he does not like me & vice versa.

I don't have a security deposit or a lease, the utilities are in my name (and I take the amount that he owes me out of the rent check each month), and what we'd (verbally) agreed upon was that I would give 30 days notice before moving out.

I am planning on moving out December 14. I am also planning on taking the utilities out of my name starting on that day. I am 95% positive that he will not give me what he owes me for utilities for the period of December 1-15 (the bill that I will get after I move out). This will be a non-trivial sum since we live in a cold area with high gas bills.

What I (and others I've consulted) see my options as being are to give him written and verbal notification on November 13 that I will be moving out on December 14 and:

A: Pay all of December rent.
B: Pay half of December rent.
C: Say that I've been paying rent from the 15th-15th of each month (since I moved in on June 15) and pay no December rent.
D: Pay half of December rent and subtract the utilities that he owes from that AND the utilities that I project he will owe for the final bill.

So, MetaFilter, what do I do? What is right? What is fair? What will screw me over the least?

Don't sh*t where you eat?

adamk — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 21:32:06 -0800

RoommateConflictFilter: I'm a guy in my mid-20s living in a bachelor pad with two other similarly-aged guys. The two roommates have had a huge falling out (over a girl, naturally) on month two of a twelve-month lease, and after days of constantly talking about it, it seems like the only solution is for one of them to move out. The only thing that we've agreed on is that I'm not going anywhere. So now what? We're all on the lease, and I want to make sure that nobody gets burnt any worse than has already happened. A bad attempt at keeping a long story short... I apologize, because I normally grumble at these kinds of posts :)

I've been friends with "Mike" for five years (college buddy), and we've lived together off-and-on in the past with no problems. Most recently we had spent a year each living with other people from our group of friends, but were both extremely excited to start living together again.

Mike met "Dan" a few months ago and they got along well enough where Mike suggested that we all move in together. He is a reasonable guy, but I don't know him that well, and would probably never have lived with him if it wasn't for Mike vouching for him. We found an amazing house that we can reasonably afford with three people, but certainly can't afford with two.

Awhile after we moved in, Mike started dating Dan's friend "Jen". Before this Dan and Jen were extremely close, with her coming over multiple times a week to hang out, eat dinner, etc. Their friendship that was describable as platonic but had enough flirting where an outsider (like myself) couldn't know for sure.

Dan seemed cool with Mike and Jen's new relationship, but was constantly asking to tag along or be included when they hang out because they were "his two best friends". They played along for awhile, but eventually got uncomfortable and said something along the lines of "hey buddy, we've got our own thing going on, you can't expect to hang out with us ALL of the time". This makes Dan sulk for awhile, but it seemed to blow over.

Until a few days ago, when the shit finally hit the fan. A generic domestic argument over a party mess resulted in a fight in which it was made clear that Mike and Jen no longer wanted to deal with Dan's influence in their relationship. Extremely harsh words were exchanged, Jen got hysterical and things almost got violent between the guys.

Days later and nothing has improved. Both parties are sure that they did nothing wrong, and won't budge. The only thing that they've agreed on is that someone needs to move out. Coincidentally, Dan is leaving tomorrow for a 10-day vacation, and we're going to figure out what needs to happen for when he gets back.

So, now what? I don't think anyone is being evil or unreasonable in all of this. I see where everyone is coming from, it's just one of those unfortunate situations. I don't mind the girl or the relationship and would really prefer to live with my friend, but it seems a bit rough to kick out the guy who claims that he tried to do a good thing and lost two friends over it. Then again, I don't know him that well, and he really seems to be in denial over everything.

What's the best way to decide on who needs to leave if nobody volunteers? What precautions do we need to take as we attempt to find a new roommate? If the landlords would go for it we may be willing to remove the person who leaves from the lease (a big if). Plus, due to how difficult it is to have these problems while the current three of us on the lease, I'm not sure I'd want to put a random Craigslist stranger on the lease in place of the person who leaves.

Any advice/anecdotes would be appreciated.

A room of one's own... please.

purplefiber — Mon, 07 Jul 2008 20:15:30 -0800

My friend recently moved into a new apartment where the two bedrooms are separated by french doors (with glass panes). What is the best way to soundproof this wall? Interested in both the cheapest and most soundproof solutions. Thanks!

Chew her out, stick it out, or move out?

Anonymous — Thu, 01 Nov 2007 20:27:57 -0800

RoommateFilter: My roommate of over a year really gets on my nerves, and I’m too timid to confront her. Is it too late to do anything besides move out? Last year, I moved into a beautiful apartment with one of my best friends at the time. You can probably imagine the end result: she’s not one of my best friends anymore. We rarely hang out anymore, even at home; I have been avoiding her and she may be doing the same. The very things that I found fun about her as a friend come off as immature and irresponsible now that I’m living with her. Sometimes I’m not bothered by her, other times I can’t stand to even hear her name, but overall I am not happy sharing a place with her. We’ve lived together for over a year and have over six months left on the lease, and I’m wondering if I should bide my time until the lease expires or do something about the situation now.

For starters, she’s an unabashed slob. I don’t mind clutter and am often guilty of it myself, but I try to keep it contained. However, she lets her mess spill out into the kitchen and living room, including and especially food-related mess. There are frequently dirty pots and pans in the living room. I barely go into the parts of the apartment that are covered in her stuff – there might as well be an invisible line down the middle of the apartment between her space and mine.

I also don’t find her reliable. She’s generally good with getting the rent on time, but she’s been known to flake out on things she’s said she’d do with or for me. She recently agreed to host a surprise party for a mutual friend, for which she didn’t prepare and didn’t even arrive to until after some of the guests did. She’s also been known to invite friends from out of town to stay at our place without asking me. We have more than enough crash space, so I don’t have a problem with it in theory, but “oh by the way Jane’s staying over tonight” gets on my nerves.

How could this have gone on for so long? Simple: I’m a wuss. I’m terrified of confrontation and, when I do get frustrated enough to speak my mind, I often soft-ball it or get talked down easily. I’m scared that confronting her would turn our cold war into an all-out battle, and my living situation is stressful enough as it is. On top of that, I’ve kept my frustration quiet for so long that I worry anything I say now would be too little too late.

We haven’t had official house rules, and I’m not sure they’d work at this point.

Lately I’ve been thinking of moving out. At this point, this is a bridge I don’t mind burning, but I also want to be diplomatic and fair. I don’t want to be too much of a jerk. And, since we have several mutual friends, I want to be able to make a clean break without jeopardizing my friendship with them. Moving will put considerable financial strain on me, though I should be able to find a small apartment that does not cost too much more than my current share of the rent/utilities. If I move, I will likely live alone.

Whether I move or whether I talk to her, I’m not sure how to go about doing it. Both options make me quite anxious and I’m not sure I can pull either off. I can survive with things as they are, but it’s not ideal. My strategy so far has been one of disgruntled avoidance, but considering I’m posting this question, it’s not really working.

In case you need it: timidroomie@gmail.com

Moving out, need help determining who to live with...

NotInTheBox — Wed, 25 Jul 2007 05:59:48 -0800

Help me determine which roommates to reply to and where I should live?? My boyfriend and I have recently decided to part ways. Incidentally, I am moving and would like to find someone that needs a roommate. I can not afford to live alone, nor do I wish to, and am looking for those in need of a potential roommate. Here is where I am unsure...

My options thus far are living in the downtown area (which is really a wonderful area with many things to do) and with people that are my age (25) or younger and also in school...

Or, living in a number of other locations, not necessarily near work but with people slightly older than myself and not in school.

I am bringing my cat with me, wherever I go... I'm very busy (work full time and school). I need peacefulness for studying and reflection but wouldn't mind new people and friends.

Should I move in with more than one person? Is that too hectic? (I've never lived with more than one female at a time...maybe it would be good for me?) Should I move downtown or try for closer to work, school, and family (FYI-downtown is only 20min away regardless)?

There are some males seeking roommates as well...I am female, should I move in with a male or is that potential problem?

Really, I am feeling a bit sad and am not sure that I know which decision is best.

Drafting a new roommate

pantheON — Sat, 23 Jun 2007 19:51:10 -0800

How hard is it to find a roommate in Toronto? I'd like to get an idea of difficult or easy it will be to find a roommate for August in downtown Toronto. I'll be moving to the core at the beginning of August. I could afford a single junior or small one bedroom in the $1100-$1300 range, but I'd prefer to save some money and live somewhere a bit larger. That's why I've decided to rent a two bedroom condo in the $1800 range and sublease the second bedroom. However, its almost July and I've exhausted my supply of potential roommates, meaning I'll have to live with a stranger. I'm wondering, will I have difficulty finding someone anyone to sign a lease or will there be so many applicants that I'll have my pick of the most compatible? How can I increase my chances of finding someone? I'd hate to get stuck paying the full rent, even for a month. The longer I go with an empty bedroom, the better it will have been for me to have gone for the 1 bedroom in the beginning. Is it too much to expect to find someone in the next month who'll be willing to sign a 1 year sublease?