Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with roommate and living

Lowering the rent for a roommate, but then deciding it wasn't a good idea.

wuMeFi — Mon, 22 Jun 2009 15:45:24 -0800

My roommate asked for me to lower his rent. I said OK. But now I'm not so sure I should have. What should I do? My friend and I are sharing a 1-br apartment in San Diego. He is living in the bedroom, I am living in the living room. The rent division has been 60 / 40, bedroom / living room (it used to be like 65/35, but he felt that was unreasonable, so after the first year I changed it to 60/40. I occupied the apartment first and I do the bills. Our current lease ends in November).

Recently his whole department at work got a pay cut of 8%. He asked me whether I could reduce his rent by 8%. I felt bad for him, and my first thoughts were that in difficult times, friends help each other. So I said yes, and that he'd see the adjustment in next month's bill. I asked him whether his work would undo the pay cut in the future, and he said that it wouldn't, as a cut happened before in the past and was not undone.

So that was a few days ago. But now that I've thought about it, I'm not sure I should've been so quick to say yes. I'm living in the living room, and I'd be paying almost as much as he is, since the rent division would be 52/48. I suppose in an absolute sense, the additional amount I'd be paying per month is not A LOT, but it's not insignificant in the long run. I basically just gave myself ~8% rent increase. It's kind of a lot for me to take on suddenly.

I do want to help him out since we are friends. What is the best way I can do that, while getting myself out of this situation I got myself into? I was thinking of talking to him and maybe saying that "8% is a lot for me to take on, on second thought.. how about 4%?" or something (would it be too late to do that?).

Any help would be appreciated. Thank you!

Potential roommate issues. Am I out of line here?

decrescendo — Mon, 18 Aug 2008 12:08:34 -0800

I'm planning on moving to DC with a guy I've been friends with since junior year of college (3 years ago). I graduated and immediately accepted a position and have worked in said position for one year and am now moving on to another one. For that same year, he sat around at home and was too lazy to find an engineering job and worked a few $10 an hour construction jobs. I'm having mixed feelings about getting a place with this guy. We both want to live in similar areas and rent is expensive, so it just makes sense. He's not a bad guy at all. He's my friend after all. However, I feel that he might end up leeching off of me. Everything he owns fit in the trunk of his car and he has lived at home since college and I have had a nicer-than-average apartment filled with nicer-than-average stuff. I've matured a lot since college and have entered the real world and he has just sat around at home and gotten drunk. Should I be worrying about the fact that I feel like I'm going to be supplying everything from the couch, to the TV, to the kitchenware in this apartment? I already own everything needed for apartment living and he owns nothing. Once we move in, he'll end up not having to buy a damn thing. Is my thinking out of line here? He's not a bad guy but he's so damn lazy (see first paragraph) that I feel like I'll be the one buying/supplying everything and pulling his ass along (which, in my opinion, isn't fair). Any advice to prevent this or prevent this type of thinking on my part? Thanks in advance.

Two Against One. Can We Drop Someone From Our Lease?

SansPoint — Mon, 09 Jul 2007 22:02:29 -0800

How do I/how hard is it to take someone off a lease? Okay, About two months ago, I moved into a 3 bedroom house with two friends I go to college with. All three of us signed the lease, and it was cosigned by my father, who put up the third required month's rent towards the security deposit.

One housemate, J, has been nothing but a pain with regards to financial issues. We had to cover his first month's rent, a pro-rated payment coming to slightly over half a regular month's rent, as he had no money left. Admittedly, he had been having trouble finding a job, though was employed at the time. He did not receive his first check until after the rent was due, but he did not offer anything he had. We threatened to take him to small claims court unless he paid us back^1..

When J paid me, and the housemate back for this payment, he did it exceedingly grudgingly, and said he would take out a loan to cover his remaining share. We agreed under the condition that he not throw fits over paying bills.

When I informed him of cable and gas bills that arrived two weeks ago, he said he did not get paid until that coming Sunday. I informed him the bills were not due for two weeks. He still complained about being TOLD of the bills existence. Similarly, when the second month's rent was due, he threw a fit when I asked him for a check, as the loan had not come in yet.

Ultimately, I had to embarrass him in front of a friend he had brought over on Saturday to get his $15 share of that cable bill, and get the $45 he owed me for the first cable bill, and a SEPTA Transpass I bought him to get to his summer class^2.. This, he had owed me, for nearly six weeks, even before the first month's rent was due.

He is leaving for California today, coming back August 1st, the day rent is due. I asked him to leave a post-dated check, and he exploded, calling his mother to get her to help him convince me to let him slide until his return, so he could pay all his remaining rent in one lump sum, as the loan he took out was delayed. He, essentially, accused me of extortion, even though this would be a post-dated check made out to the property managment company, not to me. Also, he left a threatening note to the other housemate, R, and I, causing R to fear for his life. Rather than live in a Demilitarized Zone, I told him that we're taking him off the lease ASAP.

So, first, do I have a case here? Secondly, I have contacted the property management people we are dealing with, and left a message explaining my situation: what can I expect to happen when I talk to them? Third, will I be able to take his person off the lease?

^1. We only did this because of his cavalier attitude. It felt like he wouldn't pay us back.

^2. A class he routinely showed up an hour late to—and failed, and then blamed me for it, saying he should never had taken the class by my suggestion.

How do I make myself the best flatmate?

chrisbucks — Fri, 18 May 2007 04:40:56 -0800

Flathunting: How do I convince people that I'm the perfect new flatmate for their established flat? I've been hunting for a new flat since I moved out after a break up, and so far havent had perfect results. Most say they'll get back to me in a few days, and then I hear nothing.

I figure the reasons for this are... age (I'm only 21, but been out of home for 3 years), but possibly there is more... I'd say I'm fairly interesting, creative and sociable but I dont exactly extrude an enthusiastic out going nature, I'm pretty quiet but can still hold fairly decent conversation, so what do I need to say to convince people that I'm the perfect addition to their house? What's better, talking about yourself or asking people about themselves? (Not wanting to come through as self-involved).

This will be my 4th time looking for a flat (moving each time for various reasons), I should know how this is done, but this is the first time in a 'competitive' market.

Roommate trauma, drama, and stress.

tev — Mon, 27 Nov 2006 23:33:01 -0800

Why can't I get along with my roommate? I am going through all kinds of grief trying to figure out this situation and I can't seem to deal with my living situation. I am having the worst time with my roommate. We have been living in the same house with one other person for about 3 months now and it is driving me insane.

The worst part of the situation is that it all comes down to petty childish things that shouldn't matter. Let me clairify the situation as best and objectively as I can:

One girl roommate living with two guys (one of them is me) I will admit that I am at least somewhat lacking in the cleanliness department, but over the last few months I have made huge strides to be clean for my new roomie and it never seems like its enough for her; its as if things must be ordered in her way and that it isn't enough to just be tidy but that things have to go where she 'says' they go (as in my stuff is always moved around even if it was ok and tidy before). Its extremely frustrating to constantly have my stuff moved around in this passive aggressive kind of way and to constantly receive notes with hidden meanings.

In the most recent incident that i think will provide a decent example of our kinds of disagreements there was an issue with the trash. I honestly create about 5% of the trash, that is not an exaggeration. One day I left and the trash was emptied and I came back late that day and the trash had been filled and was sitting to the side of the trash can, the next day the old trash had been put back into the trash can as if to signify that it should be taken out. I didn't take it out, and now my roommate has put up a trash taking out schedule for us with a snarky note. I mean, its not fair, right?

Sorry for going into such detail, I just think its necessary. I don't know how to talk to her and explain my side of the situation and I hate coming home to this kind of stress. Should I just start being zen and ignore the situation or should I just look to move out? I'd really like to avoid moving, but this is too much for my poor psyche to handle. What should I do? And more so, how can I deal with this living stress that is permeating my life?

Roommate predicament, should I pay or not?

thefinned1 — Mon, 10 Apr 2006 15:40:08 -0800

Roommate predicament, should I pay or not? Short summary: The former roommate in the house I was planning to move in to tried her best to be discreet about telling me that I might not be getting into a good rental situation when I asked her. I pulled out but left the live-in landlord with half my deposit as not to screw her over. Now the landlord has contacted the old roommate telling her she is liable for rent because things with me fell through. The old roommate was only trying to protect me – and now she is about to get hurt because of it. HELP! I need advice.

(Very) Long version: I arrived at my new apartment, ready to move in with my car half full of stuff ready to unload. My new landlady who I would be living with was at work, and the roommate who was moving out was home finishing up the bathroom cleaning. After checking out the empty room, I was headed downstairs to start with the first load of stuff, and I asked the roommate who was leaving if there was anything I should know about the landlady or the living situation before I took the plunge.

Her response left me baffled – she refused to go into any details until she got her full deposit back, but the look in her eyes and the fact that she felt worried that she wouldn’t get her deposit back from this lady didn’t fare well for what kind of situation I was about to get myself into. I tried to get more information out of her so I could make the right decision, but she wouldn’t budge one bit. She seemed very very nice, and sympathetic, and the more I tried to get info out of her, the more I understood that this was NOT a living situation I should be entering into. She even mentioned wishing that she had the phone number of the other roommate who recently moved out, insinuating that that person had a bad story to tell as well.

So...the former roommate and I exchanged phone numbers and agreed to talk later, so I could tell her what I was planning to do, and so that she could eventually tell me, once she got her deposit back, what was so wrong with the landlady/living situation, regardless of my decision. The landlady never knew that she and I came into contact, and we agreed to keep it that way.

After giving it much thought that afternoon, I decided that the best way for us all to get out of it – for me to not have to move in with a crazy lady, and for the former roommate to not be affected by my decision – was to make up a story that got me out of it. So, I did – I made up a life altering event, the end result of which meaning that I couldn’t move in. The landlady was sympathetic to my situation, I told her to keep the deposit money I gave her to cover the half month of rent that it could, and the former roommate wasn’t involved and should therefore get her money back – everybody wins, right?

So I thought until I received a call from the former roommate – the landlady called and told her that because things with the new roommate (me) fell through, she was still responsible for paying rent until she found someone who could take the room. Obviously this is unfair and ridiculous – the deposit money that I left should be what covers the rent until a new person comes in – but as far as the landlady knows, the former tenant and I never touched base, so she doesn’t know that we each know what she’s trying to do. The problem now being, this former tenant can’t get her deposit back from the landlady, and it’s at least partially, if not fully, my fault.

So – what should I do? Should I offer to pay the former tenant a portion or all of the deposit that she won’t be able to get back? That would be money I’m paying, literally, for NOTHING! Should I tell the tenant that I’m sorry she is in this situation, but I can’t help, and risk having her tell the landlady about our interaction, and therefore I would be held responsible for my end of the rental agreement?

I really want to do what is right for everyone, including myself…but what is right? What would you do in my situation?

I'm in California, if that helps/matters.