Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with retardation

Is it wrong for my sister-in-law to date a retarded man?

Anonymous — Tue, 11 Aug 2009 06:45:54 -0800

My sister-in-law has started dating a mildly retarded man. This strikes me as very, very wrong. Am I a bigot, or is this a well-founded concern? She's nearly 30, and has been coddled by her parents to a degree that has stunted her growth, emotionally and developmentally. She still lives with her parents, doesn't drive, leaves the house only for her job (full-time, caring for the elderly with Alzheimer's in a retirement facility), and I suspect she's chronically depressed. My wife and I are working on her (teaching her to develop life goals, encourage her to make friends, encouraging her to seek therapy, and so in), but FWIW, she's got a college degree, she's actually pretty outgoing, and is a regular churchgoer. Fundamentally, there's nothing wrong with her that couldn't be cured with a year of living on her own and a couple of years of therapy.

This guy lives in a group home. He works at a minimum wage job at the age of 30. I'd be surprised if he had a high school degree. He's not capable of driving. You might not know he was retarded in a conversation of a minute or two, but much longer than that and it becomes clear that something is wrong with him. His two best friends have Down's syndrome; their first date involved hanging out with them (after which he immediately started referring to her as "my girlfriend"). He's perfectly nice, apparently harmless, and she thinks he's sweet.

I find this horrifying for multiple reasons, but to get to the crux of my question, this seems exploitative and utterly inappropriate. If she were dating somebody with paralysis, blindness, or deafness, I can't see why I'd have any problem with it. But to date (with marriage her single-minded goal) a retarded man is in a totally different realm, for ethical and societal reasons that I can't quite put my finger on. Should I just get over it, or is this fundamentally wrong for her to do?

The best community for caretakers of profoundly learning disabled people?

By The Grace of God — Thu, 30 Mar 2006 05:18:13 -0800

Posting for a friend: What are the best newsgroups and discussion boards for the families and caretakers of profoundly learning disabled (also known as profoundly retarded) people? I am looking for medium to large sized active communities, the presence of experienced caretakers as well as experts, and frequent use. Boards/groups with open or closed membership are fine.

The History of Mental Retardation

toftflin — Sat, 25 Feb 2006 21:37:57 -0800

Where can I learn more about the history of society's treatment of people with mental retardation? Out of general interest and spurred on by recent discussion on MetaFilter, I am interested in reading about how society historically has treated people with mental retardation.

Questions like were they shunned? pitied? was infanticide prevalent?

The Wikipedia article on mental retardation was an interesting starting point, especially concerning the word cretin, but I was hoping for more information and I am by no means limiting my interest to western world.

Mental Retardation in the Animal Kingdom?

ubueditor — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 04:31:09 -0800

Are there incidents of mental retardation in the animal kingdom? If so, how does it manifest itself?

ISO Retirement Garden of Eden, snakes optional.

banjomensch — Fri, 22 Jul 2005 16:06:44 -0800

My wife and I are both 59, hoping to retire at 62 if I don't get laid off before then. We live in the L.A. area which really isn't as bad as we'd feared -- then again, we're not into the studio/entertainment industry, so we tend to run across "regular" people. But the housing costs are going to kill us when we retire ("half the income, twice the spouse") so we want to cash out our equity and move....... but where? She's into crafts, I'm into music (bluegrass, play banjo). We're not afraid of the cold, or at least weren't 10 years ago when we moved from Cincinnati. Basically we want to buy a house for cash, be comfortable financially and otherwise and do something interesting and rewarding until we croak. Beats us, hope it doesn't stump the MetaFilter posse. /john Extra credit: We have a slightly retarded daughter, age 24, who is in a group home and doing extremely well. If we'd won the lottery we'd buy something not too far out of town so we could be within driving distance of her. But if we leave the state we'll need to take her with us and that means finding a state where governmental and volunteer resources provide an extremely rich environment for her to live her life. She has that now in California, but where else might it exist?

I know I shouldn't have dropped out in sixth grade

cedar — Fri, 24 Jun 2005 22:24:10 -0800

Stupid apostrophe's (see?). Help me not look like an idiot. I don't get this plural/possessive stuff. I'm a smart guy. I'm a literate guy. I'm a well read man of taste and discretion. I like to think I write well -- but what's with the apostrophes (see, not one there, or should there be?).

I get the 'it is' conjunction part, but that's about it.