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Should I go on a date with someone if I don't even want a relationship?

Is this a stupid question? Idk. I just got out of a 5 year relationship in May. I feel moved on from him but I'm still trying to put my life back together. And I don't want a relationship right now, bBut two guys have recently asked me out on dates. Idk what to say! I don't know very much about dating. I am 21. [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Aug 27, 2014 - 15 answers

Communication between two hypersensitive, beanplating marshmallows

My boyfriend and I both hate making each other feel bad. Does this mean we can't talk about things that aren't going well? He in particular feels very hurt when I bring up things that are bothering me. [more inside]
posted by segfault on Aug 12, 2014 - 22 answers

What are some activities/dates I can do to boost confidence?

I haven't been feeling so confident lately. I know my SO could also be much happier if she felt a bit more confident. When we first met around 3 years ago, we were both extremely confident. Now we seem to have trouble being decisive, making decisions to better ourselves/get necessary things done, and choosing a restaurant or a date idea gets harder and harder. I would love ideas of things that could help with this. [more inside]
posted by bbqturtle on Aug 11, 2014 - 26 answers

Hello, darkness, my friend! (and guilt, and the bar exam)

The bar exam is in 3 weeks. I'm feeling overwhelmed with guilt. Guilt I'm not studying enough. Guilt I'm not researching and writing briefs for work fast enough. And tremendous guilt that I've been a straight-up asshole with my family and friends. I'm not good at this balancing act. [more inside]
posted by chloe.gelsomino on Jul 3, 2014 - 17 answers

It's a bad time...but when is it ever a good time?

I'm coming to realize that my partner is seriously abusing alcohol (and being cavalier about other substances) just as he's embarking on an existential crisis following a messy legal situation (finalizing a divorce that's 2+ years in the making). The relationship needs work; he needs work; hell, I might need work; but he's got a lot on his plate and I can't really pile on. I have kind of lost sight of what is reasonable here, and could use some perspective. [more inside]
posted by magdalemon on Jun 18, 2014 - 30 answers

But we're in love, dammit!

How do you get over a breakup when both people were compatible and happy in the relationship? [more inside]
posted by exutima on May 31, 2014 - 15 answers

I think I caught the narcissism early...what to do?

Recently I started a relationship with someone who I now suspect has narcissistic tendencies. I feel like I should do something, but not sure if I should try to help him. [more inside]
posted by Cybria on May 22, 2014 - 18 answers

OkCupid: Why is my inbox not flooded and what's wrong with my pictures?

I'm a woman that just made a new OK Cupid account after a long hiatus. The amount of messages I'm getting are abysmal compared to when I was on the site six months ago. What am I doing wrong? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on May 2, 2014 - 49 answers

Whether and how to ask out someone I previously dated.

I'm thinking of contacting someone I previously dated to see if he wants to date again. I know there's a good chance I won't get a positive response or will just get hurt again, but I can't help the feeling that there's some kind of unfinished business here. So I want to contact him. My questions are: (a) is trying to see if he wants to date again absolutely a bad idea? and (b) if not, how do I contact him? Do I text him and just say hello and try to gauge his response before going further? Call him out of the blue to talk? See if he wants to meet up for a drink? [more inside]
posted by singlesock on Apr 12, 2014 - 17 answers

I don't know what I want, but it shouldn't be this hard

Dating this new guy is crazymaking. I can't figure out if there's genuine interest, if I'm being strung along, or if it's my own anxiety tying me up in knots. Please help! [more inside]
posted by cucumber patch on Mar 3, 2014 - 25 answers

Great expectations? Maybe.

Single. Male. 30. Only child. Hetero. I don't feel the need to get married and/or my expectations of my ideal future spouse are keeping me that way? Too smart and objective for my own good? Normal or am I destined to be forever alone? [more inside]
posted by rippersid on Feb 18, 2014 - 26 answers

How do you untangle the threads of a beat-up heart?

I'm in the early stages of a relationship with a wonderful woman; it's our second go at this. I'm pretty sure this is love. But my anxiety and depression is holding me back, or making me doubt how I feel, or stopping me from actually expressing how I feel. And I don't know how to navigate this. I don't know whether to push through all these uncertainties or walk away. Help me work it out, mefites. [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Feb 11, 2014 - 18 answers

Detaching whilst staying

How does one practice detachment in a codependent, anxiety-rich relationship? How can I be the husband my wife needs me to be whilst also getting what I need? [more inside]
posted by yasp on Jan 22, 2014 - 47 answers

Is it normal for your friends to make snide comments about your SO?

I've lost 2 different friends because I've asked them to stop making snide remarks about someone I was dating. It makes me wonder if this is normal in friendships and I should just suck it up? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Jan 19, 2014 - 36 answers

SO's Sick mother- not sure how to deal with her asking my SO to move in

I come from an abusive family where illness was often used an an excuse to mistreat people. For example, my mother would emotionally abuse my father and I and then say it was because she was sick and that we had to learn to deal with it. My SO just moved from another city to be with me and two months in his mother is asking him to move back home for her hip replacement surgery "until she can drive." I am finding this very stressful. [more inside]
posted by ponytime on Jan 6, 2014 - 34 answers

Can We Be Friends?

I had a sort-of breakup recently, and I'm wondering whether I should move forward as friends or never speak to this guy again. [more inside]
posted by cscott on Dec 23, 2013 - 24 answers

Messy Breakup Advice

I'm trying to make a full break from my significant other. Things get messy because we currently share a home, I feel that he is verbally and borderline physically abusive, and I am expecting a baby in about 8 weeks. I have been intermitently sleeping in hotels or couch surfing, but am having trouble sleeping well. My significant other SAYS he has moved out so I have a quiet place to stay while trying to find alternative housing, but would you go back? [more inside]
posted by Kalmya on Dec 23, 2013 - 24 answers

Facebook etiquette for what is basically, a year-long vacation?

After years of saving and planning, I've been able to realize my dream of traveling the world for a year. I'm 6 months into my trip and I've been posting photos or updates about where I am in the world on facebook about 2 or 3 times a week. While many people have expressed appreciation for the updates or interest in what I'm doing, I've noticed about 7-10 friends who used to interact with me all the time on FB and real life have totally stopped liking/commenting/sending messages although they're still very active on the site. I kind of suspect some of them have blocked me from their timelines. I know not everyone will have an opportunity like this and I try to be sensitive to that. I'm not preachy about "the importance of travel", or posting pics of 5 star hotel rooms and fancy restaurants (I'm doing this as cheaply as possible, mostly hostels in developing countries and couchsurfing.) At the same time I LOVE seeing others' travel pics and, well, want to share some of the exciting, amazing things I'm experiencing with people in my life. But some people seem put off by this, so I'm wondering - am I being a jerk? What's the etiquette here?
posted by horizons on Dec 20, 2013 - 55 answers

What is an actual "dealbreaker" when it comes to relationships?

I met a wonderful man. He is kind, loving, smart, generous, funny, encouraging and we have unbeatable chemistry and honest communication. On one hand, I'm trying to be in the moment and enjoy this process (about six weeks in now). On the other hand, I'm thinking about the future. I'm a firm believer in gut instincts. When I hit it off with someone, it's often instant and has lead to some long and meaningful relationships. I also have a bad habit of overlooking issues. I've never ended a relationship. We have a great time when we're together and see one another often (5-6 times a week). Things have progressed really quickly and I feel confident in what we've established in terms of labels and exclusivity. I have no doubt of how he feels about me, nor of how I feel about him. But. He is in a very precarious financial and living situation. He's a freelancer who often goes weeks with very little/no money. He's helping friends with their business, so as of now has a free place to stay, but that too is a potentially temporary agreement. He has no interest in taking a job just for a paycheck. [more inside]
posted by patientpatient on Dec 8, 2013 - 42 answers

Why am I experiencing so many new sexual problems in my early 30's?

I've been dating my girlfriend for about two years and we've been living together (with her five year old son) for about four months. Over the last six months or so, I've had several new sexual problems that I've never experienced before. I ejaculate very quickly after penetration, my refractory period is so long that I'm basically "one and done," and my libido has decreased. I'm still very attracted to my girlfriend, and she can still turn me on, but I also have more days when I'd be perfectly happy to cuddle up and watch a movie instead of having sex, which is completely unlike how I felt a year or so ago. I'm not THAT old, and all the other parts of my relationship are going extremely well. Why am I experiencing these problems, and what can I do to solve them? [more inside]
posted by Chuck Barris on Dec 7, 2013 - 11 answers

Fiction featuring Thanksgiving gatherings?

What are some examples of works of fiction (e.g. novels, movies) that feature a Thanksgiving family gathering as a major plot element? [more inside]
posted by Asparagus on Nov 30, 2013 - 21 answers

Is you is or is you ain't a possiblity?

Having read a lot of relationship/dating AskMes, I've decided rather than wait for a relationship to fall into my lap, I should try the whole online dating thing. I am finding it rather frustrating and confusing, and hope the hive mind can help me understand it a bit better. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by Athanassiel on Nov 9, 2013 - 19 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

I'd like to do something nice for an Ex-GF is this idea nuts or unwise?

I dated a girl for a bit over 2 years - our relationship was insanely tumultuous and emotionally exhausting for the both of us. We both had deep insecurities and emotional issues and it was a seemingly never ending saga of heartache and tears. It was absolute total insanity on pretty much all levels. While the relationship officially "ended" 6 years ago, we've remained off-and-on friends over the years. She's currently dating someone else and we talk relatively infrequently. I'd like to do something over-the-top nice to honor the time we spent together and let her know how much our time together meant to me. She has serious dental issues (one of her front teeth is missing a portion and several are falling out) I'd like to pay to have this fixed. [more inside]
posted by ninepin on Oct 28, 2013 - 57 answers

Past abuse and trying pegging, BDSM with the new boyfriend

The new boyfriend would like me to be more switch-y (and peg him, too) and I'd like to be able to provide that to him but past abuse makes me very adverse to causing people pain even if I know they'd enjoy it and also puts me off being the penetrative partner. How do I enjoy being the dominant/penetrative partner? I love it when the BF dominates me and causes me pain (a not-insane amount and he's always very respectful of my boundaries and comfort) so how can I become more comfortable reciprocating pain to him and how can I become comfortable with being the penetrative partner? [more inside]
posted by code_n_cakes on Oct 20, 2013 - 9 answers

Is this a normal thing when friends get a girlfriend?

I have a guy friend i've known since 1st grade (we're both 26), we went to school together all the way through high school. We had a kind of mutual unspoken, understanding/agreement over the years that we were friends, but we just didn't see each other often around school after a certain grade to be really good friends. Last year, we started talking a lot more on a pretty regular basis (about every day/night). [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Oct 3, 2013 - 20 answers

What is the ideal age gap in heterosexual relationships?

A growing body of scientific research suggests that the ideal age gap between a man and a woman is fifteen years, provided that the latter is younger so as to mitigate the effect of the midlife crisis. Yet, conventional wisdom posits that the half-your-age-plus-seven rule and that the three to six years rule are equally valid. What do you think? [more inside]
posted by lotusmish on Sep 27, 2013 - 55 answers

By the way, I have a new boyfriend

Ex is now a neighbor and attempting to establish civility...how to let him know I'm happily in a new relationship? [more inside]
posted by Valkyrie21 on Sep 23, 2013 - 23 answers

Should this be a massive red flag, or just a small yellow one?

Asking for a friend: If your significant other gets massively angry but doesn't ever direct it at you, how much of a worry should it be? [more inside]
posted by yasp on Sep 16, 2013 - 77 answers

A careless Facebook friend request has caused some larger problems

Hey guys, help me resolve this awkward situation that started with a Facebook friend request and has now blown up out of proportion. [more inside]
posted by ashkenazy on Sep 16, 2013 - 39 answers

Is this just a special-snowflake-petty relationship concern?

If your partner did something wrong when you first started dating and you didn’t find out until later when you were deep in a happy relationship, what would you do? How much of the past do you let go and how much of the past do you let define the present (e.g., break up)? [more inside]
posted by inevitability on Sep 12, 2013 - 47 answers

Relationship ambivalence- move with SO or go?

I'm trying to understand why I am having such doubt about my 1-year-ish relationship. Whenever I feel like I've made my mind up to stay or go, a week later I feel differently. At this point, I don't trust my own judgement and could really use outside perspectives. He's moving for work soon and, given my doubts, should I move with him? Or just break things off and take a job where I can get one- overseas? [more inside]
posted by dollyllama on Sep 9, 2013 - 26 answers

What is going on here? (Relationship clarity)

Some advice needed on a newly poly marriage...issues regarding imbalance of resources/effort, feelings of rejection, control issues, etc Please PM me if you think that will be more helpful. [more inside]
posted by queenba on Aug 15, 2013 - 41 answers

Success stories where "one that got away" was really not "the one?"

Are there any success stories of people who have gotten over relationships that you /know/ could have been fixed if circumstances had been different and have gone on to find greater happiness, especially with successful, committed relationships? I am worried that my recent relationship is going to turn into one of those "the one that got away" situations, and he's made it clear he doesn't want to work on it anymore, so I can't do anything about that. I had thought I would be settling down in a city with a long term partner by now, and the fact that that is not happening is really tough to handle. Help!!! I need encouragement. [more inside]
posted by dubhemerak3000 on Aug 13, 2013 - 22 answers

Help me find book on interpersonal dynamics?

I remember vaguely that it had a purple cover, but cannot remember the title or author. I know within the first few pages was a chart explaining the dynamics with a few intertwined circles. It was not a textbook, but a paperback of about 200 pages. Sadly, that's all I remember. At the time I was a sophomore in high school and the book caught my eye on a bookshelf. However, I could only read a few pages because it was more challenging than any book I had encountered. Now, I keep thinking about this book and have a strong impression that if I were to find it, it could finally be comprehensible to me. Help?
posted by lunastellasol on Aug 12, 2013 - 8 answers

Did I fuck up? How shall I do it differently next time?

I'm in the post break-up re-evaluation phase ('bargaining' phase in the grieving process?). I veer between feeling I tried my best while also holding onto ways I could have done things differently while dealing with our core problem to feeling that I fucked up majorly and just lost a potentially fantastic life-partner. While par for course this state of affairs is I believe, this is really eating me and I would be grateful for some perspective. [more inside]
posted by drummergirl80 on Aug 12, 2013 - 17 answers

How can I communicate with my boyfriend more effectively?

I don't know how to handle minor conflict with my boyfriend. Specifically, I don't know how to deal with myself when I do things wrong. I can't stop beating myself up in my head. [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Jul 29, 2013 - 33 answers

How hard should reconciliation be?

My wife and I separated at the end of last year for a three-month period. We've now ended our separation and have moved back in together. Whilst things are often wonderful, they're equally as often stressful and hard work. My question is: how hard should it be? Snowflakes, wall-of-text inside. [more inside]
posted by yasp on Jul 24, 2013 - 28 answers

I am planning to leave my boyfriend ... in 30 months time...

Is it immoral or unethical to stay in a relationship just long enough to get into a situation where I can leave? [more inside]
posted by the fish formerly known as sarcastic fringehead on Jul 19, 2013 - 55 answers

Advice on how to manage a new relationship while I'm ending another

After quite a few years struggling with my second marriage, finally we realized we needed some time apart. In the meanwhile, I met another person without looking for it and we've been dating since then. We're not living separately with my wife yet. Is it wrong to feel and behave like this before formalizing out new status? [more inside]
posted by Matrod on Jul 13, 2013 - 21 answers

Talking about previous relationships?

I'm curious about how people talk about their previous relationships when they're with their current partner. How do you gauge what's right to say and what is not? [more inside]
posted by turgai on Jul 1, 2013 - 32 answers

Falling in love is the easy part.

I'm looking for movies about relationships that aren't about falling in love. [more inside]
posted by ruby.aftermath on Jun 26, 2013 - 30 answers

This could be a sitcom plot...if it was actually funny.

One of three mutual friends of mine (who are all roommates) has been behaving very strangely and it is making things awkward. Should I address this or hope it goes away on its own? [more inside]
posted by bolognius maximus on Jun 23, 2013 - 19 answers

How to appreciate my boyfriend

I'm having a bit of difficulty figuring out what I can do to appreciate and care for my new boyfriend. What are some things you do to make your significant other feel good? [more inside]
posted by sockermom on Jun 20, 2013 - 33 answers

Seize the day... in the suckiest sense.

AskingForAFriend filter (at his suggestion): I had the "perfect" chance to break up, and I blew it. What now, metafilter? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Jun 18, 2013 - 17 answers

Current boyfriend has lots of female friends...and I'm bothered...

Have you ever dated someone with several friends of the opposite sex? What about someone who is friends with many of their exes and still keeps up regular contact with them? He's given me no reason not to trust him, but I'm still hung up on this. Is it just a matter of me working on my insecurity? Or should he be changing his behavior? More details inside... [more inside]
posted by singinginmychains on Jun 11, 2013 - 57 answers

Who originally thought of this dating-related experiment?

Write the numbers 1 to 20 on a set of cards, one per card but two cards of each number, put them on the foreheads of a group of twenty men and twenty women, and give them a couple minutes to try to pair up with the person of the opposite sex with the highest-ranked card: they will always end up with someone close to their own rank. Who originally thought of this? [more inside]
posted by renovatio1 on May 20, 2013 - 7 answers

NOT the Maid of Honor disappointment--swallow or confess

This seems petty, but I am sincerely and exorbitantly bummed out (with some jealousy and hurt feelings to boot) that MY best friend didn't choose me to be her maid of honor. I'm clearly the next-in-line bridesmaid, but I haven't as of yet achieved many positive feelings about the honor I've received, but would like to, and as quickly as possible. [more inside]
posted by lovingkindness on May 13, 2013 - 54 answers

Have you had to divorce your best friend?

My husband of 8 years and I have come to an impasse: he wants a free-love, open relationship because he stifled his sexuality as a religious person before we were married, and I want...well, not that. How do I move forward when it means breaking the most important bond I have? [more inside]
posted by SarahBellum on May 7, 2013 - 28 answers

Help me tell my BFF to shut up, in the nicest of ways.

My best friend is dating a new guy and is currently in the "floating in the clouds" stage. He's all that she talks about, texts me about, emails me about, mentions, quotes, you name it. I'm happy for her, but I am quickly reaching "who cares" stage. She does this with everyone she dates, but this guy might become permanent, so I'm not brushing it off as "just wait until this passes". How can I politely tell her that we need to have conversations about OTHER THINGS? She can be very sensitive, and I don't want her to feel that I am not interested in the relationship or not happy for her. More details inside. [more inside]
posted by ElectricGoat on Apr 28, 2013 - 26 answers

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