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No Tingles, But My Chance at Having a Family...

I'm with a great guy who's ready to have a family with me. I'm in my late 30s, near the end of my childbearing years and definitely want a family. While he is a very good man who I love and respect — I'm not feeling much in the way of butterflies, tingles, or excited feelings to be with him. He's nice though! If I were 22, I'd probably take a break for awhile and date around more. But I worry that if I did this now, I will risk never having children of my own. What to do...? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 27, 2013 - 61 answers

How do I deal with my spouse having an external romantic relationship?

I found out my partner of 20 years/spouse of 11 was having an emotional/romantic affair with our best friend and lied to me about it. Now that we've gone through the initial reveal, I've told her I've forgiven her; she's hinting she's been thinking about romantic relationships outside of our marriage. tl;dr- Are we done here or can this be saved? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 22, 2013 - 49 answers

Oral sex-iprocity?

My boyfriend has forgotten I exist in the bedroom. How can I go about initiating a chat about this and finding a solution before my sexual self-esteem completely disappears? (NSFW) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 21, 2013 - 20 answers

I slept with him on the first date - is this fixable or a lost cause?

I slept with him on the first date, and now he's lost interest. Is there any salvaging it? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Nov 21, 2013 - 44 answers

Should I give this another shot?

I searched for similar questions but had a hard time finding something that applied to what I think is a very specific situation. I'm trying to decide if I should attempt dating an ex, and I'm hoping the Hive Mind can help me out. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2013 - 23 answers

I'm actually into someone. Uh... what now?

I've taken a liking to someone and it seems that whenever this happens said person loses interest - even when they were previously quite into me. How do I prevent this from happening this time? Also, how do I not mess things up inbetween dates? [more inside]
posted by Autumn on Nov 13, 2013 - 8 answers

Strategies for quality time with my wife when life gets in the way

How does a youngish (36) married couple spend quality time together when demanding jobs and childcare responsibilities seem to make it nearly impossible? What are your strategies? How do you cope? [more inside]
posted by Creamroller on Nov 13, 2013 - 18 answers

Struggling to forgive my SO's emotional cheating

How can I forgive my SO (and myself) for emotionally cheating on each other? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 12, 2013 - 12 answers

What to do about someone I like

Basically I met a guy at a bar (I'm also a guy fyi)... We've been going places, eating out, and hanging out for the past month and a half and still are. Every day or every other day or so and he's always up for it. He messages me while we're both at work. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 11, 2013 - 12 answers

Is you is or is you ain't a possiblity?

Having read a lot of relationship/dating AskMes, I've decided rather than wait for a relationship to fall into my lap, I should try the whole online dating thing. I am finding it rather frustrating and confusing, and hope the hive mind can help me understand it a bit better. Snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by Athanassiel on Nov 9, 2013 - 19 answers

Middle distance relationship, no car, money issues? Here!

30 miles apart, without a car to have date nights and with a boyfriend unwilling to share expenses despite having little money. Result: us not doing much of anything and me feeling guilty and stuck. [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Nov 7, 2013 - 50 answers

How to manage an LDR when there's no end to the distance in sight?

I have just moved to a new city for my dream job and I can’t stop crying. Long distance relationship woes inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2013 - 7 answers

How, specifically, do you break up with someone?

Yet another break up question: I've decided to end it with my partner of about a year and a half, and I'll keep to the typical advice of being respectful, doing it face to face, making a clean break with no contact, etc. But what exactly do I do? Where? How? When? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2013 - 13 answers

How do I break up with someone who has anxiety?

I've been casually dating a man for several months. I truly like him, but it's become pretty clear to me that our relationship styles are out of synch. How do I end things without seeming cliche? [more inside]
posted by SarahBellum on Nov 3, 2013 - 12 answers

How does an isolated person heal from a breakup?

I need tips on how to handle/distract myself from a break up when I'm low on the friend count and the money count and don't really leave the house. Ever. [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Oct 30, 2013 - 25 answers

It's Complicated (But Not Really)

What would you call this type of relationship? [more inside]
posted by Marisa Stole the Precious Thing on Oct 29, 2013 - 43 answers

I'd like to do something nice for an Ex-GF is this idea nuts or unwise?

I dated a girl for a bit over 2 years - our relationship was insanely tumultuous and emotionally exhausting for the both of us. We both had deep insecurities and emotional issues and it was a seemingly never ending saga of heartache and tears. It was absolute total insanity on pretty much all levels. While the relationship officially "ended" 6 years ago, we've remained off-and-on friends over the years. She's currently dating someone else and we talk relatively infrequently. I'd like to do something over-the-top nice to honor the time we spent together and let her know how much our time together meant to me. She has serious dental issues (one of her front teeth is missing a portion and several are falling out) I'd like to pay to have this fixed. [more inside]
posted by ninepin on Oct 28, 2013 - 57 answers

Looking for an upbeat but melancholic song for a crush who's gone

for when you just met someone and are totally crushing but the timing means it just won't work [more inside]
posted by chrysanthemum on Oct 26, 2013 - 38 answers

I desperately want to be who she needs: emotion control advice

I'm caring for my sick and declining wife, but my own anger issues have made me a terrible caregiver at times, let alone partner. We both love each other deeply, and want to spend our final years together, but if I can't stop making her miserable I have to go. I'm already pursuing therapy, have a psychiatrist, etc. I am not ashamed to seek help; the stakes are so high. I will be devastated if I have to walk away because I am a toxic presence, and so I'm determined to address my problems and be the husband she needs. I'm seeking ideas and advice on how to eliminate the bad so we can enjoy the good. More below... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 23, 2013 - 55 answers

What is the best advice you would give re: rediscovering yourself/life

Or, more suitably... your best advice to someone trying to learn more about themselves (become stronger, learn what I want/need/wont settle for) to prepare for dating in the distant future. [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Oct 21, 2013 - 13 answers

Past abuse and trying pegging, BDSM with the new boyfriend

The new boyfriend would like me to be more switch-y (and peg him, too) and I'd like to be able to provide that to him but past abuse makes me very adverse to causing people pain even if I know they'd enjoy it and also puts me off being the penetrative partner. How do I enjoy being the dominant/penetrative partner? I love it when the BF dominates me and causes me pain (a not-insane amount and he's always very respectful of my boundaries and comfort) so how can I become more comfortable reciprocating pain to him and how can I become comfortable with being the penetrative partner? [more inside]
posted by code_n_cakes on Oct 20, 2013 - 9 answers

We are "on a break". How long should it last?

My fiancee and I have been together for seven-and-a-half years, owned a house together for three, and in the spring of this year she agreed to marry me. Last week she told me, quite out of the blue, that she wanted a break from our relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 18, 2013 - 40 answers

Should I settle for comfort or keep looking for that connection?

I haven't had much luck with long-term relationships. I want a partner who is observant and can keep up with me on a conversational level, but those guys tend not to like me. I never like the people who like me back. Should I change my expectations for a connection or should I hold out for the kind of guy I'm looking for? [more inside]
posted by tuberose on Oct 18, 2013 - 32 answers

How can I revive my sex life with my girlfriend?

My girlfriend and I have lived together for about a year and a half. We're a solid couple, we love each other a lot and generally communicate well, but our formerly awesome sex life is just non-existent now. We've talked about it, but she's just withdrawn and apologetic whenever I try to initiate things. Help? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 16, 2013 - 28 answers

Will I sound insecure if I ask my boyfriend if he likes someone else?

Will I sound insecure if I confront my boyfriend about his feelings for another girl? [more inside]
posted by Lillypad331 on Oct 16, 2013 - 21 answers

Help, I suffer from chronic bitchface

How do I seem more approachable in social settings without being a total fake? [more inside]
posted by thank you silence on Oct 13, 2013 - 41 answers

Go No Contact Or Try Again - Can We Become Whole People Together?

After loosing ourselves in each other, my girlfriend and I broke up. Is it possible for two people who still get great along splendidly to recover from dual co-dependency and love loss? [more inside]
posted by GoneWhere on Oct 12, 2013 - 23 answers

Trust vs. Control

I posted a pervious question regarding dating a man who wasn't forthcoming about a detail in his life (a 2nd child with a different woman) and my creeping suspicions that learning about him hiding this child was an indication of a future of lies and trust issues. I have let this man go, not because of the child, but because I am unable to trust him for many other reasons and now I want to learn a healthy balance between Trust and Control in relationships and dealing with insecurities. How do you move past insecurities and know when to just trust someone and recognize if your insecurities are causing you to control and sabatoge. [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Oct 9, 2013 - 8 answers

Making the very 1st move on online dating sites please help!

I'm looking for insight into what is a reasonably good first message to send someone on an online dating site. I've been online for a few months and still feel lost. Successful online daters please enlighten me as to how you do it! Snowflakes inside... [more inside]
posted by outdoorslady on Oct 8, 2013 - 17 answers

How to support a spouse when you don't agree on their plans?

My spouse wants to quit their current job. I want to be supportive, but I find it difficult when I don't understand or agree with the decision to walk away. [more inside]
posted by jade east on Oct 8, 2013 - 32 answers

Self-help books that will help me make peace with being single?

I'm tired of feeling bitter about being single. Are there any self-help books that will help me get over this? [more inside]
posted by tumbleweedjack on Oct 7, 2013 - 11 answers

Was I sexually violated?

Was I sexually violated? I keep obsessing about this, I don't know if the other parties care or have declared me a pariah [more inside]
posted by Jewel98 on Oct 6, 2013 - 42 answers

How to prevent divorce when travelling the world with one's spouse?

My husband and I are about to embark on an extended period of travel together. It has been our dream for many years to do this, and now the time has arrived: we've quit our jobs, rented our house, and we leave the country on a one-way ticket to warm climes in about 2 weeks. We're going to be together A LOT for the next several months. What can we do to prevent strangling one another (figuratively speaking, of course) or causing a huge crisis in our marriage with so much (too much?) togetherness? [more inside]
posted by Halo in reverse on Oct 4, 2013 - 35 answers

Is this a normal thing when friends get a girlfriend?

I have a guy friend i've known since 1st grade (we're both 26), we went to school together all the way through high school. We had a kind of mutual unspoken, understanding/agreement over the years that we were friends, but we just didn't see each other often around school after a certain grade to be really good friends. Last year, we started talking a lot more on a pretty regular basis (about every day/night). [more inside]
posted by earthquakeglue on Oct 3, 2013 - 20 answers

Cutting off abusive parents AFTER they have tried to make amends?

My parents were abusive for over a decade of my life, profoundly and in many ways permanently impacting my physical health and emotional and social well-being. Since that time, they have apologized, but I am still incredibly angry and hurt by the choices they made. Could cutting off contact help me move on? Mefites who have been in similar situations, please share your experiences and suggestions for healing. More details below. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 46 answers

my boyfriend's ex accused him of abuse; how to proceed?

In a recent conversation with my boyfriend of four months, it came up that in the divorce papers his ex-wife had served him with, she had accused him of abuse. [Specifically spitting, pushing, and kicking, as well as emotional abuse.] He denies all of it, and says that instead SHE abused HIM, both physically attacking him and subjecting him to emotional abuse. I knew that their relationship had been acrimonious--but this seems like something else entirely. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 30, 2013 - 34 answers

What is the ideal age gap in heterosexual relationships?

A growing body of scientific research suggests that the ideal age gap between a man and a woman is fifteen years, provided that the latter is younger so as to mitigate the effect of the midlife crisis. Yet, conventional wisdom posits that the half-your-age-plus-seven rule and that the three to six years rule are equally valid. What do you think? [more inside]
posted by lotusmish on Sep 27, 2013 - 55 answers

Canonical mistakes for people whose first relationship is in their 20s?

I strongly believe that every human endeavor has a few canonical newbie mistakes. In machine shops it's ignoring the kerf. In many dances it's excessive flourishing. When you first started dating in your twenties, what mistakes did you make? Now that you have had some experience with (preferably stable, happy) relationships, what advice would you like to go back and give yourself? I would much rather learn from your mistakes than make them all myself. [more inside]
posted by d. z. wang on Sep 26, 2013 - 59 answers

Seeing an old ex stirred up more feelings than expected

So more than 4 years after the breakup and we only dated 6 months. But I see her car in the parking lot at the grocery store I go to. I've never seen her there before. I keep looking and see that it's definitely her in the car. We didn't talk. I don't think she saw me. I was leaving as she was pulling in. But my heart definitely raced and all sorts of emotions came flooding back. I was disappointed that it affected me as much as it did. Does this need fixing? How would I fix this? [more inside]
posted by yeahyeahyeah on Sep 26, 2013 - 7 answers

Boundaries: I need them.

How do I set up the right boundaries regarding intimacy when dating new people. Difficulty level: history of abuse, disassociation and social anxiety! (nsfw) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 9 answers

What to do about suspicion for a cheating fiancé?

Engaged to be married quite soon. Lots of money already out of pocket, personally and across many other people. Recently confronted with evidence of what, at a minimum, seems to be an inappropriate emotional relationship between SO and another person. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Managing a crush that needs to stay a crush

Are you the anxious type who often escapes into the excitement/newness of crushes and find yourself taking things too far? How do you calm yourself and keep yourself from going overboard? What strategies can I use to make sure I keep cool and normal about this? [more inside]
posted by Laura Macbeth on Sep 25, 2013 - 14 answers

Dating men with children

Dating someone for 8 months, knew he had a 16 year old (he's 35) from a previous marriage. Just found out he has a 5 year old from a different woman. He didn't come out and tell me about second child, and that is what is making me feel indifferent. Should I be okay with this? [more inside]
posted by BrandNewMe on Sep 25, 2013 - 31 answers

By the way, I have a new boyfriend

Ex is now a neighbor and attempting to establish civility...how to let him know I'm happily in a new relationship? [more inside]
posted by Valkyrie21 on Sep 23, 2013 - 23 answers

How do I approach my needs with a guy without seeming to nag?

How do I discuss my needs with a guy that I care about without nagging? [more inside]
posted by Lillypad331 on Sep 23, 2013 - 20 answers

What's a good town for a single man in his late 30s...

What's a non-US city that might be especially good for a 38-year old divorced straight male looking to meet a woman and settle down? Much more specific details inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 22, 2013 - 37 answers

How can I help my girlfriend with two dogs we just got after breakup?

I'm about to break up with my girlfriend of two years who I live with. We've had intermittent fights of me not being happy where it was going. The latest one happened just last week, the day before we picked up two dogs. She's going to keep the dogs (hard decision for me) if we break up, but what can I do to help? I feeling like I'm abandoning her with kids we just had. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2013 - 18 answers

(NSFW) Easy sex positions for my wife and I

My wife can't spread her legs do to her disability. I can just about get my head between her legs with lots of stretching to eat her out but thats about it. [more inside]
posted by snow_mac on Sep 17, 2013 - 15 answers

Asking someone out after job rejection

So I didn't get the job, sadly, but I'm interested in asking out one of the people who interviewed me (not the hiring manager). I'm female, he's male, we're both in our early 30s. Would that be weird? It's a fairly casual organization, but I may be interested in applying for another job there in the future...
posted by three_red_balloons on Sep 17, 2013 - 28 answers

Should this be a massive red flag, or just a small yellow one?

Asking for a friend: If your significant other gets massively angry but doesn't ever direct it at you, how much of a worry should it be? [more inside]
posted by yasp on Sep 16, 2013 - 77 answers

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