Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with relationships and women

But what's it there for? Do you actually sleep on it?

lunalaguna — Fri, 20 Nov 2009 08:37:30 -0800

Little known facts about men My boyfriend was shocked (shocked!) recently when I told him that many women's bathrooms have couches or chairs in them. I was surprised no one had ever told him this before, or that he'd never been in a women's bathroom. (I've had jobs where I've cleaned men's bathrooms, so that world is no secret to me.)

It got me wondering whether there are certain facts about men or common experiences they have that I'm totally unaware of as a woman. Guys, are there things you encounter pretty regularly that a women would know nothing about? Girls, have you ever learned something about men that's both common and surprising?

How do I break the "ice" with others (especially girls) and get closer with them?

rintako — Fri, 13 Nov 2009 22:54:44 -0800

How do I break the "ice" with others (especially girls) and get closer with them? Hi. I am a freshman in college. While I wasn't the most popular in high school, I was well known by many and had many girl friends, but no girlfriend, just flirted and played with some girls.

Anyway, what's been bothering me is that there are some people I talk to almost everyday in college but it's always the how are you, how's studying, how was your exam, what are you up to this weekend? I also haven't been able to meet as many girls as I would like to.

I was wondering if anyone could explain why this is. Is there a way to break the "ice" with these people and also with girls. It seems that I have trouble having a deep conversation with anyone other than how are you and some small talk about what's happening around on campus.

Thanks.

Men: "Nice shoes!" (trans: let's fuck!) Women: "Nice shoes!" (trans: let's be friends!)

Eleutherios — Tue, 13 Oct 2009 19:22:11 -0800

Previously dated men, now wants to date women. Problem: I can't tell when women are interested in me or if they just want to be friends. I seem to be pretty good in picking up on clues that a man is sexually interested in me, women not so much.

I've had scenerios show up over and over with men and women:

-Being stared at in a bar/party/club
-Being told that I'm attractive/sexy
-Being messaged on online dating sites
-Having a friend of their's introduce me ("Hey are you single? If yes, my friend would like to meet you!)
-Someone inviting me over their house to fix dinner for me
-Being grinded on the dance floor

Whenever men show the above behaviors, it almost always leads up to them wanting to pursue a relationship and/or have sex with me. I've always reject those advances, because I'm not sexually attracted to men, eventhough I pretended to be for a while. I was in a few relationships with men, but they were sexless.

Whenever women show the above behaviors I get a different result. Unlike with the guys, I don't show coolness when women act like that around me, I actually turn up the heat. Once I show my attraction, I'm told that they are looking for friendship and not anything more. That's if I'm lucky, there were a few occasions where women just walked away from me.

This has caused me a lot of frustration and confusion, the fact that the very same behaviors has led to very different outcomes, depending on the gender involved. To add to the confusion, whenever I show those above behaviors, I am definately sexually attracted to a woman. I mean, I would never invite a woman over to my house (knowing that we are both lesbians) to cook for her, if I wasn't trying to have sex with her or wanted her to be my girlfriend. It would just be awkward.

I've been told that I think a lot like a guy, so I think this is messing up my perception a bit. For those who date women, regardless of your gender, how do I tell the difference between friendly interest and sexual interest? Please help a woman who's new to this scene.

Succeeding on the dating scene - where does a woman get advice?

Anonymous — Fri, 22 May 2009 10:08:28 -0800

Succeeding on the dating scene - where does a woman get advice? I haven't been single since my teens, now mid-20s, don't know how to go about meeting men, getting dates etc! Total n00b to the dating scene, where can I learn what to do? All the PUA etc sites seem to be aimed at men, the women's "advice" I've seen seems to be for people who are already dating and wanting to turn something into a relationship...

Any advice you can share or point to appreciated.

Help me figure out what do next talking to this girl.

Anonymous — Thu, 23 Apr 2009 17:53:35 -0800

Okay, so I met this girl recently at an event on the other side of the country. We really hit it off, and spent a lot of time together. But I'm not sure where I stand or what to do next. Her facebook status claims that she is currently in a relationship. What I heard from her at the event seems to indicate that it isn't going very well. Furthermore, she seemed to be coming on to me pretty strongly during the event.

We won't for sure see each other until this fall, but she has been in touch with me since, and talked about the possibility of her working this summer in a city nearby where I live. She's also said that she's been thinking of me, and that she misses me.

I am interested in pursuing a relationship with her, but what should I do? Given that her current situation is complicated, should I just lie low for a little while? Or should I tell her how I feel?

In her last email, she said (paraphrasing) "I miss you. I don't like pausing these friendships after they began so abruptly." Would a reply to the extent of "I agree completely. But I hope you'll think of me as more than a friend." be coming on too strong at this point?

What should I do next? Man, I wish, at this point in my life, I was able to handle situations like this more elegantly.

Email followup questions to mefithrowaway@gmail.com.

I just can't agree with you, lady, but I don't know why

saysthis — Sat, 18 Apr 2009 21:47:56 -0800

"Women are different than men. In a relationship, a man needs to be the one who takes care of a woman when she's angry, who tells her to calm down. A man needs to be more understanding than a woman, and a woman needs to be allowed to have her moods." Really? I'd like to call bullshit, but I don't quite know how. (Long explanation inside) This notion is fundamentally offensive to me because it seems to absolve one half of a relationship of their responsibility to control their temper. It isn't "fair".

Help me construct a rhetorically and logically sound feminist refutation of this statement that assumes the following two premises:
1) "Fairness" is a secondary value in a relationship.
2) Men and women are, indeed, different, and exceptional rules apply to both sexes.

I'm coming out of China, and two of the most common, fundamental assumptions about relationships are precisely what I've listed above. Fairness is not assumed to be an important value in a relationship, and women and men are both assumed to be given special leeway in certain aspects of relationships (ex.: women are allowed & expected to earn substantially less, men are expected/sometimes allowed to seek extramarital partners). I've never, not once, been able to argue around these two notions. Gender exceptionalism and comfort over fairness seem to be two of the most basic assumptions about relationships in this country, and attempts to refute them are turned down as "Western thinking".

I can accept these two premises as a foundation for a successful relationship on the following premise: both partners are extremely considerate of the other's feelings. I understand that relationships aren't always "fair". Sometimes people have a bad day and need a hug, sometimes people have a disease and require sacrifice. And I fully accept that men and women, while equal, are in some ways different, often for reasons that seem mysterious to me. Why in god's name do you buy so many clothes? Well, you do, and it's valid, k? Looking good is important to you, I accept that. Broadly speaking, there are differences, and they're part of what make humanity beautiful. I don't understand the primarily male pastimes of coin collecting or cigar smoking either, but hey, it variety is the spice of life, yeah?

But the above statement, that men are, blanket, required to be more considerate than women, seems to me a recipe for chaos and bitterness. But this is often refuted (again, this is almost universal, in media and in personal conversation) with the claim that asking for fairness is a kind of unworkable imposition. They have a few terms that they usually respond with: 疼爱，溺爱=painful love, smothering love. This seems to be the cultural ideal, and I find it hard to accept that love must be inherently painful for the man.

So my question, essentially, is, allowing for the notions that comfort and consideration take preference over fairness, and that the genders are different, how can I argue that harmful tempers and harsh words are conducive to a relationship filled with bitterness, rather than loving care? And I'd like to couch this in feminist terms, so that I myself don't go the way of taking a position that denies women equal rights or consideration. The last thing I want to do is say something like, "Well, if you think that, then you better not take a job or leave the house without my permission. You better stay home and cook my laundry."

How can I make her realize I'm not her ex-husband?

Anonymous — Thu, 16 Apr 2009 08:41:37 -0800

We're trying to get back together, but she has trust issues. How to overcome these? I'm from a culture that sanctions arranged marriages, and I'm in a situation where a girl I've known and liked for a while is the one I might have a chance to marry.

I first met this girl (let's call her Jo) when she my cousin's roommate in college. We talked on IM and the phone for a while, and it was obvious she really likes me. I wasn't ready to get married at the time, and she ended up getting hitched to someone else.

Her marriage lasted for 2 months. Her husband was cruel and treated her horribly. Jo broke it off when she found out that her husband had another girl on the side and was in the process of getting engaged to that person. She was devastated and demoralized by the divorce.

In the meantime, I'd met a girl as well and I got engaged to her. I ended up getting dumped by this girl, and it broke my heart. Jo and I got back into contact and started talking.

It was as if the old chemistry was back. We would talk for hours. So, I broached the subject of marriage last year. Jo freaked out and sabotaged a potential meeting between our families. She says I'm to blame for the meeting not going forward. What happened is that her aunt called my mom and asked us to come down and meet. Jo then began acting as if she was being forced into this. Not wanting her to do anything against her will, I cancelled the trip. Jo was mad because I hadn't consulted her prior to cancelling.

Last week, I met Jo's aunt when she came to the city I live in for a wedding. The aunt really likes me and has encouraged Jo to give me another chance. Jo seems more enthusiastic about marriage this time around as well.

Still, she has some of the mistrust of men that was caused by her old marriage. Is there any way for me to help assuage her fears and make sure the marriage goes off smoothly?

If you need more info, I've set up a throwaway e-mail address. It is arrangeddude at gmail dot com.

So the first wedding of my mid-20's is coming up and it seems as though I'm able to bring a date. Should I definitely pursue a date?

decrescendo — Sun, 12 Apr 2009 17:02:05 -0800

So the first wedding of my mid-20's is coming up and it seems as though I'm able to bring a date. Should I definitely pursue a date? I have someone in mind but I'm afraid I have no idea how fun this wedding will even be. How should I go about this? This is new territory for me. The guy getting married is the son of my dad's best friend growing up. I used to hang out with him when I was 10 because our parents were good friends. However, I haven't seen him in 6 years and I will know no one else at this wedding besides his parents, my parents, and my brother and his girlfriend.

Is this the type of situation where I'd want to bring a date to the wedding?

I have no idea how fun this wedding is going to be. If it was one of my close friends I'm sure it would be a blast. Is this the type of situation where I want to be sure to bring a date? An ex-girlfriend of mine from high school is now single and she is drop-dead gorgeous. I saw her this weekend and was majorly crushing on her. I can't think of any other (single) chick I'd like to take with me to this wedding other than her but I'm not sure if she would even enjoy it if she DID accept my invite. I assume showing up stag is perfectly fine but for future reference (and this situation) should I always be looking for a date to bring to weddings? This is the first of many and I'd like to know whether I should always be trying to take someone along.

And if I did ask this chick along, would there be the "on a date" connotation with this? Yes, I have been majorly crushing on her but are wedding dates like dinner dates?

Health Benefits of Sex?

taramosalata — Mon, 10 Nov 2008 15:39:24 -0800

Sex is often touted as beneficial for one's health. Is this supposed to be true for both men and women, and how much evidence is there for the claim (apart from calorie expenditure, which is still negligible compared to actual aerobic exercise)? And is it primarily the orgasm that's supposedly healthful, or even sex sans orgasm?

I'd really like to get to give this a shot - can you help?

FlyByDay — Tue, 06 May 2008 16:52:28 -0800

Here’s one of those how-do-I-play-this? relationship questions. At the very beginning of a possible relationship (with a touring musician) that I'd really like to give a chance to, but he may be too scared. (explanation inside) I am 42 years old, single and very interested in (being in) a relationship. I’m not desperate, I live on my own and enjoy time on my own, but I’m very ready for a relationship. Last serious one was several years ago. I recently got in touch (with no expectations) with someone I’ve known for years (15+) but never knew very well. We’re both musicians, but he’s much more successful than me. In fact, he’s a very successful touring musician (solo), and on the road a lot. He was playing in my town and I got in touch to see if he’d like to get together before his show. He did. We hung out and he left after the show, saying that he felt close to me and thought we should explore this further. I was/am down for that. He told me he’d had a crush on me years ago. I had no idea. I’ve since seen him a few more times with things getting…heavier each time (consummated), though we haven’t established if we’re really dating. We live a few hours apart, and like I said, he’s on the road a lot.

He is 54, a caretaker type, and his most recent relationship ended three years ago. The woman actually broke up with HIM, but proceeded to stalk and harass him, as she does to this day. It’s actually to an astounding degree, and much more complex than I can describe here. Multiple daily emails and calls, drive-bys, faked suicide attempts, and calls to venues nationwide. While he has done some things to deter her (getting a no-trespass order, not responding to her emails or calls EVER), he has also refused to change phone # or email (citing business reasons) and hasn’t used the full extent of the law, I think. That said, cops and lawyers tell him that there's not much he can do. She has two girls that he was very close to, and I don’t think he wants to affect them in any potentially negative way. I think he’s also used to bad relationships, and there’s a comfort zone there (in the drama) for him (again, too complex to explain). He did recently hire an attorney at great expense to do something related to her, though I’m not sure exactly what.

The above leads him to be very gunshy and to believe that women have a tendency to “become crazy”, though he did recently let me know that he did not think this of me. In fact, we’ve talked more about the connection we have, how the attraction is pretty crazy, and how much we enjoy each other. Still, we go days without speaking, because he’s dealing with the above and various other major changes and he’s asked me to give him some time, and because I think it’s just difficult to have comfortable and productive phone conversations with someone you don’t know THAT well. If I had a definitive time that I’d see him next (likely next week if he makes himself available), I’d feel much better. But the not-knowing makes me wonder what I’m doing and is stressing me out no end. I’m willing to give him some time, as he’s requested, but not if, in the end, he refuses to let us get to know each other in person. I like him a lot. I think he’s very cool, and in many ways an incredibly sensitive and evolved guy (supported by many others who also know him – people tend to just adore this guy). I think we could potentially be good for each other and have something really good, but I don’t know yet.

Ironically, the one thing I don’t really worry about, despite the fact that women are CONSTANTLY coming on to this guy (which is the nature of how he sings and writes), is him finding someone else. He is very careful about getting involved at all, but I fear that he’ll stop this before it starts because he’s just too scared. He’s been in several relationships, but is at a serious crossroads, as am I. I think the timing could actually be beneficial if he’ll give us a chance, but I’m not sure he will, though this was his idea to begin with. I wish I knew what to DO here. Stop calling (I don’t call very often to begin with, and we don’t email each other) and TRULY back off, or assume it’s not happening, or…what? Is there a “formula” that will most likely result in him giving us a chance? Any insights (other than “run away!”, since I’m not really looking for that) would be appreciated.

I want to marry her, but at what cost?

Anonymous — Mon, 21 Jan 2008 14:30:47 -0800

My girlfriend and I have religious and cultural differences. How can our relationship work? My GF and I have now been going out for almost 10 months. We're in love and care deeply for each other. We're already talking about marriage. However, things are complicating our long term future.

She is Catholic and I'm not religious. She's deeply religious and wants to raise the kids Catholic. I have no problem with this at all. But, she feels that in order to raise the kids Catholic, both parents must be 100% behind it. What she means by this is that she would like me to go to church with her. I am not Christian in the least and have no plans of converting.

My GF's rationale is as follows: If she goes to church and I don't, the kids will ask why dad doesn't go to church. This might lead them to religious confusion.

Another problem is that our cultures are not remotely similar. I'm from Asia, and she has an American dad and Mexican mom. She is worried that she will be shut out from my culture.

Finally, she asked me what we have in common. She says we don't have religion or culture in common. This concerns her as to what sort of an identity our future kids might have.

I deeply love this girl, and want to make it work, but she has stated the options as follows:

1. She leaves her religion and culture behind, leading to possible resentment of me.
2. I go to church with her and the kids, leading to resentment from me.
3. We break up.

I don't want to break up, but also don't know how to resolve this situation so we can move forward. Any suggestions?

Is there anything else I can get you, Master?

Anonymous — Tue, 06 Nov 2007 05:44:06 -0800

A recent conversation with my boyfriend brought up some weird, unexpected, slightly misogyenistic feelings on his part and I don't really know how to respond. We've been together about three years, but this will be the first year we're planning on spending the holidays with each others' families. We were talking about this last night, and eventually it came up that on Thanksgiving, in his family, the women all serve the men their plates before getting their own, and he expects me to do the same. I laughed when he told me that, before I realized he was being serious, because... what? Can't you get your own damn plate? Holiday meals with my family and every family I've been with have been much more of a "Hey! Food's on the table! Everyone dig in!" type of affair. I'm getting all rankled over the fact that I'm supposed to serve him as my womanly duty... that somehow that fact that I have a vagina means his needs supercede mine.

...but then again, am I just making a big deal out of nothing? If he had said 'hey, babe, can you fix me a plate?' I would have happily done it without a second thought. He comes from a very traditional Latin family, and his mother and sisters all prepare plates for their husbands at every meal, so I think this a deep-seated cultural thing that maybe I should just accept. For better or worse, my boyfriend is really concerned with other people's perceptions of him, and I don't want to cause him to lose face in front of his family like that... but then again, I sort of do. I have this mental image of a bunch of fat old men sitting around on their asses while the womenfolk are running around, preparing and cleaning and serving and everything, and it just makes me feel a little sick to my stomach. My mom would smack me upside the head if she knew I was with someone who expected me to serve their plate. Even in my uberconservative "the man is the head of the house" christian family, that shit just would not fly with anyone.

I know relationships involve a lot a compromise, but I don't know how to handle this one. He is kind and loving and thoughtful in almost all ways, but I'm afraid this might be a slippery slope, resulting in my becoming one of those horrible, bitter, put-upon women I can't stand (he's made noises about how he wants me to cook dinner when we eventually live together, but I've always brushed those off because I love cooking anyway, so whatever... but now it's making me a little nervous).

Is it worth standing my ground and making my bf feel disrespected in front of his family over a plate of turkey?

Stop the Butterflies!

TerraM — Tue, 16 Oct 2007 11:51:53 -0800

So he's younger, I'm older. We are good friends.. we have fun.. but I find myself falling in love with him. There are many reasons to not let myself do it, so how do I stop those butterflies? We go to lunch together, we go to happy hours together.. we work together (in the same building but not same group). But I find myself gravitating to him , and him to me..

There are so many reasons not to let it happen.. the age difference (16 years) is too much for me to comprehend.. (he's 30).

I think there are feelings on his part too, but I'm not sure. Do relationships like that truly work out?

Should I marry a woman when I also like men?

Anonymous — Fri, 28 Sep 2007 18:36:30 -0800

I am a guy who has been dating a wonderful girl for four years. We have been living together for most of that time. We are both out of college and in our mid-20s. Though this is my first relationship I feel like we are perfect for each other. She's had other relationships (long and short-term) and feels the same way. I am thinking of asking her to marry me, except for one thing: I am bisexual and it is difficult to give up men. As I said, we feel perfect. We settle arguments quickly and without tears. We have similar hobbies, interests, love spending time together, but are OK with each other having alone time. We have similar ideas about kids, family, finances, all of the important topics. I am sure I could spend the rest of my life with her.

The only doubts come because I have never dated or even kissed anyone else, man or woman (I was closeted until right before we began dating). It does not seem smart to make this commitment with so little experience because I have no basis for comparison. Furthermore I would like to explore the side of myself that is attracted to men. Early in the relationship we discussed this, but I have never acted on it because our relationship is so great and though early on she once said she would be OK with me exploring I could tell from looking at her that this would break her heart. Neither of us feel like we could "do" polyamory--she read "The Ethical Slut" for a human sexuality class and has no moral objections but neither of us could emotionally handle it. I do not want to just have anonymous hook-ups anyway, I want to try real dating.

What she and I have feels like true love in every definition of the word. But these doubts exist. I don't want to give up what I have and find out years later after dating others I'm an idiot. I also don't want to give up on men before ever trying them.

What's my problem?

Anonymous — Wed, 23 May 2007 13:20:26 -0800

Is it possible for a 43-year-old woman to have a mid-life crisis? For the past 6 months or so, I have felt an ever-increasing sense of dissatisfaction in practically every area of my life. At all times (but to varying degrees) I hate my house, my job, my husband, my appearance, my dog, my car and the prospect of the future, to start a short list

The housecleaning and laundry never end. Every time I turn around, it seems like someone else wants something from me. I constantly feel that I have to justify and defend any time I set aside to do anything for myself.

I have taken antidepressants in the past, but what I am feeling now doesn’t feel like that did. I don’t feel incapacitated or incapable of functioning…. Mostly what I feel is pissed off. My patience is practically non-existent (except with the kids; for some reason I’m not letting this mood affect how I interact with them). That’s a good thing.

But other people? Forget it. I’m quick to let fly with criticism, comments, and generally not keeping my mouth shut when I think I know better. I’ve never been one to suffer fools but now I just can’t stand most people and I can’t be bothered to try. I’m just over it all. It’s like I use up any restraint or “emotional censoring” ability I have in my interactions with the kids. So there isn’t any left over for anyone else, and frankly I don’t care.

I know those close to me often feel they have to walk on eggshells, but even that makes me angry- I’d rather they confront me or at least engage in some sort of interaction. I am just dreading the long weekend to come.

Has anyone else gone though this? Is it, in fact, another form of depression or chemical imbalance? Or am I just a cranky bitch?

So, you're telling me we should just be friends?

Anonymous — Tue, 06 Mar 2007 17:16:32 -0800

How can I begin changing my views on relationships and romance? OK, so here's the story. I'm a 28 year old guy living in the Midwest. I've had one romantic relationship in my life, and that ended very badly in 2005 (she got abusive when we broke up, told all my secrets to whoever would listen, etc.) Prior to that, I really didn't have the confidence to approach women due to a weight problem and not having any money in college. I had a lot of crushes on women before my relationship in 2005, but I just never acted upon it because of self-confidence issues.

Now I find myself in a weird place. I've lost a lot of weight and have been told I'm quite attractive. Women approach me from time to time at the gym and other random places. They obviously want to go out with me, and will even ask me if I'm seeing anyone. Every time this happens, I instantly begin thinking why a relationship with the woman would never work, and begin sabotaging things in my mind. Oftentimes, I'll tell her that I'd rather just be friends. Sometimes this does lead to friendship, but often it just leads to them not talking to me anymore. I'm not the sort to just stop calling people for no reason, because I know how hurtful that can be.

I think my views about relationships are all wrong. I have decent friendly and platonic relationships with many women, so there's no problem there. I just find myself unable to get into a romantic relationship. I want companionship, but my views on romantic relationships are hopelessly negative. My parents have a horrible marriage and I haven't seen too many married couples whose lives I would want. All my friends who are in long term realtionships act like they're married without the rings and possibility of losing half their stuff. It seems like marriage is where couples go to die, and that the point of most long term relationships is for the two people to get married.

Compounding this fact is that I really enjoy misogynist entertainment. Things like Too Short's music and Tucker Max's writing. I'm not going to blame these things for the way I think, but they really can't be helping my situation.

I know I should likely go to therapy, but are there any other resources out there I could consult to help me begin to get over these views? Or alternatively, ways I can meet singles who want long term relationships but not necessarily marriage?

My e-mail is askmefi at yahoo dot com if you would like additional info of any kind from me. Thanks again.

What is a man? A miserable little pile of secrets.

Anonymous — Tue, 29 Aug 2006 20:51:10 -0800

RelationshipFilter (sorry!): I've become entangled in a complex 'relationship', and I'm not sure what to do... Long story:

In September 2004, I arrive at university. A few days later I meet a very attractive girl who lives in my halls of residence. Over the next week or two we become very good friends and end up spending a lot of time together, watching TV, films, chatting about other friends of ours etc. I very quickly realised I had "feelings" for this girl, oh dear. Then one night I was probably being a bit too obvious and surprisingly she said "Just go ahead and kiss me." Frankly, I hadn't expected that, I considered her well out of my league and was happy at the time to just be a good mate of hers.

So, we fool around for a few nights, but don't tell any of our mutual friends... a few nights turns into a few weeks... still not telling friends. I slept in her room many times (if it's relevant, without sex), creeping out early in the morning to avoid my other friends. I begin to get attached, uh oh. Just before the first holiday she tells me she doesn't want a relationship and we should stop doing things. I feel kinda crushed. I tell her this and end up sleeping there again...

Holiday comes and she phones me all the time, texts and tells me how she misses me and we have long conversations about 'us' on the internet.

Rinse and repeat for 2 more terms.

2nd year of university, we get closer. I still sleep with her, none of my friends know (except one), including my housemates because of our ridiculous "secrecy" thing. We've become closer, she's said she loves me, we've both shared very important things with each other and to all intents and purposes we are a couple.

Yet.

The problem is, and I've told her often enough, that I'm fed up with the secrecy. I want to be able to walk around holding her hand, or kiss her in public (shock horror). Things she'll happily do when away from our friends and people who know us!

She states that she doesn't want a boyfriend and the "baggage" that goes with it. She wants people to see her as single and not part of a couple. Yet she still wants me to sleep in her bed and be there for her.

I'm being taken for a ride, right? I should probably get out of this situation, but again, problem. I don't want to. She's one of the best things in my life, I love her to bits, and yet there's this issue sitting there driving me mad.

Opinions? Constructive suggestions about talking to her might be useful.

Thanks. (oh, and for the record, we're both around 21)

How to date two women at once?

callmejay — Wed, 09 Aug 2006 19:35:47 -0800

How do I date more than one person at a time? So, I'm doing the online dating thing. And what's normal and what's convenient seems to be talking with several people at once and setting up dates with more than one person in a given time period.

So, several women at a time? Lots of dates? Sounds good, right?

But I'm not sure my brain works that way. It just seems weird to go on a date with someone and know that I have another one scheduled the next day or week. And then even after a good first date, it seems to be expected that you doesn't necessarily stop setting up other first dates until you mutually decide to become exclusive.

So an easy solution is to just date one at a time, duh. But I was wondering if the MeFi studs and studettes had some advice for how to deal with the multi-dating situation.

For the record, I'm most interested in a monogamous relationship with potential for marriage sometime (probably a couple of years) down the line. One night stands aren't out of the question, but they're not a priority, either. And I certainly wouldn't mislead someone to have one.

Shut out again. Why?

eems — Mon, 26 Jun 2006 15:19:01 -0800

Why does she get close & then shut me out? What can I do? A friend & I talked about dating. She needed to figure things out & we didn't date (we had both just gotten out of serious relatiopnships & she's considering moving far away). It was awkward after that, but after awhile we started to hang out like we used to. & again we were in between friends & dating. Timing was an issue for her & again no dating. Now, things are awkward again. I really care about her & it makes me miserable that she's not as comfortable & open with me. Both times when she's told me that she doesn't think we should date, it's been after she's the most affectionate, comfortable, & open.

Why does she shut me out when we're really getting close? Why does she feel the need to?

& what's the best way to address it/her concerns?

Rules, rules, rules

brautigan — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 09:39:52 -0800

What are "The Rules" for guys? For better or for worse, the girls were given their own but, gentlemen, what are the hard and fast dating / relationship rules you have learned over the years? And go easy on the wisecracks here. Ladies, in the interests of equality and better advice, feel free to throw in any rules us men should know.

(If this is too ChatFilter then delete - I am, however, specifically looking for rules, hopefully positive ones, to replace my own, rather negative, ones)

How do I give my lady friend an orgasm?

Anonymous — Fri, 21 Apr 2006 07:03:21 -0800

What do I have to do to give my lady friend an orgasm? I've been seeing this girl for a while. We're both in our 20's. Everything is going great, except that she has never had an orgasm. Ever. Not even by her own hand. We are both sexually experienced and have been with several prior partners. I like to think I know what I'm doing--I can find the G spot--but I've never run into such a tough case as this one.

I can find her clit. She says it feels good, but it plateaus at a certain point and never goes any further.
She said that a doctor (a nonspecialist) once told her that "some women just can't have an orgasm." While this may be true on some level, I got the feeling it was just a dismissive answer--the guy didn't do any sort of examination. She has basically accepted the diagnosis (which is easy to do if you don't know what you're missing!)

I'm not interested so much in crazy sex tricks (I realize there has been a question on that) as much as I am in hearing from women who have been in a similar situation and got over it--ie, those who were sexually active for a while without ever having had an orgasm, until one day, everything changed. What did it take? How common is it, actually, for women to be unable to have an orgasm?

[She is not on any prescription medication, and has no history of chronic illness/mental illness.]

They aren't really from Mars, are they?

hyperfascinated — Sun, 22 Jan 2006 22:48:55 -0800

FormerLesbianFilter: Can you give me any insight about men and/or the way men think and function? I'm now in the 9th month of my first serious heterosexual relationship, and while both the relationship and the guy are awesome, it's been striking just how different it is doing the relationship-dance with a male. At times I feel like I really don't know what the heck I'm doing- I feel quite aware that I haven't been practicing this since the age of 13 like most women have.

So, for men:
What do you wish yr partner understood about you or men in general?

For those of you who love men:
What have yr relationships taught you about interacting with men?

Can anybody recommend a book that might be helpful to me?