Ask MetaFilter questions tagged with relationships and money

He IS heavy, he's my brother

sfkiddo — Sat, 26 Dec 2009 16:39:24 -0800

I'm closing the family bank/charity. What do I say when the next sibling asks for a "loan"? I have many siblings; most of them lurch from crisis to crisis (declaring bankruptcy, living in their cars/on friends' couches, cashing in retirement accounts, etc.). My mother has paid for a lot of this behavior but is thankfully toughening up lately (because of some latent backbone but also financial pressures).

I am the youngest and have been suckered/guilt-tripped/stupid enough to "loan" money to various siblings that I generally do not get back. (I know, I know, don't loan money to friends/relatives.) During the Christmas phone calls, I learned that one of my sisters is facing eviction unless she gets a job next month. I know I am going to get the call, and would like constructive ways to respond instead of just screening my calls.

While my financial house is not entirely in order, I am getting more and more disgusted with the way my siblings operate. The sister in question is in her 50s, has declared bankruptcy at least once, hasn't worked since getting fired from her job in fall 2008, cashed out her 401k (for the third time), and has been basically waiting around until all the money is gone. Her husband is also not working/trying.

This will be an ongoing problem, especially after my mom is gone (she is in her 80s). I love my brothers and sisters. How do I manage to keep a relationship with them without subsidizing them for the rest of their lives?

Please help me reclaim my car.

otis24 — Fri, 20 Feb 2009 19:53:49 -0800

How do I get my car back? It's still in my ex'es name. I've been giving her $$ for insurance and have been making the payments on it since 2003. I live across the country now and she ignores all my requests to do anything about transferring the title/policy, etc. Here's the situation:
Back in 2003, my then girlfriend leased a 2003 Honda Civic for me (this is in CT). The car was in her name because my credit was really bad. This car is and was always intended to be mine (it's a manual; she doesn't even know how to drive stick). I drove the car for several years and I always made the lease payments, as well as the maintenance and insurance payments (which is in her name; I am listed on her plan). When we broke up, around 2005, we never really officially talked about what would happen with the car. I continued to make the payments, sending Honda checks to Honda, and insurance checks to my ex. I have the account numbers, but no access to the account information.

When we knew the lease was about to expire, my ex offered to 'purchase' the car in her name, but I would continue to own/use/pay for it. It had really low miles and seemed like a good deal. We went down and filled out the paperwork, which I have. The insurance policy remained the same; in her name, but I am listed on it.

Six months later, in 2008, I moved across the country, to California. I quickly settled in with a good job and girlfriend. I drive 100 miles/day for work. I never intended to drive this much, but all is good otherwise. However, my car is not registered in CA (it is current in CT). I also do not technically own this car. Nor do I even know how much I owe on it. I am still on good terms with the ex, but she blatantly ignores any and all attempts to get information about the car, or do what it takes to transfer ownership. To be honest, I don't even know what needs to be done, or what my best course of action is. Additionally, this situation has caused a lot of stress and worry between my girlfriend and I over the last year.

What do I need to do to get my car in my name, legally, in California?

Keep the Money? Share the Money? Stupid Money.

Anonymous — Tue, 15 Apr 2008 18:07:21 -0800

I have a bit of a dilemma. I dated this guy last year, and he introduced me to a friend in order to get him hired at my company. Flash forward to now, and he's finally been hired, and a referral bonus is coming my way. More deets inside, natch. So I dated this guy, let's call him Fred, for about two months. It was a hardcore rebound relationship, and it was definitely the looniest I've ever been in a romantic situation. We got hot and heavy very quickly, and it burned out as quickly as it started.

While we were in the throes of total infatuation, Fred introduced me, virtually, to a friend of his, let's call him Barney, whom I referred to be hired at my company. I told Fred at the time that I would split the bonus with him if Barney got hired.

When Fred and I stopped dating, it was a little rocky. For context, he messed with my head a bit, slowing things down because his ex girlfriend came back into the picture, but leading me on, essentially "keeping me warm" in case things didn't work out with her - which was a little crazy-making for me, but I survived. I tried to be cool, but sort of flipped out at the end and told him to leave me alone and never call me again. Fred and I have since been in contact and are friendly, but I haven't much of a desire to maintain a real friendship with him. I am somewhat embarrassed by my actions at the time, I had ended a majorly significant relationship just a month before meeting Fred and was having trouble adjusting, and as a result got a little more invested in a fantasy than the reality. I kind of don't want to deal with or see Fred (who has a new girlfriend now, and I am very glad for him). I get the sense he thinks I am still loopy over him, and I am very much not.

I've since kept in touch with Barney very sporadically, as he'd drop me a note when he'd become available and I'd push him along to our HR group. I've never met him or really talked to him much beyond the particulars of getting him a job here. Now, all of these months later, Barney's finally been hired, and I'm going to get a pretty nice referral bonus from it in 90 days.

And now, FINALLY, to my question. Is it wrong to just keep the bonus? Honestly, the biggest reason I don't want to give him any of the money (aside from the fact that I could just use the money, and I've been the one to push this along), is because I really just don't want to deal with him thinking "oh man, this girl is still so INTO ME!" when I just want to do the right thing.

What would y'all do? One moment I feel like a complete crazy person for even thinking of splitting the money with him, and the next, I feel like a total selfish jerk for even entertaining NOT splitting the money with him.

It is possible that Barney will call Fred and say "DUDE! I finally got a job from that girl you were dating lo so many months ago!"

Barney does not know I'll get a bonus but of course Fred does, because I had to open my big fat mouth and offer to split it with him.

Is a joint credit card a good or bad idea?

ml98tu — Mon, 11 Feb 2008 07:00:14 -0800

My fiancé and I are considering getting a joint credit card and I had a few questions about it. Background: Engaged to be married, living together and all finances are joint (with the exception of assets in existence before we moved in together six months ago). We have four credit cards between us, with him actively using a Discover card as well as a Visa/MasterCard card for places that don’t take Discover. I really only use one card on a regular basis, a Visa/MasterCard. I’m pretty much the one that takes care of the bills, mostly because I get home first. We pay all balances in full each month. We both have very good credit and no credit-card debt.

I am trying to get us to stick to keeping a budget, which I know we can do, but it’s hard with fragmented finances and all the different cards. I don’t usually know what he’s spent until the statement comes in 3-4 weeks later, so it’s hard to have a real-time picture of how much is left in the various categories of the budget. Plus, it would probably simplify things if we just used one card for both of us since it all comes out of the same place and would be one bill vs. three.

We have been talking about a joint credit card for some time, but I feel sort of uneducated and a little nervous about the whole thing. Other than the possibility that I could go on a wild spending spree and he’d be liable for the charges, what are the risks of a joint card (particularly if we’re not yet married)? How can we protect ourselves from these risks (including that spending spree)? And finally, what cards do you recommend? We both like the cards we’re with – so should one of us add an authorized user to the account, or should we start fresh with a new account together? Any recommendations on non-travel reward cards? Is there anything else I should be asking or considering? Am I over-thinking this? I found a few articles on the web, but they were kind of generic and for people with bad credit or debt problems, so I thought I'd turn to you guys.

Thanks everyone.

Love and Money

Anonymous — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 14:12:41 -0800

My husband of five months and I have different attitudes towards money. He’s more money conscious that I am, at least, that’s what he calls it. I think of his “money-consciousness” as a cross between minor cheapness and money obsession. I am right now at a crossroads in the relationship and I don’t know how to solve it or whether I should even continue it. His behaviors:

- On our first date he insisted we split the bill. Ever since he’s behaving in a way that means that we always have to be even. Everything has to be split evenly, if I owe him money, he makes sure to remind me to repay it, etc. While he insists on us being even – the insistence is only on the occasions that benefit his interest. If the imbalance is such that I pay for it and if I tell him not to worry about it, he never protests or insists that he should return money to me/pay me back. One example – we were splitting the cost of groceries, I suggested that we adjust the percentage from 50/50 to 60/40 since he’s a man and he eats much more that I do. He essentially ridiculed me for this idea. Another example, we were splitting the cost of Christmas gifts for our parents, at some point he started acting weird and instead of splitting the cost of digital camera (for my mom and dad) as we agreed on, he suggested he’ll pay just for the memory card (about 45 euros). When I asked him if he was serious, he asked me: “What? It’s not enough?” We fought. I found his response just wrong on many, many levels – he didn’t really see anything wrong with it.

- Recently, he told me that his aunt has given us an amount of money (about 10,000 euros) to start our life together (buy furniture for the new apartment etc.). He said she gave him the money and told him to spend it on things we need – the attached card is addressed to both of us. Immediately he started planning on how to spend it – some should go to furniture and the rest towards a new car for him (b/c he needs one). When I jokingly pointed out that he shouldn’t be so fast with spending it b/c it’s for both of us, he sarcastically asked me if he should wire me half of it. The next day he expressed some doubts whether the money was in fact for us because she actually gave it to him and after all she is his aunt, not mine. We got in a fight (to me it’s not the matter of money, since I didn’t expect it and don’t really need it, but what infuriated me is that he said it was for us and then went back on it – it makes me feel like he’s greedy and would screw me over for money)

- A few times I heard him say that he would do something slightly unethical for more money. For example, he was entitled to a tax relief but needed to obtain a copy of my lease. It looked like for various reasons he wouldn’t be able to get a copy. To which he suggested that he will just fake the lease and submit it with his tax statement. Other examples include getting paid twice for an interview and not returning the money after noticing the mistake. Then wondering whether he should return it after the company contacted him asking for refund (we’re talking about around 500 euros). These things bother me – I find them dishonest.

My behaviors:

- I don’t think we need to be even all the time. I think that with time it evens out anyway. If I see something he would like – like a nice watch for 200 euros, or a book for 20, I will buy it for him and give it to him without any occasion. Lately, due to his behavior, I feel like I don’t really want to spontaneously get things for him anymore.

- I am relatively responsible with money. I have a lot of savings (as does he) and neither one of us has any debts. We both earn quite a bit, although his salary is higher. We have separate accounts and no joint assets. I do not have the cutthroat attitude to get more money and search for occasions that would make me richer like he does (on some level I admire him for this attitude b/c it will assure his wealth but on another I despise him when he applies this attitude to me).

- When push comes to shove, I tend to have too much pride and say – You can stick your money. Take your aunt’s 10,000 grand, I’m not entitled to it and I don’t even want it. You’re haggling with me over splitting the cost of Christmas gifts for my parents? Screw you, I’ll pay for everything myself – I don’t need anything from you. He usually doesn’t protest and I think is secretly happy about me telling him not to contribute.

Additional Background:

- He comes from a family that was never very affluent but at the same time not poor (parents are both teachers – they lead a comfortable life, but nothing too crazy). My parents are rather rich and I will potentially inherit a lot of money (currently though, I am completely on my own and don’t receive any money from them, apart from an occasional Christmas/Birthday gift). I think some differences in our approach to money may come from what our families have (or don’t have) and the inherent sense of in/security in this. However, even though I can find this an extenuating circumstance, I find his behavior very off-putting. I feel like I can’t trust him with money – I am at a point where I want him to sign a postnuptial agreement specifying that all gifts/inheritance received from my family will be solely mine (because in case things go bad, I feel that he’ll try to get every last penny out of me). On one hand I feel he’s backed me into this corner with his behavior – on the other I feel like this is not a way to live nor to start your marriage. It disturbs me that my normally trusting and easygoing brain is sending me signs that I should protect myself just in case. This makes me actually rethink whether we should stay married (it is such a contentious issue for me and so strong of a sentiment) even though I love him very much and have no doubt that he loves me.

So here I come hive mind, to ask for advice on how to change this situation. How to show to my husband that his behavior is wrong? Also, to verify whether it is in fact wrong or am I some naïve, oversensitive drama queen. Maybe everyone is the way he is and I’m just the odd person who just simply doesn’t know how to take care of her business and has a deluded vision of what is right. (In that case, please provide me with advice on how to be more assertive about money and how to be more more like him). Also, any insights from people who were in similar situation and managed to change it or failed at changing it, would be appreciated. Any advice on changing his or my behavior that will lead to a happy ending would be great.

My throwaway email address is metanony@yahoo.com

I'm to sad to think of a funny title.

chichimimizu — Sun, 19 Aug 2007 18:36:50 -0800

My boyfriend is bad with money. I knew this when I met him, and for the first year or so of our relationship it was mostly one of his more grating personality quirks, nothing truly irritating and definitely not a dealbreaker. At the time my attitude was that as long as it didn't affect me, as long as he wasn't asking for help, and as long as his poor decisions didn't render him homeless or hungry, it wasn't my problem. Except now it is. Due to an abusive living situation that ended catastrophically, I was forced to move in with him. This is temporary. It's also destroying our relationship. There are so many, many problems but the most recent, and the one I'm asking about today, involves his car. I don't know how to drive and while I was in the process of learning, I'd been relying on him to get me to work and to any appointments that came up. I work very far from where he lives and that's been a strain on things, but we'd worked out a compromise. I would take public transportation two out of the five days I needed to get to work and pay half of the gas costs. Beyond transportation, I'd also been paying him (as well as his roommate) a little bit monthly for rent and taking care of food and cleaning. We'd been doing this since May and it was working out well, or as well as the situation could work, until last Wednesday when we were pulled over. He hadn't paid his excise tax (apparently for some time) as well as some outstanding tickets, and as such could not renew his registration. Because of this, his car was towed and impounded. All together, it's going to cost about $500 for him to get it back on the road.

He doesn't have $500. He has no savings of any kind, he's self-employed, and he spends what he gets fairly quickly so he's starting from literally $0. He's borrowed money from his parents, a bit from his friends, worked to get the rest, but he's still $200 short. I have $200. I don't want to give it to him.

I just feel like if he'd ask me at any time before it got to this point to help out with a ticket or help pay for the excise tax or do anything really, I would have. And I wouldn't have expected anything in return. Our relationship is very much about going dutch. On everything. In fact, one of the tickets in question, a $15 citation recieved for a parking violation, I watched him get two months ago. I kept reminding him to take care of it, asked if he wanted me to take care of it, every time he refused, said he would deal with it, became exasperated with me. Finally I stopped asking. Now that $15 ticket is a $75 fine.

I explained to him as this: I don't believe that it's a good idea from people in relationships to owe each other money, I don't want to lend it to him. He agrees with me on that point and if I gave him this money, he would not be willing to pay me back. At the same time, in this particular case, I'm not comfortable just giving him the money. We're in this completely preventable situation because of what he has done, or failed to do. I'm saving every penny I can so I can move out and I can't afford to throw away $200 to pay for his negligence. He's said that his only concern throughout this entire thing is making sure I can get to work, but if that was the case, how could he even allow it to happen? These tickets are months old and the excise tax isn't something that just pops up. His response is that he's been depressed, that people make mistakes, that if it were me he would help out without a second thought. He says my attitude makes him feel sad and he's begun acting resentful and distant. Every conversation we've had about this begins and ends with his talking about all that he's done for me. It feels like he's throwing it in my face. If we're counting dollars I haven't given as much (I make much less than he does), I've given as much as I can afford. Still, I feel guilty.

So my question for you is this: Am I making the right decision? Whether I am or not, how can we work past this? I feel like there's no way to talk to him about it without his getting upset or bringing up how much he's given.

Can I handcuff this guy to the gate?

j_gd00 — Mon, 04 Jun 2007 15:22:29 -0800

Help me turn in a deadbeat dad. The Background:
My cousin and best friend married a man who went into the Army. He has not supported their three children in any way whatsoever. He fritters away all their money and takes out further payday loans without telling her, making her take a night job (putting her very premature infant into daycare) to keep the gas and water on. He has an expensive car which he updates with new rims or something else every weekend. She has none. He will only watch the kids if they are fed, changed, and she will be back in an hour. He has only done so a few times. He has cheated on her with nine girls (that she knows of). There are more than ample grounds for divorce here, but she has no money for the process. She is pretty meek and only worked up the courage to leave him six months ago. Since then, nothing has changed but the following. He is currently AWOL, has moved to a nearby town, works off the books for cash for construction companies, and is living with his current girlfriend while she lives on her own. He pops over unannounced and wheedles at her to take him back occasionally. Last time he drove over, it was in his girlfriend's truck, yet he still had the stones to ask her to come back. He will not interact with the kids. They are 3 years, 20 months and 9 weeks old. Thankfully, they do not care if he is there or not since they essentially do not know who he is. The point of all this is; he does not care, will not change, and plans to live this way indefinitely.

The Questions:
Can I turn him in and how? Is there a cheaper way to get a divorce? How can child support be collected when there is no record of him? If he were hogtied and driven to a military base and left at the gate, would that be a citizen's arrest or a kidnapping?(Only half joking. My husband(also military) would gladly carry out this plan if it were feasible. We wouldn't cross state lines.)

The Needed Facts:
Both of them lived in Texas and are now in Missouri. She says he is AWOL, but he could be a deserter. She also loathes him now and would like him to be turned in. He has no paycheck to be garnished since his pay is suspended. The military police have been called and given his address to no effect. He also has an outstanding vehicle citation of some sort which could possibly interest the civilian police force. The reason for turning him in would be to prosecute him for lack of child support and to hopefully force him to take care of his children and possibly pay for a divorce.
Be kind please. I know absolutely nothing about legal-ese and have probably used the wrong wording the entire question.

How do I stop judging my significant other's spending habits?

onepapertiger — Fri, 01 Sep 2006 07:44:51 -0800

How do I stop judging my significant other's spending habits? (more inside) Yesterday, my boyfriend bought this god awful shirt. It's this drab olive, shiny button down shirt that looks like what those South American guys wear when they go clubbing. We got into an argument over it. It was my fault because I feel like he wastes money and it offends me to see him spend money on something so hideous. He defended the purchase saying that he was tired of the clothes he had and that it was only $30. He has more clothes than I do and I can't explain this entirely, but I felt offended that he said he was tired of his clothes. I love those clothes. I think he's gorgeous and that all the clothes he has make him look wonderful. I have specific memories of things he wore and I am fairly attached to the things he wears. Then he went and bought this horrible shirt.

He and I live together. I was scared about moving in together, but I love him and we've been together for a long time.

I know. It's just a shirt, but I cried about it. I hate that shirt! It looks horrible. It makes him look skeazy. I don't share the idea that $30 is a small sum of money. I think $30 could go for charitable purposes or into his savings account. I think $30 is a lot. That morning, he said he was going to take this class that cost $400. The same class is offered at the nearby state university for $300. He wasn't overly concerned about the difference in cost, until it turned out that the private university's tuition didn't cover the cost of materials and the state university covered materials.

I can't spend $10 on a shirt without really, really thinking it over and to me, there's no such thing as just $5.00. There is, however, just $2.00, but even then, it sort of depends on what I'm buying. Here's something else that irks me: He has a broken down car that we never use that he bought a parking space for, at $150 a month. He's a paralegal temp and averages about $40K-$50K a year. He ended up on a sixth month project that might be extended. His job steadily brings in money and there hasn't been one time in a year and a half that he hasn't been working. He works a lot. All the time. I regularly don't see him until 8-9 pm in the evening.

I know when couples move into the partnership phase where they share spaces and their lives, they do argue about money. All of the money I earn is my own. I have a savings account and an IRA. He's older than me, has no IRA and just got a savings account started. He's not saving aggressively enough, in my opinion. I try to keep my opinions to myself. It's his money, his life, his choices. I don't want to later be blamed for trying to influence him in ways that he resents later.

I hate myself for this, for judging him, because I adore him. He's a wonderful man, he holds up his share of the rent and it really isn't any of my business how he spends his money so long as he holds up his share of the rent. But I'm really worried about him and how he spends unnecessarily. He doesn't use or need the car at all (We haven't used it for more than eight months now), it's in need of repair and to me, $150 is a lot of money.

Here's my question: How do I let him just do whatever he does and not get annoyed or offended by how he spends money. We're not engaged or married, so I just don't feel like it's my business or my burden to bear. And I want to stay in this relationship, whether or not we ever get married or not. I just don't know how to not take his spending personally.

Our Money, Our Presents.

Anonymous — Sun, 09 Jul 2006 15:58:17 -0800

I am a little confused regarding the shared economics of a long term serious relationship; specifically, how it relates to gift giving. My girlfriend and I both work. Both of our pay cheques go into a combined bank account. There is no disctinction in our relationship such as "my money" or "your money"; instead, there is simply "our money."

I am a bit confused as to how this will work in regards to giving presents. For example, if I buy her a birthday present using "our money", am I not effectively making her buy her own present?

And when I propose to her (as I plan to later this year), when I buy the ring, will she not effectively be buying her own engagement ring?

Please help me understand how this is not the case, if infact it isn't the case.

Take the job or leave it?

Koffeeman — Thu, 06 Jul 2006 19:02:48 -0800

Should I stay or should I go now? How do I decide? THis is my first question to the group at large here. I really need some input on a weighty decision that just landed in my lap.

About two months ago, I interviewed in VA for a Sr. position with a consulting company. Due to my lack of years of experience (barely 8) and the fact that they wanted 8-10 minimum, I was not offered the position. I did impress them enough that the contact in the company that I had said to call back in 8 weeks due to a personnel change that might happen. Lo and behold, a straight position opened up, one level below the Sr. position. While I have not been formally offered a package, my contact wants to know if there is any interest?

My problem is that while I will have a job, my wife (just shy of a master's degree) will have to start over looking for a new position. She is in pharmaceutical packaging as a cleaning validation specialist (basicially a regulatory paper maker). The market for this in the VA area is literally nil. That means a new job doing something else and starting either on the ground floor or slightly above that. She is in her late 30s and is feeling like we have never set down roots. Not an issue for me but it is becoming a big one for her. No kids, we rent, and the COL between where I am now and VA is 1.2:1. So here is the question?

Should I take this job or should I decline at this point? What can I use to make up my mind? Is there some way to help my wife make her mind up?

Is there a good way to offer to help out my boyfriend financially?

Anonymous — Mon, 17 Apr 2006 06:43:00 -0800

I make more money than my boyfriend. Normally this isn't a big deal, and has pretty much never come into play in our relationship (we've been together over a year). But lately he's been broke (his work's dependent on the weather, which has been crappy lately and so he hasn't been able to work much, thru no fault of his own). I'm in a position to help, but the situation seems rather delicate. Thoughts about how to proceed? For example, his bed is falling apart and he needs car repairs. I am in a position to buy him a new bed (which would benefit me too, frankly, since I spend half the week there*) and/or fix his car - we're not talking an insane ton of money, really (500 bucks, maybe), and while I'm far from rich, it's an amount I could easily spare. Until a few years ago, money was always really tight for me, so I know exactly how much anxiety he's going thru, and I would love to be able to alleviate it now that I'm finally in a more financially stable place in my life. I would see it as a gift, though of course if he felt he'd want to pay me back, I would accept that too.

Every time I've tried to bring it up (as delicately as I can), he's been very gracious but he doesn't want to consider it. I understand this too - it's painful to be broke, and awkward to be in a position where someone offers to help. I would also guess it's harder b/c of the gender dynamic - being a guy helped out by his girlfriend.

So I get all that. But I also get that he's really worried, and I want - and am able - to help. Again, I am perfectly prepared (and can absolutely afford) to see it as a gift - I don't care about being paid back unless it's important to him. I just care about helping lessen some of the stress he's under. I also care about respecting him, and not pushing this on him if he really can't handle it. Thoughts? Suggestions? Stupid money.

*we usually don't spend nights at my house because he needs to be able to walk his dogs late at night and first thing in the morning, so spending nights at my place till he can buy a new bed on his own really isn't an option.

How can a young stud meet a rich old lady?

ThePinkSuperhero — Sun, 27 Feb 2005 19:28:40 -0800

How, and where, does a twenty-something guy find a rich sugar momma? My friend is a good-looking young guy, and wants to meet an old lady that'll spend money on him, make him over, etc. He's willing to give up all of his personal opinions and control of his appearance. We were trying to think of places he could meet older women looking to spoil a cute young guy, but we were stumped. Any ideas?

Handling money in a relationship.

croutonsupafreak — Thu, 17 Feb 2005 23:42:05 -0800

How do you handle money within your relationship? Right now, my boyfriend and I have totally seperate accounts, and we pay our mutual bills on an income-proportional basis (we live together). He makes more, so I let him pay for dinner out most of the time and we usually wait until it's his time to buy groceries before we buy more expensive items.

We're trying to figure out how we'll handle money as our relationship progresses, with the thought that we'll probably get married in a year or two.

I read a financial column recently that adamantly argued that couples should combine all their finances into joint accounts. Other things I've read suggest keeping seperate personal checking accounts, but maybe having a joint checking and savings account.

About us:

I have about $2,500 in car and unsubsidized student loans that I want to pay off before we start becoming fiscally enmeshed. I've got another $10,000 in subsidized student loans too. Because paying off this debt and saving for retirement are very important to me, and I don't make all that much money, I live on a fairly tight budget.

He makes more than me, invests well for his retirement and doesn't have any debt. He's not intentionally frugal, but he's not all that into consumption, so he just seems to naturally save an additional fifth of his income each year after investing.

We're open with each other about how much we have and what our financial goals are, but I think we're both a little nervous about combining accounts.

How do you and your partner manage your finances? Any tips for becoming more comfortable with this topic? Any suggestions for us?

How to go Dutch in a Relationship

Anonymous — Sun, 06 Feb 2005 20:35:31 -0800

After reading this thread, a similar question came to mind. I have always been raised with the notion that you pay a girl's way as a gentleman, but as a student (and a poor one at that) this is often not entirely possible. My current girlfriend makes far more money than I do acting and modeling, and so she pays for the vast majority of our 'go out' experiences. This was fine for the first few months, but it's been over a year now and I feel like it somehow emasculates me to be taken out to dinner on a regular basis by my girlfriend. I know this seems sexist, but in all honesty I would love to just be able to pay my way (half) and not feel guilty/less-of-a-man. At times this feeling has gotten to the point that we've fought about what she can buy me, because of the way it makes me feel indebted (although she never holds it above me in any way). I do feel, though, that she uses her ability to buy me things as a way to make herself indispensable, to ensure I would never find 'anything better'. Should I tell her to stop taking me out and buying me extravagant gifts I can never repay (she took me to Amsterdam for my 21st birthday, for example), or just realize I'm the luckiest man in the world and stop bitching? Somehow I suspect the latter...