163 posts tagged with relationships and breakup.
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How to prevent attachment to a casual fling?

For my first outside-of-my-first-relationship relationship (or whatever you would call it, there's no titles for anything anymore), I am very confused how to do this successfully and without getting hurt. Please help me understand how to navigate a casual relationship without hurting myself. Slight snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by socky bottoms on Jul 25, 2016 - 25 answers

Should I break up with him?

So, me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year and a half. Met online shortly after I got out of a 5 year relationship. It has been an interesting relationship. I've had really good times along with bad and doubts throughout. I feel like I am bad at relationships; I don't really have standards for boyfriends or something, I don't know what my problem is, and if anyone can point it out to me it might help me... [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on May 31, 2016 - 36 answers

Have I made a mistake?

I broke up with my first real long term boyfriend about a month ago, but it was dragged out for a few weeks so only unofficially ended with no contact a few days ago. [more inside]
posted by izz97 on Apr 26, 2016 - 9 answers

How to break down the pedestal you created?

What's a great sentiment that someone shared with you or that you discovered on your own that really helped you break away from framing your thoughts around a relationship that ended? What helped bring your ex off the pedestal? [more inside]
posted by modernman on Mar 25, 2016 - 19 answers

How do I stop living with anger about being rejected?

How do I deal with the constant pang of rejection? Her image is in my head all day long, every day. It's been almost 2 months since the breakup. The breakup was for the best and I have been keeping myself really busy otherwise, reconnecting with myself. I am not contacting her. [more inside]
posted by pixelsnbits on Mar 15, 2016 - 26 answers

break-up the breakdown

Give me your tips on getting through the acute part of a break-up. [more inside]
posted by quadrilaterals on Feb 18, 2016 - 30 answers

Help dealing with a dying NT-Aspie relationship

In short, I am trying to help myself accept that I have to end my relationship with my boyfriend. Although he has never been diagnosed, I'm fairly certain that he has Asperger's (whereas I'm NT), and our inability to communicate with one another is taking a toll on my mental health. He is full of love and respect for me but has done things that hurt me and our relationship so badly, that I feel that I cannot recover at this point. Please help me find the strength and resources to get through this. [more inside]
posted by NeverGrowSoOldAgain on Feb 17, 2016 - 41 answers

Preserving the stability I've worked so hard to achieve

After being diagnosed with bipolar II, my partner and I accidentally built my coping strategies around my total emotional reliance on him. Now that I have my career on track and have moved into what was to be "our home," I feel my stability at risk as it truly sinks in that he is exiting the relationship, but wants to remain as friends and a support system. How can I process this grief without compromising my stability? [more inside]
posted by asmith30 on Feb 17, 2016 - 19 answers

Friendship after a break up

If you are someone who is or has been good friends with an ex-partner, how does that happen and what does it look like? What do you think are the necessary conditions for this to happen? How do you navigate feelings and boundaries? What are timelines like (ie is there a cooling off period involved)? Do you get jealous of their new partners? Thanks in advance. [more inside]
posted by mossicle on Jan 23, 2016 - 17 answers

How to help cheating ex without hurting myself

Ex cheated on me. It hurts. She's now in an abusive, controlling relationship. Where do I draw the line between helping her and helping me? Many, many snow flurries inside. [more inside]
posted by AnonymousPuppet on Dec 21, 2015 - 30 answers

A web of deceit and misdirection, or, how to ruin two relationships

I've been dating a lovely woman for almost 4 years this fall but, within the past year, have developed an on-again-off-again romantic relationship with a former coworker. I feel the later has developed to a point that it is make-or-break while the former continues along without hiccup. I have a huge number of conflicting feelings... [more inside]
posted by landofthefree on Oct 18, 2015 - 25 answers

How do I enjoy being single?

My ex moved out roughly 2 weeks ago. I'm feeling extremely sad and alone. How do I not jump into another relationship right away? [more inside]
posted by Nicole21 on Oct 16, 2015 - 20 answers

Niggling hope, post breakup edition. How to squelch it?

My long distance boyfriend of 2 years suddenly and coldly broke up with me during my last visit, before I could tell him I wanted to move for him and build a future. We have 4-5 flights for the next three months already booked. I have this niggling, nefarious, wretched shred of hope that he will still get on his flight(s) to come see me. This hope wedges its way into my mind and is destroying me. How do I kill it so it stops stunting my ability to move on? [more inside]
posted by doctordrey on Sep 9, 2015 - 25 answers

Broke up with toxic ex, why do I feel like I did something wrong?

I broke up with my toxic ex roughly 2 weeks ago and I feel real empty and weird. I feel sad and feel like I did something wrong but he mainly to blame for this. More inside [more inside]
posted by ruebeignet on Aug 16, 2015 - 16 answers

i love you, but your happiness is smothering me

As someone with a history of transcience and instability, can I be happy in a relationship with someone who's had a very conventional life? A looooong explanation follows. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 25, 2015 - 16 answers

Are rebound relationships (and rebound sex) really often helpful?

Looking at the end of a significant LTR that's probably going to be crushing once I get over the shock. They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I have no experience with this. Is it really often true? (they also say that low-fat deserts and education debt are good for you). [more inside]
posted by wildblueyonder on Jul 19, 2015 - 16 answers

Toxic ex broke up with me and wants to get back together

I'm conflicted with this sensitive, hard situation. My ex of 2.5 years broke up with me roughly 4 months ago due to him recently becoming aware of his issues (anger, depression, possible bipolar disorder, childhood issues, binge eating). He seems to be increasingly struggling with his issues day by day He mentioned that he still loves/cares for me, and wants to become a better person for me, build a life together but can't do these things until he gets better. We've talked on and off after the break up. He saw me out with a new guy and is now worried about potentially losing me and wants to get back together. [more inside]
posted by ruebeignet on Jun 23, 2015 - 37 answers

Breakup in Same Social Circle

My girlfriend (26) broke up with me (33) out of the blue last week. To add to this, we share the same tight social circle that meets multiple times per week for different outings. I have been keeping my distance from the group so far. While I don't want to lose touch with this circle of friends, I also feel that seeing her would add to my pain and discomfort. Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you handle it?
posted by QuietType on Jun 20, 2015 - 11 answers

It was a dream, then got hit with a huge dose of reality. Can we fix it?

My boyfriend (ex-boyfriend? Something in between?) and I fell in love and saw us building a future together. Then chaos erupted with his work and put a strain on us and our relationship. After months of waiting, he has a new position that he has become obsessed with and our relationship was put on the back burner. We still love each other and don't want to walk away completely, so we are currently on a break and I'm confused about where to go from here. (Deeply apologetic for the length, but I wanted to paint the most accurate picture possible... ) [more inside]
posted by heathergro on Jun 5, 2015 - 23 answers

Should I end my relationship, and if so how?

I (26f) have been with my boyfriend (28m) for 6 years. I've always had doubts in the back of my mind and am thinking about ending things for the 3rd time in 2 years. Am I making the right decision, and how do I go about it? [more inside]
posted by Satsue on May 24, 2015 - 23 answers

What is sexual compatibility if libido is not a problem?

Trying to get over a recent Ex who I thought was perfect except for sexual compatibility. I'm trying to unpack this concept and get advice on whether different sexual styles (libido is not a problem) is a dealbreaker. There's no chance of getting him back, but it might help me move on. [more inside]
posted by minoraltercation on May 5, 2015 - 15 answers

Creative approaches to reconciling?

If my boyfriend and I stay together, how can we improve our relationship without getting mired in the distrust that can come with having almost parted or in the effortful work of changing our interactions? [more inside]
posted by newtonstreet on Jan 9, 2015 - 7 answers

I don't want to see you but here you are

I just found out that my ex is planning on attending a New Year's Eve party I am going to and it is causing me a lot of stress. Strategies for dealing with this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 26, 2014 - 17 answers

Please help me decide if I should move back to NYC from SF

Can't decide if I should move back to NYC from SF. Please help me find some new ways to think about the problem. [more inside]
posted by apostate street preacher on Dec 4, 2014 - 27 answers

How do I deal with a relationship that'll end when I move away?

Started a relationship with someone and it feels like the closest most intimate relationship I've ever been in, but, I'm financially committed to starting a new job in another country, in a month's time. We've already talked about spending as much time together as possible before the move (and we have a trip somewhere planned our last weekend together) but I don't know what to do after I move away. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 9, 2014 - 8 answers

How should I handle my hunch that my boyfriend was abused?

How should I handle my hunch that my boyfriend was abused as a child -- when I am unsure about the future of our relationship in general? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 10, 2014 - 36 answers

building solid community in your thirties and forties

Folks in your thirties and forties, especially ones that are married or in committed relationships - how have you built or maintained communities and social support networks outside your family? Especially if you have kids? How would you recommend that one build a good foundation for this earlier in life or if you wish you had (particularly following a significant life event like a divorce). I am going through a break-up and facing these questions right now in my earlier thirites, and wondering how I can better prepare myself if this happens in the future. [more inside]
posted by waylaid on Aug 15, 2014 - 19 answers

Break-up apps that keep you from looking at exes on Facebook/Instagram?

Does anyone know of an app (or apps) that block you from looking at a particular Facebook page, or a particular Instagram feed? I've heard of Break-up Apps that recently have come about where you can 'erase' someone's photos, tags, etc. from your Facebook, as if they were never there, and I also know of chrome extensions which block you from a site altogether, but I can't find a good app that blocks only a particular PAGE on the site (i.e. www.facebook.com/ex'susername). I would like to be able to continue being 'Facebook Friends' with an ex, as not doing so will be disruptive. I also need to use Facebook for my job. I've already blocked them from appearing on my newsfeed and in chat, but I can't seem to stop myself from, fairly regularly, checking their Facebook page, or their Instagram feed. Any good solutions you've seen online? If not, I may have to team up with a programmer to create one because I think it'd be a very useful service! I sure could use it ASAP.
posted by anonymous on Aug 2, 2014 - 4 answers

Ending friendship like a grown-up

I’d like to get some outside opinions on managing the probable end of a friendship with a formerly very close friend, without (any more) melodrama or middle-school emotional antics. I will definitely see her at a mutual friend’s birthday in a couple of months, and I may see her infrequently (e.g. a few times a year) on an ongoing basis. [more inside]
posted by Kpele on Jul 21, 2014 - 28 answers

Should I tell or stay out of it?

How do I approach this delicate situation of a recent breakup, addiction issues, and levels of responsibility and boundaries in a new ex’s life? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 27, 2014 - 20 answers

Determining if it's time to end a LTR and then the follow through

I'm currently in a LTR relationship, we currently live together, have pets, and I'm starting to think the relationship has run it's course - but I've been in this mentality at least once a year the past few years, and it always passes. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 27, 2014 - 18 answers

But we're in love, dammit!

How do you get over a breakup when both people were compatible and happy in the relationship? [more inside]
posted by exutima on May 31, 2014 - 15 answers

Took your advice & DTMFA. Now he's made big changes. What to do?

I took your advice, MetaFilter, and broke up with the guy who I wasn't totally feeling things for (and had checked out of our relationship). Some time has passed and he seems to be resolving most of the reasons for my unhappiness. He'd still be a great co-parent and partner, so, should I reconsider? Or is it too soon? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 27, 2014 - 31 answers

How to best break up with my girlfriend?

I am strongly considering breaking up with my girlfriend, but I haven't done this for a while and want to do the right thing. I value both honesty/truth and kindness. I know that sometimes the truth hurts a lot and may scar people psychologically, so I am looking for guidance on how to toe the line between being respectfully honest and condescendingly protective. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2014 - 26 answers

Is this a very shallow reason for breakup?

I have been dating my girlfriend for couple of months. I think she is caring and very smart. I have two problems with her that to me seem very shallow however it seems that they still matter to me. [more inside]
posted by mbn1455 on Feb 25, 2014 - 50 answers

so much for trip of a lifetime

In a few hours I'm about to board a flight that was supposed to include my girlfriend. except she broke up with me last month and now I'm flying alone and demoralized. How do I not make this trip suck more than it already does? [more inside]
posted by divabat on Dec 11, 2013 - 10 answers

the one left behind

I've been seeing a lot of stories from people who left their relationships so that they can go on to be better versions of themselves, because they felt their ex held them back. Is there anything from the perspective of the ex that got left behind? [more inside]
posted by divabat on Dec 3, 2013 - 40 answers

How, specifically, do you break up with someone?

Yet another break up question: I've decided to end it with my partner of about a year and a half, and I'll keep to the typical advice of being respectful, doing it face to face, making a clean break with no contact, etc. But what exactly do I do? Where? How? When? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 4, 2013 - 13 answers

How does an isolated person heal from a breakup?

I need tips on how to handle/distract myself from a break up when I'm low on the friend count and the money count and don't really leave the house. Ever. [more inside]
posted by biochemist on Oct 30, 2013 - 25 answers

How can I help my girlfriend with two dogs we just got after breakup?

I'm about to break up with my girlfriend of two years who I live with. We've had intermittent fights of me not being happy where it was going. The latest one happened just last week, the day before we picked up two dogs. She's going to keep the dogs (hard decision for me) if we break up, but what can I do to help? I feeling like I'm abandoning her with kids we just had. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 18, 2013 - 18 answers

Should I to try to make this relationship work?

Usually, in my past relationships, it's been pretty obvious to me when things have run their course, and I have tended to approach the break-ups as a step forward - which has worked out okay for me up until now, since none of my exes have been super ideal matches for me. Now, though, I find myself feeling more and more dispassionate towards a boyfriend who is really, honestly a super great guy. Help me make a decision? [more inside]
posted by 129SvJ on Sep 11, 2013 - 26 answers

hurting over past relationship now more than when the break up happened

I feel like I'm going backwards with the break up over my past relationship which occured over six months ago. I was fine for months afterwards and, in the past couple of weeks, I've been feeling increasingly guilty over my behaviour toward my depressed ex and it hurts to think about memories together and him in general much more than it used to. Is it normal, could it be because our one year anniversary would have been in a few days? Why is it happening, when I feel like I care more about my current bf than I did him? Am I betraying him? What should I do? [more inside]
posted by opalshards on Sep 3, 2013 - 5 answers

Is it okay to stop maintaining contact with a longtime 'friend'?

I have a 'friend' with whom I am not interested in maintaining a friendship any longer. She seems to feel otherwise and is being a bit persistent. I keep ignoring her emails and phone calls, but still, every few months or so, there she is. I really don't want to have to tell her that I don't want to be her friend anymore. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 26, 2013 - 37 answers

Should I stay... Or really, how should I go?

How do I navigate a breakup with this woman who I respect and love, in a way that might encourage her to get better and find some happiness? Or should I even break up with her, given the potential good things that might come along if she did process through some of her stuff? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 25, 2013 - 32 answers

Strong Single Woman? Is there like...Cliff notes for this or something?

I'm single again. I know...KNOW that I MUST learn how to be OK with myself single. I crave being that strong, single women that people are drawn to and admire. But I'm to the point that I can't just say "I'm amazing!" and *snaps fingers* everything is peachy keen again. I need some specific things to do in order to move forward, distract myself from my loneliness, and learn to like being single. Can you add to the list of things to do? Come on in! [more inside]
posted by MultiFaceted on Aug 16, 2013 - 26 answers

Seize the day... in the suckiest sense.

AskingForAFriend filter (at his suggestion): I had the "perfect" chance to break up, and I blew it. What now, metafilter? [more inside]
posted by six sided sock on Jun 18, 2013 - 17 answers

Songs for the dumper?

While coping with his decision to end a long-term relationship (and being vilified by his family and friends as a result), a friend of mine recently commented that "People only write songs about the guy being dumped. Nobody sings about the other guy." Intuitively, this feels untrue to me, but I'm having a surprisingly tough time coming up with counter-examples. Metafilter: Can you recommend some songs written for/about being the person who initiates the end of a relationship? [more inside]
posted by schmod on Jun 3, 2013 - 128 answers

Did I just break up with myself?

I recently had a very confusing break-up conversation that I am having a lot of trouble decoding. [more inside]
posted by karminai on Jun 2, 2013 - 21 answers

How do I keep one (little) footbridge unburned in a breakup?

I am trying to write a short breakup email to someone I need to go "no contact" with for a while... while still leaving a relatively positive line of communication open between us, longer-term. How do I do this? [more inside]
posted by argonauta on May 24, 2013 - 14 answers

Engagement didn't work out - but she's still on the mortgage

So I got engaged and bought a house with my fiancee. We lived together for a couple of years but it did not go well and she moved out. So I'd like to keep the house but do that I'll need to get her off the mortgage and off the deed. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 22, 2013 - 23 answers

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