I've been seeing a wonderful guy for several months now, and I'm very happy. But he's a victim of abuse from a past relationship, and I'm looking for advice/resources on how to better support him.
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posted by Gee, June!
on May 13, 2013 -
12 answers
Is a man who pretends to be friends with a woman when he is actually interested in more than friendship doing something shady?
Should said woman (myself) drop him as a friend or give him a chance to adjust? He’s a good friend and generally a positive, interesting and charming friend to have (smart, insightful, witty, capable of deep conversation, trustworthy with secrets, understanding…). I’m simply not interested in dating him (for many reasons, the most glaring of which is that he’s sexist in subtle ways that I couldn’t tolerate in a partner), but I value and love his friendship and conversation. I do not want to date him, ever. I don’t know if I should salvage our friendship or let it go, for his sake and mine...I've included the details below but I think this summary captures what I am trying to intellectually and emotionally figure out.
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posted by grassbottles
on Feb 28, 2013 -
54 answers
I am having a very difficult time dealing with PTSD, especially as it relates to having close relationships with men. I am in my early 40's and for most of my life I didn't realize why I had such a hard time being able to trust others and allow myself to get close to people. Over the past couple of years, I was diagnosed with PTSD stemming from emotional, verbal, and physical abuse during my childhood. I have to say that it was good to discover why I have been screwed up emotionally for so long. At the same time, I am able to see that the kind of men I tend to gravitate toward are either abusive or emotionally not present (just like my parents). I have been in therapy ever since my diagnosis, and am working on building my self-esteem too. I am an awesome woman with a lot to offer and I have come a long way over the years. I can't seem to stop attracting men who hurt me in some way.
I want to find a life partner and I know that I deserve to be in a loving and nurturing relationship. But love equals pain even after years of therapy and working on myself.
Is there life after PTSD and how do I break this cycle? How can I find a man who loves me for me and wants to be supportive, PTSD and all? Thanks.
posted by strelitzia
on Feb 12, 2013 -
12 answers
Going round and round in circles in a relationship that has me asking 'what's the point?' and thinking 'why bother, he doesn't care'. Add to this my freelance work pattern, cohabitation but sleeping in separate rooms, his eating disorder, my issues with child abuse, his distance geographically from his family... and it's all just a big mess. I don't know what to do. Perhaps you can help me untangle things?
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 13, 2012 -
26 answers
When everything on the surface seems healed and healthy after a breakup, how do you quash obsessive thoughts and anger about an abusive ex- two years on?
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 17, 2012 -
20 answers
What are some informative self-help books and other resources (preferably online or UK-based) for adults dealing with abusive parents who have undiagnosed cognitive deficits and are emotionally stunted?
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posted by anonymous
on Jan 1, 2012 -
2 answers
My husband has anger issues. We are considering getting a dog, but I'm not sure I trust him to appropriately express his anger around the dog. What should I do?
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 9, 2011 -
33 answers
Where can I find resources on complicated grief, especially with regard to grieving something that never was?
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 8, 2011 -
6 answers
How can I restore my mental health/sanity after one stressful hell of a year? Additionally, any suggestions for starting to heal as a surviour of emotional abuse by a parent?
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posted by snowysoul
on May 9, 2011 -
16 answers
How can I fix myself so I can attract and believe in a healthy relationship is out there for me? I have great friends, I'm well-liked, I have a great career and have made tons of progress working on myself over the last ten years to make sure I don't adopt the patterns of my family of origin. I want a relationship but I still keep falling into the pattern of "I'll never meet anyone for me" or thinking that I'm meant to be alone AND I WANT TO STOP THIS BS ALREADY! Help/ideas please!
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posted by anonymous
on Apr 7, 2011 -
8 answers
Why do my obsessive thoughts focus so much on my relationship, and what can I do to manage them? After living through years of sexual abuse as a child and teen, followed by a severely unhealthy relationship with an older man soon there after, I've actually found someone with whom I have potential to build something that could be really great. The trouble is that my brain is trying incredibly hard to sabotage this relationship, despite my best efforts to control it.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 28, 2010 -
18 answers
How would you react if your long-term boyfriend/girlfriend told you they have a past history of extensive physical, sexual, and emotional abuse? Or do you say anything at all? Relevant details inside.
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posted by anonymous
on Sep 19, 2010 -
31 answers
Snowflake relationship question: How do I keep this quasi-relationship from stressing me out?
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posted by anonymous
on Jun 17, 2010 -
13 answers
How do I stop feeling so mercenary and unconsenting in my relationships? Right now my issue is primarily in romantic situations. I think that I know why I'm like this and have figured it all out mentally, but I need some practical strategies for avoiding situations that trigger my weirdness.
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posted by anonymous
on May 18, 2010 -
10 answers
I have moved back to my home town after about ten years. Throughout those years, an ex-boyfriend has been slandering me to old friends, colleagues, etc. I haven’t been in touch with a lot of these people and simply didn’t want to talk about the situation, so I didn’t.
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posted by anonymous
on Oct 4, 2009 -
14 answers
I have a traumatic past and a partner who wants to be supportive, but I don't know how to ask for support!
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posted by anonymous
on Aug 12, 2009 -
14 answers
My past experiences are coloring my perception of the present, my personal life is crashing into my professional life, help me make it stop.
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 5, 2008 -
17 answers
Help me sort out my feelings about the relationship I’m in because I just can’t seem to figure it out. (long and complicated - sorry!)
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posted by anonymous
on Dec 25, 2007 -
23 answers
How can I get them to leave me alone? I have the court order. I have moved and rarely leave the house. So how do I get this person to leave me alone?
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posted by uh126
on Dec 16, 2007 -
19 answers
work related question. A co-worker I work with very closely threatened my verbally and physically, claiming I was doing a poor job. I reported to my supervisor, and said co-worker denies it.
What should I do (other than quitting, but I like the job) I have been there 3 years and this came out of the blue. I feel now I have to resign.
Suggestions?
posted by cvoixjames
on Dec 13, 2006 -
39 answers
