2972 posts tagged with relationships.
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Outsider by choice: how to become more active?

I find it very hard to find the motivation to get involved in social interactions or group activities. I am happy observing, only speaking up when I feel I have something unique to contribute, like when I see nobody else is saying what I have to say or is able to perform something I can do. I don't want attention for the sake of attention and am used to being an observer, but I need to change as this behavior is beginning to have a toll on my life. Details inside. [more inside]
posted by Guelder on Jul 31, 2015 - 9 answers

Leaving my 4 year relatioship, never left anyone before?

After 4 years, and recent realization of my boyfriends distasteful behavior towards me, I am deeply considering leaving my first adult relationship. I've realize that quite possibly I've never been happy. I've been plagued my anxieties and insecurities throughout most of it. It has also had it's fair share of issues. It probably isn't a good sign if leaving our relationship makes me feel more sane. I think I need advice. Inside will be most of our history of issues and some more specific questions. [more inside]
posted by AdriftInSpace on Jul 29, 2015 - 23 answers

What's a normal way to navigate friendships?

I feel as though I have a lot of trouble navigating friendships with same way other people do. More specifically, I feel as though my normal is not anyone else's normal vis-a-vis level of contact, time commitments, etc. How do I address this? Lots of snowflakes inside. [more inside]
posted by O Sock My Sock on Jul 29, 2015 - 25 answers

I want a divorce, he doesn't

After a long consideration phase, I have decided that I want a divorce but my partner is refusing to start the formal process. What can I do? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 29, 2015 - 25 answers

Your best resources for evaluating the health of relationships

Without going into detail, I've been given pause about a romantic relationship and am trying to get some perspective on it. Having only the vaguest of itches, I decided to skip laying it all out for fellow MeFites this time in favor of something more universally applicable: what outside resources do you use to take the temperature of your interpersonal connections on your own?
posted by dee lee on Jul 28, 2015 - 8 answers

My guy friend (and crush) blushed when I gave him a compliment

I've liked this guy for quite a while. We're part of a meetup group that he leads. We are around the same age (early 30s, he's two years older). I've always found him to be a great leader and great person all around, despite my crush on him. Recently I told him this, and it wasn't in an overly gushing way. Just a sincere compliment. I was almost crying when I told him, so I was speaking from the heart. [more inside]
posted by starpoint on Jul 28, 2015 - 33 answers

i love you, but your happiness is smothering me

As someone with a history of transcience and instability, can I be happy in a relationship with someone who's had a very conventional life? A looooong explanation follows. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 25, 2015 - 16 answers

Boyfriend asked for space, how long should I wait?

My boyfriend asked for space after going through a pretty rough week. I'm leaving on holiday in a week (going away for two weeks) and I would like to sort things out before then. Is it a bad idea to contact him myself in a few days, or should I wait for him to make the first move (but risk going away for two weeks without having seen him)? [more inside]
posted by Vulpix91 on Jul 25, 2015 - 23 answers

How do I deal with contemptuous people?

Without going into too much detail, I'd love to know the most effective way to combat contempt amongst coworkers, bosses, and fellow members of social circles. I have attempted "killing them with kindness," but it seems to have little impact on diffusing situations where I am treated with disgust. Any help would be much appreciated.
posted by aristotlefangirl on Jul 22, 2015 - 15 answers

I'm invisible in real life, but do well in online dating [27/m]

In real life women don't flirt with me, smile at me in public, or glance at me when they walk past me. However, with online dating I do really well. What gives? I'm starting to suspect I'm just really photogenic and I'm a bit of a dog in real life.
posted by GiveUpNed on Jul 20, 2015 - 22 answers

Should I Just Go Straight to Crone Island?

How do you date while being a feminist? I was thinking about trying online dating again. Then I read the amazing emotional labor thread on the blue, which made me question that. Are there tips and tricks for finding a male partner who is willing to do emotional labor? [more inside]
posted by JustKeepSwimming on Jul 20, 2015 - 44 answers

Emotional Labor Checklist/Self-Assessment

In light of the thread on the blue about unpaid emotional labor, I'd like to construct a self-assessment checklist so that I can actively work on being better at emotional labor. I've got 20 or so line items already written down (posted below the fold), which I've amassed from trying to distill the thread. What additional items should I add or change to more fully flesh out this list? [more inside]
posted by Maecenas on Jul 20, 2015 - 72 answers

Are rebound relationships (and rebound sex) really often helpful?

Looking at the end of a significant LTR that's probably going to be crushing once I get over the shock. They say that the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I have no experience with this. Is it really often true? (they also say that low-fat deserts and education debt are good for you). [more inside]
posted by wildblueyonder on Jul 19, 2015 - 16 answers

She is backing off, should I walk away ?

What to do when she suddenly backs off: she stopped calling , we're still texting but she takes a very long time to respond to textmessages. Should I walk away and go no contact or keep low contact and keep my texts short? I know she’s not ready to hang out again so I dont’ have any intention to ask her out any time soon. (It's kinda complicated, see extended explanation for further details) Thanks in advance! [more inside]
posted by riceball13 on Jul 19, 2015 - 14 answers

Boyfriend wants to do a naked bike ride?

So, I am 22 and my boyfriend is 25. We've been dating 9 months. the other day he asked if I wanted to do the world naked bike ride with him, and I said probably. Well it's tonight, and I told him I'd go by honestly I'm not sure if I want to. Idk, something about it makes me feel really uncomfortable. I dont know what to do? [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Jul 18, 2015 - 42 answers

Searching for answers regarding lack of success in romance

Why am I also so disappointed and unsuccessful when it comes to dating, romance, and relationships? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 18, 2015 - 12 answers

Figuring out your relationship as a younger sister

I have an older half-sister, who I refer to as my sister because we are (were) very close. She is 14 years older than me. I am 23. Due to the age gap, we now have an odd sibling relationship, and I'm trying to figure out my place in it. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 17, 2015 - 17 answers

Befriending the Ex

My girlfriend wants to reconnect with a former partner and would like to invite the ex to a Big Event taking place next year. I am not comfortable with this. What to do? [more inside]
posted by Gray Skies on Jul 16, 2015 - 24 answers

Can I save my relationship? Is it worth saving?

I have been with my fiancée three years, but he doesn't communicate with me, and I'm at my wits end. Is it worth ending an otherwise good relationship if he won't listen to you? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2015 - 53 answers

Can you Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind someone virtually?

Yeah, that question is a weird one, so I will try to sum it up; boy meets girl, girls sleeps with boy, boy is a stunning wild Ukrainian flower that does not take life seriously and sleeps around on a daily basis, girl gets deeply attached, boy does not. However, I have become addicted to masochistically googling his name so I can view his social networks' pages (mostly Instagram, but also his VKontakte page). It became a daily ritual that deeply interferes with the fact that I absolutely know I should forget all about him and move on, cause as some of you know, this is a cul-de-sac and it hurts. So, I was wondering (perhaps very naively) if there is some way, or even some kind of a paid service, that will make it practically impossible for me to do this. It will make it impossible to google him, OR will block his social status pages from me. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 16, 2015 - 16 answers

How can I blend in socially in my field, esp. at my new internship?

I am currently interning and hope to work long-term in the environmental field (but office-based). I like outdoor activities but I am a bit overweight, out-of-shape and am inexperienced. Most of the people in my field are super fit and outdoorsy, and have already invited me on a variety of excursions that are way above my skill level. I've had to decline them all because I know it would be unmanageable at my current fitness state, and I'm worried people will just think of me as anti-social and unlikeable. How can I deal with this? [more inside]
posted by majesty_snowbird on Jul 12, 2015 - 14 answers

Asking my depressed boyfriend to move out so we can work on ourselves

My previously solid almost 2 year relationship is hanging by a thread. My bf of almost 2 years has been experiencing a depressive episode since May. I'm thinking of asking him to move out and seeing each other a couple of times a week. This is because his depression is rubbing off on me and I want us to have some space while we work on our issues, which will take time. [more inside]
posted by Femiluv on Jul 11, 2015 - 36 answers

My 8 year relationship lacks passion... should we move on?

I am in my early 30s and have been in a loving relationship for over 8 years. We live together and our lives are very intermingled. But the passion is gone, and I am beginning to wonder whether we'd be better apart. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2015 - 16 answers

First Comes Love, then Comes....?

What are other ways of creating and defining commitment in a relationship besides marriage? [more inside]
posted by brookeb on Jul 10, 2015 - 17 answers

How do I overcome selfish cowardice and breakup with a nice person?

I've been dating this woman for almost a year. For most of that time I've known that she is not "the one" but has been very loyal and is head over heels for me. We've helped each other a great deal over the past year and it has been nice to have someone to call when things come up. We also have a pretty good report and she is mostly kinda and sweet. Our sex is good and fun. But I feel like I'm pretending. I've never told her I love her and have been honest about that with her. I know it hurts her that I don't tell her this. I do care about her and we have fun together. But as I get older (45) I feel like I'm spinning my wheels in this relationship. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2015 - 26 answers

To cohabitate or not to cohabitate...

Making big relationship decisions while working through mental health issues and questioning yourself every step of the way. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 10, 2015 - 17 answers

Hot Wife Not Wanting to be a "Hot Wife"

Two years in to our marriage, my husband told me that he had developed a “hot wife” fetish. He was having sex dreams about me having sex with a stranger in front of him. I told him that if he had wanted that sort of thing that he had married the wrong kind of woman. He let it drop, but then began talking about it again after a couple of months. This started a cycle of interactions that has been going on for about five years now, and it is causing enormous strain on the marriage. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 9, 2015 - 59 answers

How do I deal with this intimate relationship with my ex?

Today is the 1 year anniversary of my divorce. The ex, our child, and I just spent the weekend with his extended family, visiting them in another state. We laughed, played darts, had a great time. We have been doing many things together (volunteering, gardening, walking, watching shows, going out) over the last month or so. Today he broke up with his girlfriend, because, among other reasons, he and I spend so much time together. But there is a problem. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 8, 2015 - 32 answers

a big ole bag of confusion, a possible engagement, and me

When faced with sexual confusion, mental health struggles, and a possible engagement, what is a guy to do? [more inside]
posted by MyBeautifulThrowaway on Jul 8, 2015 - 26 answers

How to survive life post-divorce?

Need advice from the hive mind on life after divorce. More inside... [more inside]
posted by heartofglass on Jul 7, 2015 - 8 answers

Partner's request to bring his mom to my co-worker's bbq...

Wall o’ text follows. All names have been changed. [more inside]
posted by foxjacket on Jul 4, 2015 - 75 answers

What's wrong with marrying your first love?

Or what's not wrong with it? It's coming (or came) to the time where marriage is on the forefront of everyone's thoughts in my relationship. There's a lot of pressure to get married soon, and with a combination of dissenting internal and external voices, there's a lot of confusion going on in my head. [more inside]
posted by buttonedup on Jul 4, 2015 - 53 answers

Making it stick: your best new relationship advice

This previous question contains some awesome advice. I'm embarking on a new relationship with a wonderful man, and I would love some similar suggestions for fledgling couples. [more inside]
posted by prewar lemonade on Jul 2, 2015 - 11 answers

Anyone know a good therapist in Brighton/Watertown area of Boston?

I am looking for a good therapist in the Watertown or Brighton area of Boston - say within a 5-10 minute drive from Brighton Center. Would prefer female and someone who has experience with relationship issues and/or mortality issues. Can anyone make a recommendation?
posted by IzzeYum on Jul 2, 2015 - 1 answer

How can I become attractive to anyone other than straight men?

Basically only ever men show any interest in me, ever. I can go to a party where like 95% of people aren't straight and of course it'll be the two straight guys there that talk to me. Only guys ever message me or respond to my messages on okcupid. Honestly I don't really want anything to do with men, but it's so disheartening I feel like I'll basically have to get into a relationship with a man if I want any kind of companionship at all. I want to know what I should be doing differently like do I need a makeover or change my attitude or what? [more inside]
posted by ninjablob on Jul 1, 2015 - 23 answers

How should I deal with possibly manipulative catastrophizing?

How do I respond to "I just have to accept [exaggerated outcome that neither of us want]"? [more inside]
posted by scatter gather on Jun 30, 2015 - 32 answers

Queer nonmonogamy-friendly therapist in Chicago?

My partner and I (both bisexual women) are looking for a therapist in Chicago for help with our sexual relationship, in particular with opening it up to new partners and dealing with the negative emotions that come with that. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 29, 2015 - 2 answers

LDR Fifty Percent of the Time

My partner, with my full support, is about to take a job that involves traveling 50%-60% of the time. What can we do to keep our relationship healthy? [more inside]
posted by CMcG on Jun 26, 2015 - 13 answers

Relationship weirdness

This is a clear case of DTMFA ... right? [more inside]
posted by bookgirl18 on Jun 25, 2015 - 27 answers

How to navigate a potential divorce?

Hi. This is me. I have been thinking for a couple weeks and am leaning towards divorce. I have multiple questions about this. [more inside]
posted by a strong female character on Jun 24, 2015 - 41 answers

Toxic ex broke up with me and wants to get back together

I'm conflicted with this sensitive, hard situation. My ex of 2.5 years broke up with me roughly 4 months ago due to him recently becoming aware of his issues (anger, depression, possible bipolar disorder, childhood issues, binge eating). He seems to be increasingly struggling with his issues day by day He mentioned that he still loves/cares for me, and wants to become a better person for me, build a life together but can't do these things until he gets better. We've talked on and off after the break up. He saw me out with a new guy and is now worried about potentially losing me and wants to get back together. [more inside]
posted by ruebeignet on Jun 23, 2015 - 37 answers

Breakup in Same Social Circle

My girlfriend (26) broke up with me (33) out of the blue last week. To add to this, we share the same tight social circle that meets multiple times per week for different outings. I have been keeping my distance from the group so far. While I don't want to lose touch with this circle of friends, I also feel that seeing her would add to my pain and discomfort. Has anyone been in a similar situation and how did you handle it?
posted by QuietType on Jun 20, 2015 - 11 answers

How much of an explanation do I owe this guy after one date?

I went out with a guy from OKCupid who seemed awkward but raised no huge red flags. Less than a week later, he got weird and I'm no longer interested. Do I need to tell him this? [more inside]
posted by intheigloo on Jun 20, 2015 - 21 answers

How can I learn to command respect?

I'm tired of being disrespected by friends, family and co-workers and treated like a doormat all the time. What can I change about myself to prevent this from happening constantly? [more inside]
posted by KTN on Jun 19, 2015 - 20 answers

Nerd hobby that gets me out there

What is a nerd hobby that will enable me to (a) travel anywhere to enjoy (b) interact with people and build relationships, (c) not super expensive, (d) somewhat DIY, and (e) doesn't require an entire workshop, garage, or wardrobe? [more inside]
posted by rebent on Jun 19, 2015 - 34 answers

How do I move on from a bad relationship?

I split up with my horrible ex two years ago and on paper my life is pretty good now, but he still lives nearby and I'm in a constant state of panic about bumping into him and still a complete emotional wreck. How do I move on with my life and stop caring? [more inside]
posted by intensitymultiply on Jun 18, 2015 - 26 answers

Why did he not respond after our first date and what should I do?

I went on a first date with a guy I met on a dating website, we got on really well and I thought everything was great. I haven't heard from him since and now I am struggling to stop thinking about him. Any help on what I should do? [more inside]
posted by artystar on Jun 17, 2015 - 32 answers

Can People Change?

I'm with a guy who's not romantic at all and I can't stand it. He says he can change, but is that even possible? [more inside]
posted by lhude sing cuccu on Jun 15, 2015 - 21 answers

How do I find out my boyfriend's secret desires?

I'm afraid of boring my boyfriend in bed. He's a decade older and has had quite a few relationships in his past. I can't imagine he's as vanilla as he professes to be--I'm willing to do ANYTHING, and he wants missionary every time. Does he view me as too innocent for anything else? [more inside]
posted by Guinevere on Jun 15, 2015 - 29 answers

Adults who love life and have no kids: what is your lifestyle?

I'm not too excited about the "get married and have kids" or the "devote yourself completely to your job" approaches, yet these seem (to me at least) to be the two most common lifestyles that happy people report. Currently I take the "play video games and watch TV" approach, which isn't really happy-inducing for me anymore. For the rest of you out there who would consider yourselves happy, what lifestyle sustains you? What do your days look like? What do you do to keep things interesting for yourself? Thanks for your thoughts. [more inside]
posted by HumanBean on Jun 14, 2015 - 38 answers

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