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Relationship plagued by fear/anxiety or is it just bad fit?

How is it possible to feel anxious and questioning most of the time, but also feel genuine moments of excitement to see him and genuine calm/happiness to be in his presence? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2014 - 29 answers

how to ask for help

I've been dating a guy since the summer. I need help with asking for things I need in the relationship. [more inside]
posted by swamp rocket on Jan 26, 2014 - 14 answers

New relationship anxiety - age gap

I'm feeling a little queasy about the sexual preferences of my new boyfriend. I'm in my early 20's, he is almost 40, and I look a little younger than I am. I'm just worried he likes really young girls, just doesn't want to admit it to me. I love him, but I wouldn't be comfortable getting older with someone whose sexuality seems focused on youth. Although, he says he is most attracted to women in their late 20's and early 30's, cares more about monogamy and love than physical beauty, etc. - so that's good. I still have concerns... Besides seeming to have a particular interest in 'teen' porn where the girls look underage, I saw a VLC media file with the title indicating underage teen porn. It was under the 'recent' files in windows, but when clicked on the file no longer exists. He says he wouldn't seek that out, isn't sure where it came from, that he just downloads zip files of porn in bulk. I understand men are going to be attracted to younger women and even teen girls, but I'd rather be with someone who didn't seek it out to that extent. Makes me wonder how much attraction they'd lose for me when I become 'old.' Thoughts?
posted by bluelights on Dec 4, 2013 - 92 answers

When to give up

Following my previous questions, I went back home during my summer break of grad school in Tokyo and felt a lot better, while still anxious about going back to Tokyo. I have been back at grad school for four days out of which I have spent every single one crying. Or actually weeping and sobbing like a child. I can't take this any longer, but I don't know what to do. [more inside]
posted by LoonyLovegood on Sep 29, 2013 - 37 answers

Shouldn't have snooped, feeling anxious

My SO left her Facebook and email accounts open, I snooped, and I didn't find anything suspicious. Now I'm feeling extremely guilty and paranoid that she will find out. Advice? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 25, 2013 - 36 answers

I don't want my worries to swallow my beautiful relationship!

I am in a healthy, mutually loving, supportive, challenging partnership with a wonderful man. I feel very fulfilled and excited and trust my partner's mutual feelings and commitment towards me. But, as has been the case in other relationships, I get these sudden worries and insecurities that this will not last--that he will leave me. I end up pulling back and becoming self protective rather than what I would like to be: open and loving. My partner is patient with my insecurities but I know that having to deal with these worries all the time begins to deteriorate even the strongest relationships, and it's just not the way I want to be. (more inside) [more inside]
posted by sb3 on Sep 9, 2013 - 9 answers

I know they're nice, but they're not for me!

I'm in an amazing relationship, with someone I've known for over two years, and we've been dating for a year-ish. We're both women in our early 20's. I've only dated women up to this point, and been very happy with that. It seems that my brain doesn't want to keep that status quo anymore and is trying to convince me I want to experience being with men. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 6, 2013 - 10 answers

My friend with anxiety won't help himself and I don't know what to do

A friend of mine refuses to address his anxiety issues. I don't want to lose him as a friend, but also don't know how much more I can take. Please help. [more inside]
posted by stedman15 on May 28, 2013 - 15 answers

How to not feel like shit when you can't get no satisfaction

How do I get rid of feelings of worthlessness, anxiety, and distance in my relationship that seem to occur when I'm not having sex? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 18, 2013 - 29 answers

Is good really the enemy of great in relationships?

My boyfriend has talked about us separating, but it seems like he still wants to be with me. I think he's overanalyzing our relationship to death, and I want to talk to him about how relationships take work and we should refocus on what's important to us, but is that true? How would that look, what would we do? [more inside]
posted by brisquette on Mar 29, 2013 - 20 answers

How do I care less about what my girlfriend is thinking?

I'm a year and a half into my first serious relationship and it has a lot going for it. But, almost every time we now go see a movie together, or check out a concert, or go somewhere new for dinner, I spend more time worrying about rather she's having a good time than actually enjoying it myself. It's worse if it's something I picked out or suggested, and I find myself avoiding suggesting something I think I'll enjoy because I get nervous about her reaction. She has really relaxed standards for entertainment and usually enjoys what I suggest, so I know it's me and not her. Anyone have experience with dealing with this in their relationships? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 10, 2013 - 16 answers

Does ambivalence in a relationship = no go?

How do you deal with intense ambivalent feelings in a relationship, especially when they may be colored by a mood disorder? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 1, 2013 - 8 answers

How to help my girlfriend through apocalypse anxiety?

Help my girlfriend get through apocalypse anxiety? [more inside]
posted by drd on Dec 20, 2012 - 29 answers

Need non-therapy therapies.

I need therapy for really bad and unwarranted relationship jealousy and insecurity but I wouldn't be able to get started until sometime late January. What would be some alternatives I could pursue in the meantime? [more inside]
posted by TheManChild2000 on Nov 30, 2012 - 13 answers

How to stop being so anxious when my boyfriend is experiencing financial difficulties?

How to stop being so anxious when my boyfriend is experiencing financial difficulties? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 9, 2012 - 23 answers

Bad Relationship Anxiety--And I'm Utterly Single Right Now

How reasonable is it to expect my future/potential boyfriend or husband to NOT fantasize / masturbate to other women? Is it off-my-rocker to expect this from a man I'm in love with? [more inside]
posted by rhythm_queen on Oct 7, 2012 - 73 answers

How can I learn to not feel anxious when I've only gone one day without seeing my new partner?

What can I do to cope with relationship (adult) separation anxiety/missing someone strongly? It happens after just one day without seeing my partner. I don't want to get clingy or go through so much ickiness so I need some coping ideas! [more inside]
posted by hungry hippo on Jun 13, 2012 - 11 answers

I've lost interest in sex with my boyfriend, and find things increasingly uncomfortable in that department. What should I do?!

I've lost interest in sex with my boyfriend, and find things increasingly uncomfortable in that department. What should I do?! I'm a 28 year old female, and have been in a long term committed relationship with my current boyfriend for about 3 years now. I'd been a virgin up until about 2 and ½ years ago. My upbringing was uneventful, and I've never had any traumatic experiences that I can recall involving sexuality, however I have always felt embarrassed about sex related things, which is why before my current boyfriend I always just made out with whoever I felt like. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Feb 28, 2012 - 15 answers

How do you "check in" on a relationship?

BF and I (straight mid-twenties lady) have a happy, loving relationship (2 years+). But, this is my first long-term relationship and I have an anxiety disorder. I want to "check in" with him and make sure we're still on the same page about us and the future, but this is my pattern and it has been unhealthy for me. To the healthy couples - do you "check in" with your partner? Should I? Snowflake details inside. [more inside]
posted by Paper rabies on Feb 17, 2012 - 16 answers

how to survive long-distance neediness

how needy is too needy in a long-distance relationship? [more inside]
posted by happyjuice on Dec 4, 2011 - 17 answers

I hope we can be friends again someday.

RelationshipFilter: Ok, based on advice from you folks and my friends (and therapist), I'm finally going to leave him. I talked with my best friend today and she agrees with me. I'm feeling really awful right now, I know I'm doing the right thing, especially when I look back on my previous questions. But I do actually like him and I just feel like crying. I know he loves and I love him, but as is so often pointed out, that does not make a relationship. [more inside]
posted by inmyhead on Nov 17, 2011 - 36 answers

This too shall pass?

Panicking about my relationship, which is then causing me to panic about my panic. I have no one to talk to and I just want to know that I'm going to be ok. [more inside]
posted by p. kitty on Sep 22, 2011 - 19 answers

What happens when you marry someone you love but aren't deeply "in love" with?

Have you (or someone you know well) loved someone but weren't "in love" with them (had a strong, warm, happy relationship but one that wasn't very intense, passionate, etc) and gotten married/been in a long-term partnership? Did it matter that you weren't "in love" exactly? If it led to problems, what were they? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 22, 2011 - 56 answers

Can't Commit to a Long Term Relationship

My problem is that I can't commit long term to romantic relationships. This commitment phobia automatically colors me as a bad person because the right thing to do in this society is to find that one special person and commit to them for the rest of your life. (ideally) [more inside]
posted by BettyBurnheart on Jun 30, 2011 - 36 answers

From here to there to everywhere, when do I get some sleep?

How can I get to sleep sooner? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 9, 2011 - 30 answers

20-year relationhip on the rocks. I'm jobless, friendless, and scared to death.

I feel like a basket case. I'm 47 years old, and I've been in a 20-year same-sex relationship with another man. I felt like it would last forever. For several years, the relationship was sexless; we did all the normal couples things together - cooked, ate, washed dishes, stressed about the bills, laughed, cried, and took care of each other, but there wasn't much physical attraction any more. I've always been somewhat bisexual, and 2 or 3 years ago, I met a woman on match.com who was cute, seemed nice, and was accepting of my situation. We started dating (with the knowledge, and as far as he acted, the acceptance of my partner). At first, the two of them were sort of circling and sniffing, and I was afraid they would hate each other. As time passed, they became really good friends, and eventually they slept together, which was fine with me. (lots more blathering inside) [more inside]
posted by Death by Ugabooga on Dec 21, 2010 - 64 answers

Dealing with GF's Relationship OCD

My girlfriend's OCD and anxiety causes her to get stuck in loops of obsessive thought that really mess with our relationship. How can I deal with this better, and can therapy help her? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 19, 2010 - 26 answers

I know his anxiety isn't his fault

My boyfriend and I are about to take The Bar Exam in less than a week. A few days ago, my boyfriend was having severe anxiety attacks and suddenly decided he'd be better off at his folks' house. We talked about it, I supported it, and he flew home that night. Now I'm alone in our house and I'm freaking out dealing with my own depression and anxiety. I know (I know, I really know) that what happened isn't his fault, and that he needs to do what is best for him, and that this doesn't mean he doesn't care about me. But my irrational me keeps feeling abandoned. I need advice on how to recontextualize the situation or something because with four days left I don't really have time or energy to spend being irrationally angry. [more inside]
posted by mishamashes on Jul 22, 2010 - 29 answers

Anxiety following awkward first sorta-sexual encounter... where to go from here?

Anxiety following awkward first sorta-sexual encounter... where to go from here? Generally NSFW inside. [more inside]
posted by Kumbaya in E Minor on Jul 7, 2010 - 17 answers

Carry-on baggage

Relationship issues involving long-distance and extended vacations. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 5, 2010 - 10 answers

How do you know if your relationship is right?

Am I beanplating or can a relationship with these "issues" last? How can I deal with my relationship anxiety? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 10, 2010 - 14 answers

Adapting boyfriend's hobbies, is it a good or bad thing?

Adapting boyfriend's hobbies, is it a good or bad thing? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on May 9, 2010 - 29 answers

How do I stop being so doubtful and fearful about relationships?

Relationships cause me anxiety, from ones I hear about in songs to ones I see on tv to my own. How do I overcome this? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 17, 2010 - 11 answers

Help me stop thinking about their exes?

How do I get over the difference in our levels of experience with respect to relationships? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 3, 2010 - 9 answers

Constant feeling that boyfriend would be interested in other people than me

Constant feeling that boyfriend would be interested in other people than me [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 28, 2010 - 18 answers

Help me move through this PLEASE

Insight, advice, perspective required for relationship dramas/attempt to become emotionally unstuck (longggggg) [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Mar 16, 2010 - 12 answers

LDR turns SDR Relationship Filter

LDR turned SDR goes sour fast - now my relationship's up in the air for the first time ever. Help! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 21, 2010 - 20 answers

Learning to empathize

How can I understand, and empathize, with my fiancee's psychological issues? And other difficult-to-articulate questions. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 17, 2009 - 65 answers

How do I fix me?

I feel like my life is over and I'm only 35. I feel completely stagnant and stuck, relationshipwise and jobwise. Do I need to change things or do I need to learn how to deal? Help me figure out how to be a happier person. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 28, 2009 - 34 answers

Have Girlfriend, Will Travel (Too Much)

How do I express the need for more 'me time' with my girlfriend? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 11, 2009 - 34 answers

How do I grow up again?

I'm dating a wonderful guy. We're about to move in together. I'm kind of nervous, and starting to get irritable and argumentative. How do I not do that? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jul 20, 2009 - 12 answers

How did you find love or companionship in spite of anxiety?

What steps did you take to find your partner in spite of social anxiety or severe shyness? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 2, 2009 - 33 answers

How do I overcome my fear of disapproval?

I'd like advice on how to overcome my fear of disapproval from others. It manifests itself as lack of confidence/assertiveness, self-consciousness, anxiety and fear of not being good enough. Looking for all kinds of techniques, suggestions. [more inside]
posted by richar4 on Mar 8, 2009 - 16 answers

Am I being irrational in wanting a break-up?

Am I being delusional in thinking we should be apart? [more inside]
posted by InterestedInKnowing on Oct 21, 2008 - 23 answers

Anxiety, Phobias and lack of communication

Does your partner have certain situational phobias that prevent a flow of communication or avoidance of certain places such as being out too far, or avoiding elevators for fear they will break down? If so how do you handle it? [more inside]
posted by InterestedInKnowing on Sep 4, 2008 - 6 answers

How can I deal with my wonderful boyfriend's PTSD?

I'm in a relationship with a wonderful person who has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Does anyone have any advice on how to support him and myself? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jun 1, 2008 - 8 answers

Helping your partner's sexual anxieties

How do I help relieve my boyfriend's sexual performance anxieties? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Apr 8, 2007 - 20 answers

How can I support my soon-to-be-medicated beloved?

My girlfriend is going on medication for anxiety. Help me be a good boyfriend. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 29, 2007 - 40 answers

Help with anxiety/relationship

I know similar questions have been asked, but here goes...I've had anxiety and depression for awhile now, but more severely the last few months. I've been seeing a therapist, and have been on some medicine, and both have helped, but I'm looking for more help [more inside]
posted by rbf1138 on May 14, 2006 - 14 answers

Help my anxious girlfriend?

How can I help my depressed/anxious girlfriend? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Jan 27, 2006 - 34 answers

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