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How long do you keep trying, with kids in the mix?

At what point in the long, slow, steady decline of a marriage with young children does "we should keep trying to work things out, if only for the kids" become "for the kids' sake, we shouldn't be together"? [more inside]
posted by El Curioso on Dec 19, 2014 - 50 answers

Am I the asshole in this relationship?

I want an honest opinion on whether what I am upto could be considered cheating. It's a long read but I want to find out if I am wrong in what I am doing since I suspect my actions are hurting a woman emotionally. Apologies for the wall of text that is about to hit you but I want to put in as much detail as possible. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Dec 16, 2014 - 55 answers

Don't know what to believe any more about my BF and incriminating emails

I am going through a major dilemma right now. I am not sure if I can continue with my relationship with my boyfriend, due to a very incriminating set of emails I saw in his inbox. My question is, do you think this is something to break up over? Or can I believe his story and give him the benefit of the doubt? See more details inside. [more inside]
posted by koolaidnovel on Dec 12, 2014 - 49 answers

Does my obsessive worrying mean I was wrong to break up?

I am a 23 year old woman who recently broke up with my first serious girlfriend (32 yr old) whom I dated for 18 months. I cannot stop obsessing that it was the wrong decision even though there were many reasons why we wouldn't have worked. Is this normal or a sign I'm making a mistake? [more inside]
posted by gatsbyisgreat on Dec 10, 2014 - 30 answers

Scrooging, or Too Generous?

How have you worked within a relationship with both have very different views (extreme?) on gift giving/receiving (to other people, not to each other)? In what ways have you managed your potentially irrational feelings regarding something you feel conflicted about? [more inside]
posted by sandmanwv on Dec 9, 2014 - 16 answers

Transitioning to a Long Distance Relationship with limited connectivity?

ProfMiasma, my partner for over two years (cohabitating for 9+ months), is going off to do fieldwork in West Africa for the next 1.5 years. For the first 6 months, she'll be "in the bush" with limited access to communication technology. Given this limited connectivity situation, what practices and tools can we use to make the best of our long-distance relationship situation? (More Details Inside) [more inside]
posted by miasma on Dec 7, 2014 - 15 answers

Should I try to heal the rift within my friendship group or not?

I had a short lived fling with a guy in my group of friends and it has caused a division. Should I try to remedy this situation? [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs on Dec 6, 2014 - 15 answers

Please help me decide if I should move back to NYC from SF

Can't decide if I should move back to NYC from SF. Please help me find some new ways to think about the problem. [more inside]
posted by apostate street preacher on Dec 4, 2014 - 27 answers

Need a good lawyer in Victoria or Vancouver, British Columbia

A friend in Victoria is trying to extricate herself from an emotionally abusive relationship. She has been living with this man for ten years and they own a house jointly. [more inside]
posted by Johnny Wallflower on Nov 30, 2014 - 4 answers

Help me explain to my boyfriend that I want to walk home alone at night

My bf doesn't like it when I walk home from my job alone, at night. I am a woman. It's not that he won't allow me to, he just thinks it's a bad idea and urges me not to or to carry pepper spray if I do. I had been doing this for over a year before I met him, and want to explain to him why these warnings against it (which I get from others as well) are patronizing and annoying. Or maybe I really am being irresponsible? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 21, 2014 - 54 answers

Getting "you" back after a relationship ends

I've recently ended a very intense emotional relationship with someone and now I've lost my sense of identity. So much of who I was was tied up in her, I don't seem to know how to be me now she's gone. Has anything helped you, in a similar position? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Nov 20, 2014 - 21 answers

How to start talking to a guy I have a crush on?

I'm a 22 year old college student who has a crush on a classmate. I've had very little interaction with him. Last week, I got to hang out with him at a friend's birthday party, he was very nice and funny and we even exchanged phone number. I also heard from his friends that he's single. Since the party, We haven't talked to each other much because there are very few opportunities to talk when we are in school. He sits far away and we don't have mutual activities outside of class. We have only said hi to each other in the hallway. I'm a shy person and very inexperienced when it comes to flirting or pursuing a romantic relationship. I don't know how to get to know him better without appearing desperate. I have no idea if he is interested in me more than a friend. I have never had a boyfriend so I don't know what to do. Thank you for you're advice!
posted by missybitsy on Nov 18, 2014 - 20 answers

One night stand confusion

Does this have potential to turn into a relationship? [more inside]
posted by akita on Nov 13, 2014 - 24 answers

How to have a healthy relationship?

I'm 21 years old, just got out of a long term relationship 6 months ago, and started dating a new guy a month ago. I really like him, and really want this to work. I think we both have different expectations of being in a relationship, and I suspect my expectations and behaviors are unhealthy as my last relationship was basically my life and it was suffocating. How can I make this a healthy one? [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Nov 9, 2014 - 11 answers

Keeping love alive and well

What are some of the things you do, and your partner does for you, on a daily basis and perhaps as an occasional surprise that makes you feel loved and helps keep the romantic love in your relationship alive? Anything worthwhile takes some serious effort to maintain and nourish in the long term. I am very much interested in learning about the efforts healthy adults in healthy relationships have made that took their relationship to a higher level of love, maturity and intimacy. [more inside]
posted by xm on Nov 8, 2014 - 35 answers

Should i cut off contact, or should I continue seeing him occasionally?

I'm not getting what I want, which is to be in a relationship with him. But I would rather see him occasionally from time to time, rather than not at all. Is this a terrible idea, and if so then how come? [more inside]
posted by akita on Nov 6, 2014 - 47 answers

Is this just a casual relationship? or am I overanalyzing?

I am in a casual/non exclusive relationship and I wanted to know if things are progressing to be more or if he's just living in the moment and making the best out of it? Any of your own experiences would help a lot as well! [more inside]
posted by jenko on Nov 5, 2014 - 23 answers

Awkward situation with guy - how can I handle and resolve this?

I slept with a guy who is now ignoring me, but we are part of the same friend group. [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs on Nov 4, 2014 - 60 answers

How Can I Find A Girlfriend In College, Really?

I’m not entirely sure where to post this on the Internet, because it seems that there are a million different opinions out there. It’s like asking, what’s the best diet to lose weight, when everyone will tell you his or her favorite diet. Regardless, I need some help. I need some guidance, a model to follow. I need to know how to get laid and/or a girlfriend. Preferably, a girlfriend. [more inside]
posted by ggp88 on Oct 31, 2014 - 107 answers

The science of happy long term relationships

What's current research say about what factors go into making a happy long-term relationship? In particular, I recently heard of some studies suggesting that couples who spend oodles of time together and are basically each other's best friends may be less likely to be happy than couples with separate hobbies, friends, etc. However, I can't seem to actually *find* any of those studies...anyone know of these?
posted by sirion on Oct 30, 2014 - 5 answers

Relationship question: My girl friend's feeling toward her ex

I and my girl friend have been dating for eight months. I think everything is good between us so far except for few occasions where we had a disagreement in the past (my two previous questions are about those occasions). We did not have any problem recently. I introduced her to my mom, and she introduced me to hers. The major problem I have with myself is that she said she cared about her ex. [more inside]
posted by mbn1455 on Oct 28, 2014 - 32 answers

I like a guy who has a girlfriend. What should I do?

I have a crush on a guy that I met in grad school several months ago. He's very nice, smart, and fairly handsome. He appeared a little awkward at first but once I got to know him, he's actually one of the few guys that I can have a long and meaningful conversation with. Although our conversations are mostly school-related, he seems to remember a lot of details from our convo, such as where I used to work a few years ago, what my goals are, etc. He recently joined the same student organization and volunteered at the same research lab with me. I'm very inexperienced in dating so I'm not sure if he's interested in me or not. However, my gut tells me that he might be interested because he often asks me to attend certain meetings or events together, he also occasionally calls me to ask questions (which he could simply ask through text or in person). I recently found out that he has a girlfriend and they both live together so I'm assuming his relationship is pretty serious. Therefore I'm trying to keep my distance from him and not cross the line. But the more I see him/talk to him, the more I like him and I'm not sure what to do. Please advise. Thank you!
posted by missybitsy on Oct 27, 2014 - 24 answers

Fraught discussion of my sexual history with current partner

I'm a mid-20s dude in a solid, fulfilling relationship with a woman in her early 20s, who we'll call G. G and I see eye-to-eye on pretty much everything important, but one sticking point has come up with regards to my sexual history that's bothering us both quite a bit. [Details are probably NSFW] [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Oct 25, 2014 - 68 answers

How do you find the strength to walk away?

How do yo determine if the problem is you, or the other person, and if it is time to just give up and surrender? I am here to seek help in a relationship I feel may be emotionally abusive, but am questioning my sanity and if it was really me- how do you tell? It's easy to point the finger at someone else and push off blame, but I'm starting to blame myself. [more inside]
posted by DMVgirl on Oct 22, 2014 - 50 answers

How can I develop emotional resilience, in a teaching context?

As a graduate teacher assigned to a difficult class, I felt like the students were personally attacking me. The general advice given to me was "Don't let it get to you" or even "Don't let it show if it does". How do you do that? More info inside. [more inside]
posted by tworedshoes on Oct 21, 2014 - 13 answers

Am I over-reacting and over-sensitive

I'm feeling extremely vulnerable, frustrated and upset. My husband and I don't communicate well. While I try to talk to him he's most definitely a 'man's man' and if I get upset about things he says I need to 'get a grip on myself' etc. (further info inside - sorry for the long post) [more inside]
posted by Flowerpower on Oct 18, 2014 - 56 answers

Is it possible to become just friends after a one night stand?

Do you think two mature adults can transition into friends after a night of passion/have you ever done it? [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs on Oct 18, 2014 - 20 answers

I am freaking out majorly over a new relationship. Help!!!

I just started dating this new guy about 5 weeks ago, and we just became exclusive. I am now freaking out about everything and need to get a handle. I don't know what's going on here. Help? [more inside]
posted by anon1129 on Oct 15, 2014 - 10 answers

Resources and Research on Talking to Overwhelmed Kids

As a teacher, I regularly have contact with kids who are feeling some very strong emotions. Many of these children are coming to terms with a separation or divorce in their families. So I’m hoping that the hivemind can help me find resources about how to talk to kids about their emotions, and especially what to do when they seem flooded. [more inside]
posted by guster4lovers on Oct 5, 2014 - 6 answers

Well this is a whole new kind of horrible

My wonderful relationship is over; it's ending with love and kindness on both sides and is as amicable a break-up as I could imagine. But it's so, so much more awful than I thought it would be, please help me figure out how to keep it together. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 29, 2014 - 25 answers

Plan to move to across the country for love. How do I tell my parents?

Since having a manic episode about a year and a half ago, my parents started treating me like I was a minor again (I'm almost 30 now). How do I most respectfully tell them that I'm am going to move without turning it into "I'M NOT ASKING FOR PERMISSION, DAMMIT: I'M MOVING AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME"? Thanks, mefites. [more inside]
posted by defmute on Sep 25, 2014 - 33 answers

Please tell me how to get through this breakup with sanity intact

I went through a breakup this summer and the mental aftermath has put me in a very bad place. Please help me find peace and perspective. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 20, 2014 - 9 answers

Moving-In Nerves

So my boyfriend and I are moving in together next month. Needless to say, the pitfalls and potential problems make me nervous (neither of us have lived with a long-term partner; he's 31, I'm 26F, been together almost 2 years). What I need now are reminders of why this is a good idea: tips, anecdotes, rituals. What makes living with your partner a positive and special thing? I'm looking for what TO do, rather than what NOT to do.
posted by brynna on Sep 20, 2014 - 24 answers

On to the next chapter, onward and upward!

So I'm moving and getting roommates, any advice from the green on how to move forward with my life? [more inside]
posted by lunastellasol on Sep 19, 2014 - 14 answers

So I met my online friend in real life! What are these mixed emotions?

I met an online friend of about 10 years today in person and feel oddly emotional. What just happened? [more inside]
posted by Kat_Dubs on Sep 15, 2014 - 12 answers

Is it possible to be with someone who has friends you cannot stand?

Is it possible to be in a relationship with someone who has friends you cannot stand, especially if one of them is female? [more inside]
posted by Fayrose on Sep 10, 2014 - 29 answers

Relationship plagued by fear/anxiety or is it just bad fit?

How is it possible to feel anxious and questioning most of the time, but also feel genuine moments of excitement to see him and genuine calm/happiness to be in his presence? [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Sep 9, 2014 - 29 answers

Why is it so hard to find a women interested in long-term relationship?

I'm a male in my late 20's who's having trouble finding a woman to settle down with. I keep getting attracted to/and attracting women who are either not interested in serious relationships (only casual/physical relationships) or have some self-esteem issues/other problems that makes them very unstable/emotionally fluctuating. I wouldn't describe myself as overly attractive (very average looks and slim build) or promiscuous, so I'm kind of puzzled by how and why these women feel attracted to me. [more inside]
posted by kampken on Sep 6, 2014 - 32 answers

Marriage Discussion in Long Term Relationship

How would you bring up discussion of marriage without scaring your partner or making them feel pressured? [more inside]
posted by Asian_Hunnie on Sep 4, 2014 - 18 answers

So . . . what is a "playdate", anyway?

What is a playdate, anyway? Is it a social occasion where parents hang out together while their kids play together in close proximity? And how did this pattern emerge? do people in other countries do this or is it mainly an American thing? [more inside]
posted by jason's_planet on Aug 31, 2014 - 28 answers

Thinking about others until it's inconvenient

Help me form a strategy for reaching out to people I have met and want to know better. I need a new one to help me search for work, but I have difficulty working with specific sorts of strategies for general sorts of problems, so I'd like to avoid making it about job hunting exactly. More about how to think of people in a way that accounts for my own interests while still thinking of them and not myself. [more inside]
posted by LogicalDash on Aug 29, 2014 - 4 answers

Help me prevent parental visit from turning into an apocalyptic event

Emotionally abusive parents are coming to visit. Difficulty level: boyfriend introduction. How do I deal with the fallout? [more inside]
posted by phoenix_rising on Aug 29, 2014 - 67 answers

I would like the hive's insights on 'going too fast' in a relationship.

I met a chap in July, and am now entirely done with dating unless widowed early. I would probably benefit from advice on relationships that go through the usual relationship stages at a rapid pace. With kid in tow. Assume 'don't do that' is not going to happen. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 28, 2014 - 19 answers

Moving in?

Boyfriend of 1.5 years and I considering joining homes. Some extenuating circumstances... [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 20, 2014 - 17 answers

Is he a narcissist, or just very self-centred?

I've been dating a guy (30) for half a year, and though I am blinded by love, I'm starting to see signs that he could be narcissistic, but am not sure. [more inside]
posted by palomago on Aug 18, 2014 - 44 answers

Best resources/tools for relationship communication

My husband and I, as any couple, have communication issues. We'd love some books, online resources, and even therapy recommendations for us! [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2014 - 14 answers

How to best support my partner who wants help w/ shame & addiction?

My partner has been wrestling with alcohol and sexual shame for a long time. This week, he confided in me that he wants to seek help based upon a boundary I set for myself, that he does not want to live like this anymore. I don't want to "over-help" or engage in any co-dependent behavior and I want to be a loving partner in this. But I also need to protect myself and our kids. What can I do or what should I avoid? Specifics inside. [more inside]
posted by anonymous on Aug 14, 2014 - 11 answers

relationship problems rising from facebook

I have been with my girlfriend since 5 months ago. Since the beginning we became friends on facebook. I love and trust her and have not seen anything suspicious from her. The only thing that got me a little worried was that on two occasions she told me that she kind of still cared about her ex boyfriend who she broke up with two years ago. When she saw that I got offended she told me that I do not need to worry because the feeling she has for him, is like a mother-child feeling. [more inside]
posted by mbn1455 on Aug 13, 2014 - 32 answers

How to adjust my negative expectation of relationships

I grew up witnessing my parents' verbally abusive marriage. They are combative and insulting toward each other. Also, my mom has always blamed her marriage and kids for her stalled career and other unhappiness in her life. When I think of having a relationship, I automatically feel like it will drag me down and make my life worse. I've come to understand over the years that others actually think of a relationship as a safety net and source of comfort. I want to think of them that way too. How can I adjust my mentality? [more inside]
posted by vienna on Aug 13, 2014 - 16 answers

How to get over someone who left you for someone else?

How I get over my ex who left me for someone else? [more inside]
posted by Parh6512 on Aug 12, 2014 - 17 answers

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